Tag Archives: future

If I Had a Passport…

1) I would go to America to see my brotherivf-passport

2) I want to play with my brother’s toys he shows on Skype

3) I want to spend only ONE night in America

4) I want to play in the snow

5) I want to tie Rakhi and make a drawing (card) for my brother

6) I want to go ice skating (skates with knives)

7) I want to go to London

8) I want to go see giraffes and zebras

9) I want to go dancing (Ok, don’t really need a passport for that)

10) I will become as astronaut and go to space as I will NOT need a passport.

These are the wishes of an innocent 4 year old IVF sister for her IVF brother. Two innocent siblings who have been deliberately separated due to NO CRIMES of their own. As a humanity, as a global citizen of the world, why can’t we rise above and spare the innocent children and the most vulnerable? What message do we send our future generations like these innocent IVF siblings, that breaking laws is more rewarding than changing laws? That creating human children through IVF is just a “commercial transaction” with NO responsibility or accountability for the innocent human life? In an ever increasing globalized world where services are sought globally, the laws, the legal jurisdictions need to become ONE in cases where the impact is global. Especially where the “service” involves innocent human children. We cannot and will not allow our innocent children to be used as “human chatal” rather as a beacon of hope that change is coming. IVF is all about change, are the laws ready for it?

Help UNITE innocent IVF siblings by securing a passport. http://chn.ge/1oltFl5

Legal Disability and Discrimination of IVF

We do not expect our governments to get rid of our disabilities and help us climb stairs or help us see, but we do expect our governments to pass laws sodisability-discrimination-ivf that there are ramps to buildings and Braille on public boards and so on so people can self-help. We do not expect our governments to give a child to every human but we do expect our governments to have laws for all children (including IVF) to be treated equally. Anything less is a test of time and is discriminatory. December 3 is International Day of Persons with Disabilities.

I love you my children because you are wonderful children and you are a wonderful human being. Second because you are my children and inherently every parent loves their child. Third you symbolize something much bigger than you or me because of the gifted way you came to our world with compassion, struggles, sacrifices of several people – humanity at its best. As part of an international IVF, immigrant family in 2000s with lack of laws, we are rendered effectively with “legal disability” and discrimination. Do we continue to suffer in silence or do we state the truth and ask for help (not pity)?  In the near future (I hope but life has taught me it will be distant), gender of a parent or the biology of a parent will not be used to discriminate against innocent children. Over the years, human society has struggled with political correctness on how to deal with disability and discrimination of humans and different societies deal with it differently. What is critical is results count and effects of our actions or inactions count. Can we extend a hand to help or do we chop off the hand that tries to help? Can you help an IVF child get home? – The answer is simple, pass laws for their real-life situations and needs.

In some countries, it may be illegal to discriminate against people with disabilities but still no services are provided that can provide self-help. For example, public signage should be Braille compliant or public buildings should be ramp compliant for wheelchair access and so on. So while there may be laws to punish discrimination, are we providing “help” to seamlessly allow disabled people to grow, develop and feel empowered on their own? Most developed countries have both laws AND services to address the real life issues and concerns, where do innocent IVF children fit in to the puzzle? Neither laws exist for them nor help exist for their specific needs and issues, are they invisible? Are they also equal human beings who deserve basic human rights and decency if not equal? Do surrogates deserve protection and rights for the services they offer in terms of a gift of an IVF child? Or should they be abandoned or mistreated? If intended parents sign up for an IVF child and then file divorce during an ongoing pregnancy, why should that be an issue/problem/denial of basic human rights for the IVF child and/or the surrogate? What counts is the current state rather than how we got here. Current state is that in some cases IVF children are being discriminated due to no fault of theirs. Whether it is an accident in the IVF clinic resulting in a DNA mismatch and thus the immigration laws are triggered separating the parent and IVF child OR a birth mother who used donor eggs and sperm but not having a “biological link” as defined in the laws OR a biological father who used donor eggs and surrogate but has “no legal mother” of the IVF child OR when a divorce is filed during an ongoing IVF pregnancy. These real-life situations are placing innocent IVF children in legal limbo and violating their fundamental and basic rights as a human being. If you are “invisible” in the legal system with no legal identity, can you demand for your legal rights? Do “invisible” human beings have rights?

The special situations create a “disabled” world of legal limbo for innocent IVF children. While the laws may be inadvertent, our inactions and not passing any new laws to protect the innocent IVF children is discriminatory. The IVF child has been made “invisible” of their needs and issues and that causes their “legal disability”. As an IVF parent, I have been through several roller coasters – emotional, financial, social, physical, spiritual, and so on. I love my IVF child so much that went through the roller coasters all over again for another IVF child. And then to have them grow up separately due to no fault of theirs, rather, using my gender as an IVF parent to discriminate and separate them is worse than appalling, it is heinous. One can understand the lack of laws, but to show utter disregard and basic human decency for a human life and that too innocent children is heinous. To the world, deliberately separated IVF children may just be a statistic, for me they are everything (all IVF children). In one case, they are two beautiful IVF brother and sister – who deserve the best and who deserve basic rights if NOT equal. Equal rights for IVF children is a dream that may not be achieved in this lifetime because of the snail’s pace of progress on this sensitive subject, so help us at least by giving us basic human rights, if not equal.

Future Rights of IVF Children

I have a dream that in the future all IVF children and families will have equal rights including donors and surrogates. Single parents or gay parents or infertile heterosexual parents Martin-Luther-King-I-have-a-dreamwho opt for IVF will have equal rights. “Accidents” in the IVF clinics where samples are swapped accidentally and hence “no biological link” with a parent will not be the reason to separate IVF children from parents. Innocent IVF children will not be placed inadvertently in legal limbo. Are the laws addressing these issues? Sadly infertility is dealt with secrecy and lies and it becomes difficult to ascertain how many people are affected. The same secrecy and lies are hurting innocent IVF children and their rights. In the future, this will be common knowledge and as a result, such children will also have EQUAL rights and not remain INVISIBLE. The campaign to educate and spread awareness starts now. We need to advocate on rights of infertile or dysfertile people and their IVF children. Will you join us?

As a left-behind parent of an abandoned IVF daughter and watching her turn 4 years, every moment has been worth it. We celebrate her existence and learn from the sacrifices why every human life deserves equal respect and dignity including her. There are no winners here but to punish innocent IVF children who are the most undeserving victims for the crimes they did not commit are the biggest losers. As adults, we must bring their rights as an individual to the forefront. I have a dream that one day it will not be the gender of a parent but the love and character of a parent which will define parenthood. More importantly, innocent siblings will not be judged or discriminated based on the gender of their parent.

What circumstances creates a situation where children have “no legal mother”?

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a medical technology which is great for infertile or dysfertile people. In the early decades since IVF’s finding in 1978, in most cultures it was “reserved” only for “infertile couples”. Suppose thats a remnant of the “baby scoop era” when innocent children were forced into adoption because their only fault was to be born to a “single mother” which was “socially unacceptable” at the time. As time moved on, IVF expanded to single parents, gays, lesbians and so on. This represents the growing tolerance in our society as a whole. However, the LAWS have not caught up with this social tolerance. Specifically, in a “closed environment” where IVF occurs within the boundaries of the same country, there is NO immigration requirement for the IVF child. However, as soon as an IVF parent wants to engage in international IVF, immigration laws and multiple “legal jurisdictions” are engaged which are lagging in laws when it comes to equality.  While people are sympathetic to the situation, the laws are non-existent which places innocent IVF children in a legal limbo. I have a dream that someday in the future we will have EQUAL rights for IVF children in their best interest and not a mere statistic as a “manufactured” human being.

This is NOT just an individual case but affects a lot of IVF families and immigration. Due to secrecy around infertility, very few cases get publicized and an already traumatized infertile or dysfertile families remain silent and continue to bear more trauma in silence. The innocent IVF children suffer and its a gross violation of everyone’s basic human rights. If my IVF children were NOT split, I also may not have spoken up. Please let me know if this would be of interest to you or someone who can help us. There are several US prospective parents who are engaging in IVF/Surrogacy in other countries like India, Thailand and so on as reported in the news media. It is traumatic enough to deal with infertility, should there be added burden of continued trauma due to lack of laws for EQUAL rights for IVF children and families? Let us examine some international IVF cases and its outcome. The common thread among these cases is there is “NO LEGAL MOTHER” as per laws even though physically a mother exists who gives birth.

1) In a recent IVF case in Texas, a court ruled that a woman who had given birth to lovely IVF children was the “mother” who had used donor eggs. In another recent case, US citizenship was DENIED to a set of IVF children based on prevailing US Immigration laws who were also born to a US Citizen mother using donor eggs but outside the US. Why the difference? Its confusing, is she a mother or not? The two IVF siblings are growing up together although in Israel. A US diplomat spokesperson said at the time of denial of US citizenship to the children that while they sympathize with the US citizen mother and children, they are following the laws.

2) In another horror case of a US couple trying to have an IVF child in India, the sperm samples were swapped accidentally by the IVF clinic in India and thus NO biological link exists between the innocent IVF child and the US parents. Because of no biological link to the parents, the innocent IVF child cannot legally come to the US. The choice was to leave the innocent child in an orphanage or try to bring the child to the US on humanitarian grounds. Is it the innocent child’s fault or the parent’s fault? Should there be a legal recourse for medical “accidents” outside the parent’s control?

3) In another case, a father on US green card was left stranded with an IVF daughter in India with no “legal US mother” and is living in EXILE in India raising the innocent IVF child. Even worse, the little girl has an IVF sibling, a brother, in the US who she has NEVER met and it was the IVF brother’s wish to have a sibling and why she is born. What is the innocent IVF siblings fault?

4) In 2005, Canadian parents could NOT bring one of their IVF children back to Canada immediately because as per Canadian immigration laws, a “biological link” is required for a Canadian citizen parent to have their IVF child born outside Canada to legally immigrate to Canada. It seems there was a medical accident and the sperm samples got swapped at the clinic resulting in a failed DNA test between the parents and the IVF child. Is this a FAULT of the parents or accidents of science and technology? Most scientific innovations in history of the world have come from “accidents” – its how we learn, ask Madam Curie. Even though there is NO law for the facts that occurred, the Canadian government relented in the end and after 6 years allowed the family to live together in Canada. The non-biological IVF parents gave up 6 years of their lives showing that it is NOT the biology but the LOVE of a parent. The “biology” needs to be discussed because of the LAWS.

It is important to note that infertility and IVF are often dealt with secrecy. As a result, very few cases are made public. These cases are just tip of the iceberg. A lot of victims may choose to abandon or not go public for their own personal reasons.

Into The Future

Recently, the “father of IVF”, Dr. Robert Edwards who helped bring the FIRST IVF child into the world in 1978 and was awarded a Nobel Prize for his work passed away. We still have a long way to go to concretize his legacy which is ensuring equal rights for IVF children and families including donors, surrogates and the entire IVF fraternity and ecosystem. The 21st century is upon us and calling us.

As more countries are legalizing same-sex marriages, incidents of IVF including international IVF will only grow and having effective international laws protecting the best interest of the child first is of paramount importance. IVF is here to stay and we need laws to catch up with the technology and avoid inadvertent victims, sometimes the most vulnerable, the voiceless, innocent IVF children. This is first a humanitarian crisis and a child rights issue. The Hague has worked multilaterally on laws for International Child Abduction and International Adoption and we need International laws on IVF/Surrogacy in the best interest of the children. The Hague is rightfully working on international laws for IVF/Surrogacy and issues that arise from it and you can find more information here.

As per a June 2011 US government report, the right answer is for the laws to catch up with IVF technology. This is the right answer and we need support to translate the vision into execution and save innocent IVF children and families lives’ before it’s too late. US is a world leader when it comes to advocating and protecting human rights and child rights. It is time to step up and show leadership when it comes to EQUAL rights for IVF children and families and work multilaterally or bilaterally to advocate and spread awareness on this sensitive issue. The current state of “non-existent laws” at an international level is a “wild west” approach which is inadvertently victimizing innocent IVF children and families.

The risk of not acting is greater than the risk of acting

The risk of not acting is greater than the risk of acting” – said US Secretary of State John Kerry.Syria-chemical-weapons-victims

Is the same true about the situation of IVF children and families? Especially cases that involve international IVF and the entire IVF ecosystem – donors, surrogates, parents and most importantly, the IVF children. Infertility is traumatic but should a solution come at the price of crimes, lies and denial of rights of other human beings?

When innocent, voiceless children are being hurt, being abused, maybe someone cares enough to take action and do something about it than just paying lip service. The current climate of lack of laws for international IVF/Surrogacy children is dire. There are international laws for child abduction and child adoption but how come there are no international laws for IVF/surrogate children?

In Syria over a period of two years since 2011, more than a 100,000 innocent civilians including children were killed. However, when about 1500 innocent civilians including children were killed in a chemical weapons attack, it calls out to our conscience in a different way, why? What is so heinous about a chemical weapons attack that killed about 1500 people somehow MORE important than the previous 100,000 innocent lives lost? Or is it a culmination of the last two years and the gruesome way in which the last innocent 1500 humans were killed that calls out to our morality and legality? Is it the final straw that broke the camel’s back?

A decade of secrecy and lies can also have a similar effect. When you lie about an intersex surgery and the effects it causes including abuse, when you hurry to have a child not knowing the effects of an intersex surgery, when you lie about the IVF child as being a natural born child, when you break the laws incessantly, when you get abused in silence, it is not the aggregate of all these events but the heinous way in which the innocent, voiceless IVF siblings were SPLIT – does it call out to your morality and legality to take actionIs it the final straw that broke the camel’s back?

If the people responsible for this heinous chemical attack are not held accountable, is the risk they will REPEAT this action or is it a GREATER RISK that someone ELSE will repeat these actions and have no consequences and denial of rights to innocent victims including children? Someone has to speak up and take action even if they are alone. What’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong. It calls out to our basic human dignity and respect.

If an IVF child is abandoned causing DENIAL of rights and a state of LEGAL LIMBO, should the perpetrators be held accountable for this heinous act against the innocent, voiceless IVF child? Is the risk they will REPEAT this action or is it a GREATER RISK that someone ELSE will repeat these actions and have no consequences and denial of rights to innocent victims including children? Someone has to speak up and take action even if they are alone. What’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong. It calls out to our basic human dignity and respect. Why does an IVF child need to be treated like “property” and go unchecked?

While the innocent civilians including children died an unnecessary and a cruel death – the ultimate crime…the innocent IVF children left in LEGAL LIMBO are living an unnecessary and cruel death – what is worse? Because when someone legal status is in limbo, they have no legal rights and hence no justice and no relief as a victim but instead are forced to LIVE in silence and become invisible. Their basic human dignity and respect as a human being is denied or deleted. Why?

Is the risk of not acting greater than the risk of acting for the sake of IVF children and families?

Freedom Comes in Decades, Lifetimes, Multi Generations?

Freedom is an elusive word. Some of us forget the ones who fought for our freedom, some of us who havefreedom from shackles freedom do not respect it enough. Most of us are still fighting for freedom in our own ways. Whether it is a spouse who is a victim of domestic violence and abuse fighting for their freedom OR an abducted victim fighting for their freedom OR nations fighting for their freedom OR sexual orientation based freedom OR race based freedom OR gender based freedom OR immigrants fighting for their freedom OR IVF parents fighting for their freedom OR fighting from freedom against secrecy and lies OR fighting for TRUTH.

Historically, all humans who went on to be remembered for their struggles which led into a freedom movement of its own have relied on ONE UNIVERSAL fact – TRUTH. Their demands may NOT be WELCOME at the time but over time even after their death, their demands remain CONSTANT because they were based on TRUTHIf you are LGBT and Black in America, what does freedom mean to you? If you are an immigrant and IVF parent in America, what does freedom mean to you? African-Americans are a minority and a bigger minority than being IMMIGRANT and IVF parent. So at least the mainstream media gets them exposure if no solutions to the issues. As an immigrant and IVF, we don’t even get exposure let alone solutions to our issues caused due to lack of laws. So while we DO NOT want to distract from the ongoing debate on minority RIGHTS in the USA, we want to “take LESSONS” from it. The FACT is IVF brother and sister are SEPARATED because they are IVF and immigrants. If they were NATURAL BORN or were born in the US, they would NOT be SEPARATED. A parent NEVER stops loving his children. And to fight for JUSTICE and a better FUTURE for your children is what every human has been doing for last 10000 years. Being human is NOT about having a career, a great home, a great car, a great status, it IS about building a better FUTURE – thats what humanity is all about or is it?

1) “I consider my nephew’s murder a hate crime,” he told me, his voice laced with bitterness. “They hated his success.” – said US Congressman Elijah Cummings.

Is Vedant, an IVF son, a citizen of India SEPARATED from his primary care provider and his only known biological family under forced silence and threats a HATE CRIME against IVF children and families? Is it because his IVF father is an immigrant and IVF parent? Even if inadvertent, this is the REALITY. What is the solution?

2) “We have famous names of outstanding achievement,” the Rev. Jesse Jackson told me. “We have LeBron. We have Jay Z. We have Barack Obama. But that is not a random sample. What matters is the undercurrent, and it’s pulling our people down.”

We have great names who are following the laws and saying the TRUTH like Edie Windsor, Tony Briffa, Jaclyn Schulz and are an inspiration to us all for their strength and courage to speak the truth. What matters is the undercurrent, and it’s pulling people down. It is what makes people SNATCH away someone else’s freedom to satisfy their personal gains including using secrecy and lies.

3) In June 2013, the US Supreme court issued opinions restricting the reach of affirmative action and the Voting Rights Act. Earlier this month, a jury in Sanford, Fla., acquitted George Zimmerman of all charges, accepting his claim that he had shot and killed a 17-year-old unarmed black youth named Trayvon Martin in self-defense. The 2012 shooting and the 2013 verdict divided the country, but united Black America around the reasonable fear that no black child — especially no black male — is safe from the assumption that he is somehow a threat to the civil order on any street he walks.

In another ruling in June 2013, the US Supreme Court struck down DOMA opening the doors to over a 1000 federal benefits for gay families like immigration for gay families. Also in June 2013, the US Senate passed a landmark immigration reform bill.

What is the validity of spousal LGBTI immigration before 2013 because it clearly shows it was illegal? Is it a crime to LIE and break the laws? Will IVF children of immigrant gay families now be allowed to immigrate to the US regardless of the parent’s gender?

In 2009, SEPARATION of two innocent immigrant IVF brother and sister born in an intersex family and the ONGOING CRISIS of SEPARATION with NO RELIEF for VICTIMS shows that NO IVF child – especially NO IVF child of an IVF father (based on gender) – is somehow a threat to the social order of parenting and should be removed from the father at ANY and ALL costs.

Freedom is elusive. Any loving parent will continue to FIGHT for their children. We fight because we are a parent and also because we are HUMAN. If someone’s human rights are being violated, someone needs to speak up especially if the victims are innocent, voiceless children. Anyone who has gone through IVF understands that IVF is not just a birth or depositing your sample at the IVF clinic, IVF is a JOURNEY. International IVF involving immigration laws (or lack thereof) is a tragedy and the secrecy and lying is abuse and torture because one cannot get relief as a victim without the TRUTH being shared. It’s a roller coaster ride of emotions, finances, upheavals in life, stress, loss of job, and the nail in the coffin is LOSS of the IVF child due to LACK of laws!

It may take weeks, months, years, decades, lifetimes, multi-generations, but it is a FIGHT for TRUTH owed to IVF children and ALL others yet to be born. We need EQUAL rights for IVF children and families NOW. In the interim, we are ready for FALSE accusations, persecution, defamation, injustice, secrecy, lies, a thousand lies to hide one lie, etc. We have already EXPERIENCED this and are somehow still surviving and alive.

It Could Have Been Me – US President Obama

US President Obama: Trayvon Martin Could Have Been Me

Not to distract from the case but instead to “take lessons” from it for other minorities dealing with infertility or acceptancedysfertility. It is about ACCEPTING our realities of today, so we can move forward with a solution for tomorrow.

1) “When Trayvon Martin was first shot, I said that this could have been my son. Another way of saying that is, Trayvon Martin could have been me 35 years ago,” Obama said.

Vedant was separated from his IVF father and only known biological parent because of his father’s gender, a male. When Vedant is 35 years, ALSO a MALE like his father, and if he wants to become an IVF father, will he have EQUAL rights to love and enjoy with his IVF child?

Just like there is “soul searching” to do in race relations, there is “soul searching” to do in “parenting laws” AND true meaning of “best interest of the child”. 

“Become the change you want to see in this world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

2) “I think it’s important to recognize that the African-American community is looking at this issue through a set of experiences and a history that doesn’t go away,” Obama said. “There are very few African-American men in this country who haven’t had the experience of being followed when they were shopping in a department store. That includes me.”

Fathers are DEMONIZED and ALIENATED from their innocent children and this stereotype is USED against them and the children. It is important to recognize the issue of alienated fathers through a set of experiences and a history that doesn’t go away. There are very few ALIENATED children who have not experienced ABUSE at the hands of the ALIENATING parent even though somehow we justify it and NOT take any action against the ABUSIVE parent.

There is NO words to feel or describe the pain of being ALIENATED from your child, NOT even an apology from the government – just ask the mothers AND children from the baby scoop era.

What is alienation DOING to the innocent children?

3) He went on to recount instances when he had heard “the locks click on the doors of cars” as he walked down the street. African-American men are used to getting into an elevator and seeing a fellow passenger “clutching her purse nervously and holding her breath until she had a chance to get off,” he said. “I don’t want to exaggerate this, but those sets of experiences inform how the African-American community interprets what happened one night in Florida,” Obama said. “And it’s inescapable for people to bring those experiences to bear.”

If a woman had used her egg and with help of a sperm donor and surrogate to conceive IVF children, would the SIBLINGS be SEPARATED because of their parent’s GENDER? If a lesbian couple had an IVF child, would the immigration laws affect them adversely in 2009? If a gay couple or an intersex couple had an IVF child in 2009, are the immigration laws the SAME for them? No need to exaggerate this point, but the innocent IVF brother and sister are SEPARATED because of their biological parent’s GENDER and it’s inescapable for fathers to bring these experiences to bear regardless whether you are single father, gay father, intersex father, straight father.

Why FORCE innocent IVF brother and sister to grow up separately? Is it their “fault” to be born IVF? The lack of laws even if inadvertent are resulting in that REALITY.

Rosa Parks was TIRED of racism and she took a stand. A spouse caregiver of intersex was first LIED and CHEATED into a fraud marriage and now his IVF children are being LIED and CHEATED out of their innocent childhoods together. Sometimes we all need a SPARK like Ms. Parks in our lives to have the courage and strength to stand up against wrong and let TRUTH prevail even though it may not be “acceptable” at the time.

4) More generally, Obama lent support to the idea of creating a coalition — of business leaders, elected officials, celebrities, athletes — to address the need for African-American men to feel that they are “a full part of this society.”

IVF fathers regardless of sexual orientation also want to be a “full part of this society” and a “full part of their IVF child’s life”.

Will it take a powerful business leader, a celebrity, athlete, elected official to HIGHLIGHT the issues of IVF children and families? Or intersex families?

5) “If we’re sending a message as a society in our communities that someone who is armed potentially has the right to use those firearms, even if there’s a way for them to exit from a situation, is that really going to be contributing to the kind of peace and security and order that we’d like to see?” asked Obama.

If we are saying that if an intersex and infertile person can fraud unsuspecting, innocent victims, commit marriage fraud marriage, commit immigration fraud, abuse the spouse and child, abandon an IVF child making them STATELESS and placing them in a LEGAL LIMBO, and refuse the two siblings to meet and HAVE NO LEGAL REPURCUSIONS for the secrecy, lying and flagrant violations of multiple laws, is that the kind of society we want for our children? To teach them to lie and violate others’ rights? Instead isn’t it better to be someone like Edie Windosr and FIGHT for your RIGHTS and all others in the process? Or be like Tony Briffa and say the TRUTH and EARN the respect? Or be like Ms. Schulz, an openly MRKH woman inspiring others to be strong and have courage to say the TRUTH. Isn’t it better to live freely with truth than in secrecy and violating laws?

Intersex is a naturally occurring condition meaning more intersex children will be born. Do we want to raise them as a society with truth and respect or secrecy and lies?

Regardless of which side of the debate you are in – pro-life or pro-choice, pro-IVF or natural born children only, pro-LGBTI (Lesbian, Gay, Biexual, Transgender, Intersex) or against, pro-IVF or adoption or remain childless, and so many other variations. The FACT is the IVF child is BORN, now what, do they deserve EQUAL rights as HUMANS or not?

6) “I just ask people to consider if Trayvon Martin was of age and armed, could he have stood his ground on that sidewalk? And do we actually think that he would have been justified in shooting Mr. Zimmerman, who had followed him in a car, because he felt threatened? And if the answer to that question is at least ambiguous, it seems to me that we might want to examine those kinds of laws,” he added.

There was every INTENT to provide a sibling and it was a joint consent to have a second IVF child. If its a crime to ABANDON a natural born child, why is it NOT a crime to abandon an IVF child? Are the needs and rights of an IVF child LESS? What if there was NO second IVF child on the way, could Maulik have ENJOYED watching his IVF son grow up? What if the second IVF child had been declared in the US divorce filing and been ALLOWED to enter the US in 2009 and that way Maulik was NOT SPLIT into raising one child over the other. If there was no IVF Holocaust and if BOTH IVF children were in the US, could Maulik have defended himself and presented the FACTS to the court due to NO mitigating circumstances? Is this a case of fait accompli? Has the “best interest of the children” been honored?

If the answer is at least ambiguous, it seems that we ought to examine non-existence of laws for IVF children and families, intersex families.

Let us HOPE that we do NOT have to wait till 2039 (when Vedant turns 35) to get EQUAL rights for IVF children and families. I have faith our society can do better. In 2013, the US Supreme Court allowed gay marriage and federal benefits like immigration for gay families was allowed. If these laws existed in 2009, would Maulik have been able to UNITE his IVF children and NOT be separated?

What is it like living as an African American and LGBT in the US in 2013? What is it like living as an immigrant and IVF parent in the US? The answer to the latter is you live in EXILE outside the US because your IVF child is NOT welcome to the US or an IVF parent after all the struggles of infertility or dysfertility can ABANDON or give up the IVF child for ADOPTION outside the US and live a luxurious life in the US without their IVF child. What are the rights of the IVF child?

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Living in the Present

After living a decade of secrecy and lies, there is nothing we wish than to move forward. The trauma and live in the presenttragedy will NEVER be able to be captured in words. In order to move on, we need a PRESENT and a FUTURE. Having a STATELESS child is our present. Having a brother and sister who have NEVER met is our PRESENT. Being able to LIVE FREE and WITH TRUTH is our PRESENT and FUTURE. After being left for dead in an IVF holocaust, it is a miracle to have survived through the love and support of family.

Continuing to live in secrecy and lies is NOT going to get our STATELESS children their RIGHTS. Continuing to suffer in SILENCE is NOT going to arouse CHANGE for the FUTURE. Continuing to live as a VICTIM is NOT going to breed HOPE for the future. Some intersex parents have been taught to teach their intersex children to LIE which BREAKS laws and violates human rights of others is NO way to achieve SOCIAL JUSTICE. In a few years when the IVF brother and sister are adults and meet, instead of sharing their childhood pictures and videos of growing up separately, we would like them to be together in the same pictures and videos.

The PRESENT

One man, two IVF children, six women – thats our PRESENT. International IVF, immigration laws, invisible in the eyes of the law – thats our PRESENT. All marriages (whether legal or illegal) have issues and quite a few end up in divorce but they DO NOT SPLIT siblings – brother and sister. Thats our PRESENT – SEPARATED SIBLINGS. Does a son have a right to grow up around his only known biological family? His primary care provider? His sibling he dreamt of? His fast-aging grandparents? Does he have ANY rights? Will the son, a MALE, learn to be compassionate, truthful, loving, caring, etc? And what are the BENEFITS of it – like his father, be separated from his son? There are fathers who do NOT have primary custody of the children but at least have practical joint custody and can actively PARTICIPATE in their child’s life after a divorce. Living in forced EXILE on a DIFFERENT continent with NO ACTIVE PARTICIPATION in our child’s life – thats our PRESENT. Good fathers do NOT have primary custody because they LIED, CHEATED their spouse. Do LIARS, CHEATERS, FRAUDSTERS get primary custody of CHILDREN? During the “baby scoop era”, double standards were used against “single mothers” to SPLIT their BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN from them. Today of course, single motherhood is celebrated. Is there a REPEAT of double standards of SPLITTING BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN from their IVF parents – if not deliberately then inadvertently due to lack of laws? What is definition of CHILD ABDUCTION?

If you consent to international IVF as a couple, are BOTH responsible and accountable for the IVF child? And what are the rights of the IVF child if the IVF pregnancy is ABANDONED midway when one person changes their mind? Does that mean an existing IVF brother LOSES the RIGHT to have a sibling? What are the human rights and child rights of the IVF child? Should the IVF child be condemned to become STATELESS because of an abandoning adult? What about the DREAMS that the IVF father and son SHARED to enjoy a sibling together and kept trying for three years? Are IVF children humans with basic human rights and same needs as traditional born children? Is the ONLY way to ensure IVF child has ANY rights in an international (immigration) IVF if your egg, womb or sperm is used in an IVF cycle? Sadly, children inherit RIGHTS from PARENTS and IVF fundamentally changes this basic assumption of “LEGAL PARENT” – thats our PRESENT.

The FUTURE

We want to MOVE FORWARD. Being stuck in several episodes of “Twilight zones” combined into one, it is IMPOSSIBLE to move forward. Witnessing the rights of innocent, voiceless children being violated with NO relief for VICTIMS and NO DUE PROCESS makes it IMPOSSIBLE to move forward.

The bigger question is what is the future of rights for IVF children and families? Is the strategy to use secrecy and lies which has failed in dealing with other traumatic conditions? We are already seeing glimmers of EQUALITY when in 2013 gay immigrant families are allowed in the US. If this were true for IVF children and families in 2009, the innocent IVF brother and sister would NOT have been separated.

During the baby scoop era, mothers were coerced, lied to, and forced to give up their child for adoption only for governments to apologize later. In dealing with intersex for decades, a concealment based approach was used with a complex web of secrecy and lies including fraud medical records. Both have been REJECTED and dealing with TRUTH is accepted. Is history repeating with IVF children and families where a complex web of secrecy, coercion, lies, fraud legal documents, breaking the laws is being FORCED? Like other cases, truth will prevail and secrecy and lies including fraud records and documents to SEPARATE children from biological families is a failed approach. 

IVF Holocaust – A Thorough Destruction

In a Hollywood movie, Sophie’s Choice, Meryl Streep won an Oscar. The enactment and the storyIVF Holocaust were so heart wrenching and made an impact on the HUMAN life that it deserved Oscar worthiness. Spoiler Alert : In the movie, the CHOICE that the character Sophie had to make was which one of her children will she SEND to the gas chamber as ordered by the Nazis OR which one of her children will she SAVE from the Nazis? How does a PARENT begin to even CONTEMPLATE? Among the millions of others killed and who suffered heinous crimes, their ONLY FAULT was they were “Jewish”. Sadly, there are still people in this world who DENY the holocaust as ever happening thus denying the basic human respect to ALL the victims and survivors. Due to prevailing laws (or rather lack thereof), an immigrant US father in an international IVF is left with some PAINFUL choices of picking one IVF child over the other. There are other IVF families left with SIMILAR choices of either living in EXILE or ABANDON the IVF child or BREAK THE LAWS. Is there an IVF HOLOCAUST (a thorough destruction as per definition in dictionary) going on currently? Is the ONLY FAULT of IVF children they are born as “IVF”? Do IVF children have their own individual rights as a HUMAN? What is the FUTURE of rights for IVF children and families? It takes great strength and courage to affect a change to traditionally set beliefs. We are asking for the “PROCESS for change” to start if NOT CREATE any more victims of prevailing laws for IVF families.

ONE man, TWO IVF children, SIX women, who is the MOTHER? or should it be about the BEST INTEREST of the CHILDREN?

Due to the conspiracy to use loophole in the laws for personal gains, an IVF child is rendered STATELESS. There are MILLIONS of children who are rendered STATELESS every year be it the NAZI war time or the wars in South America or Rwanda or Liberia or Sudan or Libya or Iraq or Afghanistan or Syria. There are people who stand criminal trials even TODAY for crimes against humanity. Is abandoning an IVF child and making her stateless and denying her basic human rights a crime against humanity and endangering the welfare of the child? Are IVF children needs/rights SAME as traditional children’s needs/rights? Today an IVF father CANNOT actively participate in his son’s life even though he has legal custody, a son cannot enjoy the love of a sibling he dreamt of, or the love and hugs of fast-aging grandparents who raised him, and is completely ISOLATED from his biological family. What is the definition of child abduction?

There are courts who will use the TRADITIONAL meaning of a “child born of a marriage”. For example, a husband while being married to woman A has a child with a woman B who he is NOT married to. In that case, the child from woman B is NOT a “child of the marriage” with woman A. In a TRADITIONAL sense, the husband “cheated” on his wife. In a TRADITIONAL sense, the husband or the father probably did NOT plan on having a child with the other woman B? In a TRADITIONAL sense, the husband or the father did NOT get his child from woman A excited about having a child from woman B because he was not planning it. Because of the lack of laws, innocent IVF children are placed in a LEGAL LIMBO. Do IVF children have LEGAL RIGHTS? Is it an IVF Holocaust when innocent IVF children are deliberately placed into LEGAL LIMBO for personal benefit of adult? How does an IVF child travel internationally to meet their sibling and family without proper travel documents?

An IVF father in an infertile marriage may use an egg donor and a surrogate to have an IVF child. Is the “IVF child of the marriage”? Is the IVF father “cheating” on his partner by having an IVF child through an egg donor and surrogate because the partner is infertile? Is the IVF father helping or cheating the infertile partner? If the IVF father shared dreams and promises to his IVF son that he will have a sibling soon, made plans and went baby shopping, made plans on caring for an infant sibling, does the innocent IVF child have ANY rights to fulfill those DREAMS of a sibling? If the IVF father tried MULTIPLE times despite the failures of IVF cycles and over a period of three years, does the IVF father and the IVF son have ANY right to enjoy the IVF sibling together?

The VICTIMS in Rwanda or in Nazi Europe or so many other human-made tragedies have got justice after years or even decades. When do VICTIMS of a dysfunctional intersex marriage and its effects get relief? Even in International adoption, there is a concept of the Subsidiarity Principle where siblings are allowed to grow up together, where is a similar notion in international IVF/Surrogacy children? Is this an IVF holocaust?

This is NOT about intersex rights or non-biological parent rights or so many other LAWS which have been violated. This is about the best interest of the children. This is about TRUTH Vs. LIES. This is about RELIEF for VICTIMS who showed HUMAN RIGHTS to someone where the LAWS itself fell short. This is about STOP living in secrecy and lies and start living with truth. Secrecy and lies are a failed approach especially when the punishment is meted out to innocent, voiceless children for crimes they did not commit.

What If…There were Eunuch Rights

What If we lived in a time when there were Eunuch rights. Eunuch or Hijras in India and Asia are known as Equal Human Rights - FatherIntersex in western cultures. Galileo knew he was RIGHT when he said that Earth is NOT the center and that we revolve around the sun. No one believed him and instead used traditional beliefs to defame, torture and undermine the TRUTH. It was NOT the TRUTH itself but the RESISTANCE TO CHANGE which Galileo was a VICTIM of. If the TRUTH were NOT accepted even today, we would still ALL believe that Earth is the CENTER.

We know CHANGE will come, people will begin to understand the issues of Eunuch rights, what Eunuch families go through, what Eunuch surgeries do during a marriage, the effects of Eunuch marriage like dealing with infertility, the effects of on innocent children and immigration. Will the CHANGE come before the innocent childhood of the siblings EXPIRES?

Dr. Subhash Mukherjee, a doctor who gave India’s FIRST IVF child, just 67 days AFTER the first IVF child in the world, committed suicide due to defamation, lies, and humiliation instead of recognition and admiration for his innovative work. What will be the fate of India’s FIRST IVF Eunuch family? Secrecy and lies or truth with compassion? Is it WRONG to give human rights as an individual where laws itself fall short?

We hope in the future there are equal rights for Eunuchs, there are equal rights for IVF children and families but LIES will still remain LIES. Fraud documents will still remain FRAUD documents. Brothers will still love their sisters, sisters will still love their brothers, sons will still love their fathers, and fathers will still love their sons. Such is the beauty of truth, it prevails through everything, even the worst of LIES. 

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, two innocent IVF siblings in 2013 would NOT be growing up separately.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, an innocent, voiceless IVF son would have a father around while growing up.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, innocent children and spouse of an Eunuch family would ALSO have rights instead of being INVISIBLE.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be discussion about the EFFECTS of an intersex surgery during a marriage instead of false records of the surgery. Why LIE when you are right and if NO laws have been broken?

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, Eunuchs and families would have no need to LIE and live in SECRET and be comfortable about their infertility instead of claiming “false biological link” with innocent children.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, Eunuchs and families would have no need to LIE and fraud innocent, unsuspecting victims to enter into an ILLEGAL marriage.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, Eunuchs can immigrate legally to the US instead using an illegal marriage.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be a better understanding of the torturous intersex surgery as for the first time in 2013 the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to such coerced surgeries.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be a better understanding of the EFFECTS of a torturous intersex surgery during a marriage and the abuse of caregiver spouse and innocent children.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be a better understanding of the EFFECTS of the severe trauma on a dysfunctional intersex family.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be a better understanding of EFFECTS of NO milk when trying to breastfeed by genetic males. Do MOTHERS ask the FATHERS of their children to breastfeed when the infant comes from the hospital?

Attitudinal Change Holds Answers

“Be the change you want to see in this world” – Mahatma Gandhi

Change is constant. Resistance to change is also constant. Especially, when one thinks about social justice issueschange me like slavery, women suffrage, civil rights, and now gay rights, there is a lot of resistance to change. In all cases, we see that eventually change does occur sometimes at the cost of lives of people proposing change. How dare someone propose us to change? They must be quietened up. Lives can be shattered in multiple ways, oppression, abuse, violence, lack of basic freedoms, torture, and the ultimate, death – either a suicide or murder. As humans, we realize that change is something ingrained in us. It is our thirst for challenges, innovation, knowledge that brings change. So change is never going away. What we may work on instead is to reduce the resistance to change. For which education and spreading awareness about the subject is key. That is the attitudinal change – the willingness to LISTEN to issues facing OTHERS and not necessarily you.

The Intersex Theory

Most people are still clueless about existence of intersex. Slowly in the past few years, advocacy for intersex rights and its existence has started and questions are being asked. Does the medical community have the “right approach?” Who are the intersex? What is its occurrence? It is naturally occuring meaning it is not in the person’s control. In a way, it reminds me of the way HIV/AIDS was first dealt with in the 1980s – taboo and ignorance. Once people got educated and had true information, slowly the change started happening. Then a few celebrities started speaking up and that set the tidal wave. Currently, the intersex theory only includes treatment for intersex patient and their parents. The spouse or children of an intersex family are NOWHERE in the picture. Is it because intersex marriage is NOT legal yet? If spouses of breast cancer or leukemia or other traumatic conditions are allowed to speak up, then why not spouses of intersex? Or is it a crime to be married to an intersex person and forever hold your breath even if it means suffering abuse and reckless violation of laws? If an unnecessary surgery on an intersex child is ILLEGAL, what is it to render an IVF child stateless? If it is torture to secretly lie about unnecessary surgery on an intersex child, what is it to lie to an IVF child about their birth? And are secrecy and lies a solution? There are women with MRKH but they do not lie and are accepting of their truth. In fact, in the Miss USA pageant for 2013, a MRKH woman competed and almost won. She is a lady not because of MRKH but because of her courage and strength to be honest and truthful acting as an inspiration to us all – with and without MRKH. There are intersex people who are honest and truthful about their condition. There is more RESPECT not because they are intersex but again because they have strength and courage to be honest and serve as an inspiration to us all. These “truths” also serve as a “gauge” to the change and acceptance in our society as a whole. We are not anti-intersex, let our actions speak for themselves. We are ANTI-LYING and ANTI-ABUSE of innocent, voiceless children and PRO for RESPECTING the laws. We want RELIEF as VICTIMS.

Justice Vs Relief for Victims

Is there a difference between justice Vs relief for victims? For example, the thousands of refugees who have been displaced from the war in Iraq or Rwanda or Lybia or Syria or Afghanistan and so on and some are rendered stateless. Is justice for them to be able to file a “legal suit” against someone in their resident country for their situation? OR are they just looking for RELIEF to be able to get a “legal status” so they can go about their lives and try to forget the past as much as possible? We want to move FORWARD – we just want to be able to see our IVF son, have an opportunity to participate in his day to day life, enjoy the moments together, playing catch, or making lego puzzles or looking up at the sky and wondering what do all those stars mean sprinkled with an appropriate amount of hugs and kisses and celebrate the moments. Why is my IVF son being DISALLOWED this opportunity with his father, with his sibling that he wanted, with his biological family? What crime has he committed to be DENIED to be with his biological family and what are his rights?