Tag Archives: fraud

Top 10 Reasons to be unEmotional

10. The justice system does NOT care about emotions. And we as law-abiding citizens have to live with the laws and not with emotions regardless of show-no-emotion-catch-no-feelings-feel-no-pain-ivfhow unfair the laws may seem.

9. The justice system will selectively care about emotions deeming it “best interest of the child” instead of recognizing the facts that sometimes laws fall short and natural justice should take over.

8. If you are emotional, it will take you LONGER than others to think things through…By that time, the opportunity to fight back may expire like the statute of limitations or people may tend to say let “bygones be bygones” without understanding that injustice is injustice – whether delayed or denied.

7. If you are emotional, people may lie, cheat, fraud you including breaking laws and committing crimes and maybe even forcing you to commit crimes.

6. If you harbor a murderer because they are “family” and you get emotional, it is breaking the laws even though you can justify it emotionally. Do not harbor a criminal, the right thing to do for their sake and other innocents in the society is to report them to the authorities for breaking the laws. Worse, do not become a victim of their emotional blackmail and commit crimes too.

5. When one lives in bad company where one partner/friend commits crimes, it rubs off on you and you also start committing crimes and emotions cannot save you from that.

4. Your innocent children can be held hostage and their individual rights are violated including crime against their humanity.

3. When you are emotional, people will try to spin a web from the “real issues” deeming one who is emotional cannot “think” clearly and are clouded. Fine, then let someone “unemotional” deal with the real issues like IVF, intersex, immigration because the issues still exist and someone does need to bring it to attention and provide a solution. What is worse – being emotional and bringing out the truth OR being conniving and brushing the issues under the carpet. What if it happened to you or someone you love (nah, thats emotional again…you see how it works)?

2. Ironically, got too emotional to pen this down.

1. Frankly, NO ONE CARES. The laws, the society, the system – its all lip service  and only you can protect yourself from the emotional trauma of injustice, unfairness, bigotry, hypocrisy. Protect yourself first.

As a survivor, NOT a victim, of IVF, intersex, immigration in the 2000s, there are a lot of lessons to be learnt. The first is DO NOT be EMOTIONAL. What an irony because if one were not emotional then they could have never become a spouse caregiver of intersex OR an IVF parent OR an exiled IVF parent. They could have perhaps earned 6 + figures in salary, have a great, comfortable, luxurious life with everything money can buy AND have a great professional career where their skills are appreciated BUT innocent IVF children would have been abandoned, violated, abused, tortured without a VOICE.

To the naysayers, all we have to say is that emotion is the very fabric of a human being…even animals like dogs, cats have emotions and they show it. Since when did it become OK to NOT be emotional as a human being especially when it comes to dealing with issues like intersex, IVF, immigration – emotions like compassion build such families while lack of laws break up families, innocent siblings.

View of Justice and Outrage

It is a tragedy that 298 innocent lives were lost for a conflict thats not theirs. But today those 298, their families have forever joined the conflict either MH-17-Missile-Attack-IVF-Outrage-Justice by chance or circumstances. Rest of the world has joined in because of the outrage at innocent lives lost. An innocent family got involved with lack of laws for intersex/DSD, IVF, immigration either by chance or circumstances. Now we are also dealing with the same issues that an intersex/DSD, infertile, immigrant deals with. We all should be outraged at the lack of justice for innocent victims.

In the Sunday Times, Mr Cameron said the UK was not seeking confrontation with President Vladimir Putin or suggesting military action. He said: “Russia can use this moment to find a path out of this festering, dangerous crisis. I hope it will do so. But if that does not happen then we must respond robustly.” He wrote: “We must establish the full facts of what happened. But the growing weight of evidence points to a clear conclusion: That MH17 was blown out of the sky by a surface-to-air missile fired from a rebel-held area. If it is the case, then we must be clear what it means: This is a direct result of Russia destabilising a sovereign state, violating its territorial integrity, backing thuggish militias and training and arming them. We must turn this moment of outrage into a moment of action.”

This site is about IVF rights, so lets look at this statement from the view of innocent IVF siblings who have knowingly and deliberately been SPLIT just like the tragic MH-17 flight was shot down knowingly and deliberately.

1) No one is trying to seek confrontation with any government but just want to grow up as a happy IVF family. The powers that be can use this moment to right multiple wrongs and must establish the full facts. The known weight of evidence points to a clear conclusion : There is no genetic lick between the IVF child and the parent raising them despite US laws requiring a genetic link between US parent and child born outside the US. Having inadvertent lack of laws against IVF children and families is one thing but for someone to deliberately use the loopholes to SPLIT innocent siblings and a loving parent is a hate crime against the IVF family. This is a direct result of continuous secrecy, lying, fraud, breaking laws, and destabilising an IVF family, violating its love and compassion, backing criminals who break laws for their own selfish benefit. The right answer is to fix the laws so that environment like this is not created where infertile people will do anything for the sake of a child including alienating them from their biological family and siblings. Whose best interest are we serving? An adult who lies, cheats, fraud and breaks laws OR the innocent children? Regardless of how we pontificate on this sensitive and “taboo” subject, SPLITTING innocent siblings is NOT the answer.

2) If a woman had used her egg, got a sperm donor and surrogate, and had two lovely IVF children, would the IVF siblings be separated? Would anyone even consider doing this? So the only fault of the innocent IVF siblings to be SPLIT is because their parent is a male? We have a long ways to go as a society but in the process let’s not punish innocent children.

3) As a double whammy – Malaysia airlines lost another plane MH-370 and is dealing with double jeopardy for situations they were placed in circumstantially. The IVF father here is also part of an intersex marriage and that was also dealt with secrecy, lies, fraud and concealed care. The lesson learnt is LYING is not the answer. The world may not be ready yet to deal with complex and so called “taboo” subjects like intersex, IVF, infertility, dysfertility, immigration simultaneously. But that’s our life, these are the facts – we have to DEAL with them regardless of whether the society or the laws are ready. This is our MH-370 and MH-17.

We must turn this moment of outrage into a moment of action and fight for equal rights for IVF children and families. Our hearts and prayers are with the innocent lives lost and their families. Your strength gives us strength.

Happy Birthday Madiba and You Continue To Inspire US

July 18 – Madiba’s birthday – one of the greatest humanitarian of the 20th century and possibly ever. His words and actions continue to inspire us. In nelson-mandela-IVFthe 21st century, we are dealing with some sensitive and complex human rights issues as well. Come take this journey with us to understand what it means to deal with intersex (DSD), immigration, IVF (infertility) simultaneously while being forced to become invisible. The four I’s. One can understand that most people would not know the complications of dealing with the 4 I’s but if educated and made aware they can appreciate and understand why equal rights for intersex and IVF children and families is the right answer. Living in secrecy, living with lies is never the right answer. Because secrecy and stigma are the biggest culprits which may force some people to lie, cheat, fraud, break laws. How do words of Madiba resonate as we fight for equal rights in the 21st century? For those who think is the child happy, the question is can he be happier with his sibling and loving biological family? The question is will truth prevail or will he be “happy” under the guise of secrecy and lies? The question is as an intersex family, we have already witnessed and been victimized what lies do to innocent children – the result is we have two SPLIT siblings, lets NOT repeat lies in the “best interest of the children”. You would have to walk a step in the shoes of an intersex, IVF, immigrant, invisible family first before passing any judgement. Whatever judgement you pass, add a line at the end…”and thats why its OK to abandon a child AND split innocent siblings”. You will get the answer from your heart. 

1) “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

If people can offend someone by wrong words or actions, they can make it right by saying the right words or actions. If people can deny someone their rights including innocent children, they can make it right by respecting their rights. It is sad that prevailing laws require a “genetic link” between a US parent and a child born outside the US meaning an infertile person in the US can never legally bring a child born outside the US. The right answer is to change the laws and bring them in sync with 21st century ideologies. It is wrong to use secrecy, lies, cheating, fraud, breaking the laws, abandoning innocent children, placing innocent children in legal limbo to have a child at any and all costs and denying rights to several people for the sake of one. Fix the laws, dont split innocent siblings under lies – it will never be the right answer. Learn to say the truth instead of learning to lie – a good lesson to also teach our children. If someone can be taught to be selfish, we can also learn to respect all. If someone can be taught to lie, they can also be taught to say the truth because truth comes naturally.

2) “What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.”

Dealing with the 4 I’s in 2000s simultaneously is well a recipe for death. It is the secrecy and lies which will do you in. Thanks to the support of loving family and the fact that “it takes a village” to raise a child where friends and neighbours still help out is why we can cheat DEATH despite being left to die. The second life has been given to make a difference. Before we were making a difference silently and now it’s time to make a difference vocally by spreading awareness and education so that equal rights for intersex and IVF children and families become a reality. Because if these rights existed in 2000s, two innocent IVF siblings would not be growing apart. Innocent IVF siblings are victims of the war on fertility. Lets make it a better world, lets make a difference with truth and respect.

3) “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”

For decades, medical professionals, highly educated and possibly the best subject matter experts in dealing with intersex health care relied on a concealment based approach including secrecy, lies, creating fraud medical records claiming it to be in the “best interest of the patient”. After years of objections, they were finally proved wrong despite their highest education and credentials because they had used “lies”. In fact the actions are so bad that the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to such intersex surgeries basically amounting to calling the medical professionals actions for decades as “torture”. While the ones who perpetrated these actions will NEVER be tried, let us learn and never LIE to innocent children. It does NO good. Let us NOT lie to IVF children and repeat the same mistakes. We have evidence of what happens when a system teaches and helps a person lie, they become arrogant and start lying and breaking laws which denies other people their basic human rights like an opportunity for a brother to grow up with his sister he wanted OR a son wanting to grow up with his biological father, his primary care provider OR a daughter who is left abandoned and stranded forcing her father to raise her in exile away from her brother OR ALSO ABANDON her. Education is more powerful and dealing with the 4 I’s in 2000s and is all about CHANGE. 

4) “For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”

For to have the love of a child where laws itself falls short, it is not love when it has come at the price of abandoning their sibling and SPLITTING siblings OR placing both innocent IVF children at risk and in legal limbo. Do they have the freedom to go anywhere in the world and explore? Do they have a legal identity? Is making an innocent child “legally invisible” respecting their rights and freedom? Are there laws to respect the rights of an IVF child when born during a divorce? Why is there an IVF prison for innocent IVF children and families? Is it such a heinous crime to want to build families through IVF that the punishment is to SPLIT innocent siblings and parent?

5) “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

These words have carried us far and will continue to do so. How many people you know who have gone through the trauma of the 4 I’s simultaneously and lived to say the truth? If you fall for the sake of a child, is it really a “fall”? Lets learn and NOT repeat what we did for decades to intersex children by lying and forcing “societal norms”, lets not repeat the cycle with innocent IVF children and expect a different outcome. Let’s end the cycle of secrecy, lying and provide real meaning to the phrase, “best interest of the child”. As a society, let us not fall, let us rise with respect and truth.

Secrecy and stigma are the real cuplrits, lets overcome them with education and awareness while maintaining truth and respect for all.

I got it wrong – Plain and Simple with IVF

Are we ready to UNITE and not DIVIDE innocent IVF siblings and stop punishing them for crimes they did not commit?  There is a common theme between the story of an intersex spouse and an immigrant IVF father  in 2000s and a recent published memoir, Hard Choices, by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had this to say about her voting for the Iraq warhillary-clinton-iraq-war-ivf in 2002.

1) “I got it wrong. Plain and simple.”

Being a spouse in an intersex marriage is not wrong but it may be illegal, having a child through IVF is not wrong, being an immigrant is not wrong, being a primary care provider for your child as a father is not wrong, helping a fellow human being who happens to lie and break laws is wrong. I got it wrong as an intersex spouse, IVF father, immigrant. Plain and Simple.

2) “As the war dragged on, with every letter I sent to a family in New York who had lost a son or daughter, a father or mother, my mistake (became) more painful,” Clinton adds.

As the fraud marriage dragged on and more truth got revealed, I realized I had been lied to and that is not love under any circumstances. I had followed my heart like my family taught me and that is not wrong. With every day passing in abuse for me and my innocent child, my mistake became more painful not due to intersex, IVF, or being an immigrant but due to lies, secrecy and breaking the laws.

3) “I thought I had acted in good faith and made the best decision I could with the information I had. And I wasn’t alone in getting it wrong. But I still got it wrong. Plain and simple.”

I thought I had acted in good faith in helping a fellow human being who happens to be intersex, infertile and an immigrant. I did not realize the severe lack of laws for our situation. I did not realize that showing compassion and respect where the laws itself falls short was such a heinous crime that my innocent IVF children had to be punished for it. I did the best I could in being a spouse caregiver of intersex, a loving IVF father, a primary care provider for my child in silence and secrecy despite the lack of laws. But I still got it wrong because I trusted a person who lies and breaks laws like a common criminal. Plain and simple.

I never dreamt that my innocent IVF children would be used as human chatal and “property” in the war on fertility. I never dreamt that innocent, voiceless children would be made victims rather than being given equal rights as a human being. I never dreamt that being born IVF would be used as discrimination rather than as celebration.

Lying for the sake of your children should not become the weapon of choice for seasoned liars. What is better? To lie to save a life or to lie to take a life?

Lessons Learnt from Lack of Laws for Intersex, IVF, Immigration, Invisibility

Before anyone is a male or female, they are first a human being. Before anyone is a human being, if they have children, they are a parent. The point is abe-kind-to-unkind parent is willing to take abuse if it protects their child meaning giving up their own human rights. Too often issues are divided based on male Vs. female, right Vs. wrong, or based on race, or religion or sexual orientation, or rich Vs. poor or whatever is the new divisive flavor of the day. Individuals who are human beings live personal lives. Human beings live their lives as per emotions, however, lives are lived as per laws regardless of how archaic the laws may be. Sometime in the 21st century, there will be equal rights for intersex, immigrants, infertile, IVF. Till then what is it like to live in the 21st century with 20th century laws? Here are top lessons learnt from lack of laws for intersex, IVF, Immigration and Invisibility.

  1. Be kind to unkind people, they need it the most. Do not lie to your spouse especially if it places another human being at risk and victimizes them due to lack of laws. That is unkind. Being intersex, infertile, immigrant or invisible are separate issues. Fundamentally, any loving relationship – marriage or otherwise cannot be built on the foundation of lies – it affects the individual and everyone else around them.
  2. Be ruthlessly selfish – You will get what you want. As a law-abiding person, be very selfish meaning use the laws to your advantage but don’t be ruthless like splitting innocent siblings or abandoning one sibling to have another or alienating a child from his family. You may be able to look yourself in the mirror, you may be able to hoodwink the authorities and break laws relentlessly, but can you look into the innocent eyes of the victimized children?
  3. Male Chauvinistic Pig – Until the laws are changed, in some cases, it may be better to be a male chauvinistic pig in the best interest of your children. Anti-male laws may have good reasoning but when anti-male laws are used against innocent children because their only legal parent is a “male”, maybe it is better to be a male chauvinistic pig instead of showing compassion so at least the innocent children are saved.
  4. Fraud – While laws may not recognize intersex marriages, in time the laws will change to allow intersex marriages. However, fraud will still remain fraud. It is not that intersex marriage is wrong but fraud is wrong. The lack of laws in recognizing an intersex marriage affects and victimizes both spouses equally.
  5. Secrecy and Lies – One can lie and fraud to break the laws but how does it help others and the greater good?
  6. Do the Next – Dealing with infertility and intersex is a double whammy and very traumatic. Add the layer of immigration and invisibility only makes it more complicated and  traumatic. Whose human rights do you uphold? Person who lies and breaks the laws in secrecy OR person who wants to be free from the social and legal discrimination using truth? After living through intersex, IVF, immigration, it is the innocent child who wins – hands down and not a liar who breaks laws and places innocent children at risk and in legal limbo. Can you do the “next” and start living in the 21st century?
  7. Caregiving – Becoming a family caregiver is both a privilege and a balancing act. Doing it in secrecy is foolish. When anyone becomes a family caregiver, it shows they deeply love and care for a fellow human being. It comes with its own stress, issues, and balancing acts. When you are forced to do this in silence and secrecy, is it abuse? The abuse is the “secrecy and silence” part. Every human has the right to express freely including a caregiver.
  8. IVFHood – Its a minority neighborhood. Its a secretive neighborhood. There is lot of support available in 2014 than in 2003. If you gave up your life trying to have a child with someone who the laws do not support like an intersex, infertile, immigrant in the US, then NO ONE CARES if you did. Its a lonely neighborhood. Worse, your IVF children will be punished for being born in an intersex, immigrant family in 2000s as if its their crime. Your fertility used as a currency in the war on fertility against you and your innocent children.
  9. Legal System – It is non-existant when it comes to intersex, immigrant, IVF family in 2000s. Legally, we do not exist. If you confess to the truth, then the legal system has to deal based on prevailing laws and legally an intersex, immigrant, IVF family does not exist. So it is best to make them invisible, pretend they do not exist, suppress facts and split innocent IVF siblings – we are sure it is the BEST solution – more lies!
  10. Workarounds – People who are either naive or stupid offer options like asking the IVF father to adopt his own biological IVF child to “workaround” the limitations in current IVF laws. They fail to recognize how offensive this is. Its kinda like asking a man of color in 1800 that if they don’t like being a slave, why don’t they just change the color of their skin? Slavery was legal in 1800 but the discriminatory laws did not stand the test of time. It would be better for the person of color to fight on the right side of history and NOT change the color of their skin just to “workaround” the prevailing laws. Or maybe telling a woman of the suffrage woman of the early 1900s to just become a man to get equal rights. Similarly for an IVF father in 2014, it is better to stay on the right side of history and get the facts out and ask for their rights and their innocent IVF children’s rights rather than submit to the persecution and threats of a failed judicial system. It will definitely stand the test of time and more importantly, the biggest jury for an abused IVF father are his innocent IVF children – what do they think?

Resolve to Know More…

This week happens to be the National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). In the spirit of helping myself, my IVF children and others who have IVF 2014-niaw-resolve-to-knowchildren or are planning to build a family either through adoption or fertility treatment, we write this blog.

Dealing with infertility has several aspects – emotional, financial, legal, and of course the biological aspect. There are infertile couples and there are dysfertile people or couples like a gay, lesbian couple or a single person wanting to be a parent. Individually they are able to have a child biologically but need assistance of either a donor and/or surrogate to completely build out their family. Here are top 10 reasons to RESOLVE in dealing with fertility issues.

  1. Having a child is a human right –  learn it, accept it. Everyone has the right to try to have a child. Sometimes we may not be as blessed or lucky to have a child then we have to learn to accept it. The pain stays but learn to manage the pain. Pace yourself and don’t let anyone tell you whether you should have a child or not – thats your decision.
  2. Secrecy and stigma are the biggest culprits. Help yourself over this and help others over this because change only happens when you change yourself.
  3. Advocacy – The intent is to spread awareness and educate everyone. While awareness of fertility issues is on the rise, number of people affected by fertility issues is still a minority even though a sizeable one. So it is important to advocate every welcome opportunity you get so that we can get more support even from unaffected voters because that’s how democracy works.
  4. Support – You will be surprised to know how many people have to deal with fertility issues either directly or indirectly through a close family member or friend. Once you are comfortable in speaking out, you will have lot of support. You can also be a support person for someone else.  You may build great friendships as a result regardless of whether you have a child or not.
  5. Financial Support – While fertility treatments are costly, hopefully through advocacy and laws we can get more assistance from health care providers to cover costs. In the meantime, just like planning a monthly budget, plan your financial resources adequately to meet the costs. Do not run yourself dry or get wrapped up in the single theme of having a child at any cost. Having a healthy life is equally important.
  6. Legal Support – Laws are still evolving on this subject. Each case is considered differently based on your jurisdiction and the kind of treatment sought. Be very precise and accurate about your situation and the applicable laws. For example, what may have worked for one person in Massachusetts, the same outcome may not be possible in Texas.
  7. International Laws – If you plan to have an IVF child abroad, the US laws require a “genetic link” between US parent and the IVF child. If you are infertile that means legally you cannot bring a child back to the US legally. Understand your options very clearly before embarking on this journey. The only thing WORSE than not having a child is the trauma of having an IVF child abroad but not being able to bring the IVF child back to the US due to lack of laws.
  8. Child options – Whether you plan to have a child through adoption or through fertility treatments, always follow the laws. While the journey of having a child is entrenched in emotions and compassion of others, the laws are not based on emotions. And our lives are ruled by laws. While an adult can fool the laws for the sake of the child, having faulty documentation for a child can create legal issues for the innocent child in the future.
  9. Rare condition – There is no condition nor situation which is extremely rare. There is always someone who is rarer, you just have not met them or they have not met you. In the community of fertility issues, you will come across many “rare conditions” and see the courage and strength of people to overcome. That is the biggest lesson – to learn from others regardless whether you have a child or not.
  10. Humanity – Anyone who is dealing with fertility issues is inherently a good human. It works because of compassion for a fellow human being – be it adoption or donor or surrogate. And this is the best gift that you can give a fellow human being. So let us celebrate the humanity and the good in the people as we deal with fertility issues.

IVF is the new Black, new Gay, new Orange

IVF is the new black and/or gay. If the gay rights struggle of the past several decades is a sign, then IVF fathers have a long way to go. More importantly, IVF children of IVF fathers haveivf-is-the-new-black-gay a long way to go to achieve equal rights. If it were 1794 and it was suggested to a person that if they don’t like being a slave, they should change the color of their skin. Instead of changing the color of the skin,  it is better to be on the right side of history and change the laws. It is the same for innocent IVF children and families in 2014 and before. Instead of “accomodating” to the anti-IVF laws of today, let us get on the right side of history and get equal rights for IVF children and families. Mr. Rubin “Hurricane” Carter and may his soul rest in peace who fought racism for freedom and justice is a hero and a guiding light in the fight for IVF rights for freedom and justice. Just like gays, being ostracized, covering feelings, having to live with secrets, lies, being ridiculed for speaking up, loss of dignity, split from IVF children like a gay father would be, persecuted if asking for rights, so on and etc. In some countries in the world, you are hanged if you proclaim you are gay. If you are an IVF parent in the US, you may have to live in exile because your IVF child is not welcome to the US. The worst feeling as a parent is your status whether straight, gay, single, gender or otherwise is used against your innocent IVF children – for this any parent would speak up. If a woman has children through IVF, would her innocent IVF children be SPLIT because of her gender, infertility, immigration status, etc OR would the innocent, voiceless IVF children be united and be allowed to grow up together as intended? All we need is to look into the eyes of our innocent abandoned IVF daughter and our abducted IVF son who can’t see his sister despite his wishes and we know it is the right fight. The war on fertility creates innocent victims and kids are humans with their own human rights.

It is traumatic enough to go through an IVF journey, each one is unique in its own way regardless whether you are a man or woman. To go through two such IVF journeys in secrecy and lies eventually SPLITTING the innocent IVF siblings is worse than a nightmare. It is an IVF holocaust. There are people in this world who believe that the holocaust never happened but that would be hateful and denying the facts. Worse it gives no closure to victims and continues to further victimize the innocent victims more and their families. Most people are not affected by IVF, even the ones who are not fully well aware of the risks and the lack of laws for IVF, that does not mean the IVF holocaust did not occur. Ignorance is one thing but once you have been notified of the facts including victimization of innocent children, we have to take action as a civilized society including equal rights for IVF children and families. Waterboarding the rights of innocent IVF children by suppressing the facts and drowning them out is still torture for IVF families.

It is one thing to be a silent victim of violence, abuse, fraud, financial loss, emotional torture, legal nightmares, lack of justice but the result of silence to have been used to SPLIT innocent IVF siblings is far too traumatic and unjust. If gay fathers can tell their children about them being gay then why can’t IVF fathers tell their IVF child about IVF? Why should a court ban an IVF father from telling his IVF son the truth – is the court afraid of the truth? The fact is we are in an intersex marriage. If intersex people have specific concerns with current lack of laws, what concerns do intersex marriages have? The fact is there is an intersex marriage, there is an IVF child as a result. If the laws and courts are not equipped to deal with such human rights issues, is the best solution to suppress the facts, SPLIT the innocent IVF siblings and persecute the IVF father? What is so terrible in sharing with your children that one must respect all, once married, show love to the person by caring even if it breaks the laws? However, abandoning innocent children is a crime today and will remain a crime forever. Intersex marriages will become legal in future, intersex immigration will become legal future, equal rights for IVF children and families will become a reality in the future but even then abandoning IVF children will continue to remain a crime.

Disrespecting the basic human dignity and respect of IVF children is a cause to speak up. If the IVF siblings had not been deliberately SPLIT up, abuse under silence may have continued. Today speaking up as an IVF parent, one gets ridiculed, ostracized. Speaking up for equal rights for intersex, same treatment. What part of the discrimination against intersex, immigrant, IVF haven’t we endured? Much like gay rights, the struggle is long but is the right struggle because NO child or parent ever should be split due to discriminatory laws or lack of laws.

Effects of Secrecy and Lies

There are long ranging effects of secrecy and lies especially ones that breaks the laws. Gandhiji was proud to call himself as the “God’s Eunuch for the nation” and it is fitting that 67 years after independence that Gandhiji fought for, the Indian Supreme Court has given rights to Eunuchs. It is good to see the progress for the third gender when Indian secrecy-lies-closet-ivfSupreme Court recognized the rights of the “third gender”. This proves two things – 1) Third gender exists and its not a myth and its just a matter of time before others also follow like the US, UK, etc. (2) The rights of third gender did not exist before now and when will there be rights for spouse and innocent children of a third gender marriage who are equally affected by the lack of laws. What about the rights of a spouse and innocent children of a third gender marriage? Is the lack of laws adversely affecting the individual who third gender and also the spouse and children of a third gender marriage? What if a spouse and children have given the human rights to a third gender person which the court has only done now, do the spouse and children also have human rights and who protects them? An individual can be a great parent while they may be the worst criminal – two roles, same individual. Ariel Castro, the infamous father who apparently was a great parent but had abducted and tortured innocent girls including some knew his own children. No one could believe that Ariel Castro was the same person as depicted in the news or as facts started pouring out. A life of secrecy and lies is very troubling for anyone. It is one thing to abuse an adult but to abuse an innocent child leaving them in legal limbo is whole another issue and the truth has to come out to get justice for innocent children. If a mother stays silent through the abuse, is the best solution to split her children because she failed to report the abuse? Is that creating more victims and punishing the innocent? At the end of the day, parent-child relationship is a matter of heart between two individuals and not what the law or court thinks. US laws do not recognize parents of IVF children who do not have a genetic link as parents, does that mean its true?

If one has lied about their marriage, then how can they ask for justice when they wake up?  If one has lied about their child having been born naturally when in fact it is through IVF, how can one ask for justice when they wake up? If one has stayed silent about their second IVF child and when that child gets abandoned, how can one ask for rights of the innocent abandoned child? If one has stayed silent through the abuse, criminal acts, breaking the laws, then how can one expect justice when they wake up? If a rape victim or a sexual abuse victim reports the facts after years of trauma and abuse, does that mean it didn’t occur even if statute of limitations may have passed? The effects of secrecy and lying are long-term and they stay with the victim forever. No amount of apologies even from a Pope may be enough. Acceptance of facts is the FIRST thing because first there was the crime which followed by years of denial and persecution of victims. Victims of white collar crime like victims of Bernie Madoff or other fraud victims or victims of sexual abuse from clergy are same as victims of an international, intersex, immigrant, IVF fraud. There is no objection to intersex or immigrant or IVF, it happens that this triple whammy has no laws and when someone frauds innocent IVF siblings of growing up together, the facts have to be stated for two main reasons – 1) Change the laws so other immigrant, or IVF, or intersex families don’t have to use secrecy and lies and victimize innocents. (2) Two innocent IVF siblings deserve better than being punished in legal limbo for crimes they did not commit.

Lying about an intersex marriage as an heterosexual marriage is ignoring the facts, especially when intersex marriages are illegal but heterosexual marriages are not. An illegal marriage affects both spouses – intersex spouse and the non-intersex spouse.  Further, other intersex people still cannot legally marry if they want to be honest. A life of dishonesty leads to other issues including adversely creating innocent victims out of others.

Calling an intersex surgery as “removal of ovaries” is ignoring the facts, especially when other intersex people have to move court to get the same surgery done while if one lies, they get away with it including the insurance fraud since insurance does not cover such surgeries.

If one were honest about an intersex surgery, it would have allowed to know that it is torture and very traumatic and as per the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture, it should be stopped. However, it requires one to be honest first. There is no doubt it is torturous being a first-hand witness as a spouse caregiver of intersex, what is it for the spouse and child of an intersex marriage recovering from intersex surgery in silence?

Infertile people in the US cannot legally bring a child born outside the US without a “genetic link”, so they may “marry fraudulently with a fertile person” or steal a child or kidnap a child or abandon one IVF child in a foreign land while abducting their IVF Sibling in another country. Isn’t it better to ask for equal rights instead? Why victimize and punish innocent children? Why be an Ariel Castro?

A life of lies cannot be lived forever. A life of white collar crimes cannot be lived forever. A life of alienating innocent siblings cannot be lived forever. It is time for change but with honesty. Giving human rights to others in the privacy of your own four walls is not advisable especially when intersex people lack basic human rights like marriage rights, fertility rights, immigration rights, etc. Instead we continue our struggle to give the same human rights to all but do it so publicly because that’s how our society works.  Don’t try this at home, kids! seriously or the biggest victims will be your innocent, voiceless kids.

IVF Lessons from Glenn Ford Exoneration

In a recent story about an innocent man, Mr. Glenn Ford, being exonerated brings both joy and frustration. The frustration is multiple fold that andna-exoneration-ivf innocent human was continually victimized. The joy is two fold – an innocent victim finally gets the freedom he deserves and second the silver lining that the US court has the strength and courage to admit its mistake and give credibility to an honest justice system based on facts. Mr. Jonathan Fleming also was exonerated for a wrongful conviction after 25 lost years.
“Glenn Ford is living proof of just how flawed our justice system truly is. We are moved that Mr. Ford, an African-American man convicted by an all-white jury, will be able to leave death row a survivor.”
“Vedant was split from his primary care provider, his father AND his sister he wanted because the comradrie involved were clueless about intersex, immigrant, IVF issues and laws. Maulik, a non-white and the father has survived abuse and torture but will Vedant and Medhavi get an opportunity to grow up together as intended or will they be punished for their IVF father’s gender?” If the same two children had been born to an IVF mother, would they have been split, then why the discrimination against the innocent IVF children?
What are the similarities of injustice and lack of due process?
1) While Mr. Ford spent over 30 years in prison for crimes he did not commit, there is no way an immigrant, IVF father can compare their situation other than respect for Mr. Ford. Mr. Ford was on death row while Maulik’s life is saved due to the love and support of family when placed into the most heinous situation.
2) The first comment Mr. Ford made after being freed is “he missed out on his son’s growing up“. Same here…we are missing out on Vedant growing up AND above all, we are missing Vedant on missing out growing up with Medhavi – a sibling he wanted –  we are just the messengers.
3) DNA evidence exonerated Mr. Ford, DNA evidence would also exonerate Vedant and Maulik. US laws require a DNA test for children born outside US, why were these rules not followed and now that it has been brought to the attention of the appropriate authorities, why is their refusal/denial to conduct the DNA tests  as required by US laws? A simple test would offer a chance to not one but TWO innocent childhoods to grow up together as intended.
4) The lawyers for Mr. Ford argued that “his trial was compromised by the unconstitutional suppression of evidence and by inexperienced counsel“. Ditto, same here. The difference is we NEVER got “due process” or a trial in court and implicitly neither did the innocent children get “due process”. All we received was intimidation like the false criminal charges of child abuse and contempt of court. Everything was done underhandedly either deliberately or being inexperienced in dealing with the complexity of an intersex, IVF, immigrant, international case in a Texas court. Regardless, has justice been served to Vedant and Medhavi – the real innocent victims wrongfully convicted to grow up separately? or do we have to wait 30 more years? No shots were fired but two innocent childhoods have been murdered because an infertile person who happens to lie and break laws must have a child. Maulik was the primary care provider for Vedant because the spouse was under medical treatment (something that the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has since called for a STOP), have Vedant’s feelings due to this close bond with his primary care provider (Maulik) been upheld or has the truth been shoved under the carpet? If “due process” was allowed, all the facts would have been submitted to the court. Without “due process”, there is no fair justice – it is single-sided much like it was for Mr. Ford and previously for the “Scottsboro boys”. The difference is the biggest innocent victims here are voiceless children.
5) The silver lining for here is the fact that a US court has the courage to accept its mistake and make it “right” even if after 30 years instead of shoving the truth under the carpet and create more innocent victims.
6) The issues we are dealing with are too new for 2000s. In the future when equal intersex rights exist, equal IVF children and family rights exist, equal immigration rights exist, abandoning children like Medhavi will still remain a crime regardless of “jurisdictions”. For its a crime against the humanity of the innocent IVF child. If innocent children in Thailand or Afghanistan can get justice from a US court for actions committed by US persons without the children ever setting foot on US soil, I am sure Medhavi deserves justice too. It may not be the Texas court we are in or maybe it is but will continue to find that court where Medhavi gets justice because she and other IVF children like her do not deserve this abusive and heinous treatment.
7) The crux of the case is abandoning a child and splitting siblings. If the two children were growing up together, would we have spoken up? If Medhavi were not abandoned and had the divorce been filed AFTER getting Medhavi to the US, could one have got custody of Vedant given the legality of marriage in question both in India and US, no biological link to children, and Maulik would have been a US Citizen by then while the spouse would still be a green card holder obtained via marriage whose validity itself is in question. Would she have been thrown out of the US for immigration fraud? No one will ever know, however, we do have a living breathing human life in Medhavi who deserves basic human dignity and respect and NOT to be used as a tool to secure her brother. Medhavi deserves justice and until her perpetrators and co-conspirators are roaming freely, it is not safe for us.  Medhavi has been used as leverage by an infertile person who happens to lie and her co-conspirators. We are simply picking up the pieces and trying to survive. What possible calamity had come upon the spouse to not come to India when Medhavi was born? Or was it pre-planned? 
8) In another case, a US Citizen IVF mother is NOT residing in the US with her now US Citizen IVF children (after waiting for 4.5 years). Again giving a ray of hope. So it is possible to live freely – the court needs to understand the facts first. If Maulik were a woman and was an IVF mother, would the IVF children – Vedant and Medhavi have been split? You may not want to accept it but this is a clear case of gender discrimination which is actually punishing innocent children. Gay fathers, single fathers, intersex fathers, IVF parents (mothers and fathers), we stand united.
9) The real issue is not whether Vedant is a US Citizen or not. The real issue is it has been 1635 days and counting since the siblings were deliberately and pre-meditatively SPLIT. As an immigrant, IVF father in 2000s, we are doing something about it and upholding Vedant’s wishes and rights. What has the other party done about uniting the brother and sister – if not for her sake then for sake of Vedant whom she claims to love dearly? What has the US government done in upholding Vedant’s rights if they claim he is a US Citizen? The US government does have a “humanitarian parole” at its disposal to make “exceptions”, why has the US Government not exercised humanitarian parole in the case of Medhavi? I cannot think of a better case to utilize the humanitarian issue. The Texas Court is part of the “US Government”. There is a shared responsibility here and we have to put the children’s best interest first…have other parties done that?
10) Maybe as IVF parents and children it is about time to question the system in a civilized, dignified and humble way? We need an option that preserves our basic human dignity and respect instead of further victimizing us. Suppose that one has been drinking the Kool-Aid too long, we know we did. The US is the “go-to” country when it comes to upholding human rights but in our rarest of the rare cases, it falls short. It is the ability of the US to accept the truth and move forward with leadership while setting an example for others, this is the slice where we lay hope for innocent IVF children and families. An IVF father has to be more patient than an IVF mother, a fellow IVF mother was patient for 4.5 years, Maulik has been patient for 4.6 years and counting, lets see how many more? They certainly cannot hold Vedant captive beyond his 18 years of age and truth will be known – perhaps there may even be new and equal laws by then which would prevent such heinous situations from occurring proving that we are on the right path and on the right side of history. Maulik always has been about upholding human rights – first with an intersex spouse and lack of rights both in India and the US and now IVF children and families.
All we ask is justice for innocent, voiceless IVF children. It may hurt the ego but it is about doing the right thing for the innocent children, it is not about us adults.

How to Steal an IVF Child?

Its 2009. Its been 31 years since IVF was invented but we still lack laws where laws have simply not caught up with technology, for how long this must continue? Are there innocent victims? Its considered a boon for people with fertility issues. The way nature works is you need sperm, egg andit-could-have-been-you a womb to have a child – pure science, no offense. What if you have neither? A straight married couple may have egg, sperm and womb or have a fertility issue with any one or more of the needed things. A lesbian couple may just need the sperm much like a single mother wanna be. A gay couple would need both an egg and a womb like a single father wanna be. An intersex person would need all three – egg, womb and sperm. So if you are intersex in the 2000s where there are no equal rights for intersex or infertile people, do you break the laws and steal a child or do you change the laws? What about the innocent child, what do they want or that does not matter? The child’s best interest is the least of anyone’s concern, right?

Anyone who believes no CRIME has been committed should have the strength and courage to say that while looking into my IVF daughter innocent big brown eyes. The US usually is the “go-to” country in the world when it comes to upholding truth, human rights and justice. In this rarest of rarest cases, it has fell short because someone decided to manipulate the legal system for their selfish advantage. Is there room for correction in the best interest of the children before their TWO lovely innocent childhoods expire?

Wrongful conviction and lost decades can never be restored or replaced by any number of apologies. Lost innocent childhoods – not one but two cannot be restored. Infertility is very traumatic but to continue that trauma onto innocent IVF children is far worse. No number of apologies can replace or restore the lost childhoods, the hugs, the kisses, the fights, the anger, the frustration, the love, the everlasting bond, the bond that will exist long after their parents are gone from this world. It is about the innocent kids, right? Or is it about our ego? Surely there must be a better way to get a child like maybe asking for change in laws so that “a genetic link” is not required. If the laws were equal or neutral, however you want to see it, my two lovely, beautiful innocent IVF children would not have been SPLIT and wrongfully convicted of growing up separately. Because an infertile person then would not have the need to lie, cheat, fraud, break the laws, instead just be treated equally and so they would also treat other people including innocent children equally. The root cause is lack of laws, lack of equality so lets fix that so such heinous issues NEVER occur again. Banning IVF, banning immigration, banning intersex marriages, banning whatever is not the answer, accepting the facts and truth and moving forward is the right answer.

What if you are intersex and while it is traumatic, is there any trauma for a spouse and children of an intersex marriage? Is there an “I” in infertility when dealing with it during a marriage? Legally, intersex marriages are not recognized so there cannot be a “child of the marriage”. Plus as per laws, an IVF child is considered as “child born out of wedlock” as if it were an infidelity. Biologically you are infertile, meaning cannot have a genetic link with any child despite the facts that you have fraudulent documents to show otherwise and despite the fact that the laws require a “genetic link” to be proven by DNA. So how does an infertile US person get a child where laws require a genetic link?

Step 1 : Have one child through IVF and lie, cheat, fraud, abuse, torture, break the laws, become a criminal to “must-have” an innocent IVF child.

Step 2 : Force the spouse to lie, live in secrecy, abuse under threats and not report on the crimes and abuse while pretending everything is normal.

Step 3 : When the fraud marriage falls apart, not because of intersex, not because of IVF, but because of lies, secrecy, abuse, silence, threats, fraud, the fear of losing a child sets in. The fact that laws require a “genetic link” between a parent and child sets in. How will one get a child?

Step 4 : Being an intelligent person, come up with a heinous and pre-meditated plan to SPLIT innocent children. Create a DECOY by consenting for a second IVF child with NO intent of ever bringing the second child over.

Step 5 : The laws are different for different people or known as discrimination. Through savagery and intelligent lawyering and legal manouevering use the anti-IVF laws against innocent IVF children. As per laws, an immigrant father can only bring a child born outside the US along with the “mother” while an immigrant mother does not need a “father” to bring a child. Why this discrimination and more importantly, this takes special relevance in IVF cases. A DNA test assuring a “genetic link” is needed in either case to rule out any maternity or paternity fraud.  The US government will definitely catch up but in the meantime people are taking undue advantage and placing innocent children’s lives at risk in the thirst to have a child at any cost.

Step 6 : File for divorce in the US without declaring the ongoing IVF pregnancy in India, never come to India when the IVF child is born thus leaving the innocent IVF child stranded as per laws an immigrant IVF father cannot bring a child born outside the US  by himself – his gender gets in the way much like how gay fathers or single fathers would feel.

Step 7 : The innocent IVF father is tugged in both directions and is placed in a heinous position that no parent should ever have to face – choose a child much like Sophie’s Choice – the Nazi Holocaust movie. The IVF father runs to the infant daughter and therefore the facts are not stated in the US court and NO DUE PROCESS is afforded to either the IVF father or his IVF children. It is lucky to have survived and be alive thanks to the love and support of a family.

Step 8 : Alienate, brainwash the innocent IVF son in the US while his loving IVF father is living in exile in India raising his IVF sister. The other option is to ALSO abandon the IVF daughter at an orphanage and continue to live in the US and enjoy raising his IVF son. How can you be a good role model to your son – teach him to lie, cheat, fraud, break the laws, violate others human rights or when inequality exists do you petition the government for change in laws with truth, facts, compassion and love for fellow human beings?

When an IVF parent speaks up, they are not the only ones who are victimized, there are others too. The issues of rights of IVF children are separate than rights of IVF parents. In the future, there will be equal intersex rights, equal IVF children and family rights, equal immigration rights BUT abandoning an innocent child will still be a CRIME.

Have a child, love a child but surely there must be better ways than to SPLIT the child from his siblings and loving family or NOT getting him into legal limbo? What does the innocent child WANT? Does he have rights? Does the abandoned IVF child have rights? Who pays the commercial surrogate when an intended parent abandons the surrogacy? What are the rights of the surrogate?

What’s Next – Human Cloning for Personal Benefit?

IVF is very much a bioethics issue. If a person needs a heart or liver or kidney, will they just create a clone, rip out the needed organ from the clone and leave the clone to its situation. It is true that a clone also needs a heart or kidney or liver to survive and live or where they just a “spare parts factory” made alive by the awesome invention of technology? Does the clone have rights as a human being?

If an infertile person needs a child, can they just have an IVF child through donor DNA and surrogate womb, decide to change their mind and not want the IVF child and just abandon the IVF child with no responsibility or accountability either for the innocent IVF child OR the surrogate. Does the IVF child have any rights as a human being once born or where they just a “baby factory” brought to life by the awesome invention of technology? What about the right of the surrogate?

With any technology, we need checks and balance. Do we have the appropriate checks and balance to protect the rights of innocent IVF children and families including donors and surrogates? Are we asking the right questions?