Tag Archives: eunuch

Eunuchs Bless People To Have A Child…

In India and several other countries, Eunuchs have been a celebrity. In today’s world, Eunuchs bless people to have a child since they cannot. Its the Human Rightsphilosophy of good karma…do good to others even if nature was not as nice. Regardless, an Eunuch is infertile and sadly cannot have a child. So instead of blessing you with a child, what if you bless an Eunuch with a child? There are also not so many nice things that happen to Eunuchs today in a post-British India. Eunuchs were a somewhat of a celebrity and were part of a powerful inner circle in a pre-British India.

Today, Eunuchs have minimal human rights. They cannot legally marry. They cannot legally adopt or have a child any other way since they are infertile. What does an Eunuch do to have a child at any and all costs? And how did the plights of Eunuchs get this way? India traditionally has been a collection of princely kingdoms or monarchies. “Heir” is very important and having a child is very important. The knowledge to run societies acquired over years, decades, centuries, millenia in India, it is believed that a person may be the most righteous and loyal except when it comes to his/her children. Then even the strongest become frail. Since Eunuchs are infertile, kings and queens see loyalty in them as they have no children to be disloyal/corrupt for. For decades, centuries, Eunuchs were the de facto loyal and royal servant in the king and queen private chamber. The king also felt comfortable in having a Eunuch as a companion for his wife, the queen so that there are no chances of cheating. Some families who were very poor with no ray of hope forcibly castrated one of their sons and turned him into an Eunuch just so that he could get a job in the royal palace and thereby uplifting the economic status of their family. With access to the royal chambers and some of the most private moments of kings or queens, Eunuch commanded a lot of power by having the ruler’s ear. Then how did this group of people who were living in the best of places get shunted to being homeless? They went from being everywhere in power to no basic human rights?

Today, Eunuchs in India will Bless people so that they are blessed with a child. What if you try to share a child to an Eunuch, does the child have human rights, does the fertile spouse who shares a child have rights? Secrecy, lies, fraud don’t help anyone, not an individual nor a government. The pre-British Indian way of handling Eunuchs was far better. Its natural, they exist, they cannot bear a child, you live happily anyway. More importantly, you do not pass laws to make their existence illegal or ostracize them, you include them in your economy and allow them to live honestly. Perhaps innocent lives can be saved too that way? Parents of Eunuchs have to lie today Vs. parents back then forcibly castrated their sons to make them an Eunuch. Innocent siblings are split today Vs Eunuchs formed a sisterhood or brotherhood and at least felt the love of a fellow human being that way closer to them.

Whatever we say about India, Eunuchs exist, they have an identity, they are recognized as the third gender which is being truthful and society has carved out a special role for them to play. Allowing a person to live honestly and truthfully is the single biggest human right. The weight of secrecy, lies, fraud eventually catches up.

When the British came to India and started passing laws, they brought with them British laws. In 1860, the British passed a law in India which made it illegal to have “unnatural sex” which banned gays, lesbians, and Eunuchs from having sex. The respect and recognition given to Eunuchs for years, decades, centuries, millenia in the pre-British Indian culture had been taken away and forced a British version. This part of the law is known as Section 377 in the Indian constitution and in 2014 the Indian Supreme Court upheld it saying changing laws is job of the Parliament. That does not mean they agree or disagree with Section 377. However lot of people made a lot of hype about how backward this was without knowing that it was the British who gave this law to India. Indians have always been welcoming of the truth and integrating people of all walks into the fabric of society. Wonder what a Britisher had to say about the ruling of Section 377  in 2014?

If Section 377 was not enough, in 1871, the British introduced another law, the Criminal Tribes Act where a person of certain tribes in India had to submit to local police surveillance with no warrant, search and seizure with no warrant, etc. In 1897, the act was amended with the title itself, “An Act for the Registration of Criminal Tribes and Eunuchs”. Here if you were an Eunuch, you had to register yourself to the police. The title of the Act itself is offensive and discriminatory in 2014 but in 1897 it was not. Using a combination of these two acts, Section 377 from 1861 and the Criminal Tribes Act of 1897, the Eunuchs were systematically ostracized and forced to live farther away from the community at large at the outskirts or outside a city. Perhaps this is where the current state of Eunuchs in India can best be understood. Compared to the pre-British era, eunuchs in India in 2014 have very few human rights. They largely make a living by singing, dancing, begging, some are sadly sex workers. Overall their economic status is very bad – a far cry from from the royal palaces just a few centuries ago.

Neither Here, Nor There

Most people may not understand this statement at first, some may claim it as offensive because it does not fit their purpose, and some may get the gist third-culture-kids-IVFthe article is attempting to make. Living a life in adversity and discrimination takes its toll. Surviving and coming out of it and living to tell the truth is a blessing in itself. The primary purpose to share the truth is to help the NEXT in social justice. Secrecy and stigma are the real culprits which creates both ignorance and lack of awareness and the continued lack of laws which victimizes innocents including children. Throughout history of humankind, social justice issues at first are not welcomed with open arms, faced stiff opposition, needless victims, state derived persecution, defamation, false criminal charges, secrecy, lies, conspiracies, etc. only to finally succumb to eventuality of TRUTH. And that’s where the journey of IVF children and families is today in 2014 – ugly truth that no one wants to address. Needless child victims are created held in purgatory of legal limbo and along with them are their IVF parents who may have suffered and struggled for years in silence before being blessed with an IVF child. Is the state of inaction a message to instead abandon IVF children instead of fighting for their basic human rights if not equal rights? The extended purgatory in legal limbo places innocent IVF children and families “neither here, nor there“.

For those who question the legitimacy of an immigrant Eunuch having legal custody of an immigrant IVF child in the US in 2009 – here is a simple question – Could this have been accomplished without abandoning an IVF child – a sibling in India and thus leaving no legal defense or chance to present the facts for the biological IVF parent to get due process? More importantly, can another immigrant Eunuch repeat this based on prevailing laws? The right answer is to pass laws. Even more importantly, has due process and justice been served to the innocent, voiceless IVF brother and sister? Can we “de-couple” the lack of rights of the immigrant IVF father from the “rights of IVF children”? The abuse suffered by the spouse and the innocent IVF child and the crimes to break the laws went unreported the first time, why should it be unreported again?

For those who question the love of the biological parent – a father of his IVF children can go through the site and understand that it is lack of basic human respect and dignity of his IVF children which is the center here. A parent’s love comes in various ways but to have a parent’s gender used as a tool to discriminate against children is dispeccable. It is one thing to have anti-gay laws, anti-IVF laws, anti-intersex laws but to actually use them to split innocent brother and sister is heinous. Just like being a spouse caregiver of an Eunuch and then again an immigrant IVF parent showed patience and resilience, that is the correct path – a path to become the change one wants to see in this world. Don’t judge before comprehending or listening. We have all they sympathy for Eunuchs, where is the sympathy for Eunuch families – spouses and children? Or are they LESS of a human being…? There is a learning and a teaching opportunity and an opportunity to allow the love of siblings to grow and prosper – which one we take? A parent’s love is endless (who happens to be a father) and it is the love for the children which is why he managed to stay alive – the abuse, the torture, the secrecy, the lies would have killed a person a long time ago.

It is difficult to make sense of what to feel worse about – a decade of secrecy, lies, crimes, abuse, torture OR one’s gender being used to discriminate against innocent children? If the love of a father is somehow less than that of a mother who neither gave birth nor has any biological connection to the child, how does one explain the love of a single father, the love of gay fathers or love of a father who is both caring for a spouse and a child? If you are a parent, you would want the best for your child regardless and that’s what this is about – no more secrecy, no more lies, no more crimes, just the truth.

IVF Children and Family – Neither Here, Nor There

An Indian citizen IVF brother wants to come to India but is disallowed his wish, neither here nor there.

A US citizen IVF father is living in India because his IVF daughter – the sibling his IVF son wanted cannot travel outside India – neither here, nor there.

International Adoption laws allow for subsidiarity where biological siblings are allowed to grow up together, immigration laws require a “biological link” between children and parent, but land of no laws exists for IVF brother and sister forced to grow up separately – neither here, nor there.

“Neither here, nor there” has been used before. In India and several other Asian countries, the “third gender” or legally defined as Eunuch has existed for a long time. Western countries are waking up to the “natural reality” and also passing similar laws recognizing the “third gender” and moving away from “binary gender” legal definitions like Australia, New Zealand, and Germany. It is ironic that western media reports that Germany is the “first country in the world in 2013” to recognize the third gender legally. Are the rest of 4 billion people living outside North America and Europe not part of the “world”? More importantly, it is this ignorance and lack of awareness which creates the “neither here, nor there” syndrome universally for everyone in the world who legally defines them as Eunuch. Being a Eunuch in itself is traumatic but also is accompanied by other real-life situations like infertility. And if laws require a “biological link” for immigration of IVF children, how will Eunuchs ever get legal custody of children? Similarly, the lack of awareness and ignorance about IVF and the real life situations it creates for IVF children and families is placing IVF children in legal limbo (even if inadvertently) in a case of “neither here, nor there“.

Secrecy and Stigma are the biggest culprits for Neither Here, Nor There

For an immigrant, Eunuch, IVF family in 2000s, the lack of laws, lack of human rights, lack of basic human decency and respect is DOUBLED – once as a Eunuch family forced to live in secrecy and lies and second as an IVF family again forced to live in secrecy and lies and ultimately punishing the most innocent of the innocent – the innocent, voiceless IVF children in legal limbo. It is tiring to live “neither here, nor there”. People who are Eunuchs are born this way naturally, others are made this way – living neither here, nor there. Is a spouse of Eunuch having the effects of neither here, nor there? Are children of an Eunuch marriage having the effects of neither here, nor there? The important point here is the need for laws so every human being can have an equal right to live freely. Some are born Eunuchs, some are living the effects of Eunuchs, how?

  • A Eunuch may be living in secrecy and lies with stigma. When a spouse marries an Eunuch, are they also forced to live in secrecy and stigma knowingly or unknowingly? What are the effects of living in secrecy and lies on any human being? The loss of freedom is disrecpectful to any human being regardless of being a Eunuch or not.
  • A Eunuch may need surgery to identify themselves better. What if the surgery is performed during the marriage without proper support or information? It is traumatic for an Eunuch to have to undergo this, what is it like to go through this as a spouse of an Eunuch with no support and in silence? Did the experience occur or should the spouse continue to lie and live in secrecy like Eunuchs have and how will this exactly help anyone?
  • A Eunuch is infertile. A spouse of a Eunuch does not leave the marriage, has children through IVF, continues the lies and secrecy while raising the IVF child, the laws are broken because Eunuchs have lived in secrecy and lies. Infertility is very traumatic, the roller coaster ride experiences are unique to each person going through it, do these experiences affect ONLY the infertile person or does it affect BOTH spouses in an infertile marriage? Should the fertile spouse have left the Eunuch marriage instead?
  • IVF is a great medical technology that affords infertile or dysfertile people with children. Sadly, the laws have not caught up with technology placing some IVF children in legal limbo. Now the innocent, voiceless IVF children of an Eunuch marriage also have to be subjected to the legal limbo of neither here, nor there.

Being a spouse caregiver of Eunuch and an immigrant IVF parent in 2000s is not friendly, nor legal. But it has happened, now what? Do we continue the adversity, punish the innocent IVF siblings of an Eunuch marriage gone bad, continue to live in secrecy and lies or say the truth in hopes of NOT repeating the cycles of secrecy and lies?

To Lie Or To Say the Truth

As a spouse caregiver of intersex or Eunuchs as they are known in India, what is MORE important – TRUTH or diana careslying? Having to raise a little girl with NO mother, people have questions and one has to live in this community with people around them and sooner or later the Questions have to be answered. Or maybe the father had an affair or maybe the father had an illegitimate child. Legally they are right, an IVF child born to a father where neither the egg donor nor the surrogate is the wife of the father is considered a child “born out of wedlock” or an “illegitimate child”. Why is my IVF child illegitimate due to NO FAULT of their own? What are the consequences of being in LEGAL LIMBO? As a loving parent, one vociferously defends the RIGHTS of a child and say the TRUTH. If saying the TRUTH is a crime, so be it. If asking for rights of innocent, voiceless children is a crime, so be it. The challenge is if you were a parent in my shoes, what would you do?

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

Do we say the TRUTH the child is IVF or do we LIE?

Do we say the TRUTH to get a passport or do we LIE and risk criminal charges?

Does the IVF child deserve a passport or do we LIE and land-lock her?

When laws for short, do we ask for change in LAWS or BREAK the LAWS?

Are siblings IMPORTANT or do they deserve to be separated?

Intersex or Eunuchs have to deal with trauma. A spouse of Eunuch also has to deal with trauma. A spouse of Love-Honesty-Truth-Respect-NothingEunuch also is a victim of abuse, stigma, secrecy, lies, name calling, etc. as much as an Eunuch. There is a lot of hypocrisy in the community, we may not LIKE it but have to deal with the reality and for that one needs to be HONEST with themselves. Then there are people who DO NOT care whether you are Eunuch or NOT, whether you are IVF or NOT, what matters is are you TRUTHFUL and HONEST?

If you truly LOVE someone, a partner, a child, a parent then TRUTH is paramount. One can present FALSE and FRAUD documents to the court and get away with the LIES and CRIMES, how do you LIE and HIDE from a person you LOVE? Maybe you LOVE yourself MORE? Any brainwashing and alienation is short-term and wrecks several lives once TRUTH is revealed. Just ask any intersex child who has been LIED to for years OR a spouse of intersex who has been LIED to for years. Why REPEAT that with an IVF child? 

As Shakespeare pondered, To Be Or Not To Be, That is the Question…

To Say the Truth Or Lie, That is the Question…If Not for yourself then maybe as a lesson to innocent children – the future?

What If…There were Eunuch Rights

What If we lived in a time when there were Eunuch rights. Eunuch or Hijras in India and Asia are known as Equal Human Rights - FatherIntersex in western cultures. Galileo knew he was RIGHT when he said that Earth is NOT the center and that we revolve around the sun. No one believed him and instead used traditional beliefs to defame, torture and undermine the TRUTH. It was NOT the TRUTH itself but the RESISTANCE TO CHANGE which Galileo was a VICTIM of. If the TRUTH were NOT accepted even today, we would still ALL believe that Earth is the CENTER.

We know CHANGE will come, people will begin to understand the issues of Eunuch rights, what Eunuch families go through, what Eunuch surgeries do during a marriage, the effects of Eunuch marriage like dealing with infertility, the effects of on innocent children and immigration. Will the CHANGE come before the innocent childhood of the siblings EXPIRES?

Dr. Subhash Mukherjee, a doctor who gave India’s FIRST IVF child, just 67 days AFTER the first IVF child in the world, committed suicide due to defamation, lies, and humiliation instead of recognition and admiration for his innovative work. What will be the fate of India’s FIRST IVF Eunuch family? Secrecy and lies or truth with compassion? Is it WRONG to give human rights as an individual where laws itself fall short?

We hope in the future there are equal rights for Eunuchs, there are equal rights for IVF children and families but LIES will still remain LIES. Fraud documents will still remain FRAUD documents. Brothers will still love their sisters, sisters will still love their brothers, sons will still love their fathers, and fathers will still love their sons. Such is the beauty of truth, it prevails through everything, even the worst of LIES. 

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, two innocent IVF siblings in 2013 would NOT be growing up separately.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, an innocent, voiceless IVF son would have a father around while growing up.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, innocent children and spouse of an Eunuch family would ALSO have rights instead of being INVISIBLE.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be discussion about the EFFECTS of an intersex surgery during a marriage instead of false records of the surgery. Why LIE when you are right and if NO laws have been broken?

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, Eunuchs and families would have no need to LIE and live in SECRET and be comfortable about their infertility instead of claiming “false biological link” with innocent children.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, Eunuchs and families would have no need to LIE and fraud innocent, unsuspecting victims to enter into an ILLEGAL marriage.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, Eunuchs can immigrate legally to the US instead using an illegal marriage.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be a better understanding of the torturous intersex surgery as for the first time in 2013 the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to such coerced surgeries.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be a better understanding of the EFFECTS of a torturous intersex surgery during a marriage and the abuse of caregiver spouse and innocent children.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be a better understanding of the EFFECTS of the severe trauma on a dysfunctional intersex family.

What If Eunuch or intersex rights existed in 2013, there would be a better understanding of EFFECTS of NO milk when trying to breastfeed by genetic males. Do MOTHERS ask the FATHERS of their children to breastfeed when the infant comes from the hospital?

Attitudinal Change Holds Answers

“Be the change you want to see in this world” – Mahatma Gandhi

Change is constant. Resistance to change is also constant. Especially, when one thinks about social justice issueschange me like slavery, women suffrage, civil rights, and now gay rights, there is a lot of resistance to change. In all cases, we see that eventually change does occur sometimes at the cost of lives of people proposing change. How dare someone propose us to change? They must be quietened up. Lives can be shattered in multiple ways, oppression, abuse, violence, lack of basic freedoms, torture, and the ultimate, death – either a suicide or murder. As humans, we realize that change is something ingrained in us. It is our thirst for challenges, innovation, knowledge that brings change. So change is never going away. What we may work on instead is to reduce the resistance to change. For which education and spreading awareness about the subject is key. That is the attitudinal change – the willingness to LISTEN to issues facing OTHERS and not necessarily you.

The Intersex Theory

Most people are still clueless about existence of intersex. Slowly in the past few years, advocacy for intersex rights and its existence has started and questions are being asked. Does the medical community have the “right approach?” Who are the intersex? What is its occurrence? It is naturally occuring meaning it is not in the person’s control. In a way, it reminds me of the way HIV/AIDS was first dealt with in the 1980s – taboo and ignorance. Once people got educated and had true information, slowly the change started happening. Then a few celebrities started speaking up and that set the tidal wave. Currently, the intersex theory only includes treatment for intersex patient and their parents. The spouse or children of an intersex family are NOWHERE in the picture. Is it because intersex marriage is NOT legal yet? If spouses of breast cancer or leukemia or other traumatic conditions are allowed to speak up, then why not spouses of intersex? Or is it a crime to be married to an intersex person and forever hold your breath even if it means suffering abuse and reckless violation of laws? If an unnecessary surgery on an intersex child is ILLEGAL, what is it to render an IVF child stateless? If it is torture to secretly lie about unnecessary surgery on an intersex child, what is it to lie to an IVF child about their birth? And are secrecy and lies a solution? There are women with MRKH but they do not lie and are accepting of their truth. In fact, in the Miss USA pageant for 2013, a MRKH woman competed and almost won. She is a lady not because of MRKH but because of her courage and strength to be honest and truthful acting as an inspiration to us all – with and without MRKH. There are intersex people who are honest and truthful about their condition. There is more RESPECT not because they are intersex but again because they have strength and courage to be honest and serve as an inspiration to us all. These “truths” also serve as a “gauge” to the change and acceptance in our society as a whole. We are not anti-intersex, let our actions speak for themselves. We are ANTI-LYING and ANTI-ABUSE of innocent, voiceless children and PRO for RESPECTING the laws. We want RELIEF as VICTIMS.

Justice Vs Relief for Victims

Is there a difference between justice Vs relief for victims? For example, the thousands of refugees who have been displaced from the war in Iraq or Rwanda or Lybia or Syria or Afghanistan and so on and some are rendered stateless. Is justice for them to be able to file a “legal suit” against someone in their resident country for their situation? OR are they just looking for RELIEF to be able to get a “legal status” so they can go about their lives and try to forget the past as much as possible? We want to move FORWARD – we just want to be able to see our IVF son, have an opportunity to participate in his day to day life, enjoy the moments together, playing catch, or making lego puzzles or looking up at the sky and wondering what do all those stars mean sprinkled with an appropriate amount of hugs and kisses and celebrate the moments. Why is my IVF son being DISALLOWED this opportunity with his father, with his sibling that he wanted, with his biological family? What crime has he committed to be DENIED to be with his biological family and what are his rights?

IVF – What A Mess For An IVF Child

Laws for IVF are clearly lacking. While clinics around the world are offering IVF services, it seems the discussionTruth of One about bioethics and proper legal framework in the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD is lost. What does that say about us as a community? In the 21st century, we will be seeing legalized same-sex marriage, which may lead to increase of IVF children, where are the RIGHTS to protect them? Do children who have NO LEGAL MOTHER as in certain IVF cases have EQUAL RIGHTS as other children?

IVF and Divorce

Case 1) Heterosexual Divorce, Roman V Roman

In a case in Texas, a heterosexual couple divorced (which is normal) but had frozen embryos from their individual DNA. What should we do about the frozen embryos? The husband wanted them destroyed as per the contract both husband and wife had signed. The wife wanted to have a child and there we had a court case to decide. The attorney for the wife claimed that the wife thought she would at least get one chance to inseminate even though the contract made NO mention of it. The Texas Supreme Court upheld the contract and so did the US Supreme Court and the frozen embryos were destroyed.

Case 2) Same-sex Split (Cannot call it divorce because same-sex marriage is not legal yet)

In a case in Kansas, a lesbian couple wanted to have a child for which they needed sperm. They put up an ad on Craigslist and got a response from a man who gave them his sperm with full understanding from ALL that he would have NO paternal responsibility or accountability. A lovely child was born. Legally at the time of the case, same-sex marriage is illegal in Kansas and at the time of this writing, it still is. So we cannot call it a “divorce” but the lesbian couple split and one of the mother decided to get support from the state for the child. The state ordered the “sperm donor” to pay child support. Whoa!

Case 3) Ex-wife tricked husband and had IVF children AFTER divorce from frozen sperm

In a case in the UK, a husband was tricked by his ex-wife who had two IVF children AFTER They divorced from his frozen sperm. The “father” only found out when one of the children had a hole in the heart and needed genetic history and financial support. A UK court ordered the “father” to pay 100,000 pounds to children he never knew he had.

In another case in Abu Dhabi, another ex-wife tricked the ex-husband by having an IVF child AFTER the divorce from his frozen sperm. Later she filed for child support and the court ordered the ex-husband to pay child support.

Case 4) Intersex Divorce – Legally intersex marriage is not legal yet, so how can a divorce be?

In a case in Texas, an intersex person filed for divorce while an ongoing IVF pregnancy in India without declaring the IVF pregnancy to the court. The court did NOT find the innocent IVF child to be of the marriage and therefore receives NO child support from the intersex person. Again, an intersex marriage is not legal in Texas and so what is the legality of the divorce AND the decree of the divorce? Legally, it’s a void marriage. More importantly, is the life of an IVF child LESSER than that of a natural born child? Is the child support for the “child” or the “parent”? If the child is born to a spouse of intersex, a male, is the respect and dignity of the innocent human being LESS? Ironically, its a repeat of what intersex people feel, lack of dignity and respect as a human being. By passing it onto others, especially innocent children, DOES NOT make it right.

Side note to intersex : Stop lying, start living with the truth. It will save a lot of stress and lives. Tony Briffa and Imogen Callaway are leading by example.

Should sperm donors and egg donors be responsible for child support? Is the current system scaring potential donors away? How will gays, lesbians, intersex people have children without donors? Regardless of your sexual orientation or gender, if you are fertile and altruistic, you may consider donating your sperm or egg. Are there risks you have not thought about? Are the laws there to protect you as fertile donors? As per current laws, an intersex person who can neither donate egg or sperm to have a child and therefore does not have to pay any child support. Seems fair?

5) In another case, an IVF clinic was not found liable for “accidentally” swapping the sperm samples. What is appalling is that if a medical doctor/hospital operates on wrong part of your body like working on the left knee Vs. right knee or left finger Vs right finger then they are held liable for medical negligence. But if you “create” an entire human being “mistakenly”, then there is no liability or culpability? What about the legal rights of the IVF child? Sad to say but a human finger or a pet has more “value” than an entire IVF child. If a child has autism or cystic fibrosis or any of the “rare conditions”, their needs are recognized and dealt with then why not the same equal treatment for an IVF child?

The most appalling thing is no one cares and somehow no one see the “dehumanization” of the IVF child. Immigration is just one of the issues but for people to somehow think “infertility” is a personal problem are dead wrong. Once the IVF child is born, they are a human being with a guarantee to basic human dignity and respect for human life in its entirety.  I have a dream that some day my IVF children and ALL other IVF children in the world will have equal rights and be recognized as a equal human being both in spirit and in practice.

Hit the REVERSE – Gender Bias

If an egg donor gives her egg to a gay couple to have a lovely child, and then later the gay couple gets divorced, will the courts demand the egg donor to pay child support?

If a woman (who is in an intersex marriage) uses her eggs, donated sperm and a surrogate to have IVF child, will she be able to claim child support from the sperm donor?

Is IVF for only women and should gays and spouses of intersex stay away from IVF? Should an IVF child be discriminated against based on their parent’s gender?

For far too long, children have been thought to ALWAYS have a “LEGAL MOTHER”. IVF presents some unique cases where there is “NO LEGAL MOTHER”. As a result, child support laws need to be updated so that inadvertently, gay couples, or sperm donors to lesbian couples, or spouse of intersex are NOT inadvertently DISCRIMINATED against.

As we move into the 21st century, let us have EQUAL laws for ALL regardless of your sexual orientation, gender, or your birth type in addition to the standard anti-discrimination language of the 20th century like race, religion, color, etc. If we are going to have laws in favor of minority like intersex who can neither donate eggs or sperm (and therefore dont have to worry about child support), then the spouse of intersex is a far smaller MINORITY within a MINORITY and his children are in greater need of help.

We are pro-EQUALITY for ALL.

If You Are Gay and Proud, Can you be IVF and Proud?

Over the years, more gays are coming out. It used to be that “coming out of the closet” (do not like that term buIVFRights gets the point across) was an “event”, nowadays, it more of a non-event. In fact, fighting for EQUAL rights for gays is still an “event”. One can be certain that in a few years, once EQUAL rights for gays have been had, even the “event” of today will become more like non-events, suppose something like interracial marriages of today. Slowly we moved from different “time periods” of the struggles of being gay from being secretive to coming out to asking for EQUAL rights to feeling proud and in the near future, HAVING EQUAL rights. In the same vein, can IVF parents feel PROUD and be honest? Can IVF children feel PROUD with the truth? How can secrecy and lying help?

Social injustice is a terrible thing and has shown itself in differing ways from slavery to women suffrage to right to vote to civil rights to apartheid to freedom from colonialism to the ongoing struggles of the LGBTI movement. Can we have EQUAL rights for IVF families in parallel or they can only be asked AFTER equal rights for gays has been had? There are so many similarities between the gay rights movement and IVF movement. One of the big similarity is gays may also be IVF parents and therefore are ALSO affected by the IVF rights movement. If a gay father can be honest and truthful with his child, can an IVF parent ALSO be truthful to his IVF child? or should they be forced to LIE? What is in the best interest of the child – truth or lies?

Looking for an Erin Brockowich or “Pam Landy” from the movie “The Bourne Ultimatum”. Anyone willing to give it ALL to uncover the TRUTH and provide relief to the VICTIMS?

IVF and PROUD

So is it OK for an IVF parents to ask for EQUAL rights? In a democracy, a minority (like IVF families) can only get EQUAL rights with help of the majority because the votes count. How can you have help and support from the majority without education and awareness of IVF families’ issues? Since most people are not IVF families, how do they know the LEGAL struggles and issues that IVF families face? Is it OK to be IVF and be proud?

History repeats itself. Initially when gays started coming out, there was a section of the society who claimed it can be cured and some may still believe that. It may have been classified as a “medical condition” to be cured by “medicine”. Oppression, silencing their voices, other abuses followed. After years, just like water, truth found a way out. Then what was the point of all those years of struggle? Today IVF parents are silenced, abused, oppressed. Innocent, voiceless IVF children are being victimized. When will they get justice?

I Have A Dream…

I have a dream that someday IVF children and families will have EQUAL rights and NOT be a slave or hostage to Nazi Intersex IVF Historyinfertility. Infertility is very traumatic, why continue the burden onto innocent, voiceless IVF children after they are born due to unequal laws?  

I have a dream that someday a child’s rights is NOT based on their parent’s gender.

I have a dream that someday what will matter MOST is the love for the child as a parent and NOT a parent’s gender. 

I have a dream that someday IVF parents are able to say the TRUTH to their IVF children without any stigma or REQUIRING a court order to say the TRUTH.

I have a dream that someday IVF families will be allowed to CELEBRATE IVF with their IVF children instead of SUPPRESSING the FACTS and LYING and CENSORSHIP.

I have a dream that someday the ONLY thing that matters is TRUTH.

Do gays need to seek permission when announcing them being gay and asking for EQUAL gay rights? Then why a different set of rules for IVF parents and spousal caregivers of intersex?

If its OK to be the world’s first IVF child or world’s first IVF parent or world’s first gay IVF father, is it OK to feel proud as an IVF parent to give the world its FIRST IVF child in an intersex marriage? It transcends the social justice on multiple levels and shows social acceptance on multiple levels of an intersex individual. Is it OK to feel proud as a spouse caregiver of intersex? One becomes a spouse caregiver when the intersex person has the controversial intersex surgery DURING a marriage. If the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture calls for a STOP to such surgeries without consent, is their any torture and/or trauma on an unsuspecting spouse of intersex when its performed DURING a marriage? Does the forced silence and secrecy further VICTIMIZE the spouse? How does secrecy and lying help? Is forcing silence upon someone same as abuse?

Ironically, the world’s second IVF child and India’s first IVF child was delivered just 67 days after the world’s FIRST IVF child in 1978. Dr. Mukherjee, the pioneering Indian IVF doctor received humiliation and horror instead of  acceptance for his novel research. Incidentally, his innovative techniques went on to become most popular and copied. However, he committed suicide without any recognition and was forced to live in secrecy and lies. While, Dr. Robert Edwards, the first IVF doctor in England went on to receive a Nobel Prize for his pioneering work in IVF. What a difference TRUTH and HONESTY makes. How does secrecy and lies help anyone?

US is a forebearer of human rights and child rights. Will its system help the minority within the minority? Will it move forward with TRUTH and FACTS or Secrecy and Lies? History will be the TRUE TEST. Lies cannot be held forever. Truth prevails.

It Takes A Village

It takes a village to raise a child, in interdependent world” – Hillary Clinton, in her book It Takes A Village.

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

This is NOT about can an intersex person be a good parent, IT IS ABOUT:Equal Rights for ALL

1) A brother’s rights to grow up with his sister he wanted

2) A sister’s rights to NOT be abandoned and forcefully SEPARATED from her brother

3) A fast aging and loving grandmother who raised an innocent IVF child, their first grandson, to see him one last time before she happily passes on to another world

4) A fast aging and loving grandfather who raised an innocent IVF child, their first grandson, to see him one last time before he happily passes on to another world

5) A son’s love for his father who misses him dearly

6) A father who misses his son dearly and the times of lego, swimming, soccer, reading, cycling, eating, dreaming together about a little sibling among other things.

7) It is about the basic human rights and child rights of an innocent, voiceless IVF child to roam freely anywhere in the world for exposure, education and self-empowerment.

8) Should Vedant be afforded his VILLAGE?

Nothing reminds us more for EQUAL IVF CHILD RIGHTS when Medhavi lovingly feeds her little brother, is fascinated with his eyes, how the teeth are still coming, walks on four legs with him, sleeps together holding hands, helps him bathe, hugs, kisses, love, and so on…Why should these opportunities be STOLEN from VEDANT? 

It is NOT about GREATNESS, it is about fighting for TRUTH and EQUAL RIGHTS for others and yourself. When Maulik discovered his spouse was intersex at a fertility test to have a child, he did not deter. When the spouse decided to have a controversial “normalization surgery” during marriage which UN has called for a STOP, Maulik did not deter but went into the UNKNOWN and cared for the spouse in silence rather than leave like 83% of males do when a spouse is diagnosed with a major illness. When faced with infertility, as a bi-national immigrant to the US, Maulik did not deter, and had a child through IVF in India while living as immigrant in the US and thus US immigration laws kick in. Unfair, Unreasonable, Undeserved are all too common to Maulik in a dysfunctional intersex family but why are IVF SIBLINGS being punished by being FORCED to grow up SEPARATELY? Maulik suffered in silence and did not report the abuse, so punish him for not reporting the crimes and showing compassion, why PUNISH the innocent IVF brother and sister?

Lessons Learnt

1) Opting for IVF is personal, EQUAL IVF CHILD RIGHTS is a public policy issue and can only be had by speaking up.

2) Awarding EQUAL RIGHTS to intersex in silence where the LAWS fall short can be USED AGAINST you. Silence is golden but at what point silence becomes abuse, victimization and violation of others rights? Is SILENCE = VIOLENCE?

3) If an intersex person has custody of an IVF child, is it LEGAL or where any LAWS broken? Can it be REPEATED by another intersex person without lying or breaking any LAWS? What about equal rights for other intersex people?

4) If gay rights existed, the IVF siblings would be UNITED. Is it their FAULT to be born ahead of our times?

5) If gay rights existed, fathers would be seen as EQUAL LOVING PARENTS, is it Maulik’s FAULT to try to UNITE his IVF children?

6) If TRUTH were used in treating intersex during marriage, a controversial normalization surgery would have NEVER occurred as UN Special Rappoteur on Torture (SRT) recently released a statement to STOP such surgeries. It is interesting that “Torture” team took up this issue as a violation of human rights issue. What about violation of human rights of an intersex family including children because of this controversial surgery during a marriage?

7) Since the controversial “normalization surgery” NEVER occurred during a marriage, how can we discuss effects of “normalization surgery” in an intersex person and how long it takes to stabilize to become a primary care provider for a child? As per a recent UN Special Rapporteur on Torture statement, they asked for a STOP to such normalization surgery, something we have asked for several years based on first-hand experience.

8) People like Tony Briffa and Imogen Callaway are the leaders when it comes to intersex advocacy because of their honesty. We support EQUAL INTERSEX RIGHTS both morally and in action (as proven) as long as TRUTH and SENSITIVITY take the lead.

Sadly, there are narcissistic women as told by other women who will do anything.

A child belongs with his [biological] family” – then US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said on why Sean Goldman, a US Citizen child, should be UNITED with his father in the US. The same reason why Sean deserved to be UNITED with his father, Vedant, an Indian citizen, deserves to be UNITED with his father and sister and grandparents and family and cousins and TRUTH – his VILLAGE.

Repeating Lies Becomes Truth?

As the saying goes, to hide a lie you have to say a thousand lies. Or if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth. Is it really worth lying which punishes innocent children? We want answers why our son, an Indian citizen, is not allowed to come to India to meet his family? Why can’t we share and be a part of his growing up? Why is their parental alienation from the biological family? Is this any different than the baby scoop era of taking away innocent children away from their biological mother because her ONLY fault was being a “single mother” which was “socially unacceptable” at the time?

It starts with a small lie and expands until you start believing in the lie yourself as the truth. There are so many similarities between intersex children and IVF children. Respect for Laws, Truth, Compassion have meaning? or are just hollow words? These are values much rather to have in children and the world will be a better place.

It is easy to brainwash innocent children and lie to them while they are young, is it abuse? And what happens when they grow up as individuals and are adults? How will the lies have helped them? As an IVF child or an intersex child, when they grow up and understand the truth and facts, will they advocate for EQUAL IVF rights and EQUAL intersex rights? Our goals are aligned.

1) Voiceless children

Intersex children are voiceless and are forced into sex reassignment surgery at a young age or puberty without their consent by educated elite who think they know what is right.

IVF children are voiceless and used as property with no respect for their basic human dignity just so that an infertile person can have a child. Does the innocent IVF child have their own rights as an individual?

2) Utopia Vs. Reality

There is a strategy of “concealment-based approach” using an elaborate web of secrecy, lies, brainwashes, propagandizing, convincing parents to lie for the “good of the intersex child”.

While socially we are led to believe that biology and gender do NOT matter to being a parent of a child; it is the love you offer. The LAWS and reality are in STARK contrast using ONLY the biology and GENDER to give rights to an IVF child. If the parent’s rights are oppressed, how can their IVF child have EQUAL rights as they are coupled with their parent’s rights.

If believing in Utopis is wrong, then punish the person who believed in Utopia like a spouse caregiver of intersex and an IVF father in early 2000s. Why punish the innocent children?

3) Fraud Legal Documents

When a doctor creates fraud medical records which is a legal document as saying “removal of ovaries” instead of “removal of testes”, what credibility is there? Does a doctor say “removal of kidney” when in fact they did a “liver transplant”? Intersex patient also starts believing they had “ovaries” instead of testes and keeps repeating the lies. It has an adverse effect on their relationships, career, family, children, etc.

When a doctor creates fraud birth documents of an IVF child, it has a lifetime of implications. A birth certificate is a property of the child, an individual, for a lifetime and NOT the property of the parents. False, inaccurate, fraud birth certificate details can have a lifetime adverse effect on the IVF child’s career, job, life, etc.

4) Implications of Fraud Documents

When an intersex patient provides a fraud medical record showing “removal of ovaries” when in fact it was testes to another doctor, or a nurse, or a lactation consultant, is it one crime or multiple crimes of presenting a fraud document. Is it also multiple counts of fraud upon the doctor/clinic who issued the fraud document?

When an IVF child gets a passport, a visa based on fraud birth documents, is that immigration fraud? Living as an illegal immigrant in a  foreign country is stressful and can be deported at any moment. Are their constitutional rights protected as an illegal immigrant in a foreign country? Only the country of citizenship can guarantee that. Does the innocent IVF child have rights to get EQUAL rights?

5) Long-term implications

If an intersex person who is a genetic male, attempts to breastfeed an innocent infant and there is no milk, is it abuse? Or their belief they had a “removal of ovaries” surgery makes them think they can breastfeed? The crime is NOT attempting to breastfeed but attempting to breastfeed with NO lactation and making the hungry infant cry incessantly because you cannot overcome your own lies?

If an IVF child grows up WITHOUT the biological family and falls severely sick and needs genetic data of the biological family, will the fraud birth documents help? What if a crucial piece of genetic history may help the IVF child’s health from less suffering?

6) Primary Care Provider

Having controversial Sex Reassignment Surgery for intersex people is popular among intersex but not during a marriage. Recently the Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to such normalization surgery in intersex. If the Torture department at UN thinks it is torture for the intersex, what is it for the spouse caregiver of intersex? It takes great courage for an intersex person to have to go through this controversial treatment, but are they the ONLY victims when done during a marriage? A person goes through ALL possible changes one can imagine; physical, mental, psychological, emotional, spiritual and it is very traumatic, as a spouse caregiver of intersex one get intimate knowledge which most others only have academic knowledge of.

We are reaching into the UNKNOWN. Intersex people can be good parents, thats NOT The discussion. Can they be a Primary care provider for an infant while their hormonal replacement therapy from male to female is stabilizing?  If an intersex person is a butterfly today, what was the situation during their ugly stage of transition as larvae? Was there any abuse on an innocent IVF child and an IVBF father in the meantime which was hidden again through a web of secrecy and lies?

Is it OK to separate an innocent CHILD from his Primary Care Provider?

7) Lying is second nature

What if an intersex person is so desperate that they start telling people that they had a child from their eggs which were harvested before their “removal of ovaries” surgery which by they way never existed. How many lies one must say to hide one lie? And how many other people are coerced into living a life of lies.

What if there is a chance the IVF child may leave. Will the infertile, intersex person lie to NOT lose a child at any cost including perjury, defamation, blatant lies of abuse, false criminal charges only to drop them later after utilizing them as legal leverage, conspiracy? Worst, abandoning the sister of the child they claim to love? Is this love for the child or for themselves due to infertility?

8) Relationships

A person who lies a thousand times to hide one lie will also lie, cheat, fraud their partner. And wonder why the partner wanted to leave them? Its because of the countless lies which include committing crimes. In any relationship, trust is paramount and no relationship will last on a foundation of lies.

An innocent child who is being raised by a perennial liar and a criminal is in grave danger. Not only will they learn to lie but they will also learn that if you lie, cheat, fraud, perjury, false allegations, criminal conspiracy, nothing will happen and you will NOT pay for the crimes. LYING is what the innocent child will learn and their relationships will be doomed as well.

Let’s keep it simple. Live free, and truth is freedom. No more lies.

Here is a start to a TRUTH:

Even if one intersex person through use of lies, cheating, fraud duped an unknowing, innocent victim and took their child away even though intersex are infertile. Can other intersex people marry legally? Can other intersex people have children legally? What is the greater good? Let us unite to ask for equal intersex rights so intersex families no longer have the NEED to lie, cheat, fraud innocent victims. And wanting “EQUAL RIGHTS” is something politics can help with.

We have shown compassion when fraud was discovered, we have shown compassion when the controversial sex reassignment surgery occurred during marriage and became a silent caregiver, we have shown compassion in having an IVF child, we have shown compassion in raising the IVF child as a Primary Care Provider, we have shown compassion to provide a sibling to the IVF child, we have shown compassion by inheriting the UNEQUAL rights for intersex families, list goes on….As per conventional wisdom, some secrets you take them with you which we were ready to do. We CANNOT stand quiet as our INNOCENT CHILDREN are being punished. We CANNOT stand quiet KNOWING other innocent IVF children and families have UNEQUAL rights. We CANNOT stand quiet at the abhorrent human rights and child rights issue.

We want answers why our son, an Indian citizen, is NOT allowed to meet his family in India? Why can’t we share and be a part of his growing up? As a human being, what possibly more can we have done differently? Maybe reporting the fraud marriage and leaving and thus no children is the right answer?

If I Were A Woman…

Looking for an Erin Brockowich or “Pam Landy” from the movie “The Bourne Ultimatum”. Anyone willing to give it ALL to uncover the TRUTH and provide relief to the VICTIMS?

1) If Maulik were a woman…The innocent children would be UNITED and growing up together.Children Looking for Birth Parent

First, the prevailing laws would NEVER SPLIT innocent brother and sister, if born of the same woman. But since the innocent children are born through IVF, it is morally and legally OK to SPLIT them because of their parent’s gender. The heart weeps for innocent, voiceless children who are victims based on a parent’s gender. First, a spouse of intersex was victimized using lies and fraud under silence and now the same victimization is being continued on innocent, voiceless children. Is it time to speak up? Victimizing unsuspecting humans to secure one’s own human rights is NOT a solution, its multiple violations of multiple human beings.

Every child in this world has a mother. Only a mother can give birth…humans have not figured out yet how to do that outside the womb. But is every mother ALSO a “legal mother”? IVF does open up some doors for varying definitions of a “legal mother”. If a man uses his sperm, an anonymous donor and surrogate, who is the “legal mother”? Only the father would be the KNOWN biological parent for the IVF children.

A Child’s ONLY FAULT…

a) From 1940s to 1970s, USCanada and Australia during the baby scoop era forced adoptions of innocent children born to single mothers out of wedlock because it was “socially unacceptable” and gave the children to “deserving infertile couples”. The ONLY FAULT of the innocent child to grow up SEPARATELY from the biological family is they were born to a “single mother”.

b) Today, the ONLY FAULT the innocent IVF siblings are growing up SEPARATELY is because of their only known biological parent’s GENDER, a male and that is “socially unacceptable”. Gay fathers, single fathers, IVF fathers are not looked upon as “socially acceptable” yet.

2) If Maulik were a woman…his daughter and mother would not have been punished.If I were a woman

Accidents happen. A mother dies during child birth or a mother has a severe medical condition right after child birth which prevents a mother from being the primary care provider for an infant. But what if an intended parent places an “order” for an IVF baby in India while living in the US and DOES NOT show up when the “ordered IVF baby” is born in India and meet the US Immigration law requirements. Instead the infant girl child is pre-meditatively abandoned and an innocent aging grandmother raises the innocent IVF granddaughter at a great personal cost to her health. If Maulik were a woman, he could have taken his biological child with him to the US WITHOUT anyone’s help or support.

3) If Maulik were a woman…there would be more social, legal, financial, moral support to UNITE the innocent brother and sister.

There would be several social organizations offering legal, financial, and moral support to UNITE the innocent brother and sister. But because the SAME two innocent brother and sister are born of a father, they get LESS support. If you do not know what its like to be discriminated because of your colour, caste, creed, religion, but now one can see that innocent CHILDREN are punished because of their only biological parent’s GENDER, a male.

4) If Maulik were a woman…There would be more support, empathy and help during the caregiving years.

It is a FACT that there are MORE female caregivers than male. As a result, it is only logical to find more support, help and someone to SHARE for respite as a caregiver. A caregiver does not CONTROL the medical situation of the patient, they are a caregiver out of love and compassion for the patient. The most important aspect for any caregiver is to be able to SHARE. As a young, male, spouse caregiver one can attest that the argument that men SHARE less than women is FALSE. While there may be MORE men who do not SHARE as women do, typically those men are also NOT caregivers and is reflected in the statistics. Men who are caregivers SHARE a LOT, its in their nature, its in the nature of any caregiver irrespective of gender.

5) If Maulik were a woman in a lesbian relationship with another woman…he would have been allowed to share the “secret” seeing how the secrecy and lies was breaking me down.

If Maulik were in a lesbian relationship with another woman, he would have received more empathy, support, and help. Maulik would have been protected from domestic abuse and violence and implicitly his child.

6) If Maulik were a woman in a lesbian relationship with another woman…he may not have been LIED to or cheated.

If Maulik were in a lesbian relationship, the spouse would have been honest from the get go. Love is built on trust and a foundation of lies (regardless of the “traumatic medical condition”) is NOT love.

7) If Maulik were a woman…he could have fulfilled my child’s wish to give him a sibling.

While wonderful medical technology like IVF affords us to have children, the LAWS have simply not caught up and are still based on GENDER of the parent. Then why allow men to have kids without a “legal mother”  and punish the innocent children?

8) If Maulik were a woman…he could have breastfed my child instead of abusing him by attempting to breastfeed with “NO MILK” as a genetic male.

While women who do not give birth to a child, through medically administered hormonal therapy they can still lactate and produce milk for a baby. Provided there is enough milk, a woman can breastfeed a child. As a male, there is no milk and while pretending to be a woman, inadvertently, an innocent infant cries incessantly for food as there is no breast milk. The right answer is to give the hungry infant formula milk like most IVF children and NOT abuse a hungry infant while trying to become a woman.

9) If Maulik were a woman…he would feel sorry for a man wanting to make IVF children without a “legal mother”.

There are men who are gay, there are men who are married to Eunuch or intersex, there are single fathers, there are fertile men in a heterosexual relationship with an infertile woman, who WANT children. In a case of IVF, the only known biological parent in any of these cases is the MALE. As a fertile lesbian or single woman, the same gender-based IVF laws do not affect a woman. Feel sorry for such fertile men who love and want children but LAWS punish both them and inadvertently their CHILDREN.

10) If Maulik were a woman…as a mother, he would ask to STOP this crime on humanity and innocent IVF children by placing them in LEGAL LIMBO.

A birth certificate is NOT the property of parents, it is the property of EACH INDIVIDUAL. Therefore its authenticity is CRITICAL for a LIFETIME. Recently, there was a big row in India about a birth date for Gen. V. K. Singh (retd). Having CREDIBLE birth information for EACH INDIVIDUAL is their right which cannot and should not be denied. If we as a society cannot pass fair and equal laws, we should call a moratorium on IVF children born of fathers as the only known biological parent. Deliberately placing innocent IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO is a crime against humanity. The same bioethical reasons why human cloning is banned is the same bioethical reasons why bringing IVF children into this world with their rights in LEGAL LIMBO is wrong.