Tag Archives: criminal

Top 10 Reasons to be unEmotional

10. The justice system does NOT care about emotions. And we as law-abiding citizens have to live with the laws and not with emotions regardless of show-no-emotion-catch-no-feelings-feel-no-pain-ivfhow unfair the laws may seem.

9. The justice system will selectively care about emotions deeming it “best interest of the child” instead of recognizing the facts that sometimes laws fall short and natural justice should take over.

8. If you are emotional, it will take you LONGER than others to think things through…By that time, the opportunity to fight back may expire like the statute of limitations or people may tend to say let “bygones be bygones” without understanding that injustice is injustice – whether delayed or denied.

7. If you are emotional, people may lie, cheat, fraud you including breaking laws and committing crimes and maybe even forcing you to commit crimes.

6. If you harbor a murderer because they are “family” and you get emotional, it is breaking the laws even though you can justify it emotionally. Do not harbor a criminal, the right thing to do for their sake and other innocents in the society is to report them to the authorities for breaking the laws. Worse, do not become a victim of their emotional blackmail and commit crimes too.

5. When one lives in bad company where one partner/friend commits crimes, it rubs off on you and you also start committing crimes and emotions cannot save you from that.

4. Your innocent children can be held hostage and their individual rights are violated including crime against their humanity.

3. When you are emotional, people will try to spin a web from the “real issues” deeming one who is emotional cannot “think” clearly and are clouded. Fine, then let someone “unemotional” deal with the real issues like IVF, intersex, immigration because the issues still exist and someone does need to bring it to attention and provide a solution. What is worse – being emotional and bringing out the truth OR being conniving and brushing the issues under the carpet. What if it happened to you or someone you love (nah, thats emotional again…you see how it works)?

2. Ironically, got too emotional to pen this down.

1. Frankly, NO ONE CARES. The laws, the society, the system – its all lip service  and only you can protect yourself from the emotional trauma of injustice, unfairness, bigotry, hypocrisy. Protect yourself first.

As a survivor, NOT a victim, of IVF, intersex, immigration in the 2000s, there are a lot of lessons to be learnt. The first is DO NOT be EMOTIONAL. What an irony because if one were not emotional then they could have never become a spouse caregiver of intersex OR an IVF parent OR an exiled IVF parent. They could have perhaps earned 6 + figures in salary, have a great, comfortable, luxurious life with everything money can buy AND have a great professional career where their skills are appreciated BUT innocent IVF children would have been abandoned, violated, abused, tortured without a VOICE.

To the naysayers, all we have to say is that emotion is the very fabric of a human being…even animals like dogs, cats have emotions and they show it. Since when did it become OK to NOT be emotional as a human being especially when it comes to dealing with issues like intersex, IVF, immigration – emotions like compassion build such families while lack of laws break up families, innocent siblings.

After Five Failed IVF Attempts, An IVF Sibling is Abandoned

It’s a wonderful life, the American dream of an immigrant. Come to the US for education, get a job, work hard, get a home, get a family, have children Failed-IVF-Learningand live happily everafter. Wrong…if you are a proud IVF father like Maulik, these are not your rights and worse, neither are they rights of your innocent IVF children. More than the material comforts, more than an academic education at the highest levels, one thing America teaches is all humans are equal and all have an opportunity to live freely. One should have the courage to say the truth and fight for what’s right. Whether these “ideals” hold true for an immigrant, IVF father part of an intersex family in 2014 or whether he and his innocent, voiceless IVF children will be persecuted remains to be seen. After 5 failed IVF attempts, one cannot ask an IVF father to just abandon his IVF child. She is very much wanted. Maulik can come to America but not without his daughter as was intended.

When someone is a criminal who breaks laws, it is not about their race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, it is about the person having criminal intent. Abandoning an IVF child is wrong today and regardless of any future laws passed, abandoning children will remain criminal and a crime against the humanity of the innocent child. It is one thing to abuse a man for being born a man but to abuse his IVF children is whole another issue. The trauma of an IVF journey unfolds in different ways for every person going through it – fertile or infertile, male or female, donor or surrogate, and yes most importantly the IVF child! For an intended parent to have given consent for an IVF child and not declare the IVF pregnancy in a divorce filing is ignoring their basic rights as a human being and using them as a “tool” in the war on fertility. The innocent, voiceless IVF child is NOT A TOOL. What next, create clones for heart transplants because the patient needs a heart and when the heart is removed from the clone, let the clone die? No, the clone also has human rights because they are born human.

Follow your heart -its the inside that counts, right? In any person’s life, in any person’s married life, the true test comes when one of the spouse is struck with a traumatic situation. Will the other spouse or partner stay in the relationship, offer support to a fellow human being, even become a caregiver if need be? It is not the material benefits like a house, cars, luxury, etc. that make up a life, when a human is in need, the one thing they MOST VALUE is support of a fellow human being. Does being a young, male, spouse caregiver of an intersex patient who just had intersex surgery count?

One of the WORST ways you can hurt a fellow human being is by hurting their innocent, voiceless children. It is not ruining a person financially, legally, or even killing them, when you abuse someone’s children with NO JUSTICE, a person breaks down and is living dead but has to continue living for the sake of their victimized children. Is alienating one IVF sibling from rest of his loving, biological family AND abandoning another IVF sibling in legal limbo count as the worst way to treat a human being in a white collar crime? Would water boarding of an adult which has been called as a torture be better than this because the real victims here are innocent IVF siblings who are being punished for crimes they did not commit.

For any parent, injustice and abuse against their children is intolerable. If parents speak up not using the “R” word for their children or wanting inclusion in school activities for all children or wanting a foot bridge over a bayou for their children on their way to school, is it too much to ask for an IVF parent to have proper LEGAL status for their IVF children? Only if a person has proper legal identity then they have legal rights until then they have no legal rights because they legally do not exist even though they exist physically.

Need To Separate Fact from Fiction, Need to Separate Wishful Thinking from Facts

  • A 1 year, 364 days old infant does not need a ticket on the plane but a 2 year old does. It’s the law.
  • truth-shakeThe minimum age is 7 days old for any infant to travel on a plane, an important criterion for an IVF child born to international parents wanting to go back home. Emotions don’t count but laws do.
  • Any infant under 6 months travelling on a plane needs 1 adult with them – particularly important if twins are born to a parent who is travelling alone. More relevant for an international IVF parent who is trying to go home with IVF twins or triplets – higher frequency than natural births. Emotions don’t count, it’s the law.
  • Immigration law requires a biological link between parent and child – emotions don’t count, it’s the law.
  • Immigrant fathers cannot bring their IVF child to US-  emotions don’t count, it’s the law.
  • Alienated parents love their child equally, more importantly, the child loves the parent equally but the best interest of the child does not count.
  • Baby scoop era was detrimental and served no real purpose, existence of single mothers and truth and reconciliation commissions have proved it.
  • The plight of Scottsboro boys is wrong, their pardons prove it. The case spawned new laws for due process and inclusion of African Americans on jury prove their innocence. When will due process and immigrant, IVF jury be allowed for immigrant IVF parents?
  • When I see an abandoned IVF daughter, I see the criminal who did this.
  • When I see an abandoned IVF daughter in legal limbo, I see the criminal who did this.
  • When I see an IVF daughter try to move forward in life but has no legal identity, I see the criminal who did this.
  • When I see an IVF child in legal limbo, I see the criminal who abused before.
  • When I see an IVF infant being starved for food, I see the criminal lying and abusing the child.
  • If breastfeeding by males is so common, why don’t mothers ask the fathers of their newborns to breastfeed?
  • Regardless whether it’s a male or female trying to breastfeed an infant, when there is no milk, is it abuse if you make the infant cry endlessly out of hunger? What else is food for an infant other than milk?
  • Having been diagnosed with interex/DSD condition is very traumatic, being forced to live a life of secrecy and lies, breaking laws, why repeat that on innocent IVF children who are no less dealt with their own secrecy, stigma, lies, breaking laws to deal with?
  • While every human deserves a child, while every parent wishes to breastfeed their child, we still have to deal with science.

There is truth in acceptance and abuse in lies on oneself and others whom you claim to love the most.

Parent of Intersex or IVF – The Fight for the Greater Good

If you were a parent of intersex, what would you teach your child? Say the truth or lie? October 26 is intersex awareness day and here is a real life story about a dysfunctional intersex family of 2000s falling victim to the anti-intersex, anti-gay, anti-IVF laws. Sure while millions of Greater-Goodintersex people do not have equal rights to marry legally, an intersex person can lie and fraud an unsuspecting person into a fraud marriage OR fight for EQUAL rights for all the intersex people. Sure while millions of intersex people are infertile and may want a child, one could lie and break the laws to have a child and place the innocent children in LEGAL LIMBO or fight for EQUAL rights for all intersex and infertile people to have children legally. Sure an intersex person who is a parent can claim to love a child and lie to them and ironically, an intersex person has a deep understanding of the effects of lies OR say the truth to the child and not have a cycle of secrecy, lies and fraud be repeated on innocent children.

As a left-behind parent of an abandoned IVF daughter and watching her turn 4 years, every moment has been worth it. We celebrate her existence and learn from the sacrifices why every human life deserves equal respect and dignity including her. There are no winners here but to punish innocent IVF children who are the most undeserving victims for the crimes they did not commit are the biggest losers. As adults, we must bring their rights as an individual to the forefront.

Parents are faced with all kinds of issues with their children – autism, cystic fibrosis, ADHD, self-esteem issues, IVF, donor-conceived child, and so on. Would your love as a parent become any LESS by saying the truth to the child and helping them deal with the issues caused by the fact they have autism, or CF or ADHD, or IVF? Do you empower the child with the truth or do you teach them to lie? As a parent, what would you teach your child?

1) Hi, I am intersex, probably a 1 in 2000 or 1 in 20000 births (a rarity) due to current laws I cannot legally marry nor can I have children due to infertility and nor do I have equal immigration rights. I love children and would love to be able to adopt or have a child legally. Will you please support equal rights for intersex?

OR

2) Hi, I am intersex but I will not tell you, I will continue to lie how I have been taught by the medical community and parents and marry an unsuspecting victim fraudulently. I will teach them to lie as well and we will lie to have an IVF child (not to mention the lies are breaking laws). I will split the IVF child from his  primary care provider and siblings by claiming them as a “biological child”. Oh the laws have NOT changed and so the IVF child is in LEGAL LIMBO due to the laws I broke.  Don’t care about equal rights for intersex and equal rights for IVF children and families, I got mine. Will you please have sympathy and forgive me?

As a parent, what do you want to teach your child – option 1 or option 2? Where is the humanity?

For those who claim the victim is being shallow or urging him to let go, they fail to capture the victim has taken a few leaps ahead. It is like saying rapes occur because women dress promiscuously but then how do you explain rapes of 3, 4, 5, 6 year olds? It is like saying sexual abuse inside the family occurs but we should let it go and not report it to save “family honor”, how will we raise awareness and bring change? Where is the “family honor” in abusing someone in your own family and forcing them to be silent? It is like saying an infertile person deserves a child at any and all costs, what does the child deserve? If you are going to ask a spouse caregiver of intersex and an immigrant IVF father who has lived in silence and abuse with denial of rights to have the SAME REPEATED on his IVF children, what does that make you? Knowing and understanding of facts is a must before passing any judgments. There is nothing “traditional” about this case.

The claim is that there is a risk of testicular cancer in intersex patients if they do not remove the testes and have the intersex surgery. What is the risk profile? In IVF children due to the fertility treatments, hormones, the induced egg harvesting, the frozen samples, a study claims IVF children are a third more likely to have cancer, they are at 65% risk of having leukemia. If an IVF child needs a bone marrow to live and is forcibly separated from his biological family using fraud documents, who will save his life? What is in the best interest of the IVF child?

A child simply does not need food and education, or school and sports, or career and life to grow and become a positive contributor in the society. A child ALSO needs morals, values, a strong foundation based on love and truth. Any love based on LIES is not love for the child but love for the self. When going through life as an intersex family and its related issues – trauma one after the next, there was no script to follow on what to do, it was the abyss – the unknown. Today its clear – regardless of the situation, follow the truth and stand up for your rights – like Edie Windsor and one may get rights for a greater good in their own personal fight. That is the final analysis.

An IVF Tale of Two IVF Siblings, Two Continents, Two Parents

Is it time to start discussing about the issues faced by IVF parents, children and families? Is it time to discuss theshaping-the-future-together shaping of future together in the best interest of innocent, voiceless children?

In 2011, after 6 years of a gut-wrenching ordeal, a Canadian couple was allowed to take their non-biological IVF child back to Canada. They gave up their life in Canada, stayed in India for 6 years fighting, waiting, and praying. International IVF laws are in its infancy and creates situations which are rare and unique and due to NO fault of the IVF child or the intended parent, the IVF children and families are SPLIT. The IVF couple fought TOGETHER to keep the IVF siblings UNITED and they WON.

In 2009, a US father on green card could NOT take his IVF daughter to the US without a “legal US mother”. He gave up his life in the US and is living in EXILE in India fighting, waiting, and praying. In his case, he also has an IVF son born similarly and he is the only known biological parent (legal requirements) who is in the US and has NEVER met his biological IVF sibling. Now the IVF father is fighting to UNITE his IVF children – 4 years and counting.

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

There are some similarities between these cases like laws catching up with technology like IVF OR parents giving up everything to be with their IVF children and fight for their rights OR asking for UNIFICATION of IVF children and families based on humanitarian and compassionate grounds OR family forced to be SPLIT on two continents OR intent of parents was to give birth to life and have children, NOT to abuse life. There are some STARK differences in the two stories between the IVF siblings on two continents in this still developing legal chasms of international IVF.

As an immigrant IVF father and a spouse of intersex in 2013, one IDENTIFIES more with women of history THAN men. Susan B Anthony, Rosa Parks, Mothers, Erin Brockovich, the surrogate in California, the women of baby scoop era are HEROES and INSPIRATION even though an IVF father is judged with bias against men as parents. Sadly, the bias against a male who happens to be an IVF father is passed on and punishing innocent, voiceless IVF siblings. As a parent, one has to speak up if not as a man. Men like Swami Vivekananda, Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. helped in getting this far but it is understanding the struggles of women which will take it forward from here. People abuse a spouse of intersex, abuse an IVF father because we are a minority within a minority but we are still HUMAN with existential issues like moving forward with IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO. The abuse only emboldens that we need to speak the truth with compassion to educate and spread awareness. It may take a few years, decades, or generations just like parents of gay rights or intersex rights but TRUTH will remain constant. We are NOT against intersex marriage, we are against LYING, breaking the laws and using LIES to HURT innocent, voiceless children and other unsuspecting victims. If a rape survivor does not report a rape but is forced into silence under threats, does that mean RAPE did not OCCUR? Does that mean they are not a victim?

If infertility is a medically identified disease, what is “causing harm” to the treatment (IVF child)? When organ transplants occur, the rights of both humans (typically adults) are protected; why is there NO protection for the IVF child when infertility is treated? Does an IVF child DEMAND and DESERVE the basic respect and dignity of a human being and not be treated like “property”?

1) Accidental Vs. Pre-meditated

In 2005, Canadian parents could NOT bring one of their IVF children back to Canada immediately because as per Canadian immigration laws, a “biological link” is required for a Canadian citizen parent to have their IVF child born outside Canada to legally immigrate to Canada. It seems there was a medical accident and the sperm samples got swapped at the clinic resulting in a failed DNA test between the parents and the IVF child. Is this a FAULT or accidents of science and technology? Most scientific innovations in history of the world have come from “accidents” – its how we learn, ask Madam Curie. Even though there is NO law for the facts that occurred, the Canadian government relented in the end and after 6 years allowed the family to live together in Canada. The non-biological IVF parents gave up 6 years of their lives showing that it is NOT the biology but the LOVE of a parent. The “biology” needs to be discussed because of the LAWS.

Moral of the story : Stay together, say the TRUTH, follow your heart and be UNITED.

In the US case, the immigration laws are similar to Canada but the US case is slightly more complicated. The IVF father was an immigrant to the US and NOT a citizen at the time of the birth of the IVF children in India. So different set of immigration laws apply for IVF children born outside the US to US immigrants and is based on gender. Historically, the physical mother and legal mother of a child are always the same and so laws are written like that. IVF presents unique situations where an IVF child will have a physical mother but “no legal mother“. In this case both the anonymous egg donor and surrogate were Indian and had no “Legal standing in the US”. Without a “legal US mother”, an immigrant IVF father cannot bring an IVF child to the US even though a “biological link” exists. Where was the non-biological parent for the IVF child? Only someone with intimate knowledge of these laws could have used them against the IVF father and his IVF children. The result is two IVF siblings have NEVER met. The IVF sister cannot go to the US and the IVF brother is NOT allowed to come to India.

Moral of the story : Stay together, say the TRUTH, follow your heart and be UNITED. The Canadian IVF parents proved its NOT the biology, its the LOVE of a parent, where was the non-biological parent of the IVF child in this US-India case? If the situation is accidental and not pre-mediated, what efforts have been made to UNITE the IVF brother and sister?

2) Divorce happens; should IVF siblings UNITED or SEPARATED?

In another case, the biological parents had commissioned an IVF pregnancy in the US but later decided to divorce mid-way and abandoned the IVF pregnancy. The result is the surrogate who legally is considered a “non-biological” parent was “left-behind” both with the twin IVF children and non-payment for her services. The compassionate surrogate has her own children to raise and despite the emotional and financial trauma decided to raise the IVF twins herself and is slowly getting back on her feet. What is the difference between such parents and deadbeat parents?  Any technology can be misused and abused by a few bad apples, where are the laws to protect and ensure the rights of such IVF children and left-behind families and surrogates?

Moral of the story : Divorce happens, siblings should NOT get hurt and some compassionate human being is always around the corner. Luckily it all happened within the boundaries of USA (no immigration laws complications) and the IVF siblings are together and the surrogate, now the mother, has both emotional and financial help and support.  We need protection from IVFphiles.

In the US-India case, a divorce was filed in the US by the non-biological parent who ALSO agreed to the second IVF child and surrogacy. When the divorce was filed in the US, there was NO mention of the ongoing IVF pregnancy in India, its like the IVF child was DELETED from legal existence in the US and thus denying any LEGAL rights an innocent, voiceless child is normally given in the US – a leader of human rights and child rights. The IVF father was placed in a situation of either staying in the US and contesting the divorce on FACTS or go to India and raise his abandoned IVF daughter. Thus he has NO practical custody of his biological IVF son. Thus the IVF son has NO right to grow up with his sister he wanted, he has NO right to grow up with his biological family, he has NO right to know the TRUTH. While a gay father can tell his 10 year old daughter he is gay, an IVF father cannot tell his IVF son the TRUTH, WHY? The IVF father gave up his life in the US and came to India to raise his abandoned daughter. The family opted for IVF because of the spouse’s infertility and the IVF father did NOT see an “I” in infertility during a marriage. He arranged for the finances to pay the surrogate as per the agreement, it was NOT the surrogate’s fault. As a “left-behind” parent, the IVF father is struggling emotionally from the separation of his IVF son for whom he was the primary care provider, he misses his son missing out on growing up with siblings, he is struggling financially despite having paid into US socially security for almost 20 years. Today the IVF children are in a LEGAL LIMBO. The validity of the divorce based on prevailing laws is in question. Lying and breaking laws to give human rights to one person HURTS other innocent, unsuspecting VICTIMS and their human rights. There has to be a better way.

Moral of the story : Divorce happens; siblings should NOT get hurt. Living a life of secrecy and lies can be used AGAINST you, worse, it can be REPEATED to ABUSE and HURT innocent, voiceless children. The right answer is to say the truth with civility, humility and dignity.

IVF is very traumatic – its a journey that drains you emotionally and financially, sometimes rewarded with an IVF child and sometimes not. Only folks who have been through an IVF journey can understand like the Canadian IVF parents who gave up EVERYTHING in a heartbeat to stay together as a family with the IVF children.

3) US citizen Vs Indian Citizen

In 2009, a US citizen child who was abducted to Brazil was united with his biological father in the US with support and help from US President Obama and then US Secretary of State Clinton who said, “A child belongs with his [biological] family“. Despite the 5 year gap between father and son, the last report says they are BONDING great and loving each other’s company after being reunited. The family in Brazil was the maternal biological grandparents who were raising him and providing him food, home, clothes, toys, schooling, education, and other things for growth and development. There was NO sign of ABUSE other than not allowing the son to travel to US to meet his father and have a PRACTICAL father-son relationship. Its the “right thing to do”.

Moral of the story : The US is capable of doing the “right thing” where laws sometimes fall short.

In 2013, 3 years and counting, an Indian citizen IVF son has been reverse abducted to the US and is NOT allowed to come to India. The courts in the US have been lied to and the facts have been suppressed resulting in FORCED SEPARATION of innocent, voiceless IVF brother and sister who have NEVER met. A father who misses his son dearly and vice versa because of the CLOSE BOND they have since the father was the primary care provider until uprooted. JUSTICE seems distant and forgotten, relief for VICTIMS is what we are seeking. An IVF daughter in India is in LEGAL LIMBO and is STATELESS and cannot travel outside India. How many lives have to be RUINED to give life to one person and their LIES? When asking for justice, one has to listen to statements like, “thats what you get for doing IVF…”. So the IVF parents deserve the punishment, why are we punishing innocent, voiceless IVF children by placing them in LEGAL LIMBO? Do IVF children have rights? And for the record, if you have the GUTS like an adult, come say the same thing after you see the two LOVELY IVF children, I dare you. And for the record, we opted for IVF because of infertility in the marriage due to the intersex person, where are they? Just like being gay is personal but NOT having gay rights is a public policy issue; so is being IVF parent is personal but NOT having equal rights for IVF children and families is a public policy issue.

Moral of the story : Dealing with 4 Is – intersex, IVF, immigration and invisibility is exhausting in 2013. Somehow, still being alive is a miracle and largely a thanks to the parents and their upbringing. Quitting, detering, running away from the issues is NOT in the DNA. Doing the right thing, truth, moving forward is in the DNA – the same DNA the two IVF children will have FOREVER – can’t LIE to them forever, can we?

Just like sometimes a hunter becomes the hunted, sometimes a fertile person becomes infertile due to the trauma and experiences of IVF even though biologically they may be fertile.

Intersex is a naturally occurring condition and is not in an individual’s control, however, lying about it and reducing the rights of an unsuspecting spouse and children is in their control. It is NOT about one’s GENDER, or RACE, or RELIGION, or CASTE or … but its about the CHARACTER of an individual. This case is from the future where if equal rights for gays existed; this case would NOT have happened, if equal rights for immigration existed for IVF children and families; this case would NOT have happened, if equal rights for intersex existed; this case would NOT have happened. Slowly but surely, things are changing. LGBTI immigration was not allowed till 2013, now it is. Intersex families are largely living in secrecy and invisible with their issues, but recently Germany, the FIRST European country legally recognized the “third gender” and thus providing an environment for people to live freely and honestly. Will others like US, UK, Canada follow? In another case, a FIRST in the US, a court determined the intersex surgery as unconstitutional, what about the same surgery during marriage? In another instance, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to the intersex surgery. What are the effects of such surgery which is torturous and/or unconstitutional when done in secrecy and lies during a marriage on unsuspecting people – both the intersex patient and the spouse and the children? In the future, the effects will be analyzed and understood and there will be more openness to the FACTS including lack of laws. Patience and time always allows for the TRUTH to prevail.

Come Together Right Now

As humans there are lot of good and bad things we may come across in our lives. Its all about seeing it from the lies hidden in truthperspective of each individual. Whenever anything traumatic happens, it’s all about how we pick up the pieces and move on. Here is a great inspirational story of how a drunk driver who accidentally killed two innocent people and is now UNITING with the family of the victim on spreading awareness and having laws changed. Its the true human spirit!

Difference between TRUTH and LYING

When one accepts the truth, they start a process of justice for themselves and due to the freedom may end up helping others for a greater good – Edie Windsor is a recent example. When there is denial and lying, it becomes a self-serving selfish proposition with no real solution to provide relief for victims. As humans, we want TRUTH and move on…LIES only slow us down but cannot BREAK us.

What do you think about a couple in an intersex marriage in the 2000s who were also immigrants and infertile and created IVF children who are now in LEGAL LIMBO should do? Should they continue to lie, live in secrecy and hence continue to defend the lies and wild allegations or come together right now and solve the issue of the innocent IVF children – two siblings who are clearly in LEGAL LIMBO. Do the innocent IVF children deserve better? In this one case, there are so many “greater goods” if TRUTH is allowed to be shared. A Canadian couple moved to India for 6 years before they were allowed to bring their IVF child to Canada – power of staying UNITED and saying the TRUTH.

“I’m really frank with the kids. They ask all the time and I jut give them really honest answers because they deserve that.” – said family of the victims in the drunk driving case.

1) What is wrong about spreading awareness about international IVF/surrogacy children and families especially when no laws exist? The first step is to accept the children are IVF both in privacy of the home and in court instead of making false claims including producing fraudulent records. The IVF children deserve the truth and others like them deserve equal rights and laws. Why punish innocent children for crimes of adults?

2) Actions have placed two lovely IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO. Would it be better to UNITE and get them legalized as per laws in their own best interest? Or should we live in continued silence and abuse? Will others benefit from the change in laws for international IVF/Surrogacy?

3) Would it LESSEN the LOVE of a parent if they were to declare the fact their child is IVF? Lies would lessen the love, TRUTH will only strengthen it. Lies both in the privacy of home and lies in the court are detrimental to the child. What would be wrong in having a law to declare all ongoing IVF pregnancies when filing for divorce so that the best interest of the IVF child is maintained? Is an IVF child a LESS of a child?

4) Experts including people in authority who may have never experienced infertility or immigration issues themselves are worried about the “IVF child” and choose to “hide facts” from them like doctors did with intersex children in a failed approach. Why would lying to children be OK especially lies that include breaking the laws? What does a REAL EXPERT think – in the words of an IVF child?

5) IVF is too new a technology (35 years and counting) mostly dealt with secrecy and only now people are speaking up on dealing with IVF and issues – medical, financial, legal, immigration, etc. Now first set of scientific studies are coming out and the effects on behaviour of IVF children and special needs to address it. An IVF child can get the help and support they deserve only if they are told the TRUTH! Do IVF children deserve that for their own mental and physical health? Is it their right as a human being or are they “property”?

6) Angelina Jolie made quite a few points recently. By going public with her double masectomy, she raised awareness to a new level. Her TRUTH empowered so many others also. She revealed that through genetics she was able to deduce the “risk factor” and make an “informed decision”. Do IVF children deserve the same rights to know the biology of their parent when available? 

7) Just like Angelina Jolie revealed her medical diagnosis and her decision, why would it be wrong to say one is intersex or a spouse of intersex and the issues they are dealing with from marriage rights, immigration rights, fertility rights, medical rights, etc. It takes strength and courage to say the TRUTH.

8) If the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP on the controversial intersex surgery, was there any torture if the same surgery is done in secrecy during a marriage? What are its effects? Several intersex people have this controversial surgery, how many of them have done this during a marriage? 

9) What is the check and balance system against the medical experts who send unsuspecting intersex married couples as canaries in the coal mine? And how do medical experts know what is the “right protocol” to follow if there are hardly any instances to follow for intersex surgery during a marriage? There are several medical conditions for which humans do not have answers but LYING is not the solution.

10) If the so called medical experts believe they have done no wrong then what is the need to falsify and fraud on medical records? Do the medical experts who fraud medical records understand the full impact of their actions on unsuspecting victims including innocent children even if inadvertently?

11) If a CAIS person can go around showcasing a medical record stating they had “removal of ovaries”, does that mean we as a humankind have “solved” the CAIS issue? Does that mean all future babies who are born with CAIS will have “ovaries” or “testes”? By lying, are we IGNORING other effects of medical fraud?  Is it better to empower each person with the TRUTH?

Three Strikes and Justice?

Three strikes is a general rule of thumb for getting out or speaking up. In the all American favorite pastime, speak up truthbaseball (which I terribly miss going to the games with my son – go Stros’), its three strikes and you are OUT. At a personal level, when someone abuses you, do you speak up after the first occurrence or the second or the third occurrence? When someone slaps you, do you usually hit back after the first slap or the second or the third slap? When someone stabs you, do you react after the first occurrence or the second or the third occurrence? As with each occurrence, the severity goes up and the victim may not wait till the second or third time to react. It may be TOO LATE. Being married to intersex with LESS rights is not the issue, being married to an infertile person with LESS rights is not the issue, being a LEGAL immigrant with LESS rights is not the issue, its someone using ALL this against you for their personal benefit which is the issue. Its THREE STRIKES and you are OUT. An innocent girl had the courage to speak up against her own family – her father because of the constant abuse even though she was met with a “let it be” attitude. She believed in saying the truth and decided enough is enough when it comes to abuse. How long must one wait before reporting abuse against a family member? Is there a “finite limit” every human has to tolerate the abuses? What if the victim is ALSO your innocent child?

Being abused, being lied to, breaking the laws to an adult is one thing, there is forgiveness. That’s STRIKE ONE. Having the secrecy, lies, abuse, violence, breaking the laws repeated on your innocent child is STRIKE TWO. Being lonely and staying silent under threats and not reporting the crimes is the biggest regret. Having the same mantra repeated to make an innocent child STATELESS and SPLITTING siblings takes abuse, secrecy, lies to whole another level. What are the RIGHTS of the innocent IVF child VICTIM? When the victims of the “let it be” attitude are innocent children, would you stay quiet or speak up if it were your own children? Would any parent want their child to have the basic human dignity and respect?

Fighting Stereotypes – Victims of “Let It Be” Attitude

In a complex case of intersex, infertility (IVF), immigration – some things are constant – secrecy, lies, breaking the laws and constantly fighting the stereotypes – there is nothing conventional about it. The right answer is to educate and spread awareness because if that existed before, there would be NO secrecy and lies and stigma. Parents of intersex would not have the urge to LIE about their child because intersex is socially acceptable. What are some of the stereotypes to fight?

1) People may see infertility ONLY as a female issue which is horribly wrong. Infertility affects all those who love children, the way of expression may be different. As an IVF father who is remote, one has worked tirelessly including making trips from the US by himself to India to IVF clinics and depositing the “sample”. If you think its just a “trip”, we welcome you to try the roller coaster ride yourself.

2) People may see a non-biological parent raising an IVF child with care. We see an IVF child ABANDONED and in LEGAL LIMBO due to no fault of hers without whom the non-biological parent could have NEVER got practical sole custody of the IVF sibling they claim to love. If the second IVF child had been declared in the divorce decree, would the court have agreed to SPLIT biological siblings? If the second IVF child were brought to the US and then divorce was filed, would the FACTS have been allowed to be stated in the court? To SACRIFICE an innocent, voiceless IVF child for sake of another child is NOT love for children.

3) People may see showing compassion to an infertile person. We tried that and are left-behind with not one, but TWO IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO. What are the LEGAL RIGHTS of people who are STATELESS? For us its about the IVF children, the RESULT OF SHOWING COMPASSION TO INFERTILITY.

4) People who feel compassion for an infertile person and would like to SILENCE us. First, no more silence; been there, done that. TRUTH with civility, humility, and dignity is the only way forward. Second, we welcome those compassionate people to give their egg or sperm and money and we know of several IVF clinics willing to help. You can have the IVF child and just “donate” or “give” the child to the infertile person. Its easy to preach, try practicing it sometimes.

5) We have tried the secrecy, the lies, the victimization, the abuse, the violence in silence. But a criminal mind never changes. As we were stumbling through each issue, it was a FIRST in so many ways. It is time to celebrate the FIRSTS instead of living in secrecy and lies. 

6) By DENYING the children are IVF, we are doing the biggest disservice to the “it takes a village” people who helped bring the IVF children into the world and raise them. It shows the HUMANITY and COMPASSION still alive in this world. DENIAL would be criminal. In TRUTH, we will be honoring those who have truly helped like the “village” that helped raise the IVF children.

7) People may see a parent with an IVF child. We see an innocent child being lied to and having his rights violated just like an intersex child. How did the LYING and SECRECY help the intersex child? And how will a REPEAT of the LYING and SECRECY help an IVF child?

8) Abuse an adult, stayed silent. Abuse a child, stayed silent. Abuse another child, can we stay silent? The issue is not intersex, IVF or immigration. The issue is only someone with intimate knowledge of the circumstances could have done this heinous act on innocent, unsuspecting victims.

We have more than THREE STRIKES, what should we do? Continue to LIE or start saying the TRUTH?

The Case for Rights for IVF children and families

There is little doubt left that IVF/surrogacy laws are in its infancy worldwide. The situation is exasperated whereTime-for-equal-rights-IVF-children IVF/surrogacy laws are not far-reaching. There is NO doubt the future will bring equal rights for IVF children and families while in the interim there are innocent lives being victimized. There are both sides of the spectrum – places where IVF/Surrogacy is completely banned to allowance of IVF/Surrogacy with the best interest of the infertile parents in mind and NOT the best interest of the IVF child. Even if one disagrees with a total ban approach, at least its clear, NO IVF child which in some cases maybe better than creating an IVF child and placing them in LEGAL LIMBO and making them STATELESS due to no fault of their own.

It is about moving forward and envisioning a world where equal rights for the entire IVF ecosystem exists – the IVF child, donors, surrogates, and the parents who may be infertile or dysfertile. The canaries in the coal mine miraculously survived. So let’s make the case and have a discussion which is long overdue and is victimizing innocents. Let put children FIRST.

1) Precedence of International laws for children – If there are international laws for child abduction and child adoption, why not international laws for IVF/surrogacy children in the best interest of the child?

2) Precedence of immigration laws for LGBTI – If there are immigration rights for spouses of LGBTI, why not immigration rights for IVF/Surrogacy children regardless of parent’s gender? For example, can an immigrant IVF father legally bring an IVF child born outside the US born with his biological sperm and help of compassionate anonymous egg donor and surrogate? Gays, single fathers, spouses of intersex are some of the people affected.

3) Non-biological parents of IVF children – If non-biological parents can be EQUALLY loving, then why not allow legal immigration of IVF/Surrogacy children by non-biological parents? For example, what if an IVF clinic accidentally swaps the sperm sample and now there is NO DNA match between the IVF parent and IVF child? What should happen to the IVF child who cannot legally immigrate? Are we going to say that “scientific accidents” and “human error” NEVER happens? Ask Madam Curie. As an IVF family, we need a legal framework to move forward in life. Or are we condemning infertile or dysfertile people same way as places which BAN Surrogacy/IVF outright – in the absence of adequate laws, the result is same even though the intent may not be. We need protection from IVFphiles.

4) Human organ transplant – People who donate their organs either while alive or after their death are very noble. There are ethics surrounding each scenario and laws too. The “time window” for organ transplant is very “small” as the organs deteriorate quickly when left outside the human body. The “time window” to give innocent, voiceless IVF children equal rights is “small” because with time and lost childhoods, their innocence is lost quickly with possible trauma for a lifetime.

5) Organ Transplant while alive and after death – There is a difference between organ transplant while alive or after death. The ethics are are slightly different and thats why it is necessary to make a distinction. For a live organ transplant, both the donor (typically, a family member) and the receiver have rights and laws that govern the safety and health of both. There is even a organ donor advocate who looks out for their best interest even though lot of emotions may be involved due to the receiver being a close family member. Why are there NO laws to govern the rights of an IVF child? Why are there NO laws to govern the rights of a donor or surrogate in an IVF procedure? While socially a parent is defined by the LOVE for a child and biology should NOT matter but laws for IVF children and families are OPPOSITE and so we need to discuss “biology”.

6) Lack of laws – Anyone who claims we have laws for the entire IVF ecosystem is either fooling themselves OR has never experienced IVF firsthand. That’s why we need an IVF Movement to educate and spread awareness to get change. What we have is a start, a legal framework for IVF/Surrogacy in its infancy, we have a long way to go and lot more work to do. In a democracy, every minority needs to garner support from the majority who may have NEVER experienced the same issues and have EQUAL laws passed – thats how our system works.

For discussion sake, in a world where both mothers and fathers are EQUAL and can LOVE a child EQUALLY and can be the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER EQUALLY, from a legal perspective, should taking a sperm or egg or a womb from someone treated as “organ transplant”? It is anatomy of the human body. At least should similar ethics, laws be in place to EQUALLY protect the best interest of the IVF child, the donor and the receiver? In case of gays or single fathers, how will we address this where ‘NO LEGAL MOTHER” exists even though a physical mother exists?

This in NO way is an exhaustive list for reasons and urgency to have EQUAL rights for IVF children and families. The intent is to SPARK a discussion which is long overdue and its about time to have the right to say the TRUTH and demand and deserve equal justice for all. Living in secrecy and shadows at the cost of threats and offending someone is NOT going to solve any issues, TRUTH will help us move forward.

Do Fertile People Love Their Children Less?

Statistically as per CDC data, 1 in 6 couples are infertile which is accounting only for straight couples. LGBTI love_for_a_childcouples are dysfertile or infertile. So we have people who are fertile, dysfertile and infertile and do any of them LOVE their children any more or less? To be clear, should people who are fertile, make babies, develop a bond of parent-child, and then just give up the baby to an infertile or dysfertile person? And what if there is abuse of the child and secrecy and lies by the infertile person in order to have a child at any and all costs? And if fertile people are such BAD parents who LOVE their children LESS, then majority of the parents would be terrible with children. Just like sometimes a hunter becomes the hunted, sometimes a fertile person becomes infertile due to the trauma and experiences of IVF even though biologically they may be fertile.

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

The LOVE of a parent is of the child, by the child, for the child and NOT for love of the self. Put the child first, put the TRUTH first and until we get relief as victims, the fight will continue because of OUR LOVE for the children and they DESERVE basic human dignity and respect. If forgiveness is a virtue, do innocent, voiceless children deserve forgiveness? What about adults who will NOT even forgive children, can they forgive other adults, themselves? While socially, we may believe that it is the LOVE for a child that counts and not the “biological link”, the LAWS are NOT in sync when it comes to international IVF. And we have to abide by and respect the laws. It is one thing to have unequal laws but it is another for someone to use them to discriminate and SPLIT innocent, voiceless IVF children and families.

Will the LOVE of the non-biological parent be LESS if they allow the biological IVF SIBLINGS to meet? 

The PERFECT CHILD ABDUCTION AND ABUSE

Years ago, there was  a Hollywood movie by the name of the Perfect Murder. Is that really such a thing? But then again that’s Hollywood. There was also another Hollywood movie, Sophie’s Choice. Hollywood is an art space but sometimes does mimic life or vice versa. Infertility is very traumatic, ask someone who has been through a few IVF cycles. What about dysfertility or infertility between two genetic males who try to have a child with IVF? The journey of IVF is torturous and it ALSO affects genetic males contrary to popular belief that it ONLY affects women.  Some infertile people may do anything at all costs to have a CHILD, but what is right for the child? Some infertile people kidnap innocent children, some kill parents of innocent children, some hurt other innocent children (siblings) to get one child, some cast a complex conspiracy to take enough time when it becomes easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

An IVF parent who has 50% legal custody of his IVF child in the US but cannot exercise his parental rights BECAUSE his other IVF child (born during the marriage) is in India who cannot come to the US. What if the second IVF child had been brought to the US and then divorce were filed? What if the second IVF child had been DECLARED to the court in the divorce filing? Pray, is this a coincidence or a plan of a desperate infertile person? The spouse of an intersex became an IVF parent due to infertility in an intersex marriage and NOW is left holding the bag of issues of intersex and infertility. The innocent IVF child is left in LEGAL LIMBO and is STATELESS. What are the rights of an abandoned IVF child and the left-behind family? IVF means a planned, deliberate pregnancy. Did we CREATE this IVF child for personal amusement only to be DISCARDED? Or does the IVF child, a HUMAN being, deserve the respect and dignity of a HUMAN BEING? The IVF child is in the middle – neither here, nor there.

Why should an IVF son give up the RIGHT to grow up with his siblings? As an IVF child, will he have a SPECIAL BOND with an IVF sibling? Why should an IVF son give up the RIGHT to grow up with his biological family? Recently Angelina Jolie did a pre-emptive breast surgery based on genetic tests and pre-disposition to cancer. Why should an IVF child be DENIED this medical, health benefit in their best interest? The non-biological parent has stated that the IVF son can see his IVF parent/his biological family when he is 18, is that CHILD ABUSE? Is that parental ALIENATION and ABUSE? The IVF son is in the middle – neither here, nor there.

Is the LOVE of a fertile parent LESS than a non-biological parent? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who SHARED his child with a non-biological parent LESS than a non-biological parent? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who did NOT ABANDON his other IVF child LESS than a non-biological parent? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who was the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER for his son LESS than a non-biological parent? Is it a CRIME to be fertile? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who kept trying despite failed IVF attempts to provide a SIBLING for his IVF son LESS than a non-biological parent? Can a person DEVOID of LOVE and COMPASSION endure all this? To ABUSE and use the SILENCE against him is one thing but to REPEAT the ABUSE and use the SILENCE against his innocent, voiceless children is different. SILENCE is BROKEN.

If marriage is a legal contract, does the spouse have a RIGHT to know that their rights will be REDUCED due to the marriage? That it will be committing ILLEGAL acts due to the marriage? Intersex marriage is ILLEGAL. So when issues arise in an intersex marriage, how does one ask for justice because as per laws, the marriage does not exist, so the issues arising out of an illegal marriage ALSO do not exist. Why should we be INVISIBLE to the legal system? How do we get relief as VICTIMS? Is it a CRIME to be married to an intersex person?

As per prevailing laws, an intersex, immigrant, infertile person CANNOT have a child born through IVF outside the US in their legal possession. So if LAWS have been broken, have crimes been committed? Were there any innocent VICTIMS for the crimes? Were there any innocent, voiceless IVF children who are VICTIMS? Are any innocent, voiceless IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO? Is this a case of PERFECT CHILD ABDUCTION? 

Being intersex OR being an immigrant OR being infertile is not wrong. There are several such people. LYING, FRAUD, BREAKING LAWS, placing innocent children in HARM’s WAY is wrong and is ILLEGAL. The right answer is to demand for equal intersex rights, equal rights for IVF children and families and NOT break the laws.

A strategy of it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission is FAILED. Because a crime is still a crime. Because innocent, IVF children are in LEGAL LIMBO and they need RELIEF as VICTIMS.

Some highly educated medical professionals can claim that people with CAIS have “ovaries” when scientifically they are born with male testes. And then they have armed patients to present the same FRAUD MEDICAL documents elsewhere which victimizes others and breaks the laws. Does that mean the HUMAN race has STOPPED occurrence of CAIS? Does that mean future CAIS children who will be born will have “ovaries”? Just like LYING is wrong and is a DISSERVICE to people with CAIS and their family members; the LIES of an IVF child is a DISSERVICE to place innocent, IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO, this should NEVER happen again. History will show that some of these medical choices were WRONG even though conventional wisdom hailed it as “best interest of patient”. The times are changing, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP to such medical surgeries in 2013. There is a law suit, a first of its kind in the US, filed in 2013 against such surgeries. Recently, Germany became the FIRST European country to legalize “third gender” creating an environment for people to live truthfully instead of in secrecy and lies. Will others like US, UK follow? The change is HAPPENING. Will it be TOO LATE for the IVF siblings by the time the TRUTH is uncovered?

Empowerment with TRUTH and PRIDE in TRUTH is the right way forward.

To Intersex, IVF and Beyond

Buzz Lightyear came a few years before my first IVF child was born in 2004. Infinity and Beyond is something I buzz_lightyear_infinity_and_beyondalways imagined sharing with him. When Toy Story 3 was announced, I looked forward to seeing it with him in theaters in 2010 but we NEVER got to experience that together due to an unprecedented and vicious divorce and parental alienation. The heart is still in the same place, except the theme has changed – to intersex, IVF, immigration and Beyond. Just like sometimes a hunter becomes the hunted, sometimes a fertile person becomes infertile due to the trauma and experiences of IVF even though biologically they may be fertile.

The Beyond

As Buzz lightyear would say to INFINITY and beyond, we are to intersex, IVF, immigration and BEYOND. Someday, we will be blessed to see Toy Story series together with all the children as a family. I miss my son and love him deeply. I miss my son missing his siblings. The second IVF child was his dream to have a sibling. For those who think the IVF child is happy, how do you know he cannot be HAPPIER with his siblings and family? Has he been allowed an OPPORTUNITY to experience that? The ones who are trying to SILENCE the TRUTH are EQUALLY culpable in the CRIMES committed. Silence will NOT get new laws and equality; TRUTH will. Silence will NOT get relief for victims and justice;TRUTH will. By requesting SILENCE, are you implicitly implying NO JUSTICE or RELIEF for victims – the innocent, voiceless children – brother and sister? Infertility is very traumatic, lack of laws to assist infertile families is MORE traumatic. For the record, we did try SILENCE for a decade; the result is in front of you…still want to IMPOSE SILENCE?

While others are talking about EQUAL rights for intersex, the spouse stayed married in an intersex marriage despite the fraud. While others are talking about EQUAL rights for non-biological parents, the biological parent SHARED his child with a non-biological parent. While others are talking about EQUAL immigration rights for LGBTI, the intersex spouse immigrated based on an intersex marriage long before it became a law. The result of incessant lying, breaking the laws is PUNISHMENT for innocent, IVF children. What would be the point of staying silent? If saying the TRUTH is a crime, we are guilty. What is lying, creating and using the fraud documents, breaking the laws; are those crimes? While others are still fighting for equal marriage rights and equal immigration rights, and next will come equal “fertility or dysfertility” rights (impact of legal gay marriages), we have gone BEYOND it and are living it.

Slaves to Secrecy and Lying – Break Free with Education and Awareness

Had we relied on TRUTH, none of this would have happened. Had the two IVF siblings been UNITED, none of this TRUTH would come out. Given the legal complications of the case and FACTUALLY not in favor of immigrants, intersex, non-biological IVF parent, does that JUSTIFY abandoning an IVF child, AND DENYING an IVF child their legal rights AND making them STATELESS AND placing them in LEGAL LIMBO? The intersex person who filed for divorce in US did NOT mention the ongoing IVF pregnancy in India they agreed to. The intersex person NEVER came to India to take the IVF child to the US to “fool” the US Immigration laws. What if the intersex person came to India, take custody of second IVF child and return to the US and then filed for divorce, would the PREVAILING LAWS have been in their favor? Would the IVF father have mounted a LEGIT defense and got DUE PROCESS to ensure his IVF children STAY UNITED? If laws have been broken, have CRIMES been committed? Has DUE PROCESS been given to innocent, voiceless IVF children and family?

Whether the IVF siblings are united or not, the FACTS will NOT change. The lesson learnt is innocent children get punished for crimes they did not commit. No more LYING. As an IVF parent, thats the worst thing is to have the lies, fraud, abuse REPEATED on your children.  Is an IVF child a “property” to be treated as “leverage” to hide facts and break laws OR does the IVF child have RIGHTS? Does the US condone behavior to place “orders” for IVF babies by their residents and then have NO legal responsibility or accountability? As a fellow US Citizen, thats NOT the country I know. We stand up for what’s right and we give a voice to the voiceless.

Intersex people deserve equal rights and there is a legitimate way to do it (ask Edie Windsor) for benefit of all. Hurting innocent, voiceless children CAN NEVER be the answer on the path to EQUAL intersex rights. Ironically, intersex children also have been victims of secrecy and lies and now so are IVF children. And how will secrecy and lies help this time? If intersex are a minority, what is a spouse caregiver of intersex AND an immigrant IVF father – a minority within a minority?

LOVE – Spouse and Child

The intersex spouse underwent an unprecedented medical treatment for intersex during marriage. There are intersex people who undergo the same treatment either in childhood or puberty or outside of marriage as an adult. It is a controversial treatment which the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP in 2013. What are the effects when an intersex person undergoes the same controversial torturous surgery during marraige? Are the medical professionals equipped to DEAL with the issues when performing this surgery during a marriage or are they CLUELESS? Are their CLUELESS treatments HURTING innocent, unsuspecting intersex couples and families and their children yet to be born even if inadvertent? Doctors should NEVER LIE which involves breaking laws, period! What is so complicated to understand? Were we used like canary in the coal mine?

Due to the ongoing medical treatment of intersex under secrecy, lies and fraud, the TRUTH was NEVER revealed. FACTS were ignored. ABUSE went unreported. The father became the primary care provider for his IVF son developing a deep bond and love between PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER and CHILD. Socially its recognized as a “father-son” relationship which has multitude of issues including alienation of a child from a father is legalized.

The million dollar question is NOT status quo or strategy of it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission. The million dollar question is the best interest of the IVF child. Can someone show us the LAWS where an intersex person can legally marry in 1999 in India (in 2013 its still illegal), immigrate to the US based on the marriage (same-sex immigration was legalized in 2013 in the US), have an IVF child born in India immigrate to the US legally (suppression of facts, lies, fraud), have a same-sex divorce legalized in Texas in 2010 (same-sex marriage still illegal in Texas), ….the list goes ON. By ignoring these FACTS and maintaining status quo, how will we get EQUAL rights for intersex, how will we get EQUAL rights for IVF children and families, how will we get EQUAL rights for caregivers?