Tag Archives: equal laws

IVF Children Need Rescue

As per CDC data, 1 in 6 couples are infertile. 100% of all LGBTI couples and single parents can only have children through IVF orIVF child rescue adoption. The laws are based on biology and gender of a parent, are the laws 21st century compliant or are they trailing? Is the inaction to pass laws placing innocent children in legal limbo and need rescuing? Is the lack of laws creating stateless innocent children? Is there a voice for the voiceless?

US law requires a “genetic link” for a parent to bring a child to the US when the child is born outside the US. Due to affordability, several middle class Americans go abroad to have children through IVF technology. The lack of laws situation is placing some innocent IVF children in harm’s way leading to abuse of their human rights and child rights. Is that right? Is throwing the book of laws at an IVF parent and thereby condemning the innocent IVF child the right answer? The only thing between a foreign born IVF child and a parent in the US is NOT money, NOT love but a few words in the English language called “laws”. What good are these human made laws if it cannot protect the most innocent of the victims – the IVF children? What good are these laws if they cannot ensure a voice for the voiceless? As Madiba said, if one can learn to hate then that means they can also learn to love. Similarly, if laws are getting outdated where inadvertently are endangering the welfare of a child, then laws can be changed to endure and protect the welfare of innocent IVF children also. Or maybe Madiba had it wrong and the ones who throw the book of laws have it right, I suppose only time will tell just like apartheid was broken down by Madiba.

The question is not whether help will arrive for IVF children and families in terms of equal laws but the question is “when”? When a sperm sample is accidentally swapped in an IVF clinic and the DNA test fails after 9 months when the IVF child is born, should the IVF child be separated from their intended parent and placed in an orphanage? During an ongoing IVF pregnancy, if the biological parent decides no longer to have a child and abandons the IVF pregnancy, what rights does the non-biological parent have to the IVF child? Can they bring the IVF child to the US legally? Does the child deserve to go to an orphange? As mentioned earlier, 100% of all LGBTI and single parents who opt for IVF will have a situation where one of the parents is “non-biological”. How do the laws plan to address these issues? Or is the message to fill up orphanages with abandoned IVF children because we could not agree on changing a few words in English called laws? Or is the message to place innocent IVF children in legal limbo and condemn and punish them due to no fault of theirs? Or is the message to shove this under the carpet and pretend it did not happen? When the critical mass is enough, innocent IVF children will ask questions and wonder where were the laws to protect their “best interests” and human rights?

It is time to stand up for what’s right and the right answer is to ensure and protect all IVF children and treat them as equals. If two parents abuse their child within the four walls of their house, is it a crime? The government and laws make it a crime and take appropriate action against the criminals and save the innocent children. Why are the laws and government silent on this issue of innocent IVF children? Where is the voice for the voiceless? Who is going to rescue the innocent IVF children?

It sucks to be an immigrant intersex infertile family with no laws in 2000s. It is one thing to remain silent and be invisible as adults but to repeat the abuse on innocent IVF children is a crime. One way to deal with it is to make the best of it through every trauma in forced secrecy and lies including breaking laws or come clean when the lies catch up and are hurting innocent children whom you love. The issue in this case is not intersex, the issue is secrecy, lying and breaking the laws. There are people like Claudia or Robin or Angelina or Dr. Elana or someone else as this blogs suggests. The choice is truth Vs lies. The choice is to continue to break the laws or change the laws. The choice is to love a child so much that his freedom is not held hostage for personal joy and one can see the child soar like an eagle Vs child abuse and human rights abuse.

Progressive Vs. Stereotype

There is nothing status quo about this case, so why start “status quo” now? In an international case of immigrant, IVF children and dysfunctional intersex family, what side would you be on? Not just today, but in the next 5-10-Move-Forward-IVF50-100 years when there will be equal laws for both intersex and IVF children  and families. One can use anti-gay laws, anti-IVF laws, anti-immigration laws in 2009 to deny the rights of an IVF child, but they cannot continue the discrimination forever. In 2013, gay rights and intersex rights have made great strides, we hope to soon see IVF rights and immigration rights that does NOT split families. Then will someone be able to abandon an immigrant IVF child to steal another IVF child? The lack of laws for IVF children and families is like placing a “staircase” in front of a wheelchair bound person. We need a ramp – laws for IVF children and families to stop this ongoing discrimination.

This case is anything but stereotypical. It is about being progressive. It is a proud moment to be a young, spouse caregiver because it shows the love and a homage to the parents who raised their child right. It is a proud moment to be a IVF parent because it shows the love of a parent irrespective of biology, gender or sexual orientation and should not be forced to lie and live in secret about IVF. We need to continue to move forward and NOT be held back with stereotypes, secrecy and lies for selfish and criminal benefit. Was it wrong to help a fellow human being who happens to be intersex, infertile, immigrant? In the process one gets exposed to the secrecy, lies and the inhumane treatment meted out on intersex families and their children who may be IVF. There is nothing stereotypical in dealing with complex issues like intersex, immigration, IVF, invisibility in 2000s. It is rather a proud moment to celebrate having survived and being alive to tell about it. Thanks to the love and support of the family. Thats a message we would like to teach our children and pay it forward and not a message of secrecy and lies.

Truth Vs Lies

Unite Vs Divide

Love Vs Vengeance

Caregiver Vs Patient

Patience Vs Selfish

Humanity Vs Crimes

Crime Against Human

We all have skeletons in our closet but are any of those skeletons of an infant or a child? If one has the guts, they should first defend and bestow the rights of an innocent child and then thump their chest about love for a child. Of course it would require them to be honest and follow the prevailing laws. It would require them to be honest with themselves and the children and then others including the court.

It is one thing for an officer of the court to lie, malign, conspire on behalf of their client but when the victim includes an innocent, voiceless infant, what is the SCORE? What is there to be happy about that you beat a voiceless infant and denied them their legal rights and dehumanizing them by making them “legally invisible“?

Is that child abuse? Is that a crime against the infant – a human being? Is that crime against a human?

It is very traumatic to undergo an intersex surgery AND without parents as caregivers AND having an infant to raise while stabilizing from the ongoing medical treatment. We can feel sympathy but it would be incorrect to DENY the abuse that occurred to an innocent IVF child while stabilizing and under medical treatment.

Never again will an IVF child be denied their rights. An IVF child will have rights to basic human dignity and respect if not equal. Hope is that by 2013 or 2020 or 2030 or 2040 or 2050, abandoning IVF children will be a crime and the abandoning parent will be held accountable and responsible. Anyone who aids and abets in this crime will also be held equally responsible for suppressing facts from the court who can decide the best interest of the child. Because that’s what it is about – best interest of the child and not about lying, selfish, criminal adult who breaks laws. If a parent of an intersex child seeks compassion and sympathy, why would it be an insult for an IVF parent to seek compassion and sympathy for his IVF children? If parents of an intersex child chose to lie and fraud (maybe even due to the advise of “experts” like health professionals), why should an IVF parent LIE and live in secrecy and repeat the same mistakes? More importantly, what good will the lying and fraud do? – more crimes?

The stereotype is a male is unemotional, uncaring, unloving, untrustworthy, unparentworthy, not affected by infertility roller coaster ride, but thats what it is – stereotypes and are not true. The question to ask is when 83% of males leave their spouse when the spouse is diagnosed with a traumatic condition, the question to ask is in an ever-changing stereotypical world, when a male is a primary care provider for their children, the question to ask is while statistically 1 in 6 couples are infertile, ALL gays, lesbians, intersex couples are dysfertile or infertile. If these stereotypes are true in this case, how can a MALE become a young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex AND an immigrant IVF father and be WITHOUT emotions, love, care, and trust?

IVF Parent Wish List…

The lack of laws is creating an impossible mountain to overcome for IVF children and families much like a staircase for a person in a wheelchair. Help us to self-help ourselves. We don’t want pity, just laws for protecting our basic human rights and have an opportunity to be treated equally.

An IVF parent never tires, its ingrained in their DNA. Most people who become an IVF parent have experienced failure before success of  birth of a lovelyIVF-Wish-List IVF child. Every IVF parent’s journey is unique and not giving up is in their DNA. Even after multiple rounds of IVF treatment and failure, an IVF parent continues to find innovative ways to have a child. In every IVF parent is a very strong person overcoming several challenges, sadly, sometimes in silence and isolation due to the secrecy and stigma with infertility or dysfertility. The discrimination against IVF parent based on gender and biology is causing discrimination against IVF children and its time to begin to petition for a change. Stop dehumanizing children for personal benefit and rise above for the greater good. Currently, asking for basic if not equal rights for IVF children and families is the wake before the Brown V. Board of Education or Roe V. Wade or [Interracial marriage] V State of Virginia or the civil rights movement or the latest being DOMA’s revocation. We are beginning an IVF Movement for future rights of IVF children and families.

Theodore Roosevelt’s quote, “Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those timid spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live In the grey twilight that knows nether victory nor defeat.

Most people DO NOT know or understand what an IVF parent goes through. Statistically as per CDC data, about 1% of all child births are through IVF. Statistically, only 1 in 3 IVF attempts are successful. By conservative estimate, that would mean about 3% of the parents have experienced and attempted IVF resulting in success or failure. When you extend the number to the general population, the number is even smaller because not everyone is a parent in the general population. So we are talking about a very small minority of total population who actually have the experience of IVF. The medical doctors, the supporting medical staff help with IVF and are integral part of the IVF journey but do not go through the same roller coaster rides of emotions, finance, immigration, laws, etc. The IVF ecosystem is large – donors, surrogates, intended parents, and yes, most importantly the IVF child who physically go through the roller coaster rides of emotions, anxiety, sleepless nights, silence, isolation, keeping a happy face outside but crying on the inside, financial issues, legal issues, immigration issues, etc. Statistically, most people DON’T know or understand what an IVF parent goes through unless truth is allowed to be shared. Is silencing an IVF parent a sophisticated form of white collar crime and advanced child abduction and/or retention for personal benefit? What is the best interest of the child?

We begin the IVF Parent Wish List AFTER the Birth of an IVF child and in the best interest of the IVF child. Its been 35 years since the first IVF child was born, is it time to come out of secrecy and start asking for scientific information and legal rights for IVF children and families. If I had enough money as an IVF parent, I wish to…

1) Move Forward for Change – Advocate and donate huge sums for medical research on IVF children’s health, well-being and long-term needs like Michael J. Fox advocates about Parkinson’s disease.

2) Get a Celebrity Endorsement To Raise Awareness – Advocate for equal laws for IVF children and families by speaking the truth like Magic Johnson did by talking about HIV and changing the course of history in terms of medical funds and research for HIV/AIDS. What we need is more scientific data and research and not secrecy and lies.

3) Human Rights and Child Rights – Expose the inhumane conditions and fraud in the IVF industry where some rogue people have converted into a “baby making factory” with no respect for basic human dignity of an IVF child and others. Children need protection from a new brand of criminal –  IVFphiles. Erin Brockovich, Rosa Parks, Susan Anthony come to mind as inspiration in taking on a flawed system.

4) Scientific Research – Seek to understand the behavioral issues and any other health issues experienced by IVF children due to their unique birth circumstances as studies are now reporting. We need more studies in to help IVF parents and children not more silence and fraud. By accepting the truth and understanding issues if any, we can help innocent children better adjust to life and be all they can be.

5) Better Health – New studies claim that because of the IVF procedure, IVF children maybe at a higher risk of cancer like leukemia. In case an IVF child needs a bone marrow, will the “biological link” help save his life or will the fraud birth documents falsely claiming an intended parent as the biological parent? What is needed is more scientific evidence and not furtherance of secrecy, lies and fraud as it hurts innocent IVF children apart from it also breaking the laws.

6) Best Interest of the Child – There are several parents with children of Down’s Syndrome, ADHD, ADD, cystic fibrosis, Tay-Sachs Syndrome and other medical conditions. As any parent, they are looking for a normal if not better future for their children. They are looking for an environment of basic rights if not equal. Same is true of an IVF parent who wants protection of basic human decency and respect for the IVF children and not to be treated like “property” even if inadvertent. Only sharing of facts and truth can reveal this, silence and secrecy only further victimizes innocents and worse it does not benefit in getting laws changed or passed creating more innocent victims possibly in the future. 

There are several other issues specific to the health and well-being of an IVF child far too complex to go into in 2013. The ethos of USA has been to say the truth to seek change and justice even if spread across decades. Maybe we need to wait a few more years or decades before we are allowed to come out as proud IVF parents facing real issues and challenges instead of being deemed offensive. The bill of rights for IVF children and family has neither been thought of yet nor a priority because it affects a very small minority. Is it OK to continue to victimize the most vulnerable of the vulnerable? For others, a victimized IVF child and denial of their rights and respect as a human being may just be a “statistic”, for an IVF parent the child is their LIFE who deserves basic human dignity if not equal.

Intersex Awareness Day For Families

October 26 is intersex awareness day. What is intersex? Here is the medical definition of being intersex. What is the legal definition of intersex?intersex awareness day Regardless of our race, color, birth, gender, caste, religion, sexual orientation, we all have to deal with the laws. Depending on each person’s circumstances, to provide a “complete life”, one needs to understand all definitions pertaining to them. Sometimes lack of laws destroys lives like no other crimes can. As a society, we have a history with social justice issues like gay rights, interracial marriage rights, civil rights, women rights, and so on. Do intersex families have rights? If intersex causes infertility and an intersex family opts for IVF to have children, do IVF families have rights? Do IVF children have rights and deserve compassion also? While October 26 is about intersex awareness day, let us make it complete and also include the issues facing an intersex family which is reproductive rights and IVF children rights and immigration rights. Unless, we as a society think that intersex people do not deserve an equal opportunity to have a family with a spouse and children? Or we as a society think that a person who dares to have a family with an intersex person has committed such a grievous crime that not only he but also his innocent IVF children should be punished by splitting them? With gay rights movement on the upswing, will there be basic human rights if not equal rights for intersex families with IVF children? With the turn of the 20th century, there is lot of continued animosity against an immigrant, IVF father and a spouse of intersex resulting in a thousand lies, defamation and stereotyping. Our motivation is to save IVF children and get basic rights if not equal for IVF children and families of today who may also become IVF parents of tomorrow, whats your motivation for the continued animosity, secrecy and abuse? Like water, truth always finds a way – education and awareness is the right path while secrecy and lies creates only more victims including innocent children – IVF or intersex.

LGBT refers to more of a sexual orientation of a person and should be respected. As per IGLHRC, they added the “I” for intersex in LGBTI to include their human rights also although intersex is not a direct reference to sexual orientation. For most people, due to lack of awareness, they may not discern the difference between “sex” and “gender” at first shot. I was like that. It takes a few discussions and some interest in understanding the difference between “sex” and “gender”. It is ironic that laws do not make the same distinction and as a result there are more inadvertent victims. Asian countries like India, Nepal, Pakistan have long recognized the “third gender” legally and moved away from the colonial British definition of “binary gender”. While human rights may not be great in these countries overall, the fact that they give an opportunity to the “third gender” to be honest and live truthfully is liberating. Maybe in this one area, the west can learn something from the east. Australia started offering the “third gender” as a legal option in 2011 followed by New Zealand. In 2013, Germany will become the first country in Europe to offer the “third gender” as a legal option. Progressive countries like US, UK, Canada and so on are waiting but it is inevitable just like “same-sex” marriage rights eventually have to be granted.

Two things – if intersex people are either men or women, then why a legal “third gender”? Are governments like India, Nepal, Australia, New Zealand, Germany, and so on who make laws wrong or are they doing the right thing? By recognizing the “third gender” legally, is the next logical step to address other issues that specifically impacts intersex families who have lived in secrecy and in lies for years and the issues have never been addressed? A spouse of a gay person is also gay, a spouse of a lesbian person is also lesbian meaning the laws or “lack of laws” impact both individuals the same way. Do the lack of laws for intersex marriages also affect both individuals in an intersex marriage the same way? If an intersex person wants to recognize themselves as a “male”, or a “female” or a “third gender”, it is their choice. However, having no laws for addressing the specific issues of “third gender” is victimizing people. If there are laws for “male”, “female”, then why not equal laws for “third gender”? Do a spouse of intersex and children of an intersex marriage deserve equal rights? Or are their crimes so heinous in supporting an intersex person that they should be ostracized and silenced? Ironically, thats been the traditional way to deal with intersex for centuries and only now in the 21st century, we have truth and transparency. Do the spouse of intersex and children of an intersex marriage have to wait a few more centuries and be victimized before getting basic human rights, if not equal?

A spouse of intersex is not gay but from a legal perspective is treated as “gay” and the anti-gay laws are applicable to a spouse of intersex and his children. We look forward to a time when we will have equal rights for IVF children and families, equal intersex rights, and equal caregiver rights. More importantly, every human will be allowed to live with the truth and freely instead of in secrecy and lies – it is every individual’s basic human right (if not equal) regardless of their religion, race, color, caste, sexual orientation, gender, birth type (natural or IVF) – or is it?

Cold War Era Remnants – IVF Era Remnants

“Mr. Gorbachev, Tear Down This Wall” said President Ronald Reagan famously in 1987. In 1989, the Berlin walls were broken thanks to glasnost—tear down this wall ivfopenness and freedom— and perestroika—economic restructuring. A decades long cold war ended just like that – no missiles fired, no guns, no unnecessary loss of lives, no Nazi like torture among others. Change is in the air. We look forward to the day when we “Tear Down This Wall and provide EQUAL rights for IVF children and families” – says an IVF parent. When will we tear down the walls of secrecy and stigma and start solving real issues plaguing IVF children and families?

In 2013, the anti-gay laws were relaxed in the US. Same-sex marriages started to be recognized legally while they were recognized socially before. Spouses of same-sex marriage could sponsor their immigrant spouse. Health care benefits among other things could be given to same-sex couples. In 2009, an intersex family is destroyed using these very same anti-IVF and anti-gay laws in successfully splitting innocent IVF siblings. We are still in a status quo where US does not recognize intersex as “third gender” and legally considers it “same-sex” depending on situations. It is also true that intersex people are infertile and have a very high likelihood of turning to infertility treatments like IVF to have a child triggering immigration laws for IVF children born outside the US. While socially and physically, a spouse of intersex is not gay, from a legal perspective they and their IVF children are treated as being in a “same-sex” marriage since US does not recognize “third gender” yet.

If equal laws existed, IVF children would not be separated from their families. If equal laws existed, parents who are infertile would not have a need to lie and break the laws and place innocent IVF children in legal limbo. If equal laws existed, innocent IVF children would not become “land-locked” or be forced to be abandoned or given up for forced adoption. If equal laws existed, innocent IVF children would be ensured protection of their basic human rights and dignity by treating them as a “equal human being”. If it is illegal to abandon a natural born child, is it illegal to abandon an IVF child? Are the needs for welfare, growth and development of an IVF child same as a natural born child – then why aren’t the laws the same? What matters is the result and the status quo to address the needs and the best interest of the child. The status quo is inaction, continued lies including breaking laws, and placing innocent, voiceless IVF children in legal limbo even if inadvertent. We need to move on…

In 1987, President Reagan said the famous words, “break down this wall”.

In 2009, two IV siblings were deliberately and heinously split on two continents using the anti-IVF and anti-gay laws of 2009.

In 1989, the Berlin wall fell because it was inevitable.

In 2013, the IVF brother and sister have still never met, when will their time come? When will their “Berlin wall” fall?

In 2013, 24 years after the Berlin Wall fell, a unified Germany is one of the strongest economy in the world and one of the most open and free cultures. In 2013, Germany announced it will legally start recognizing the “third gender” for intersex and thus all the secrecy, lying, stigma, breaking the laws can stop.

When will the time come for IVF siblings to unite who are born during a intersex marriage in the 2000s? It is great to see more transparency, an environment that encourages truth but are the IVF siblings not being able to meet a remnant of anti-intersex, anti-immigrant, anti-gay, anti-IVF laws of the 2000s? If so, why avoid and deny the inevitable which is a meeting between the two IVF siblings on compassionate and humanitarian grounds and allow them to grow up together as brother and sister as they were meant to be? Are all “subject matter experts” familiar with issues that come up which are specific for IVF children? There is education and awareness for children with Down’s Syndrome, Cystic Fibrosis, ADD, ADHD, etc. because parents are allowed to talk about it freely. Infertility and IVF are dealt with secrecy, lies and fraud sometimes. Do we as a society have all the information necessary to be “subject matter experts” on IVF child needs and maintain the “best interest of the child”?