Tag Archives: faith

I got it wrong – Plain and Simple with IVF

Are we ready to UNITE and not DIVIDE innocent IVF siblings and stop punishing them for crimes they did not commit?  There is a common theme between the story of an intersex spouse and an immigrant IVF father  in 2000s and a recent published memoir, Hard Choices, by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had this to say about her voting for the Iraq warhillary-clinton-iraq-war-ivf in 2002.

1) “I got it wrong. Plain and simple.”

Being a spouse in an intersex marriage is not wrong but it may be illegal, having a child through IVF is not wrong, being an immigrant is not wrong, being a primary care provider for your child as a father is not wrong, helping a fellow human being who happens to lie and break laws is wrong. I got it wrong as an intersex spouse, IVF father, immigrant. Plain and Simple.

2) “As the war dragged on, with every letter I sent to a family in New York who had lost a son or daughter, a father or mother, my mistake (became) more painful,” Clinton adds.

As the fraud marriage dragged on and more truth got revealed, I realized I had been lied to and that is not love under any circumstances. I had followed my heart like my family taught me and that is not wrong. With every day passing in abuse for me and my innocent child, my mistake became more painful not due to intersex, IVF, or being an immigrant but due to lies, secrecy and breaking the laws.

3) “I thought I had acted in good faith and made the best decision I could with the information I had. And I wasn’t alone in getting it wrong. But I still got it wrong. Plain and simple.”

I thought I had acted in good faith in helping a fellow human being who happens to be intersex, infertile and an immigrant. I did not realize the severe lack of laws for our situation. I did not realize that showing compassion and respect where the laws itself falls short was such a heinous crime that my innocent IVF children had to be punished for it. I did the best I could in being a spouse caregiver of intersex, a loving IVF father, a primary care provider for my child in silence and secrecy despite the lack of laws. But I still got it wrong because I trusted a person who lies and breaks laws like a common criminal. Plain and simple.

I never dreamt that my innocent IVF children would be used as human chatal and “property” in the war on fertility. I never dreamt that innocent, voiceless children would be made victims rather than being given equal rights as a human being. I never dreamt that being born IVF would be used as discrimination rather than as celebration.

Lying for the sake of your children should not become the weapon of choice for seasoned liars. What is better? To lie to save a life or to lie to take a life?

Best Interest of the Child

Divorces happen. They are horrible especially from the perspective of the children. Yet it may be the best thing possible for the two adults who simply divorce-ivf-best-interest-of-childcannot get along. There is no blaming, there is just moving on including the “best interest of the child“? Immigrant, intersex, infertile people deserve human rights. Exactly how many other people’s human rights have to be violated AND how many laws have to be broken for them to have a child at any and all costs? If parents of intersex are ONLY thinking about the best interest of their child, is it OK for an IVF parent to ask for equal rights for his IVF children and all other IVF children? Secrecy and lies do not help anyone especially the victims of silent abuse – certainly does not bring about any change in laws and the lack of laws continues to foster an environment for people to be forced into secrecy, lies, cheating, fraud, breaking the laws for selfish, ulterior motives and not “best interest of the child”.

Despite what the conventional wisdom says, the best interest of the child is TRUTH – ask any intersex child. For decades the conventional wisdom to treat intersex children was a concealment based approach involving a big conspiracy to lie, secrecy, fraud documentation, illegal surgeries and so on. Now the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for stop to these intersex surgeries, any conventional wisdom to day says TRUTH is better than decades of secrecy and lying, fraud medical records are a crime. Same applies to IVF children – TRUTH. If its trauma for intersex children, what is it for spouse and IVF children in an intersex marriage as these traumatic changes occur?

If a divorce occurs, what is the most important issue if children are involved?

If a divorce occurs, will innocent, voiceless IVF siblings be split?

If a divorce occurs, do two innocent lives deserve to be punished for crimes they did not commit?

If a divorce occurs, it is not about who is the better parent? Is it about what parent can set a better example in the child’s best interest?

If a divorce is granted between two genetic males in 2009 in Texas, it is legal? Will the child be raised to respect laws? And is it better to change the laws or break the laws?

Intersex people cannot legally marry nor can have children, will the child be raised to fight for equal rights or break the laws and silence everyone and abusing them?

Will the child be raised with values of compassion, love, respect for laws, humanity, a positive contributor to society, truth? Or will he be forced into a secret life of lies, fraud, breaking the laws, constricting freedom?

Is it a crime to provide human rights to intersex, infertile people within the four walls of your home where the laws and government itself fall short?

Will the child be raised as a man who respects women including infant baby girls who do not deserve to be abandoned?

Will the child be raised as a man who respects intersex people?

Will the child be raised as a man who respects diversity?

Will the child be raised as a man who shows love for family?

Will the child be raised as a man to step in as a primary care provider for a child while the spouse is under medical treatment for surgeries and unable to dispense duties as a “traditional, stereotype” mother.

Will the child be raised as a man to be anti-stereotype in silence and entailing abuse multiple times as an individual, a spouse, a parent and watch his innocent child be abused?

Will the child be raised with honesty and truth to ask for equal rights for IVF children and families or will the truth be hidden from him?

Will the child be raised to ask for equal rights for abandoned IVF children?

Will the child be raised to be a family caregiver if and when the need arises?

Will the child be raised to have the courage and strength to not die with faced with trauma after trauma after trauma with abuse after abuse after abuse?

Will the child be raised to have faith in the system where truth prevails and while justice may be delayed but it will not be denied?

Will the child be raised to respect laws?

To abandon a child to get another child, to abandon a sister to get her brother, to violate the most basic rights of the most vulnerable is not the pathway to good parenting. It is a crime against humanity from the perspective of the child. It is worth fighting for.

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