Its 2009. Its been 31 years since IVF was invented but we still lack laws where laws have simply not caught up with technology, for how long this must continue? Are there innocent victims? Its considered a boon for people with fertility issues. The way nature works is you need sperm, egg and a womb to have a child – pure science, no offense. What if you have neither? A straight married couple may have egg, sperm and womb or have a fertility issue with any one or more of the needed things. A lesbian couple may just need the sperm much like a single mother wanna be. A gay couple would need both an egg and a womb like a single father wanna be. An intersex person would need all three – egg, womb and sperm. So if you are intersex in the 2000s where there are no equal rights for intersex or infertile people, do you break the laws and steal a child or do you change the laws? What about the innocent child, what do they want or that does not matter? The child’s best interest is the least of anyone’s concern, right?
Anyone who believes no CRIME has been committed should have the strength and courage to say that while looking into my IVF daughter innocent big brown eyes. The US usually is the “go-to” country in the world when it comes to upholding truth, human rights and justice. In this rarest of rarest cases, it has fell short because someone decided to manipulate the legal system for their selfish advantage. Is there room for correction in the best interest of the children before their TWO lovely innocent childhoods expire?
Wrongful conviction and lost decades can never be restored or replaced by any number of apologies. Lost innocent childhoods – not one but two cannot be restored. Infertility is very traumatic but to continue that trauma onto innocent IVF children is far worse. No number of apologies can replace or restore the lost childhoods, the hugs, the kisses, the fights, the anger, the frustration, the love, the everlasting bond, the bond that will exist long after their parents are gone from this world. It is about the innocent kids, right? Or is it about our ego? Surely there must be a better way to get a child like maybe asking for change in laws so that “a genetic link” is not required. If the laws were equal or neutral, however you want to see it, my two lovely, beautiful innocent IVF children would not have been SPLIT and wrongfully convicted of growing up separately. Because an infertile person then would not have the need to lie, cheat, fraud, break the laws, instead just be treated equally and so they would also treat other people including innocent children equally. The root cause is lack of laws, lack of equality so lets fix that so such heinous issues NEVER occur again. Banning IVF, banning immigration, banning intersex marriages, banning whatever is not the answer, accepting the facts and truth and moving forward is the right answer.
What if you are intersex and while it is traumatic, is there any trauma for a spouse and children of an intersex marriage? Is there an “I” in infertility when dealing with it during a marriage? Legally, intersex marriages are not recognized so there cannot be a “child of the marriage”. Plus as per laws, an IVF child is considered as “child born out of wedlock” as if it were an infidelity. Biologically you are infertile, meaning cannot have a genetic link with any child despite the facts that you have fraudulent documents to show otherwise and despite the fact that the laws require a “genetic link” to be proven by DNA. So how does an infertile US person get a child where laws require a genetic link?
Step 1 : Have one child through IVF and lie, cheat, fraud, abuse, torture, break the laws, become a criminal to “must-have” an innocent IVF child.
Step 2 : Force the spouse to lie, live in secrecy, abuse under threats and not report on the crimes and abuse while pretending everything is normal.
Step 3 : When the fraud marriage falls apart, not because of intersex, not because of IVF, but because of lies, secrecy, abuse, silence, threats, fraud, the fear of losing a child sets in. The fact that laws require a “genetic link” between a parent and child sets in. How will one get a child?
Step 4 : Being an intelligent person, come up with a heinous and pre-meditated plan to SPLIT innocent children. Create a DECOY by consenting for a second IVF child with NO intent of ever bringing the second child over.
Step 5 : The laws are different for different people or known as discrimination. Through savagery and intelligent lawyering and legal manouevering use the anti-IVF laws against innocent IVF children. As per laws, an immigrant father can only bring a child born outside the US along with the “mother” while an immigrant mother does not need a “father” to bring a child. Why this discrimination and more importantly, this takes special relevance in IVF cases. A DNA test assuring a “genetic link” is needed in either case to rule out any maternity or paternity fraud. The US government will definitely catch up but in the meantime people are taking undue advantage and placing innocent children’s lives at risk in the thirst to have a child at any cost.
Step 6 : File for divorce in the US without declaring the ongoing IVF pregnancy in India, never come to India when the IVF child is born thus leaving the innocent IVF child stranded as per laws an immigrant IVF father cannot bring a child born outside the US by himself – his gender gets in the way much like how gay fathers or single fathers would feel.
Step 7 : The innocent IVF father is tugged in both directions and is placed in a heinous position that no parent should ever have to face – choose a child much like Sophie’s Choice – the Nazi Holocaust movie. The IVF father runs to the infant daughter and therefore the facts are not stated in the US court and NO DUE PROCESS is afforded to either the IVF father or his IVF children. It is lucky to have survived and be alive thanks to the love and support of a family.
Step 8 : Alienate, brainwash the innocent IVF son in the US while his loving IVF father is living in exile in India raising his IVF sister. The other option is to ALSO abandon the IVF daughter at an orphanage and continue to live in the US and enjoy raising his IVF son. How can you be a good role model to your son – teach him to lie, cheat, fraud, break the laws, violate others human rights or when inequality exists do you petition the government for change in laws with truth, facts, compassion and love for fellow human beings?
When an IVF parent speaks up, they are not the only ones who are victimized, there are others too. The issues of rights of IVF children are separate than rights of IVF parents. In the future, there will be equal intersex rights, equal IVF children and family rights, equal immigration rights BUT abandoning an innocent child will still be a CRIME.
Have a child, love a child but surely there must be better ways than to SPLIT the child from his siblings and loving family or NOT getting him into legal limbo? What does the innocent child WANT? Does he have rights? Does the abandoned IVF child have rights? Who pays the commercial surrogate when an intended parent abandons the surrogacy? What are the rights of the surrogate?
What’s Next – Human Cloning for Personal Benefit?
IVF is very much a bioethics issue. If a person needs a heart or liver or kidney, will they just create a clone, rip out the needed organ from the clone and leave the clone to its situation. It is true that a clone also needs a heart or kidney or liver to survive and live or where they just a “spare parts factory” made alive by the awesome invention of technology? Does the clone have rights as a human being?
If an infertile person needs a child, can they just have an IVF child through donor DNA and surrogate womb, decide to change their mind and not want the IVF child and just abandon the IVF child with no responsibility or accountability either for the innocent IVF child OR the surrogate. Does the IVF child have any rights as a human being once born or where they just a “baby factory” brought to life by the awesome invention of technology? What about the right of the surrogate?
With any technology, we need checks and balance. Do we have the appropriate checks and balance to protect the rights of innocent IVF children and families including donors and surrogates? Are we asking the right questions?