Tag Archives: EQUAL

IVF or Natural Born Child, Would You Like Equal Rights With That?

A child is a child, having equal rights should not matter. Its 2014 and we have some archaic and barbaric laws which are hurting IVF or natural - equal rightsinnocent children. It is HARD not to get your hairs raised both as a parent and as a human being. When will we get equal rights for IVF children and families? How stereotypes of the society and justice system are hurting and violating the rights of innocent IVF children?

“In the immediate aftermath of 9/11, we did some things that were wrong. We did a whole lot of things that were right, but we tortured some folks. We did things that were contrary to our values,” said US President Obama.

“it’s an incredibly sad story”. “I guess it illustrates some of the pitfalls involved in this particular [surrogacy] business,” said Australian PM Abbott on abandoned IVF baby in Thailand.

What should we say to abandoned IVF baby in India and knowingly splitting IVF brother and sister across the US and India? An IVF parent knows the facts but the “system/laws” have a long way to catch up…in the meantime, what should the IVF parent do to the IVF siblings? – Abandon them or fight for them or die from their own personal trauma – perhaps the real intent so that there is NO LEGAL challenger. While systems may be slow to catch up, people still commit crimes and should we right multiple wrongs or do we look the other way? Is it torture for an IVF family to be knowingly SPLIT up – is this their Abu Ghraib? is this their double whammy of MH370 and MH17? Rather than pointing fingers, we are looking for justice, we are looking for a solution to UNITE innocent IVF brother and sister because regardless of any justification, knowingly splitting up siblings is a crime today and will be in the future. Infertility is very trauma

As times move forward and more democratization of the world, more people are finding the strength to report the truth no matter how bitter nor are afraid of the persecution by powerful people. The primary driving force behind the truth is best interest of innocent children. Recently, there was a case where a Hollywood IVF parent-to-be decided to abandon an ongoing IVF pregnancy despite giving consent in the first place. In another case, a person successfully filed for divorce without declaring an ongoing IVF pregnancy resulting in successfully splitting two innocent IVF siblings and placing them in legal limbo. In another case, an Australian couple abandoned an innocent IVF child because he has Down’s Syndrome. In another case, a Canadian couple was unable to take their IVF child born in India due to a “DNA mismatch”. In a US case, a “mother” was not considered the mother of two lovely IVF children because she only carried them to term but had “no genetic link” as she used an egg donor. After four long, grueling years, the US changed its laws for “IVF mothers” like these. There are several such IVF cases but they rarely come to light in 2014 because it is taboo, stigma, secrecy. Ask the victimized IVF child if they care about all this? In each case, the truth has to be told, the unaffected public needs to be educated on the facts and lack of laws for international IVF, and finally, maybe, the government may take some action after prolonged number of years. How is that the “best interest of the child”?

  1. What are the rights of an IVF child born during a divorce?
  2. What are the rights of an IVF child who has been knowingly abandoned?
  3. What are the rights of an IVF child who had a DNA mismatch?
  4. If an IVF mother can dream of providing a sibling to an IVF child, can an IVF father have the same dream? More critically, can an IVF child of an IVF father dream to have a sibling to love, share and grow up with?
  5. When an IVF child is abandoned, what are the rights of a left-behind IVF child and parent/caretaker?
  6. If consent is REQUIRED to commence IVF/surrogacy, then what should be the responsibility and accountability when the same cnsenting adult decides to abandon an innocent IVF child they consented to before?
  7. If a genetic parent is REQUIRED to pay child support for a child they abandoned, what should be the responsibility and accountability of a non-genetic parent who gave consent for an IVF child but later abandoned?
  8. If a non-genetic parent has EQUAL rights to an IVF child they consented to, then what should be the responsibility and accountability of a non-genetic parent who gave consent for an IVF child but later abandoned?
  9. If a commercial surrogate delivers an IVF child as per consent, does she deserve to get paid by the consenting IVF parents when she delivers? What are the surrogate’s rights (a woman also) or do only rights of the infertile matter?
  10. Why do we have these disparate laws for IVF children and families? Instead of trying to shove facts under the carpet, intimidating and threatening IVF parents who care deeply for their child, falsely persecuting and oppressing innocent IVF parents and therefore his IVF children, isn’t it better to have equal rights for IVF children and families? Let’s solve the bigger problem instead of dancing around secrecy and lies.

The world is perhaps a few decades away before having equal rights for IVF children and families including donors, surrogates, intended parents but in the meantime let us not continue the victimization and abuse of innocent IVF children by denying them justice. In the bigger historical context, the laws requested will become a reality then why punish innocent IVF children today?

If the same children were not born via IVF but were born naturally, would they have to deal with these lack of laws? Are innocent IVF children and families specifically being targeted if not deliberately, at least inadvertently by not taking any action to have equal rights?

Change is Refreshing – IVF rights

Whether be it spouse caregiver or being an immigrant or being an IVF father or being all of the above – change is required for all. If one does not havechange-refreshing-ivf  the intent to “become the change you want to see in this world”, no person can constantly go through such life-changing events. There is positive change and there is negative change. Positive is sharing and caring while negative is secrecy and lying. What will not ebb is the constant flow of the river of change. Despite seeing all the trauma in life, when one sees the abuse repeated on their innocent children, life stops and makes you wonder, is it time to speak up finally?

There are parents of children with mental disabilities or physical disabilities or victims of bullying or victims of abuse or children with Down’s Syndrome or victims of lies. As a parent, do you abandon the innocent child or do you stand up for what’s right? I am an IVF parent and while IVF may not be a disability, the lack of laws for IVF children and families sure makes it feel like so. The result is the same – unequal rights for innocent children and families. And it is much better to fight for equal rights for all IVF children and families instead of lying about it including breaking laws.  Thats what an IVF father who is also an immigrant and part of an intersex family is doing for his IVF children – standing up finally after years of abuse in secrecy.

It is obvious that an intersex, immigrant, international IVF family should not exist legally in the 2000s. Unless some laws were broken, this would not be possible. Even in 2014, it is taboo to talk about an intersex, immigrant, IVF family. But truth always finds a way and time always supports the truth. People can choose to be secretive and lie about the facts for personal benefits OR speak up and fight for the truth for themselves and others to come. After all, what is so WRONG about helping a fellow human being who is intersex, infertile and an immigrant for whom laws itself fall short? Why should one continue to lie while other intersex or infertile or immigrant children and families are suffering due to lack of laws?

A murderer is also a man or woman, someone’s son or daughter, father or mother, brother or sister BUT still a murderer. They are right here amongst us.  Just like that an intended IVF parent is also someone’s daughter or son, sister or brother, mother or father BUT may also be an IVF criminal. By fighting for the truth, we hope to address the rights of the IVF children, what are the rights of the IVF child when born during a divorce? Are IVF children a “commodity” OR are they real human beings with equal protection as children? What happens when laws fall short and people take advantage and break the laws?

With cases like “baby Gammy” or “baby Medhavi” becoming a common occurrence, it is time to speak up, especially the people who are affected by these lack of laws. One can appreciate that the IVF community is a minority and there may not be many takers but if you are a parent, you would care because you care about any child as a loving parent. If you are a law-abiding human being, you would care because humanity is our cornerstone and when people break laws for personal benefit while placing innocent children as shields, there has to be consequences.

It is very traumatic to live as an intersex, immigrant, IVF family. But it is far more traumatic to knowingly split innocent IVF siblings and place them in legal limbo. Sadly love and compassion do not matter but laws do as our lives are ruled by laws. By UNITING the innocent IVF siblings we send two messages that laws matter AND so restores faith in humanity where compassion matters. Are we ready to do the right thing in 2014 or do we have to wait a century for equal rights for IVF children and families and give them justice?

Happy World Embryology Day

Thirty six years ago, he world’s first IVF child was born. Wishing everyone a Happy World Embryology day if you care. Some famous people born in IVF-Cruelty1978 as well are Ashton Kutcher, Zoe Saldana, Tia and Tamera Mowry, Usher, Kobe Bryant, Katie Holmes, first IVF baby in the world – Louise Brown, India’s first IVF baby – Durga. Sadly, we still do not have equal rights for IVF children and families.

Technology is wonderful when used correctly and thanks to the hard work of scientists, researchers for doing their part for the progress of humanity. Whose job is it to have laws that keep pace with technology? Have they done their job? What happens when the laws fall short and innocent IVF children are victimized with no justice? Whose responsibility and accountability is that?

In 1978, there were about 4.3 billion people and 2 IVF children.

In 2012, there were about 7.1 billion people and the 5 millionth IVF child was delivered.

In 2012, the CDC estimated 1% of all births in US were through IVF and expect all births to be about 5% soon.

By 2020, the population is estimated to be about 7.7 billion and the IVF industry is expected to double (maybe the number of IVF children born will also double as a conservative estimate?)

When will IVF be a “big enough” issue to start caring? And it is about the innocent, voiceless IVF children – the most vulnerable of the vulnerable. When will we as a society wake up? What will it take for us as a society to wake up? 

If “IVF” is an “industry”, then what is it “product” and who is protecting their rights? Should any industry be regulated especially where billions of dollars are involved? Especially where innocent children’s lives may be at risk? Especially where innocent children’s welfare may be endangered?

If “IVF” is to help infertile or dysfertile people, who helps the IVF children? What are the rights of IVF children when born during a divorce? Do they deserve a legal identity or should they be shoved under the carpet and make them invisible? Does that solve the problem?

When a straight couple who is dealing with infertility, are both spouses impacted with the lack of laws for IVF children and families? When gay couples, lesbian couples, single men, single women, infertile couples attempt to solve their “dysfertility” with help of other compassionate human beings, should there also be laws to help them and the IVF children? Or should such people be discriminated and falsely persecuted for daring to dream to have a child through help of technology? Worse their innocent IVF children should be punished for crimes they did not commit and for the actions of their parents.

Every IVF journey is unique. Some result in not having a IVF child at all despite multiple attempts which sadly failed. The worst is having an IVF child who is born into legal limbo and not having any rights as a living, breathing human being. Sadly, pets have more rights in some cases. 

This year on World Embryology Day, let us pledge for equal rights for IVF children and families. This includes the entire IVF fraternity – the donors, the surrogates, the IVF clinics and medical professionals, the intended parents, and most importantly the IVF child. If there are laws for international child adoption, if there are laws for international child abduction, why are there no laws for international IVF children? More importantly, in absence of these laws, how do innocent victims get justice? 

The cornerstone of any IVF cycle is compassion of a fellow human being. It is the essence of our humanity. Let us hope that is NOT lost.

Resolve to Know More…

This week happens to be the National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). In the spirit of helping myself, my IVF children and others who have IVF 2014-niaw-resolve-to-knowchildren or are planning to build a family either through adoption or fertility treatment, we write this blog.

Dealing with infertility has several aspects – emotional, financial, legal, and of course the biological aspect. There are infertile couples and there are dysfertile people or couples like a gay, lesbian couple or a single person wanting to be a parent. Individually they are able to have a child biologically but need assistance of either a donor and/or surrogate to completely build out their family. Here are top 10 reasons to RESOLVE in dealing with fertility issues.

  1. Having a child is a human right –  learn it, accept it. Everyone has the right to try to have a child. Sometimes we may not be as blessed or lucky to have a child then we have to learn to accept it. The pain stays but learn to manage the pain. Pace yourself and don’t let anyone tell you whether you should have a child or not – thats your decision.
  2. Secrecy and stigma are the biggest culprits. Help yourself over this and help others over this because change only happens when you change yourself.
  3. Advocacy – The intent is to spread awareness and educate everyone. While awareness of fertility issues is on the rise, number of people affected by fertility issues is still a minority even though a sizeable one. So it is important to advocate every welcome opportunity you get so that we can get more support even from unaffected voters because that’s how democracy works.
  4. Support – You will be surprised to know how many people have to deal with fertility issues either directly or indirectly through a close family member or friend. Once you are comfortable in speaking out, you will have lot of support. You can also be a support person for someone else.  You may build great friendships as a result regardless of whether you have a child or not.
  5. Financial Support – While fertility treatments are costly, hopefully through advocacy and laws we can get more assistance from health care providers to cover costs. In the meantime, just like planning a monthly budget, plan your financial resources adequately to meet the costs. Do not run yourself dry or get wrapped up in the single theme of having a child at any cost. Having a healthy life is equally important.
  6. Legal Support – Laws are still evolving on this subject. Each case is considered differently based on your jurisdiction and the kind of treatment sought. Be very precise and accurate about your situation and the applicable laws. For example, what may have worked for one person in Massachusetts, the same outcome may not be possible in Texas.
  7. International Laws – If you plan to have an IVF child abroad, the US laws require a “genetic link” between US parent and the IVF child. If you are infertile that means legally you cannot bring a child back to the US legally. Understand your options very clearly before embarking on this journey. The only thing WORSE than not having a child is the trauma of having an IVF child abroad but not being able to bring the IVF child back to the US due to lack of laws.
  8. Child options – Whether you plan to have a child through adoption or through fertility treatments, always follow the laws. While the journey of having a child is entrenched in emotions and compassion of others, the laws are not based on emotions. And our lives are ruled by laws. While an adult can fool the laws for the sake of the child, having faulty documentation for a child can create legal issues for the innocent child in the future.
  9. Rare condition – There is no condition nor situation which is extremely rare. There is always someone who is rarer, you just have not met them or they have not met you. In the community of fertility issues, you will come across many “rare conditions” and see the courage and strength of people to overcome. That is the biggest lesson – to learn from others regardless whether you have a child or not.
  10. Humanity – Anyone who is dealing with fertility issues is inherently a good human. It works because of compassion for a fellow human being – be it adoption or donor or surrogate. And this is the best gift that you can give a fellow human being. So let us celebrate the humanity and the good in the people as we deal with fertility issues.

What Does Equal Intersex Rights Mean and Would You Teach Your Child That?

Its 1999. You are Intersex. Legally, you cannot marry. Biologically, you are infertile and cannot have a child. What does one do? Being intersex is a Shared parentingnaturally occurring condition meaning it is not the intersex person’s fault. However due to secrecy, stigma, lack of laws the situation is made worse. If you are a parent of an intersex child, what would you teach your child – to lie or say the truth? If you are a parent of a non-intersex child, what would you teach your child – to respect all or to discriminate? Every murderer is someone’s child, brother or sister, uncle or aunt, father or mother but they are still murderers. A murderer can be straight, gay, lesbian, intersex or different races, different genders – none of it matter, they are first a criminal then everything else. Every criminal who lies and breaks the laws is a criminal. Every criminal who coerces others to lie and break the laws is still a criminal. The question is what do we do as a society with criminals? Because when criminals get away with one crime, they tend to repeat their crimes creating more innocent victims.

As a parent, what will you teach your child about intersex rights? Will you say that all humans are created equal? Will you say that anyone should have the right to marry anyone? Will you say that despite being infertile, if a human has means to adopt or do IVF, they should be allowed to raise and love a child? Will you say that it is the love and character of a parent with a child which is more important than biology or gender of the parent? Most people would agree with this in 2014 despite the laws not in agreement. What do we do when a person who has followed all these tenants but still ends up being abused, victimized, persecuted for raising the voice and saying the truth? Worse, the children of that person are punished for crimes they did not commit.

It is a fact that up till 2000s, an intersex family who is also an immigrant and IVF family do not have rights and have to live in secrecy. In 2014, some things have changed but have a long way to go. More importantly, what protection does the government provide to victims who tried to give human rights to intersex people where laws itself fall short? Victims can be both innocent adults and children. Do they also have their own human rights? Or are they slaves of the lack of laws for intersex rights? And the strategy of secrecy and lies which has been used for decades/centuries in dealing with intersex will now be repeated on innocent immigrant, IVF families and children? How is that a solution of any kind? Are you on the right side of history?

Once the laws have conquered the human rights issues of today – race relations, disability relations, sexual orientation, marriage equality for all, gender relations, there is the NEXT – equal rights for IVF children and families. As victims of a triple whammy (intersex, immigrants, IVF) – what legal recourse do such victims have? When a death row victim who has been incorrectly convicted is exonerated based on DNA evidence, what do they feel like? The state gives them some compensation but can they restore the lost years of human dignity, the missed hugs and kisses of their little children, the missed opportunities to get an education and have a decent shot at a decent life? No amount of money can replace this and it is plane WRONG. One has to wonder what is worse – convicting an innocent human being and then exonerating them or just wrongfully killing them under the pretense of “law”.  The basic assumption why legal systems work is the notion of “fairness”. If the laws are anti-intersex then should people petition to change the laws or should people break the laws? And where is the “fairness” for immigrant, IVF families who are also part of an intersex family and its lack of laws?

With history on our side, regardless of what laws are enacted in future for equal intersex rights, equal IVF children and families rights, SPLITTING innocent IVF siblings due to lack of laws will still remain WRONG – just like wrongfully convicting an innocent human being for death row. Simple DNA evidence can prove the facts in accordance with the laws, why not use it?

How to Steal an IVF Child?

Its 2009. Its been 31 years since IVF was invented but we still lack laws where laws have simply not caught up with technology, for how long this must continue? Are there innocent victims? Its considered a boon for people with fertility issues. The way nature works is you need sperm, egg andit-could-have-been-you a womb to have a child – pure science, no offense. What if you have neither? A straight married couple may have egg, sperm and womb or have a fertility issue with any one or more of the needed things. A lesbian couple may just need the sperm much like a single mother wanna be. A gay couple would need both an egg and a womb like a single father wanna be. An intersex person would need all three – egg, womb and sperm. So if you are intersex in the 2000s where there are no equal rights for intersex or infertile people, do you break the laws and steal a child or do you change the laws? What about the innocent child, what do they want or that does not matter? The child’s best interest is the least of anyone’s concern, right?

Anyone who believes no CRIME has been committed should have the strength and courage to say that while looking into my IVF daughter innocent big brown eyes. The US usually is the “go-to” country in the world when it comes to upholding truth, human rights and justice. In this rarest of rarest cases, it has fell short because someone decided to manipulate the legal system for their selfish advantage. Is there room for correction in the best interest of the children before their TWO lovely innocent childhoods expire?

Wrongful conviction and lost decades can never be restored or replaced by any number of apologies. Lost innocent childhoods – not one but two cannot be restored. Infertility is very traumatic but to continue that trauma onto innocent IVF children is far worse. No number of apologies can replace or restore the lost childhoods, the hugs, the kisses, the fights, the anger, the frustration, the love, the everlasting bond, the bond that will exist long after their parents are gone from this world. It is about the innocent kids, right? Or is it about our ego? Surely there must be a better way to get a child like maybe asking for change in laws so that “a genetic link” is not required. If the laws were equal or neutral, however you want to see it, my two lovely, beautiful innocent IVF children would not have been SPLIT and wrongfully convicted of growing up separately. Because an infertile person then would not have the need to lie, cheat, fraud, break the laws, instead just be treated equally and so they would also treat other people including innocent children equally. The root cause is lack of laws, lack of equality so lets fix that so such heinous issues NEVER occur again. Banning IVF, banning immigration, banning intersex marriages, banning whatever is not the answer, accepting the facts and truth and moving forward is the right answer.

What if you are intersex and while it is traumatic, is there any trauma for a spouse and children of an intersex marriage? Is there an “I” in infertility when dealing with it during a marriage? Legally, intersex marriages are not recognized so there cannot be a “child of the marriage”. Plus as per laws, an IVF child is considered as “child born out of wedlock” as if it were an infidelity. Biologically you are infertile, meaning cannot have a genetic link with any child despite the facts that you have fraudulent documents to show otherwise and despite the fact that the laws require a “genetic link” to be proven by DNA. So how does an infertile US person get a child where laws require a genetic link?

Step 1 : Have one child through IVF and lie, cheat, fraud, abuse, torture, break the laws, become a criminal to “must-have” an innocent IVF child.

Step 2 : Force the spouse to lie, live in secrecy, abuse under threats and not report on the crimes and abuse while pretending everything is normal.

Step 3 : When the fraud marriage falls apart, not because of intersex, not because of IVF, but because of lies, secrecy, abuse, silence, threats, fraud, the fear of losing a child sets in. The fact that laws require a “genetic link” between a parent and child sets in. How will one get a child?

Step 4 : Being an intelligent person, come up with a heinous and pre-meditated plan to SPLIT innocent children. Create a DECOY by consenting for a second IVF child with NO intent of ever bringing the second child over.

Step 5 : The laws are different for different people or known as discrimination. Through savagery and intelligent lawyering and legal manouevering use the anti-IVF laws against innocent IVF children. As per laws, an immigrant father can only bring a child born outside the US along with the “mother” while an immigrant mother does not need a “father” to bring a child. Why this discrimination and more importantly, this takes special relevance in IVF cases. A DNA test assuring a “genetic link” is needed in either case to rule out any maternity or paternity fraud.  The US government will definitely catch up but in the meantime people are taking undue advantage and placing innocent children’s lives at risk in the thirst to have a child at any cost.

Step 6 : File for divorce in the US without declaring the ongoing IVF pregnancy in India, never come to India when the IVF child is born thus leaving the innocent IVF child stranded as per laws an immigrant IVF father cannot bring a child born outside the US  by himself – his gender gets in the way much like how gay fathers or single fathers would feel.

Step 7 : The innocent IVF father is tugged in both directions and is placed in a heinous position that no parent should ever have to face – choose a child much like Sophie’s Choice – the Nazi Holocaust movie. The IVF father runs to the infant daughter and therefore the facts are not stated in the US court and NO DUE PROCESS is afforded to either the IVF father or his IVF children. It is lucky to have survived and be alive thanks to the love and support of a family.

Step 8 : Alienate, brainwash the innocent IVF son in the US while his loving IVF father is living in exile in India raising his IVF sister. The other option is to ALSO abandon the IVF daughter at an orphanage and continue to live in the US and enjoy raising his IVF son. How can you be a good role model to your son – teach him to lie, cheat, fraud, break the laws, violate others human rights or when inequality exists do you petition the government for change in laws with truth, facts, compassion and love for fellow human beings?

When an IVF parent speaks up, they are not the only ones who are victimized, there are others too. The issues of rights of IVF children are separate than rights of IVF parents. In the future, there will be equal intersex rights, equal IVF children and family rights, equal immigration rights BUT abandoning an innocent child will still be a CRIME.

Have a child, love a child but surely there must be better ways than to SPLIT the child from his siblings and loving family or NOT getting him into legal limbo? What does the innocent child WANT? Does he have rights? Does the abandoned IVF child have rights? Who pays the commercial surrogate when an intended parent abandons the surrogacy? What are the rights of the surrogate?

What’s Next – Human Cloning for Personal Benefit?

IVF is very much a bioethics issue. If a person needs a heart or liver or kidney, will they just create a clone, rip out the needed organ from the clone and leave the clone to its situation. It is true that a clone also needs a heart or kidney or liver to survive and live or where they just a “spare parts factory” made alive by the awesome invention of technology? Does the clone have rights as a human being?

If an infertile person needs a child, can they just have an IVF child through donor DNA and surrogate womb, decide to change their mind and not want the IVF child and just abandon the IVF child with no responsibility or accountability either for the innocent IVF child OR the surrogate. Does the IVF child have any rights as a human being once born or where they just a “baby factory” brought to life by the awesome invention of technology? What about the right of the surrogate?

With any technology, we need checks and balance. Do we have the appropriate checks and balance to protect the rights of innocent IVF children and families including donors and surrogates? Are we asking the right questions?

Is the term, “mother language” dated?

Most children grow up in traditional families – but then again what is a traditional family? Who decides and who defines? There are single parents, there mother language internationalare adoptive parents, there are blended marriages, list goes on. February 21 is designated as the International Mother Language Day by the UN. Recently a bill was introduced in the US Congress to recognize the same. What does exactly “mother language” refer to? Is it the “language” the primary caregiver of an infant speaks and so that it is the first language the child picks up?  When two males raise a child together, what is the “mother language”? OR when a single father raises a child, what is the “mother language”? How will the child feel who is raised by two males or a single father as to what is his “mother language” with NO mother around?

It’s 2014 and it is disconcerting to see that an organization like UN which on one hand promotes gay rights meaning gays can be loving parents BUT also promotes “mother” language day which is a contradiction. In 2014, it is disconcerting to see language like “mother language” being used in legal bills because it can have unintended consequences like the lack of laws for IVF children and families based on biology and gender.

No one is against the multiculturalism and the intent the International “mother language” is trying to promote. But it is the words which are being used in 2014 is discriminating rights of others. Laws have far reaching consequences and the language used has to be practical and equal. Should we call it “primary caregiver language” day or “father language day” or “blended family language day” or ….? We may not know the right answer right away but if we put our minds into it, we can certainly come up with wordings which are INCLUSIVE and not derogatory. Maybe “Language Day” or “Parent Language Day” or “Primary Language Day”. Let us get back to the business of celebrating the multiculturalism and the rich, different languages without offending anyone and being more practical with the changing world around us.

One way Street – Cannibalizing Human Rights

In a recent policy decision, the US DOJ announced equal benefits for same-sex spouses and extending benefits provided the marriage occurred in a state international-human-rightswhere the marriage was done legally. This is good news for human rights and a welcome message for the 21st century. The question is are human rights a one-way street? Can someone achieve human rights by cannibalizing the rights of others? What if someone who habitually lies, frauds and other criminal acts including violence and abuse of innocent children? Just like murderers and criminals can be of any race, religion, caste, nationality, gender, sexual orientation, they are first a criminal; someone who breaks laws.

The policy decision in 2014 proves that these rights were not extended before. Does that mean if someone lied, cheated and frauded someone before 2014 broke the laws? Is intersex marriage a same-sex marriage or heterosexual marriage? More importantly, is it legal marriage and were laws followed where performed? Was there deliberate and intentional fraud and violation of laws? If intersex people are women then why do they have a legally recognized “third gender”? Let there be no doubt, there should be equal rights for intersex people but do spouses and IVF children of an illegal intersex marriage have rights? Do they exist legally or are their human rights being cannibalized? Are there false allegations and a thousand lies to hide a lie? Do intersex spouses have rights to the special medical needs of an intersex spouse or are they mere sacrificial lambs and guinea pigs? In the best interest of an intersex marriage and equal rights of the spouse and children of an illegal intersex marriage, should a medical professional lie on a medical record or say the truth?

If a child was born during the illegal intersex marriage, does the innocent child deserve basic human rights, dignity and respect?

Since now same-sex spouse rights exist, will it also include rights to domestic abuse and violence? Does this mean if a spouse in an illegal intersex marriage is a victim of domestic violence and abuse can now report it and be afforded equal rights? Or are there only one- way rights for the intersex person?

If a spouse in an illegal intersex marriage afforded rights to an intersex person where laws itself fall short, what are the safeguards and protections afforded for their human rights? Since the laws did not exist, does that mean the abuse and laws did not occur? Are human rights a one-way street or does every human being deserve equal rights?

Progressive Vs. Stereotype

There is nothing status quo about this case, so why start “status quo” now? In an international case of immigrant, IVF children and dysfunctional intersex family, what side would you be on? Not just today, but in the next 5-10-Move-Forward-IVF50-100 years when there will be equal laws for both intersex and IVF children  and families. One can use anti-gay laws, anti-IVF laws, anti-immigration laws in 2009 to deny the rights of an IVF child, but they cannot continue the discrimination forever. In 2013, gay rights and intersex rights have made great strides, we hope to soon see IVF rights and immigration rights that does NOT split families. Then will someone be able to abandon an immigrant IVF child to steal another IVF child? The lack of laws for IVF children and families is like placing a “staircase” in front of a wheelchair bound person. We need a ramp – laws for IVF children and families to stop this ongoing discrimination.

This case is anything but stereotypical. It is about being progressive. It is a proud moment to be a young, spouse caregiver because it shows the love and a homage to the parents who raised their child right. It is a proud moment to be a IVF parent because it shows the love of a parent irrespective of biology, gender or sexual orientation and should not be forced to lie and live in secret about IVF. We need to continue to move forward and NOT be held back with stereotypes, secrecy and lies for selfish and criminal benefit. Was it wrong to help a fellow human being who happens to be intersex, infertile, immigrant? In the process one gets exposed to the secrecy, lies and the inhumane treatment meted out on intersex families and their children who may be IVF. There is nothing stereotypical in dealing with complex issues like intersex, immigration, IVF, invisibility in 2000s. It is rather a proud moment to celebrate having survived and being alive to tell about it. Thanks to the love and support of the family. Thats a message we would like to teach our children and pay it forward and not a message of secrecy and lies.

Truth Vs Lies

Unite Vs Divide

Love Vs Vengeance

Caregiver Vs Patient

Patience Vs Selfish

Humanity Vs Crimes

Crime Against Human

We all have skeletons in our closet but are any of those skeletons of an infant or a child? If one has the guts, they should first defend and bestow the rights of an innocent child and then thump their chest about love for a child. Of course it would require them to be honest and follow the prevailing laws. It would require them to be honest with themselves and the children and then others including the court.

It is one thing for an officer of the court to lie, malign, conspire on behalf of their client but when the victim includes an innocent, voiceless infant, what is the SCORE? What is there to be happy about that you beat a voiceless infant and denied them their legal rights and dehumanizing them by making them “legally invisible“?

Is that child abuse? Is that a crime against the infant – a human being? Is that crime against a human?

It is very traumatic to undergo an intersex surgery AND without parents as caregivers AND having an infant to raise while stabilizing from the ongoing medical treatment. We can feel sympathy but it would be incorrect to DENY the abuse that occurred to an innocent IVF child while stabilizing and under medical treatment.

Never again will an IVF child be denied their rights. An IVF child will have rights to basic human dignity and respect if not equal. Hope is that by 2013 or 2020 or 2030 or 2040 or 2050, abandoning IVF children will be a crime and the abandoning parent will be held accountable and responsible. Anyone who aids and abets in this crime will also be held equally responsible for suppressing facts from the court who can decide the best interest of the child. Because that’s what it is about – best interest of the child and not about lying, selfish, criminal adult who breaks laws. If a parent of an intersex child seeks compassion and sympathy, why would it be an insult for an IVF parent to seek compassion and sympathy for his IVF children? If parents of an intersex child chose to lie and fraud (maybe even due to the advise of “experts” like health professionals), why should an IVF parent LIE and live in secrecy and repeat the same mistakes? More importantly, what good will the lying and fraud do? – more crimes?

The stereotype is a male is unemotional, uncaring, unloving, untrustworthy, unparentworthy, not affected by infertility roller coaster ride, but thats what it is – stereotypes and are not true. The question to ask is when 83% of males leave their spouse when the spouse is diagnosed with a traumatic condition, the question to ask is in an ever-changing stereotypical world, when a male is a primary care provider for their children, the question to ask is while statistically 1 in 6 couples are infertile, ALL gays, lesbians, intersex couples are dysfertile or infertile. If these stereotypes are true in this case, how can a MALE become a young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex AND an immigrant IVF father and be WITHOUT emotions, love, care, and trust?

The Few, The Proud, The IVFhood

We pay homage and respect to the ultimate pillar of humanity of our times, Nelson Mandela. As millions and possibly billions who have been inspired by him, we continue the fight for equal human rights for all including innocent, defenseless, voiceless IVF children.

In each struggle, numbers count. Sadly, thats our system. Too often as humans in a democracy, we feel we are just a “statistic”. Then there is the mandelaIVFhood. The IVFhood consists of a large IVF ecosystem including the IVF child, donors, surrogates, intended parents, doctors, staff, etc. IVFhood is like being in a marathon where everyone is cheering you on but only the runner knows the truth and has the courage to get to the finish line. Most people do not even know what IVF families go through and what it takes to be part of the IVFhood. All IVF parents are very strong, persistent and determined possibly overcoming several personal, emotional, financial, legal and other struggles. Some who are lucky are blessed with an IVF child, some are not as lucky. Every IVF journey is unique and every IVF parent has an unique story on how they got there and got through with or without an IVF child. We are not just a “statistic”, we are real people with real needs and concerns. We are not asking the government to give every human being a child, we are asking for equal rights so that every IVF child is EQUAL. As an IVF parent, it is one thing to be discriminated against their reproductive rights but to use biology and/or gender of a parent to discriminate against an innocent IVF child takes it to whole another level. It is one thing to stand by quietly when an adult is discriminated and abused but can any parent standby quietly when it is their child being discriminated and abused? We need education and spreading awareness, not secrecy and lies. Let us go through some statistics.

  • As per CDC, 1 in 6 couples (about 15%) experience fertility issues. This does not account for singles or LGBTI couples where 100% need some sort of fertility assistance.
  • As per CDC, about 1% of child births were through IVF. As of 2013, in about 35 years since IVF’s inception, 5 million babies have been delivered via IVF. This number is expected to grow widely in the coming years especially now that “same-sex” marriages are being legalized.
  • With better IVF techniques and increasing demand, the IVF “success ratio” will be optimized resulting in birth of more IVF children and the “numbers” will grow in size.
  • With increasing medical tourism and affordability being a significant factor in IVF rather than just infertility or dysfertility, more IVF children may be born internationally requiring appropriate immigration laws.

The current laws for immigration simply do not go far enough and inadvertently puts innocent IVF children in legal limbo. Why? Are they not human beings who deserve “basic human dignity and respect” if not equal rights?

  • When an innocent child has no legal identity due to no fault of theirs other than to be born via IVF, is it discrimination based on “birth type”? Its the inadvertent effect of lack of laws and is this the kind of society at we want to leave our children with?
  • What are the rights of an IVF child and surrogate when a divorce occurs during an ongoing IVF pregnancy? Does the “intent” of having an IVF child have any significance?
  • If its a crime to abandon an infant, should it be a crime to abandon an IVF child with no accountability or responsibility for the IVF child?
  • When human errors occur due to accidents where samples get swapped and resulting in a DNA mismatch leading to lack of immigration laws for the IVF child, should the IVF child be abandoned, forced to be given up for adoption, or should the intended parents be forced to live in exile outside their home country because their IVF child cannot immigrate with them or should they break the laws and get the IVF child illegally to their resident country?
  • Does a child in legal limbo have any legal rights? Is there a difference when a child is placed in this situation due to no one’s fault Vs. deliberate actions of another human being.
  • The basic question is why are we creating IVF children without proper protection and ensuring their basic human rights if not equal rights? Every human being deserves the right to have a child – fertile or dysfertile or infertile, straight, gay, lesbian, intersex, single – but are the laws reflective of this?

Innovation can only occur when you can breathe free, challenge the government, challenge your teachers, challenge religious leaderssaid US Vice President Joe Biden.

A parent who is poor loves their child just as dearly even though they may not be able to afford education, or a parent who is gay or lesbian loves their child just as dearly even thought they may need to legally adopt or go for IVF or an immigrant parent loves their child just as dearly who may be separated from their child due to immigration laws or an IVF parent loves their IVF child just as dearly, then why SPLIT them in certain cases? We do not need the government to show a parent how to love, we need the government to have laws so that there is an equal playing field. The lack of laws is creating such a desperate situation where IVF parents are forced to just ask for BASIC rights to respect their IVF child as a human being and not even EQUAL rights. It is reminescent of past social justice revolutions like women suffrage, civil rights, apartheid, gay rights where initially one asks for basic human respect and dignity and then equality.