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The Father’s Day I Was Forced to Miss

Every IVF journey is unique in its own way. Regardless of the fertility issues, the wanting to have a child is common to being a human not whether youfathers-day-ivf are fertile or infertile or married or unmarried or male or female. That’s why our society allows heterosexuals, singles, married, gays, lesbians and whatever other segmentation to be loving parents. Good parenting is based on being a good human being and not your gender or your sexual orientation or you immigration status. For any IVF parent – whether they are successful or not with an IVF child, wanting to have a child is innate and tugs at every emotion that a human is known to have. Then why can’t an IVF father celebrate Father’s Day on becoming a happy father? The Father’s Day I NEVER had.

It was ten years ago, my first child was born through IVF, a lovely son. He was born a few days ahead of Father’s day that year BUT I could not celebrate and jump with joy for my child because the SECRET might be out that my spouse is infertile. I was forced to miss my First Father’s Day. Today, the lies have caught up because my innocent IVF children are paying the price for it and it is time to speak up for their sake. Due to my spouse’s infertility and respecting that, I am the biological father and with help of compassionate egg donor and surrogate, we were blessed with a lovely IVF son. But the IVF was a secret and we could not tell anyone because the infertile spouse did not want to reveal to anyone about the infertility. To the select few, we could talk about surrogacy but under NO circumstances we could reveal that there was NO BIOLOGICAL LINK between the infertile spouse and the IVF child because god forbid, what if people find out the truth? Of course, due to the LIES, not only the innocent child got placed in LEGAL LIMBO but ended up disrespecting the compassion of the egg donor and surrogate for not giving them due credit. As the saying goes, when you live with a criminal who breaks laws, you pick up bad habits. Having a child through IVF is not a bad habit, LYING and continuing to LIE is the bad habit. Infertility is NOT bad, it is natural. How one deals with infertility is what is bad like secrecy and lies for personal advantage.

  • Can an IVF father be allowed to celebrate his child’s birth?
  • Can an IVF father be allowed to share his emotions from a traumatic IVF journey?
  • Can an IVF father be allowed to enjoy the company of all his IVF children as he wanted?
  • Should the innocent children of an IVF father be discriminated because of the gender of their father?
  • Is infertility so traumatic that the ONLY way to solve it is by SPLITTING innocent IVF siblings?
  • Is infertility so traumatic that the ONLY way to solve it is by alienating an IVF father from his lovely son and vice versa?
  • As a fertile IVF father, I have STARED infertility in its face. I know infertility. I have tried to defeat infertility. I know the trauma. I know the emotions. I know the lack of laws. I know that it is the LOVE and CHARACTER of a parent that counts and NOT the gender or genetic link of a parent with a child like the laws demand.
  • IVF is meant to help with infertility. Regardless of the trauma of infertility, what is happening to innocent IVF children who are siblings is far MORE traumatic. I am their IVF father and I intend to protect my IVF children and get them their rights. This fight is NO different than slavery, women suffrage, Brown Vs. Board of education, civil rights, gay rights, transgender rights, and now IVF rights. Personally I believe that over the history, every social struggle has needed a catalyst like Rosa Parks. Who is the Rosa Parks for IVF? Who is the Harvey Milk for IVF? Who is the Laverne Cox for IVF?

A shout out to all fathers – IVF, white, black, brown, blue, maroon, single, married, divorced, straight, gay, intersex, otherwise – Have a Happy Father’s Day and may you NEVER be forced to MISS a father’s day.

As another year goes by and with tears in my eyes as I get cake and card for my alienated son on father’s day and his birthday (they happen to be very close, if you recall), I wonder why should a brother be SPLIT from his sister, why should a son be separated from his IVF parent and what did all the lies achieve? Divorces are not new, they happen. But should the “best interest of the child” be maintained in any divorce? Should innocent IVF children be placed in legal limbo due to divorce? Should innocent IVF siblings be SPLIT? Should innocent IVF children be abandoned with no recourse for justice? If you consent to IVF, you are responsible for welfare of the IVF child – simple. Not the donor, not the surrogate, not the IVF clinic, not the orphanage where the innocent IVF child may end up, but the consenting IVF parent has to be held accountable and responsible. Its a new century and the crimes are new, have the laws caught up yet for IVF children and families?

 

Resolve to Know More…

This week happens to be the National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). In the spirit of helping myself, my IVF children and others who have IVF 2014-niaw-resolve-to-knowchildren or are planning to build a family either through adoption or fertility treatment, we write this blog.

Dealing with infertility has several aspects – emotional, financial, legal, and of course the biological aspect. There are infertile couples and there are dysfertile people or couples like a gay, lesbian couple or a single person wanting to be a parent. Individually they are able to have a child biologically but need assistance of either a donor and/or surrogate to completely build out their family. Here are top 10 reasons to RESOLVE in dealing with fertility issues.

  1. Having a child is a human right –  learn it, accept it. Everyone has the right to try to have a child. Sometimes we may not be as blessed or lucky to have a child then we have to learn to accept it. The pain stays but learn to manage the pain. Pace yourself and don’t let anyone tell you whether you should have a child or not – thats your decision.
  2. Secrecy and stigma are the biggest culprits. Help yourself over this and help others over this because change only happens when you change yourself.
  3. Advocacy – The intent is to spread awareness and educate everyone. While awareness of fertility issues is on the rise, number of people affected by fertility issues is still a minority even though a sizeable one. So it is important to advocate every welcome opportunity you get so that we can get more support even from unaffected voters because that’s how democracy works.
  4. Support – You will be surprised to know how many people have to deal with fertility issues either directly or indirectly through a close family member or friend. Once you are comfortable in speaking out, you will have lot of support. You can also be a support person for someone else.  You may build great friendships as a result regardless of whether you have a child or not.
  5. Financial Support – While fertility treatments are costly, hopefully through advocacy and laws we can get more assistance from health care providers to cover costs. In the meantime, just like planning a monthly budget, plan your financial resources adequately to meet the costs. Do not run yourself dry or get wrapped up in the single theme of having a child at any cost. Having a healthy life is equally important.
  6. Legal Support – Laws are still evolving on this subject. Each case is considered differently based on your jurisdiction and the kind of treatment sought. Be very precise and accurate about your situation and the applicable laws. For example, what may have worked for one person in Massachusetts, the same outcome may not be possible in Texas.
  7. International Laws – If you plan to have an IVF child abroad, the US laws require a “genetic link” between US parent and the IVF child. If you are infertile that means legally you cannot bring a child back to the US legally. Understand your options very clearly before embarking on this journey. The only thing WORSE than not having a child is the trauma of having an IVF child abroad but not being able to bring the IVF child back to the US due to lack of laws.
  8. Child options – Whether you plan to have a child through adoption or through fertility treatments, always follow the laws. While the journey of having a child is entrenched in emotions and compassion of others, the laws are not based on emotions. And our lives are ruled by laws. While an adult can fool the laws for the sake of the child, having faulty documentation for a child can create legal issues for the innocent child in the future.
  9. Rare condition – There is no condition nor situation which is extremely rare. There is always someone who is rarer, you just have not met them or they have not met you. In the community of fertility issues, you will come across many “rare conditions” and see the courage and strength of people to overcome. That is the biggest lesson – to learn from others regardless whether you have a child or not.
  10. Humanity – Anyone who is dealing with fertility issues is inherently a good human. It works because of compassion for a fellow human being – be it adoption or donor or surrogate. And this is the best gift that you can give a fellow human being. So let us celebrate the humanity and the good in the people as we deal with fertility issues.

Attempted Death of an IVF Parent and his IVF Children

Imagine being at the top of a waterfall, the scenic beauty, the flowing water and the radiant top of the world feel. Imagine being on theivf-saving-children banks holding your 5 year old kid’s hand and talking to him about his little sister. Just then a tsunami strikes and you are in the water with one hand holding your son’s hand who is on the river bank and in your other hand you have his new born sister who is facing downstream towards the waterfall. What would you do? If you let go off the infant, it’s guaranteed death either by drowning or the fall when she hits the waterfall. On the other side, if you try to save the infant you have to let go of the hand you are holding your son with. The water is rushing, it’s a tsunami, you have to think fast, not much time, what will you do? Save the infant or save the 5 year old – you are a parent to both children and love them equally?  Or take the plunge down the waterfall with the infant and give her a fighting chance to survive or die trying to save her. You could just let go off the infant and save your 5 year old and have another child.  What would you do? Oh yeah, the infant happens to be the sibling that your son wants.  So if you let her go, what will you answer your son? As a fellow American, the question to ask the soul of America is does the US condone behavior where US persons give consent to have an IVF child abroad through a donor and surrogate and later abandon the IVF child with no responsibility or accountability towards the innocent IVF child or the surrogate? If they had done the same in the US, would the US legal system have prosecuted them and at the very least made them accountable for the welfare of the child? Are the needs of an IVF child just the same as other children to grow, develop and prosper? Then why is there discrimination? What’s next – illegal human cloning to get a heart or other organ a person wants regardless of what happens to the clone once the heart is salvaged? Do other people including innocent children have rights? The worst is that innocent, voiceless children are the victims and being discriminated. No parent, IVF or otherwise, mother or father, wants that for their child. Time will tell whether saving an infant from drowning at a waterfall or allowing them to die is a better choice? It is a choice that no parent should ever have to make – IVF or otherwise, mother or father, fertile or infertile, immigrant or citizen, human or not. As a parent, is it better to die OR to survive and be able tell the truth so that no more innocent, voiceless victims suffer? Maybe the plan was for the IVF parent to die either from trauma or by suicide so no legal challengers exist. But he survived, his daughter survived, the sister survived, the brother survived and now its time to UNITE the innocent IVF brother and sister and NEVER have innocent IVF children be used as leverage or “tools” in the war on fertility. Most people when they approach a river, they admire it’s beauty. If its a fast downhill river with white water rapids, they admire that or if it’s a slow river, they admire the calm and serenity. Either way they admire it from the outside, perhaps take a few pictures for memories and go on. Most people do not step into the river to see the depth or is the bottom rocky or muddy or does it have vegetation, shrubs, plants, snakes, reptiles, etc. underneath the water. Even if they get knee deep, it’s not deep enough. For that, one needs to put their face inside the water to see what’s really going on. And that’s how one has to deal with the world of being an intersex, immigrant, IVF family. If you do the deeds, you will know the needs. The bigger question for humanity is do innocent children have their own human rights OR are they property of adults? Does an innocent brother have a right to grow up with his sister and vice versa? Do innocent children who have been used as chattel, leverage, tools, abandoned for personal ulterior motives have rights as a human being and do they deserve basic human dignity and respect?

Bridging the Gap Between Morals, Ethics, Laws in IVF

Is there a difference between morals, ethics and laws? Or maybe the better question to ask is there a difference between immorality, unethical and ethics-morals-laws-ivfillegal? In most situations, everyone knows this happens and people are willing to let it slide. Maybe you saw someone misbehave with a lady and you let it slide or some people may not consider infidelity as unethical or immoral and it certainly is legal. While as adults we may let things slide as “none of my business” or “to each their own” or “I must do something”, as parents we have to ACT and teach our children the difference between right and wrong, the difference between morals, ethics, and laws. When it comes to children, should all three be the SAME? Or is that what the intent is for parents? Or should there be a “GAP” between morals, ethics, laws when raising good children – our future?

Historically, the morality gauge of a society changes first, then ethics, and finally the laws. Like over time people accepted gay rights to where there are laws. In the modern times it has taken a few decades for this. When will it be time to have social acceptance and equal laws for IVF children and families?

As per laws, a genetic link is required between a US parent and a child born outside the US. Therefore, an infertile US person cannot get a child (like an IVF child) born outside the US legally into the US. That would be breaking the law and is illegal. While finding someone who IS fertile, have an IVF child, get the IVF child into the US and then dump the fertile parent and alienating the innocent child from the biological parent is OK for the child? Is that immoral and illegal? Or what if a lawyer who helps an infertile immigrant pull this conspiracy off by abandoning an innocent IVF child in India who is the sibling of the child (that he wanted) the infertile person claims to love. Is that unethical, immoral and illegal from the IVF children’s perspective? A lawyer may have been “ethical” to their client but what about the fact that they helped in abandoning an IVF child and making them “legally invisible”? If a lawyer finds out their client has broken the law and especially where the welfare of a child is endangered, what are the ethics, morals and laws of disclosing that to the court and/or appropriate authorities? What is it to treat an innocent, IVF infant like a “tool”? What is it to use an innocent IVF sister as a “tool” against her IVF brother? Do innocent IVF children who are born have equal rights as other children?

We always hear “the best interest of the child”. What is the “best interest of children” in splitting two lovely innocent IVF brother and sister?

Is abandoning a natural born child different than IVF child? It should not be  but legally it is different. IVF children end up in legal limbo. What are the rights of the IVF child who was consented to by an adult but later the adult decided against it? What should one do with the abandoned IVF child? Unlike natural births, IVF births are deliberate and planned and comes with a more heightened sense of responsibility and accountability towards the IVF child, the donor and surrogate. When you abandon an IVF child, you are also abandoning the humanity of others including the donor and surrogate.

Are the needs of a natural born child any different than an IVF child? There shouldn’t be any difference but legally it is different. While it is a crime to abandon a natural born child, there is NO crime to do so with an IVF child (wonder if human cloning is ever allowed, is this what people will do?). While an adult will be held accountable and responsible for abandoning a natural born child, the abandoning IVF parent has no obligation towards the IVF child. Is that because the IVF child has been made “legally invisible”? It that ethical and moral and illegal against the innocent child?

Do the right thing – thats what we tell our children. Here are a few things done right:

1) DO NOT give human rights to others in private, be vocal and be public about it. The person receiving the “equal treatment” (where government itself falls short like gay rights, intersex rights, fertility rights, immigration rights) may turn it around against you. Is that immoral, unethical and illegal?

2) DO NOT break the laws for your spouse. Love, compassion, help are all one-way streets and those things are not returned to you. If you show love, compassion, help to others where laws itself fall short, when the lies are used against you, no one will help you and instead hold you “equally accountable.” Is that moral, ethical and legal? The only crime committed is not reporting the crimes which is not same as committing the crimes or intent to commit crimes.

3) DO NOT get blackmailed by liars and criminals who break laws. They will get in trouble and so will you. Worse, your innocent, voiceless IVF children may get in trouble too for no fault of theirs other than to be born IVF.

4) The RIGHT thing to do is to educate and advocate for equal rights and let the government do the right thing by passing equal rights and laws so you can also follow laws. Trying to do the “right thing” on your own like helping an infertile person have a child when it is not allowed legally, or being married to an intersex person when it is not allowed legally, or sponsoring immigration of an intersex spouse when it is not allowed legally, it will only get you in trouble and worse your innocent children in trouble. These crimes are so heinous that it pales the abuse, domestic violence and cruelty and suffering that one may have endured in trying to give equal rights to an immigrant intersex person.

The Fertility Wars

To the ones who pontificate on infertility or dysfertility, if you have done the deeds then you will know the needs of an infertile or honesty-lies-ivfdysfertile family.

Wars have always been fought amongst humans. There is a fertility war going on right now where lack of laws leads people to do things which is hurting innocent children. What is better – to give a life or diminish a life? By placing innocent children in legal limbo it is attacking their basic human dignity and respect. It is a crime against humanity from the innocent child’s perspective because people with no legal identity have no legal rights – they are legally invisible yet have to survive physically in this same world.

Just like any other war, there are wounds, scars, destruction of lives, innocent children who are voiceless victims, the fertility wars of immigrant, IVF, intersex family in 2000s. Is it time for a change?

There are lot of ways to solve infertility but to create an IVF child and then to abandon the child is NOT a solution to fertility issues. The innocent child deserves equal respect as a human being. The compassionate surrogate who agreed to help and carry the child deserves equal respect as a human being and not to be left stranded with a child she agreed to carry for someone else.

It is one thing to have an IVF child as an infertile person but what is it to use anti-IVF laws, anti-gay laws, anti-intersex laws to use against an IVF family and children who are IVF siblings?

During the baby scoop era in the US, children were taken away from their “biological mothers” because their only fault was to be born to a “single mother” which was socially unacceptable at the time. Is the same philosophy and stereotypes being repeated with IVF parents, families are being discriminated based on biology and gender of a parent to a child? Or do we have the strength and courage as a society to face the facts if not for the adults sake then at least for the sake of innocent, voiceless IVF children?

Are only women allowed to grieve and have sympathy for infertility? Or is wanting to have a child a “human” trait and a man may also want a child just as dearly? Stereotypes are just that stereotypes but they ruin lives in so many ways because laws reflect stereotypes.

What if an interracial couple in the US had a child together pre-1967, does that mean the child deserves no legal identity? Or does that mean the child deserves the love of only one parent? What if gay parents had a child pre-2013, does that mean the child deserves no legal identity? Or does that mean the child deserves the love of only one parent?

What if a gay couple have a child together in 2014 born outside the US and there is a DNA mismatch, does that mean the child deserves to be abandoned? Or does that mean the gay parents should have to give up their life in the US and live in exile with their child outside the US?

What if an infertile person wants to have a child but is born outside the US in 2014, how can they legally bring the child to the US with no genetic link?

In an infertile marriage, is it only the infertile spouse who is suffering the trauma of being childless or does it affect both spouses? Surely the fertile spouse could just leave but then given the prevailing laws, how would the left-behind infertile spouse legally have a child?

If an IVF child was born using the father’s sperm, anonymous egg donor and surrogate, and the father was the primary care provider for the child during the tender years due to ongoing medical treatment of the spouse, who is the stereotypical traditional “mother”. Between gay parents, who is the “mother”? Or do we talk about “primary care provider” to convey the same message?

Is infertility so shameful and secretive that the fertile spouse has to be forced into silence from the joy and celebration of his first born child because no one can know about the infertility in the marriage? We have to pretend that the child born is the “biological child” of both parents? If infertility is so shameful and secretive, what is it doing to the fertile spouse and their emotions? Are they humans also? Is it a crime to be born fertile?

If it is the love and character of a parent which counts and not the biology or gender than why lie or suppress facts to the courts and legal authorities? Is it because laws have not caught up yet? And is it wrong to use the inadequacy in the laws to split a primary care provider and a child?

Is the only way to have a child is to abandon another child?

Infertility is very traumatic – both for the infertile person AND the fertile spouse when infertility is dealt jointly in a marriage. The lack of laws are remnants of decades, centuries if not millenias of stereotypes. Certainly not something which can change overnight but in the meantime innocent children are being hurt. Gays will continue to have children even if laws have not caught up. Intersex families will continue to have children even if laws have not caught up. As a society, how do we address the needs of such children who may be placed in legal limbo? Is their welfare being endangered without a valid legal identity? Are the innocent children being made “legally invisible”? Is shoving them under the carpet and pretending they do not exist valuing their “human life”? As a parent, no one wants their child to be called ugly. But as an IVF parent, thats what is happening to my IVF children due to lack of laws. How dare as a fertile person I thought of having an IVF child as an immigrant, intersex spouse? Now my IVF children must be condemned and punished for this horrific crimes…really, thats our reality but is it the right reality? The right answer is to change the laws and not break the laws. The right answer is to save children and not abandon them.

Do Fertile People Love Their Children Less?

Statistically as per CDC data, 1 in 6 couples are infertile which is accounting only for straight couples. LGBTI love_for_a_childcouples are dysfertile or infertile. So we have people who are fertile, dysfertile and infertile and do any of them LOVE their children any more or less? To be clear, should people who are fertile, make babies, develop a bond of parent-child, and then just give up the baby to an infertile or dysfertile person? And what if there is abuse of the child and secrecy and lies by the infertile person in order to have a child at any and all costs? And if fertile people are such BAD parents who LOVE their children LESS, then majority of the parents would be terrible with children. Just like sometimes a hunter becomes the hunted, sometimes a fertile person becomes infertile due to the trauma and experiences of IVF even though biologically they may be fertile.

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

The LOVE of a parent is of the child, by the child, for the child and NOT for love of the self. Put the child first, put the TRUTH first and until we get relief as victims, the fight will continue because of OUR LOVE for the children and they DESERVE basic human dignity and respect. If forgiveness is a virtue, do innocent, voiceless children deserve forgiveness? What about adults who will NOT even forgive children, can they forgive other adults, themselves? While socially, we may believe that it is the LOVE for a child that counts and not the “biological link”, the LAWS are NOT in sync when it comes to international IVF. And we have to abide by and respect the laws. It is one thing to have unequal laws but it is another for someone to use them to discriminate and SPLIT innocent, voiceless IVF children and families.

Will the LOVE of the non-biological parent be LESS if they allow the biological IVF SIBLINGS to meet? 

The PERFECT CHILD ABDUCTION AND ABUSE

Years ago, there was  a Hollywood movie by the name of the Perfect Murder. Is that really such a thing? But then again that’s Hollywood. There was also another Hollywood movie, Sophie’s Choice. Hollywood is an art space but sometimes does mimic life or vice versa. Infertility is very traumatic, ask someone who has been through a few IVF cycles. What about dysfertility or infertility between two genetic males who try to have a child with IVF? The journey of IVF is torturous and it ALSO affects genetic males contrary to popular belief that it ONLY affects women.  Some infertile people may do anything at all costs to have a CHILD, but what is right for the child? Some infertile people kidnap innocent children, some kill parents of innocent children, some hurt other innocent children (siblings) to get one child, some cast a complex conspiracy to take enough time when it becomes easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

An IVF parent who has 50% legal custody of his IVF child in the US but cannot exercise his parental rights BECAUSE his other IVF child (born during the marriage) is in India who cannot come to the US. What if the second IVF child had been brought to the US and then divorce were filed? What if the second IVF child had been DECLARED to the court in the divorce filing? Pray, is this a coincidence or a plan of a desperate infertile person? The spouse of an intersex became an IVF parent due to infertility in an intersex marriage and NOW is left holding the bag of issues of intersex and infertility. The innocent IVF child is left in LEGAL LIMBO and is STATELESS. What are the rights of an abandoned IVF child and the left-behind family? IVF means a planned, deliberate pregnancy. Did we CREATE this IVF child for personal amusement only to be DISCARDED? Or does the IVF child, a HUMAN being, deserve the respect and dignity of a HUMAN BEING? The IVF child is in the middle – neither here, nor there.

Why should an IVF son give up the RIGHT to grow up with his siblings? As an IVF child, will he have a SPECIAL BOND with an IVF sibling? Why should an IVF son give up the RIGHT to grow up with his biological family? Recently Angelina Jolie did a pre-emptive breast surgery based on genetic tests and pre-disposition to cancer. Why should an IVF child be DENIED this medical, health benefit in their best interest? The non-biological parent has stated that the IVF son can see his IVF parent/his biological family when he is 18, is that CHILD ABUSE? Is that parental ALIENATION and ABUSE? The IVF son is in the middle – neither here, nor there.

Is the LOVE of a fertile parent LESS than a non-biological parent? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who SHARED his child with a non-biological parent LESS than a non-biological parent? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who did NOT ABANDON his other IVF child LESS than a non-biological parent? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who was the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER for his son LESS than a non-biological parent? Is it a CRIME to be fertile? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who kept trying despite failed IVF attempts to provide a SIBLING for his IVF son LESS than a non-biological parent? Can a person DEVOID of LOVE and COMPASSION endure all this? To ABUSE and use the SILENCE against him is one thing but to REPEAT the ABUSE and use the SILENCE against his innocent, voiceless children is different. SILENCE is BROKEN.

If marriage is a legal contract, does the spouse have a RIGHT to know that their rights will be REDUCED due to the marriage? That it will be committing ILLEGAL acts due to the marriage? Intersex marriage is ILLEGAL. So when issues arise in an intersex marriage, how does one ask for justice because as per laws, the marriage does not exist, so the issues arising out of an illegal marriage ALSO do not exist. Why should we be INVISIBLE to the legal system? How do we get relief as VICTIMS? Is it a CRIME to be married to an intersex person?

As per prevailing laws, an intersex, immigrant, infertile person CANNOT have a child born through IVF outside the US in their legal possession. So if LAWS have been broken, have crimes been committed? Were there any innocent VICTIMS for the crimes? Were there any innocent, voiceless IVF children who are VICTIMS? Are any innocent, voiceless IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO? Is this a case of PERFECT CHILD ABDUCTION? 

Being intersex OR being an immigrant OR being infertile is not wrong. There are several such people. LYING, FRAUD, BREAKING LAWS, placing innocent children in HARM’s WAY is wrong and is ILLEGAL. The right answer is to demand for equal intersex rights, equal rights for IVF children and families and NOT break the laws.

A strategy of it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission is FAILED. Because a crime is still a crime. Because innocent, IVF children are in LEGAL LIMBO and they need RELIEF as VICTIMS.

Some highly educated medical professionals can claim that people with CAIS have “ovaries” when scientifically they are born with male testes. And then they have armed patients to present the same FRAUD MEDICAL documents elsewhere which victimizes others and breaks the laws. Does that mean the HUMAN race has STOPPED occurrence of CAIS? Does that mean future CAIS children who will be born will have “ovaries”? Just like LYING is wrong and is a DISSERVICE to people with CAIS and their family members; the LIES of an IVF child is a DISSERVICE to place innocent, IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO, this should NEVER happen again. History will show that some of these medical choices were WRONG even though conventional wisdom hailed it as “best interest of patient”. The times are changing, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP to such medical surgeries in 2013. There is a law suit, a first of its kind in the US, filed in 2013 against such surgeries. Recently, Germany became the FIRST European country to legalize “third gender” creating an environment for people to live truthfully instead of in secrecy and lies. Will others like US, UK follow? The change is HAPPENING. Will it be TOO LATE for the IVF siblings by the time the TRUTH is uncovered?

Empowerment with TRUTH and PRIDE in TRUTH is the right way forward.