Tag Archives: discrimination

Happy Rosa Parks Day – What will the US do?

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country?” – US President John F. Kennedy. For an intersex, immigrant, IVF father freedom ring free ivfthe question is not what he can do (he already did what he could which is to GIVE life), the question is who will protect his and his innocent IVF children’s rights? 

Happy Rosa Parks Day! On December 1, 1955, Ms. Rosa Parks was arrested, convicted and jailed for literally “refusing to stand up” while at a much higher level she was taking the “ultimate stand” in standing up for one’s rights. Her strength and courage inspired many then and continues to inspire many today. She proved that the prevailing laws were wrong even if they were the “laws” meaning laws may not always be right and sometimes we just have to “literally sit down” to make a BIGGER point in standing up against a failing system (in some areas). Ms. Parks and the movement showed that peaceful protest against a failing system is NOT wrong but the right thing to do for future generations to come. It also proved that USA is a great country which listens to reasoning and ALSO stands up against human rights violations including its own archaic laws. It takes a lot of character as a country to admit and move forward with that. Let TRUTH set you free. Let FREEDOM ring free is all we ask for IVF children and families. Wonder what would Ms. Parks say today about the IVF discrimination?

Do the actions (or inactions) against an IVF father and his split IVF children “born out of wedlock” match American values?

While human rights are ignored or given lip service at best in most parts of the world, the HOPE is that USA cares about human rights and can provide an equitable solution. Truth is what gives me the strength and courage to speak up and petition the most powerful nation in the world to have equal rights for IVF children and families. US President Obama  in his Thanksgiving 2014 address said, “…commitment to American ideals like justice and equality”. Is willfully splitting IVF siblings equality and justice?

After repeated lies and breaking the laws, what will the US do to send a strong message to anyone who is doing IVF abroad in the best interest of the innocent, voiceless IVF child? Will it stand up to defend the most vulnerable and uphold the laws OR let it go? What if there are other voiceless victims? The weapon doesn’t always have to be a “gun”, it can also be false records with equally devastating effect on innocent children and victims. As the Lanza case shows that “wishful thinking” even with the best of intentions is not the right answer and splitting innocent IVF siblings is a classic case of “missed opportunities” – let us not repeat our mistakes like the “baby scoop era” or civil rights, or gay rights, or women suffrage only to setup a “truth and reconciliation” commission decades later, let us give the innocent IVF siblings what they deserve – a childhood together and justice for IVF rights.

I was forced into silence and kept against my own will for 10 years in my own home in Texas. Finally, I was let go but my child was taken away from me. I was left behind with another child to care for in a foreign land. These are the facts of not some woman who has been harassed for dowry or some woman who has been raped or some woman who has been a victim of domestic violence or abuse. These are the facts of an intersex, immigrant, IVF father in Texas in 2000s. When will me and my voiceless IVF children get justice and be united to be together? The simple fact is what justice do innocent IVF siblings deserve when the justice system has been manipulated and their rights denied? Does an IVF child born during a divorce have the same rights as a natural born child?

This is not just a case of uniting IVF siblings but is about what message to send? Infertile Americans cannot bring a child born outside the US legally, so should they create fraud documents, break laws, place innocent child in legal limbo, and violate rights of so many others? Or should one be truthful and respect laws? Is abandoning an innocent child in a foreign land, using IVF as your personal baby making factory with utter disregard for innocent children and surrogate and hide in the US escaping justice from the foreign courts the modus operandi the US encourages its citizenry through it lack of action and denial of truth? Splitting innocent siblings will never be justifiable, taking away a child from their primary care provider will never be justifiable. Countries like US, UK, Canada, Australia engaged in the baby scoop era in separating innocent children from their biological families through lying, suppressing truth only to apologize decades later. Is that what’s going on now with IVF children and the secrecy and lies surrounding them?

As a lifelong believer both in practice and words of equal rights for intersex and IVF, one cannot simply stand on the sidelines while more humans are being traumatized and denied rights including innocent children. The question to ask is can an intersex, immigrant, infertile person repeat this in 2014 legally? The answer is no meaning laws must have been broken and the fight to have equal intersex and IVF rights must go on to save innocent lives and the most vulnerable – voiceless children.

In 1922, Mahatma Gandhi was charged with sedition charges only to be vindicated 25 years later. In. 1955, Rosa Parks stood up for what she believed is wrong even though reserving seats in a bus based on “skin color” was legal at the time. In 1962, Madiba was tried under apartheid laws only to be vindicated 27 years later. How is an intersex, immigrant, IVF father treated in 2000s? More importantly, how are his IVF children being treated? The greatest humanitarians of the 20th century have taught us to speak up and have lots of patience because truth is worth fighting for and injustice is worth standing up against.

Speaking the truth and asking for rights is not anti – national. If anything, in the long-term truth through mutual reapect for all builds the character of a nation as the last century has shown but requires patience. Change is not wrong, resistance to change is. Will an intersex, immigrant, IVF father be persecuted, threatened, intimidated, even if systemically for stating facts? Or will he be listened and the right answer is to have proper laws in best interest of IVF children? More importantly, without proper laws, is it creating an environment of more innocent victims including children where some people may do anything to have a child including secrecy, lies, cheating, fraud, breaking laws?

It is obvious the laws have not caught up with technology as per US DoS report. What about people who take advantage of these loopholes for personal benefit breaking the laws? It is clear that how US family courts treat a “parent-child” relationship in the context of IVF is very different than how US Immigration laws view the same relationship. What about people who take advantage of these loopholes and escape justice? More importantly, how do the lies and secrecy help the innocent IVF children? In 2009, David Goldman was united with his son after 5 years without raising any issues of the impact on a 9 year old removed from his biological grandparents, the primary care provider. Ann  Pettway was convicted after 23 years of raising a child like her own through fraud documents in US. In 2009, an innocent IVF child was taken away from his biological father and his primary care provider while his sister was abandoned in India. In a case of dolus eventualis and fait accompli, an intersex, immigrant, IVF father was traumatized beyond imagination and had to both save his child in India and give her rights. Since the entire situation is NEW, what are the rights of an  IVF child born during a divorce? It seems a child is a child but afraid so, an international IVF child born during a divorce has no rights and can simply be discarded with no consequences. Is this the America we want? Or do we respect all? If the US system has been manipulated, what will it do? How will it stop from creating more innocent victims and send a strong message? Laws/change will come, whether its 25, 9, or 27 years later, what we need now is no more innocent IVF child victims. Respect all, equality for everyone. When will the dream to have equal intersex and IVF rights become a reality? 

“Tear down these walls” – as US President Reagan said. When will the walls of secrecy and lies be broken and we can dream to live in a world where we can speak the truth freely without intimidation, persecution, threats?

Resolve to Know More…

This week happens to be the National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). In the spirit of helping myself, my IVF children and others who have IVF 2014-niaw-resolve-to-knowchildren or are planning to build a family either through adoption or fertility treatment, we write this blog.

Dealing with infertility has several aspects – emotional, financial, legal, and of course the biological aspect. There are infertile couples and there are dysfertile people or couples like a gay, lesbian couple or a single person wanting to be a parent. Individually they are able to have a child biologically but need assistance of either a donor and/or surrogate to completely build out their family. Here are top 10 reasons to RESOLVE in dealing with fertility issues.

  1. Having a child is a human right –  learn it, accept it. Everyone has the right to try to have a child. Sometimes we may not be as blessed or lucky to have a child then we have to learn to accept it. The pain stays but learn to manage the pain. Pace yourself and don’t let anyone tell you whether you should have a child or not – thats your decision.
  2. Secrecy and stigma are the biggest culprits. Help yourself over this and help others over this because change only happens when you change yourself.
  3. Advocacy – The intent is to spread awareness and educate everyone. While awareness of fertility issues is on the rise, number of people affected by fertility issues is still a minority even though a sizeable one. So it is important to advocate every welcome opportunity you get so that we can get more support even from unaffected voters because that’s how democracy works.
  4. Support – You will be surprised to know how many people have to deal with fertility issues either directly or indirectly through a close family member or friend. Once you are comfortable in speaking out, you will have lot of support. You can also be a support person for someone else.  You may build great friendships as a result regardless of whether you have a child or not.
  5. Financial Support – While fertility treatments are costly, hopefully through advocacy and laws we can get more assistance from health care providers to cover costs. In the meantime, just like planning a monthly budget, plan your financial resources adequately to meet the costs. Do not run yourself dry or get wrapped up in the single theme of having a child at any cost. Having a healthy life is equally important.
  6. Legal Support – Laws are still evolving on this subject. Each case is considered differently based on your jurisdiction and the kind of treatment sought. Be very precise and accurate about your situation and the applicable laws. For example, what may have worked for one person in Massachusetts, the same outcome may not be possible in Texas.
  7. International Laws – If you plan to have an IVF child abroad, the US laws require a “genetic link” between US parent and the IVF child. If you are infertile that means legally you cannot bring a child back to the US legally. Understand your options very clearly before embarking on this journey. The only thing WORSE than not having a child is the trauma of having an IVF child abroad but not being able to bring the IVF child back to the US due to lack of laws.
  8. Child options – Whether you plan to have a child through adoption or through fertility treatments, always follow the laws. While the journey of having a child is entrenched in emotions and compassion of others, the laws are not based on emotions. And our lives are ruled by laws. While an adult can fool the laws for the sake of the child, having faulty documentation for a child can create legal issues for the innocent child in the future.
  9. Rare condition – There is no condition nor situation which is extremely rare. There is always someone who is rarer, you just have not met them or they have not met you. In the community of fertility issues, you will come across many “rare conditions” and see the courage and strength of people to overcome. That is the biggest lesson – to learn from others regardless whether you have a child or not.
  10. Humanity – Anyone who is dealing with fertility issues is inherently a good human. It works because of compassion for a fellow human being – be it adoption or donor or surrogate. And this is the best gift that you can give a fellow human being. So let us celebrate the humanity and the good in the people as we deal with fertility issues.

IVF is the new Black, new Gay, new Orange

IVF is the new black and/or gay. If the gay rights struggle of the past several decades is a sign, then IVF fathers have a long way to go. More importantly, IVF children of IVF fathers haveivf-is-the-new-black-gay a long way to go to achieve equal rights. If it were 1794 and it was suggested to a person that if they don’t like being a slave, they should change the color of their skin. Instead of changing the color of the skin,  it is better to be on the right side of history and change the laws. It is the same for innocent IVF children and families in 2014 and before. Instead of “accomodating” to the anti-IVF laws of today, let us get on the right side of history and get equal rights for IVF children and families. Mr. Rubin “Hurricane” Carter and may his soul rest in peace who fought racism for freedom and justice is a hero and a guiding light in the fight for IVF rights for freedom and justice. Just like gays, being ostracized, covering feelings, having to live with secrets, lies, being ridiculed for speaking up, loss of dignity, split from IVF children like a gay father would be, persecuted if asking for rights, so on and etc. In some countries in the world, you are hanged if you proclaim you are gay. If you are an IVF parent in the US, you may have to live in exile because your IVF child is not welcome to the US. The worst feeling as a parent is your status whether straight, gay, single, gender or otherwise is used against your innocent IVF children – for this any parent would speak up. If a woman has children through IVF, would her innocent IVF children be SPLIT because of her gender, infertility, immigration status, etc OR would the innocent, voiceless IVF children be united and be allowed to grow up together as intended? All we need is to look into the eyes of our innocent abandoned IVF daughter and our abducted IVF son who can’t see his sister despite his wishes and we know it is the right fight. The war on fertility creates innocent victims and kids are humans with their own human rights.

It is traumatic enough to go through an IVF journey, each one is unique in its own way regardless whether you are a man or woman. To go through two such IVF journeys in secrecy and lies eventually SPLITTING the innocent IVF siblings is worse than a nightmare. It is an IVF holocaust. There are people in this world who believe that the holocaust never happened but that would be hateful and denying the facts. Worse it gives no closure to victims and continues to further victimize the innocent victims more and their families. Most people are not affected by IVF, even the ones who are not fully well aware of the risks and the lack of laws for IVF, that does not mean the IVF holocaust did not occur. Ignorance is one thing but once you have been notified of the facts including victimization of innocent children, we have to take action as a civilized society including equal rights for IVF children and families. Waterboarding the rights of innocent IVF children by suppressing the facts and drowning them out is still torture for IVF families.

It is one thing to be a silent victim of violence, abuse, fraud, financial loss, emotional torture, legal nightmares, lack of justice but the result of silence to have been used to SPLIT innocent IVF siblings is far too traumatic and unjust. If gay fathers can tell their children about them being gay then why can’t IVF fathers tell their IVF child about IVF? Why should a court ban an IVF father from telling his IVF son the truth – is the court afraid of the truth? The fact is we are in an intersex marriage. If intersex people have specific concerns with current lack of laws, what concerns do intersex marriages have? The fact is there is an intersex marriage, there is an IVF child as a result. If the laws and courts are not equipped to deal with such human rights issues, is the best solution to suppress the facts, SPLIT the innocent IVF siblings and persecute the IVF father? What is so terrible in sharing with your children that one must respect all, once married, show love to the person by caring even if it breaks the laws? However, abandoning innocent children is a crime today and will remain a crime forever. Intersex marriages will become legal in future, intersex immigration will become legal future, equal rights for IVF children and families will become a reality in the future but even then abandoning IVF children will continue to remain a crime.

Disrespecting the basic human dignity and respect of IVF children is a cause to speak up. If the IVF siblings had not been deliberately SPLIT up, abuse under silence may have continued. Today speaking up as an IVF parent, one gets ridiculed, ostracized. Speaking up for equal rights for intersex, same treatment. What part of the discrimination against intersex, immigrant, IVF haven’t we endured? Much like gay rights, the struggle is long but is the right struggle because NO child or parent ever should be split due to discriminatory laws or lack of laws.

Evil IVF Cruelty Justified For Now in the Name of “Love”

It is one thing when individuals discriminate, but when institutions, governments and laws discriminate, where do you turn to for IVF-Crueltyjustice? It is an evil cruelty for an IVF family in 2014.

It is one thing for the government and laws to discriminate – it is not new but to force a parent to discriminate against their own children because their only fault is to be born IVF takes it to whole another level. Slavery was legal 200 years ago but was and still is discrimination, women suffrage for equal rights was illegal and is discrimination, racism was legal but is discrimination, apartheid was legal but is discrimination, gay rights are transitioning but is discrimination, IVF rights are non-existent and IS and WILL BE discrimination.

A gestational IVF mother is DENIED US passports for her IVF children because she used donor eggs and had no genetic link. More than four years later, the laws are changed to allow a gestational mother to get US passports for her IVF children. But a biological IVF father cannot get US passport for his IVF daughter. Why this discrimination based on biology and gender? Why this evil cruelty? Is it the love and character of a parent that counts?

Whether infidelity during marriage is a moral crime and/or a legal crime depends on the jurisdiction where the act is committed. However, if you have a child born due to the infidelity, the child is considered “born out of wedlock” and you are held responsible for the child. ALL IVF CHILDREN born to US parents outside the US are legally considered as “born out of wedlock”. So if a fertile spouse tries to have an IVF child due to the infertility of their spouse or because they are a gay couple, why should their IVF child be termed “born out of wedlock” by the laws? It is OFFENSIVE. Is there a marriage or is there not? Or is it a crime to be married to an infertile person and wanting to help and have a lovely child through IVF? As US President Obama said, “Words have meaning” and calling my IVF baby “as born out of wedlock” and the associated stigma and falsehood is offensive. There is a term for it in the English dictionary and its deragatory – it is time to update the offensive language in the laws and stop calling someone’s baby ugly. Why this evil cruelty?

If two IVF children are born the same way through the same biological parent and NOT a donor, they are brother and sister and were intended to grow up together and have a lasting bond as siblings. In 2014, these rights to innocent, voicless IVF siblings is ONLY granted if born of the same mother and is DENIED if born of the same father. The gender of the biological parent is used to discriminate against innocent IVF brother and sister. We hope to see a world when the gender of a parent will not matter as much but their love and character will matter more. After all, if you did not care about children, why would you go through so much trouble of having a child through IVF and that too after repeated failed attempts. Why this evil cruelty?

If a male gets a woman pregnant and then decides to abandon the innocent child, the male is still held accountable and responsible for the innocent child. But if an intersex person (also a genetic male) decides to abandon an IVF child leaving them in the tender care of the child’s father, the intersex person is NOT held accountable or responsible for the welfare of the child? WHY? Are the needs of the IVF child LESS than that of a natural born child? We wait for justice to arrive for the IVF child – recognition as a normal human being. Why this evil cruelty?

If a young, male, spouse leaves a marriage when the spouse is diagnosed with a traumatic condition, they may be looked down upon but they are in the majority – 83% male spouses do that. Instead if you stay in the marriage and become a caregiver giving up on your career dreams, long-term health, personal trauma, you will be in a minority and there are NO laws to protect you. If a PAID caregiver trips and falls in your house while providing care, they are covered by insurance BUT if you fall, or fall sick or breakdown or suffer or fall ill, or just end up becoming a SLAVE to the lack of rights for intersex, IVF, immigrants, there is NO insurance for you, there is NO laws for you, there is NO justice for you. WORSE, your kids also deserve to get PUNISHED. WORSE YET, your kids who are innocent and have committed no crimes get punished while the real perpetrators and co-conspirators walk free. The worst part is other intersex, IVF, immigrants cannot repeat this meaning the laws have still not changed, this person just happens to be extremely selfish (which most are) but who also happens to be a criminal who has broken laws and endangered the welfare of innocent children. Why this evil cruelty?

We look for a world when innocent get justice – when IVF children and families get justice – when innocent brother and sister are treated EQUALLY.

IVF Parent Wish List…

The lack of laws is creating an impossible mountain to overcome for IVF children and families much like a staircase for a person in a wheelchair. Help us to self-help ourselves. We don’t want pity, just laws for protecting our basic human rights and have an opportunity to be treated equally.

An IVF parent never tires, its ingrained in their DNA. Most people who become an IVF parent have experienced failure before success of  birth of a lovelyIVF-Wish-List IVF child. Every IVF parent’s journey is unique and not giving up is in their DNA. Even after multiple rounds of IVF treatment and failure, an IVF parent continues to find innovative ways to have a child. In every IVF parent is a very strong person overcoming several challenges, sadly, sometimes in silence and isolation due to the secrecy and stigma with infertility or dysfertility. The discrimination against IVF parent based on gender and biology is causing discrimination against IVF children and its time to begin to petition for a change. Stop dehumanizing children for personal benefit and rise above for the greater good. Currently, asking for basic if not equal rights for IVF children and families is the wake before the Brown V. Board of Education or Roe V. Wade or [Interracial marriage] V State of Virginia or the civil rights movement or the latest being DOMA’s revocation. We are beginning an IVF Movement for future rights of IVF children and families.

Theodore Roosevelt’s quote, “Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those timid spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live In the grey twilight that knows nether victory nor defeat.

Most people DO NOT know or understand what an IVF parent goes through. Statistically as per CDC data, about 1% of all child births are through IVF. Statistically, only 1 in 3 IVF attempts are successful. By conservative estimate, that would mean about 3% of the parents have experienced and attempted IVF resulting in success or failure. When you extend the number to the general population, the number is even smaller because not everyone is a parent in the general population. So we are talking about a very small minority of total population who actually have the experience of IVF. The medical doctors, the supporting medical staff help with IVF and are integral part of the IVF journey but do not go through the same roller coaster rides of emotions, finance, immigration, laws, etc. The IVF ecosystem is large – donors, surrogates, intended parents, and yes, most importantly the IVF child who physically go through the roller coaster rides of emotions, anxiety, sleepless nights, silence, isolation, keeping a happy face outside but crying on the inside, financial issues, legal issues, immigration issues, etc. Statistically, most people DON’T know or understand what an IVF parent goes through unless truth is allowed to be shared. Is silencing an IVF parent a sophisticated form of white collar crime and advanced child abduction and/or retention for personal benefit? What is the best interest of the child?

We begin the IVF Parent Wish List AFTER the Birth of an IVF child and in the best interest of the IVF child. Its been 35 years since the first IVF child was born, is it time to come out of secrecy and start asking for scientific information and legal rights for IVF children and families. If I had enough money as an IVF parent, I wish to…

1) Move Forward for Change – Advocate and donate huge sums for medical research on IVF children’s health, well-being and long-term needs like Michael J. Fox advocates about Parkinson’s disease.

2) Get a Celebrity Endorsement To Raise Awareness – Advocate for equal laws for IVF children and families by speaking the truth like Magic Johnson did by talking about HIV and changing the course of history in terms of medical funds and research for HIV/AIDS. What we need is more scientific data and research and not secrecy and lies.

3) Human Rights and Child Rights – Expose the inhumane conditions and fraud in the IVF industry where some rogue people have converted into a “baby making factory” with no respect for basic human dignity of an IVF child and others. Children need protection from a new brand of criminal –  IVFphiles. Erin Brockovich, Rosa Parks, Susan Anthony come to mind as inspiration in taking on a flawed system.

4) Scientific Research – Seek to understand the behavioral issues and any other health issues experienced by IVF children due to their unique birth circumstances as studies are now reporting. We need more studies in to help IVF parents and children not more silence and fraud. By accepting the truth and understanding issues if any, we can help innocent children better adjust to life and be all they can be.

5) Better Health – New studies claim that because of the IVF procedure, IVF children maybe at a higher risk of cancer like leukemia. In case an IVF child needs a bone marrow, will the “biological link” help save his life or will the fraud birth documents falsely claiming an intended parent as the biological parent? What is needed is more scientific evidence and not furtherance of secrecy, lies and fraud as it hurts innocent IVF children apart from it also breaking the laws.

6) Best Interest of the Child – There are several parents with children of Down’s Syndrome, ADHD, ADD, cystic fibrosis, Tay-Sachs Syndrome and other medical conditions. As any parent, they are looking for a normal if not better future for their children. They are looking for an environment of basic rights if not equal. Same is true of an IVF parent who wants protection of basic human decency and respect for the IVF children and not to be treated like “property” even if inadvertent. Only sharing of facts and truth can reveal this, silence and secrecy only further victimizes innocents and worse it does not benefit in getting laws changed or passed creating more innocent victims possibly in the future. 

There are several other issues specific to the health and well-being of an IVF child far too complex to go into in 2013. The ethos of USA has been to say the truth to seek change and justice even if spread across decades. Maybe we need to wait a few more years or decades before we are allowed to come out as proud IVF parents facing real issues and challenges instead of being deemed offensive. The bill of rights for IVF children and family has neither been thought of yet nor a priority because it affects a very small minority. Is it OK to continue to victimize the most vulnerable of the vulnerable? For others, a victimized IVF child and denial of their rights and respect as a human being may just be a “statistic”, for an IVF parent the child is their LIFE who deserves basic human dignity if not equal.

Legal Disability and Discrimination of IVF

We do not expect our governments to get rid of our disabilities and help us climb stairs or help us see, but we do expect our governments to pass laws sodisability-discrimination-ivf that there are ramps to buildings and Braille on public boards and so on so people can self-help. We do not expect our governments to give a child to every human but we do expect our governments to have laws for all children (including IVF) to be treated equally. Anything less is a test of time and is discriminatory. December 3 is International Day of Persons with Disabilities.

I love you my children because you are wonderful children and you are a wonderful human being. Second because you are my children and inherently every parent loves their child. Third you symbolize something much bigger than you or me because of the gifted way you came to our world with compassion, struggles, sacrifices of several people – humanity at its best. As part of an international IVF, immigrant family in 2000s with lack of laws, we are rendered effectively with “legal disability” and discrimination. Do we continue to suffer in silence or do we state the truth and ask for help (not pity)?  In the near future (I hope but life has taught me it will be distant), gender of a parent or the biology of a parent will not be used to discriminate against innocent children. Over the years, human society has struggled with political correctness on how to deal with disability and discrimination of humans and different societies deal with it differently. What is critical is results count and effects of our actions or inactions count. Can we extend a hand to help or do we chop off the hand that tries to help? Can you help an IVF child get home? – The answer is simple, pass laws for their real-life situations and needs.

In some countries, it may be illegal to discriminate against people with disabilities but still no services are provided that can provide self-help. For example, public signage should be Braille compliant or public buildings should be ramp compliant for wheelchair access and so on. So while there may be laws to punish discrimination, are we providing “help” to seamlessly allow disabled people to grow, develop and feel empowered on their own? Most developed countries have both laws AND services to address the real life issues and concerns, where do innocent IVF children fit in to the puzzle? Neither laws exist for them nor help exist for their specific needs and issues, are they invisible? Are they also equal human beings who deserve basic human rights and decency if not equal? Do surrogates deserve protection and rights for the services they offer in terms of a gift of an IVF child? Or should they be abandoned or mistreated? If intended parents sign up for an IVF child and then file divorce during an ongoing pregnancy, why should that be an issue/problem/denial of basic human rights for the IVF child and/or the surrogate? What counts is the current state rather than how we got here. Current state is that in some cases IVF children are being discriminated due to no fault of theirs. Whether it is an accident in the IVF clinic resulting in a DNA mismatch and thus the immigration laws are triggered separating the parent and IVF child OR a birth mother who used donor eggs and sperm but not having a “biological link” as defined in the laws OR a biological father who used donor eggs and surrogate but has “no legal mother” of the IVF child OR when a divorce is filed during an ongoing IVF pregnancy. These real-life situations are placing innocent IVF children in legal limbo and violating their fundamental and basic rights as a human being. If you are “invisible” in the legal system with no legal identity, can you demand for your legal rights? Do “invisible” human beings have rights?

The special situations create a “disabled” world of legal limbo for innocent IVF children. While the laws may be inadvertent, our inactions and not passing any new laws to protect the innocent IVF children is discriminatory. The IVF child has been made “invisible” of their needs and issues and that causes their “legal disability”. As an IVF parent, I have been through several roller coasters – emotional, financial, social, physical, spiritual, and so on. I love my IVF child so much that went through the roller coasters all over again for another IVF child. And then to have them grow up separately due to no fault of theirs, rather, using my gender as an IVF parent to discriminate and separate them is worse than appalling, it is heinous. One can understand the lack of laws, but to show utter disregard and basic human decency for a human life and that too innocent children is heinous. To the world, deliberately separated IVF children may just be a statistic, for me they are everything (all IVF children). In one case, they are two beautiful IVF brother and sister – who deserve the best and who deserve basic rights if NOT equal. Equal rights for IVF children is a dream that may not be achieved in this lifetime because of the snail’s pace of progress on this sensitive subject, so help us at least by giving us basic human rights, if not equal.

Why A Brother Cannot Meet His Sister?

Why cannot an IVF brother meet his IVF sister? The fours Is – intersex, infertility (IVF), immigration, invisibility. A parent stating that the other parent cannot raise his child till the child is eighteen years of age is abuse. It may not seem that way now but just like the GAY rights movement, in a decade after the alienated parents’ movement, it will be called abuse which is a crime. It is one thing for laws to catch up with social issues but what is to use the anti-gay, anti-IVF laws to deliberately split an innocent, voiceless IVF child away from his only known biological family and siblings using secrecy, lies, and fraud which breaks laws? Gay marriage was ILLEGAL in 2003 but is LEGAL in 2013. Parental Alienation is LEGAL in 2013, what will it be in 2023? You have to start thinking from the CHILD’s perspective?

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

life happiness

1) LIES, LIES, LIES – First one would have to say the truth and declare the facts which is they are born through IVF and compassion of donors and surrogates. DENYING the TRUTH is DENYING their RIGHTS. If DUE PROCESS was followed and prevailing LAWS were respected, would the IVF siblings be SEPARATED?

2) DISCRIMINATION – There is discrimination against IVF children and families especially when it comes to immigration and international IVF. IVF technology is new and the laws have simply not caught up. But what if someone with intimate knowledge uses this information to discriminate and alienate IVF brother and sister? Is that a CRIME against innocent?

3) LAWS – Is it a CRIME to LIE and BREAK the prevailing LAWS? Is it a CRIME to enforce prevailing laws? Is ABANDONING an IVF pregnancy and placing the IVF child in legal limbo a CRIME against the IVF child and surrogate? Or are we condoning behavior of placing “orders” for babies and abandoning IVF pregnancies with NO responsibility or accountability?

4) LEGAL LIMBO – It is one thing to LOVE a child and another thing to create STATELESS IVF children for your own personal benefit. Do innocent IVF children have rights?

5) GRANDPARENTS – The IVF children were raised by their loving grandparents. The first IVF child partially and the abandoned second IVF child solely. What about the rights of the grandchildren to see and enjoy their loving grandparents who are fast aging and life is mortal?

6) LOVE – A father, his primary care provider, and son love and miss each other terribly but there is NO practical access to grow, develop and love together. Why? Is the LOVE of an infertile parent MORE than the LOVE of a fertile parent? What does the IVF child want?

7) Intersex – There is discrimination against intersex and lack of laws for intersex families. What are the effects of these lack of laws on an intersex family? Just like the future will bring EQUAL rights for intersex, the future will ALSO bring EQUAL rights for IVF children and families, then WHY SEPARATE IVF siblings now?

8) Medical Community – A few bad apples in the medical community LIE and create FRAUD documents which has lingering effects for the innocent. An INVALID birth documents, invalid medical records, abuse of infant, and so on. Now the same fraud medical documents are being USED to SEPARATE the IVF siblings. First abuse, now discrimination and continued abuse. Had the doctor known the fraud documents would be used in the court AGAINST innocent children, would they have lied? There is a code of conduct, ethics and oath in play.

9) FUTURE – By claiming CAIS have “ovaries” and “no testes”, are we HELPING anyone? More importantly, what about the effects of this lying? Will future CAIS children be born with ovaries? Isn’t it better to EMPOWER with TRUTH rather than teaching to LIE? How will you accept the “effects of surgery to remove testes and its medical treatment” because it NEVER happened? First ABUSE and then discrimination and continued abuse. In the future, will medical community LIE about the same surgery? What about the ABUSE and FRAUD occurring on innocent IVF siblings NOW due to this lying?

10) LOVE and a minority within a minority – A young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex stayed in a FRAUD marriage AND shared an IVF child he is VERY PROUD of and LOVES deeply. Is SHARING love? Then why is the IVF son not being allowed to SHARE? Where is the LOVE?

From a legal rights perspective, a spouse of gay is gay, a spouse of lesbian is lesbian, and a spouse of intersex is ____? Recently, Germany became the first European country (western) to legally recognize the “third gender”. Asian countries like India, Nepal, Pakistan and others have done it so before and so have Australia and New Zealand. This leads to education and awareness. Will other western countries like US, UK, Canada also follow suit and legally recognize the “third gender” in the future? And after a few decades, will they also recognize the issues and effects of an “intersex marriage” like having children through IVF and immigration issues? And will that be TOO LATE to save and salvage the INNOCENT CHILDHOODS of the IVF siblings of today?

1) The issue is NOT intersex; there are plenty of people who are born intersex but they do NOT LIE and break laws.

2) The issue is NOT IVF; there are plenty of parents who have children through IVF but they do NOT LIE and break laws.

3) The issue is NOT immigration; there are plenty of legal immigrants who strive to be together as a family through LEGAL immigration instead of facing the consequences of immigration fraud and breaking the laws.

The issue is LYING and breaking the laws which is PUNISHING innocent, voiceless IVF children for CRIMES they did NOT commit. If you are anti-lying and pro-truth, please support us and time will support us too because truth prevails. TRUTH is a lesson we can teach all our children – IVF, natural, straight, gay, intersex or otherwise.

Any amount of intelligence based on a foundation of LIES falls short in front of TRUTH. Really, its that simple. Do you continue a FIGHT based on LIES or do you continue a FIGHT based on TRUTH and for benefit of OTHERS? Ask Edie Windsor.

We are blessed to be left alive even though we are neither here, nor there – just hanging in the middle.

Unregulated IVF

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a wonderful technology and like any other technology that humankind has invented, if it is misused or placed in love-compassion the wrong hands, it can create havoc. The product of a successful IVF is a wonderful IVF child – a HUMAN LIFE born. What are the RIGHTS of the innocent IVF child – a symbol of love and compassion?

Few Bad Apples

Out of a world of 7 billion, not all of us are murderers but we still have LAWS for the few bad apples. There are lobbies which are pro-IVF and others who want to ban IVF outright to some who are in the middle. Some comparing it to Frankenstein experiment to others confusing between IUI and IVF to others creating an industry out of solely run for the “paying adults”. What is indisputable is IVF should be regulated like any other technology because of a few bad apples. We cannot sit IDLE and RISK innocent lives. If IVF can be utilized for personal whims of a few bad apples, then should we allow HUMAN CLONING for the personal whims of a affluent human wanting an extra kidney or heart or liver or a child? IVF is also a technology used by infertile or dysfertile people. Most people either adopt or remain childless. That was the norm for centuries. In the last 35 years, this wonderful IVF technology came along and changed people’s perceptions, expectations, and hope. Infertility is traumatic and some people do desperate and terrible things like kidnapping or hurting or murder just to have a child. Their needs are satisfied but what about the needs of the CHILD?

Adoption has laws. Child Abduction has laws. There are NO laws for IVF/surrogacy children. Even if its inadvertent, this interim period provides a greenfield for some people who want an IVF child at any and all costs even if it violates the rights of other human beings like the surrogates or donors or the IVF child and discriminates. While rare, it is important to have a regulated industry just for those few bad apples. As a citizen, we can bring this to the attention of the government and they are listening and will take action. What happens to the IVF children in the meantime and do they have rights as human beings? Or since they are children and voiceless, is it OK to shun them or deprive them of their basic human dignity and rights?

Love and Compassion Or Losers?

In an unregulated industry, everyone loses in the long-term. In IVF, the biggest loser is the IVF child – a HUMAN LIFE. Sometimes LIES are harmless and sometimes LIES include breaking the laws. It is one thing to be infertile and it is another to LIE about it. It is one thing to be intersex and it is another to LIE about it. It is one thing to consent to IVF and it is another to ABANDON the IVF child with no help or support for the IVF child or the surrogate who carried the child to term. If an adult utilizes IVF for their personal amusement and changes their decision midway, what are the RIGHTS of the other loving and compassionate people in the process? What if there are medical complications at birth, who will pay for the surrogate and the IVF child? Who will pay for welfare and support of the IVF child? Can a mother of a natural born child have an ABORTION at 26 weeks term with NO threat to her life? Are the SAME things allowed in a natural pregnancy where a woman with NO threat to her life at 26 weeks term can ABORT the child? Why is the IVF child LESS of a child even if inadvertent? Who pays the surrogate on successful birth of an IVF child? Why is the surrogate mother LESS of a woman? What are the rights of the left-behind parent? Where is the basic human dignity and respect for a human life?

Regulations and Laws

Laws provide consistency, standards and relief for victims. We may not agree with the laws (like the ongoing equal marriage rights) and in that case it is better to campaign and get laws changed but NOT break the laws. There are international laws for child abduction and international laws for child adoption, where are the international laws for IVF/surrogacy children? In the interim are any rights being violated? Are the standards used for international adoption ALSO used for international IVF/surrogacy? What about IVF children who become STATELESS due to being ABANDONED by the “paying parent”? Do STATELESS children have rights? How do they go about moving on in life and starting to lead a decent life? For them, it is more about relief as victims rather than justice. Where is the relief for victims?

It does NOT matter how the relief comes. In the US, there is the American with Disabilities Act (ADA), do IVF children and families qualify for ADA? There are children with special needs, are we CREATING IVF children with special needs where the “special need” is lack of laws?

Discrimination of IVF

There are international laws for child abduction, there are international laws for child adoption, but there are NOStanding Up For Children international laws for IVF/Surrogacy children. Why? Is this discrimination against IVF children and families? The argument is it could be inadvertent because IVF/Surrogacy laws are in its infancy but that does not mean there is NO discrimination. Is creating STATELESS IVF children a crime against the IVF child? Is it a crime against a human being?


In order for an inter-country adoption to be LEGAL, several steps have to be followed. The first one being a Home Study by a certified and accredited adoption agency – meaning a third party. They are not just going to “take your word for it” that you claim to become “good parents”. They come to your home, assess the environment of your home first-hand, go through the financial documents first-hand, assess your neighbourhood, may even meet your neighbours, your friends and family to get a better understanding of your daily life. They are NOT poking, they have come because the adoptive parent(s) invited them by signing up for adoption. They have come in the “best interest of the child”. The laws for adoption require a homestudy by a qualified MSW or MA Psychology person with 100s of questions that the certified agency uses in their evaluation of the homestudy.

In the case of IVF/surrogacy where ONE parent is “non-biological”, are similar guidelines followed in the “best interest of the child”? Is it the burden of the “biological parent” to do what a certified agency does? Is it the burden of the “biological parent” to have knowledge like that of a qualified MSW or MA Pscychology person and the 100s of questions that highly knowledgeable and learned people came up with years of experience for the Home Study? Does the “biological parent” in an IVF/Surrogacy become an overnight MSW or MA Psychology?

International Adoption INSIST on keeping adopted biological siblings together as outlined in the subsidiarity principle. Is this followed in IVF/Surrogacy cases when biological lineage is KNOWN?

IVF is NOT as simple as depositing your DNA! It takes more than that. IVF is a journey which starts long time before the 9 months preceding the IVF child’s birth. Not all infertile or dysfertile people can do IVF because IVF is expensive. An IVF father did odd jobs, crawled up ducts on weekends while working full-time in a white collar engineer job during the week so that he could SAVE money to afford IVF. What extra jobs did the non-biological parent do to afford IVF? How many extra jobs did the non-biological parent do to afford IVF? What did the non-biological parent pay for the IVF procedure? Life is cruel. NO MONEY, NO IVF. There is NO IVF based on COMPASSION.  Once IVF child was born, was the non-biological parent under medical treatment ABLE to be the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER? Did the non-biological parent under medical treatment ABUSE the innocent infant and the IVF father? Do we have LAWS to protect men and IVF infants from domestic violence and abuse?

Best Interest of Infertile Adult or Child?

What if a Home Study would have been conducted for a dysfunctional intersex married couple in 2003 when they were aspiring to go for IVF/Surrogacy? Checking facts, in the US, DOMA was struck down on June 26, 2013 and opening pathway to same-sex marriage in states which recognize it. US Immigration is following up and providing federal benefits like immigration to “same-sex” couples in 2013. The status of “intersex” is unknown in the US and are still invisible while internationally other countries recognize “intersex” as a legal third gender including Australia, India, Nepal among others. USA has a long ways to go in making “intersex marriages and its issues” visible. Based on the court ruling in 2013, an intersex marriage would be illegal in 2003 and so would be immigration based on that. So FRAUD has occurred. The right answer is to DEMAND for equal rights rather than BREAKING the LAWS.

Adoption Guidelines

A Home Study in 2003 would have FAILED not because of an ILLEGAL marriage but because one adult was still under secret medical treatment. The medical records and financial records would have to be SHARED with a MSW or MA Psychology HSR worker. They could have learnt about the “secret” and determined that it was too “PREMATURE” to have a child now. A check and balance system would have worked! Instead of relying on a “IVF biological father” with no MSW or MA in Psychology or someone who is FORCED to be silent under threats and is abused, a THIRD PARTY would have made the appropriate call.

As per international adoption guidelines, EVERY effort MUST be made to place biological siblings together. Is the effort being made to allow biological IVF siblings to grow up together? Having LAWS to assist in this is the strongest MESSAGE, where are such LAWS for IVF children and families? Having a CHILD STATELESS is human rights violation. NOT allowing a citizen to return to their country of citizenship is a human rights violation. What is being done to RESTORE rights of innocent IVF human beings? If abusing a cat or dog is a crime, what is it when an IVF child is abandoned and left stateless?

Moving Forward

Why should an IVF father lose out on his FATHERHOOD with his IVF son? Why should an IVF son NOT have an opportunity to be around a FATHER? Why should an IVF child be STATELESS? Why should an IVF child NOT have an opportunity to grow up with his SIBLING that he wanted? Why should the IVF siblings NOT grow up together? The ONLY crimes they have committed is they DARED to give HUMAN RIGHTS in secrecy to a person where GOVERNMENTS itself fall SHORT.

If intersex marriage were LEGAL there would be NO SECRECY and LIES. If EQUAL immigration rights for IVF children existed, there would be NO SECRECY and LIES.  Are IVF fathers and spouses of intersex AND IVF children human beings with EQUAL human rights? 

A young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex and IVF father is NOT gay but is treated with anti-gay discrimination from a legal perspective.

If gay rights existed, the IVF father could have brought his IVF daughter born in India to the US legally.

If gay rights existed, the two IVF siblings would be growing up together.

If gay rights existed, an innocent IVF child would NOT be STATELESS.

This is NOT about intersex rights or NON-biological parent rights, it is about NOT lying and NOT living in secrecy which PUNISHES innocent children. We have crossed so many bridges where a lot of people would have either left or died. An IVF father was left for DEAD and threatened but he miraculously has survived for his IVF children thanks to the love and support of his family. The answer is TRUTH like Edie Windsor and like Rosa Parks and like Mahatma Gandhi. Secrecy and lies are a failed approach. In truth, we will get EQUAL rights for future intersex people, future IVF children and families, future IVF fathers including gay fathers, future family caregivers AND NO STATELESS IVF children. And if speaking the truth and asking for EQUAL rights is a CRIME, please do what you need to.

One cannot teach other’s kids to put the trash in the trash can but can inculcate that with their own kid with repetition. An IVF father wants an opportunity to teach his own IVF child to learn to say the TRUTH, does he have that right? If others teach their child to LIE, an IVF father cannot control that.