Tag Archives: crimes

Top 10 Reasons to be unEmotional

10. The justice system does NOT care about emotions. And we as law-abiding citizens have to live with the laws and not with emotions regardless of show-no-emotion-catch-no-feelings-feel-no-pain-ivfhow unfair the laws may seem.

9. The justice system will selectively care about emotions deeming it “best interest of the child” instead of recognizing the facts that sometimes laws fall short and natural justice should take over.

8. If you are emotional, it will take you LONGER than others to think things through…By that time, the opportunity to fight back may expire like the statute of limitations or people may tend to say let “bygones be bygones” without understanding that injustice is injustice – whether delayed or denied.

7. If you are emotional, people may lie, cheat, fraud you including breaking laws and committing crimes and maybe even forcing you to commit crimes.

6. If you harbor a murderer because they are “family” and you get emotional, it is breaking the laws even though you can justify it emotionally. Do not harbor a criminal, the right thing to do for their sake and other innocents in the society is to report them to the authorities for breaking the laws. Worse, do not become a victim of their emotional blackmail and commit crimes too.

5. When one lives in bad company where one partner/friend commits crimes, it rubs off on you and you also start committing crimes and emotions cannot save you from that.

4. Your innocent children can be held hostage and their individual rights are violated including crime against their humanity.

3. When you are emotional, people will try to spin a web from the “real issues” deeming one who is emotional cannot “think” clearly and are clouded. Fine, then let someone “unemotional” deal with the real issues like IVF, intersex, immigration because the issues still exist and someone does need to bring it to attention and provide a solution. What is worse – being emotional and bringing out the truth OR being conniving and brushing the issues under the carpet. What if it happened to you or someone you love (nah, thats emotional again…you see how it works)?

2. Ironically, got too emotional to pen this down.

1. Frankly, NO ONE CARES. The laws, the society, the system – its all lip service  and only you can protect yourself from the emotional trauma of injustice, unfairness, bigotry, hypocrisy. Protect yourself first.

As a survivor, NOT a victim, of IVF, intersex, immigration in the 2000s, there are a lot of lessons to be learnt. The first is DO NOT be EMOTIONAL. What an irony because if one were not emotional then they could have never become a spouse caregiver of intersex OR an IVF parent OR an exiled IVF parent. They could have perhaps earned 6 + figures in salary, have a great, comfortable, luxurious life with everything money can buy AND have a great professional career where their skills are appreciated BUT innocent IVF children would have been abandoned, violated, abused, tortured without a VOICE.

To the naysayers, all we have to say is that emotion is the very fabric of a human being…even animals like dogs, cats have emotions and they show it. Since when did it become OK to NOT be emotional as a human being especially when it comes to dealing with issues like intersex, IVF, immigration – emotions like compassion build such families while lack of laws break up families, innocent siblings.

If I Had a Passport…

1) I would go to America to see my brotherivf-passport

2) I want to play with my brother’s toys he shows on Skype

3) I want to spend only ONE night in America

4) I want to play in the snow

5) I want to tie Rakhi and make a drawing (card) for my brother

6) I want to go ice skating (skates with knives)

7) I want to go to London

8) I want to go see giraffes and zebras

9) I want to go dancing (Ok, don’t really need a passport for that)

10) I will become as astronaut and go to space as I will NOT need a passport.

These are the wishes of an innocent 4 year old IVF sister for her IVF brother. Two innocent siblings who have been deliberately separated due to NO CRIMES of their own. As a humanity, as a global citizen of the world, why can’t we rise above and spare the innocent children and the most vulnerable? What message do we send our future generations like these innocent IVF siblings, that breaking laws is more rewarding than changing laws? That creating human children through IVF is just a “commercial transaction” with NO responsibility or accountability for the innocent human life? In an ever increasing globalized world where services are sought globally, the laws, the legal jurisdictions need to become ONE in cases where the impact is global. Especially where the “service” involves innocent human children. We cannot and will not allow our innocent children to be used as “human chatal” rather as a beacon of hope that change is coming. IVF is all about change, are the laws ready for it?

Help UNITE innocent IVF siblings by securing a passport. http://chn.ge/1oltFl5

IVF Parent Wish List…

The lack of laws is creating an impossible mountain to overcome for IVF children and families much like a staircase for a person in a wheelchair. Help us to self-help ourselves. We don’t want pity, just laws for protecting our basic human rights and have an opportunity to be treated equally.

An IVF parent never tires, its ingrained in their DNA. Most people who become an IVF parent have experienced failure before success of  birth of a lovelyIVF-Wish-List IVF child. Every IVF parent’s journey is unique and not giving up is in their DNA. Even after multiple rounds of IVF treatment and failure, an IVF parent continues to find innovative ways to have a child. In every IVF parent is a very strong person overcoming several challenges, sadly, sometimes in silence and isolation due to the secrecy and stigma with infertility or dysfertility. The discrimination against IVF parent based on gender and biology is causing discrimination against IVF children and its time to begin to petition for a change. Stop dehumanizing children for personal benefit and rise above for the greater good. Currently, asking for basic if not equal rights for IVF children and families is the wake before the Brown V. Board of Education or Roe V. Wade or [Interracial marriage] V State of Virginia or the civil rights movement or the latest being DOMA’s revocation. We are beginning an IVF Movement for future rights of IVF children and families.

Theodore Roosevelt’s quote, “Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those timid spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live In the grey twilight that knows nether victory nor defeat.

Most people DO NOT know or understand what an IVF parent goes through. Statistically as per CDC data, about 1% of all child births are through IVF. Statistically, only 1 in 3 IVF attempts are successful. By conservative estimate, that would mean about 3% of the parents have experienced and attempted IVF resulting in success or failure. When you extend the number to the general population, the number is even smaller because not everyone is a parent in the general population. So we are talking about a very small minority of total population who actually have the experience of IVF. The medical doctors, the supporting medical staff help with IVF and are integral part of the IVF journey but do not go through the same roller coaster rides of emotions, finance, immigration, laws, etc. The IVF ecosystem is large – donors, surrogates, intended parents, and yes, most importantly the IVF child who physically go through the roller coaster rides of emotions, anxiety, sleepless nights, silence, isolation, keeping a happy face outside but crying on the inside, financial issues, legal issues, immigration issues, etc. Statistically, most people DON’T know or understand what an IVF parent goes through unless truth is allowed to be shared. Is silencing an IVF parent a sophisticated form of white collar crime and advanced child abduction and/or retention for personal benefit? What is the best interest of the child?

We begin the IVF Parent Wish List AFTER the Birth of an IVF child and in the best interest of the IVF child. Its been 35 years since the first IVF child was born, is it time to come out of secrecy and start asking for scientific information and legal rights for IVF children and families. If I had enough money as an IVF parent, I wish to…

1) Move Forward for Change – Advocate and donate huge sums for medical research on IVF children’s health, well-being and long-term needs like Michael J. Fox advocates about Parkinson’s disease.

2) Get a Celebrity Endorsement To Raise Awareness – Advocate for equal laws for IVF children and families by speaking the truth like Magic Johnson did by talking about HIV and changing the course of history in terms of medical funds and research for HIV/AIDS. What we need is more scientific data and research and not secrecy and lies.

3) Human Rights and Child Rights – Expose the inhumane conditions and fraud in the IVF industry where some rogue people have converted into a “baby making factory” with no respect for basic human dignity of an IVF child and others. Children need protection from a new brand of criminal –  IVFphiles. Erin Brockovich, Rosa Parks, Susan Anthony come to mind as inspiration in taking on a flawed system.

4) Scientific Research – Seek to understand the behavioral issues and any other health issues experienced by IVF children due to their unique birth circumstances as studies are now reporting. We need more studies in to help IVF parents and children not more silence and fraud. By accepting the truth and understanding issues if any, we can help innocent children better adjust to life and be all they can be.

5) Better Health – New studies claim that because of the IVF procedure, IVF children maybe at a higher risk of cancer like leukemia. In case an IVF child needs a bone marrow, will the “biological link” help save his life or will the fraud birth documents falsely claiming an intended parent as the biological parent? What is needed is more scientific evidence and not furtherance of secrecy, lies and fraud as it hurts innocent IVF children apart from it also breaking the laws.

6) Best Interest of the Child – There are several parents with children of Down’s Syndrome, ADHD, ADD, cystic fibrosis, Tay-Sachs Syndrome and other medical conditions. As any parent, they are looking for a normal if not better future for their children. They are looking for an environment of basic rights if not equal. Same is true of an IVF parent who wants protection of basic human decency and respect for the IVF children and not to be treated like “property” even if inadvertent. Only sharing of facts and truth can reveal this, silence and secrecy only further victimizes innocents and worse it does not benefit in getting laws changed or passed creating more innocent victims possibly in the future. 

There are several other issues specific to the health and well-being of an IVF child far too complex to go into in 2013. The ethos of USA has been to say the truth to seek change and justice even if spread across decades. Maybe we need to wait a few more years or decades before we are allowed to come out as proud IVF parents facing real issues and challenges instead of being deemed offensive. The bill of rights for IVF children and family has neither been thought of yet nor a priority because it affects a very small minority. Is it OK to continue to victimize the most vulnerable of the vulnerable? For others, a victimized IVF child and denial of their rights and respect as a human being may just be a “statistic”, for an IVF parent the child is their LIFE who deserves basic human dignity if not equal.

A Thousand Lies Punishes Innocent Children

There are all kinds of innocent children who get punished for no fault of their own. And parents of each of those innocent children demand for equal truth in action lies in wordsrights. The “punishment” comes due to lack of laws and no relief for victims and in this case it is innocent children. Education and awareness are key to achieving those very same equal rights which requires stating the facts and the truth. Saying a thousand lies to hide one lie only creates more victims and provides no solution for the future. Let us learn from our mistakes and stop the strategy of secrecy and lies at the cost of innocent children. Secrecy and lies breed complexity, live simple with truth and compassion. The challenge is to accept the facts and move forward. Embrace change. Can you and the government do that by passing equal laws?

It’s very nice to be right sometimes.” – said Professor Higgs, winner of Nobel Prize in 2013 for the Higgs Boson Particle for something he discovered over 40 years ago…it took a while to prove him right.

It is true that there are innocent children who may have autism or cystic fibrosis or Down’s Syndrome or other medical conditions. As parents we help our child the best we can and in areas where we need assistance from the government, we petition for laws. That is why we are petitioning for laws for IVF children, petitioning for laws for intersex.

What crime has a lovely four year old committed that she should be land-locked and made stateless? What other crimes have been committed? If you have the guts, look in her pretty eyes and then respond.

  • Infertility is very traumatic. IVF helps alleviate some of that pain by giving the gift of life – a lovely IVF child. Does the IVF child have any rights – the so called “gift”?
  • There are women who abandon a child at birth due to various personal circumstances and reasons. While some women are forced to give up their children at birth like during the “baby scoop era“. By acknowledging the facts and the truth, today we have “safe haven” laws where women can safely leave their child without any repurcusions and the best interest of the child is served. Today we also truth and reconciliation commissions who are bringing some “level of justice” to the victims of the “baby scoop era”.
  • From the perspective of the child, there are several reasons why a “mother” may not be around to raise a child when the child is born. Maybe the mother passed away during child birth or maybe the mother fell seriously ill after child birth which forbid her to be a “traditional mother” or maybe the child is being raised by a single father or gay fathers. We will get into the discussion of “primary care provider” and “mother” later. In 2013, it is important to acknowledge the facts in the best interest of the child. What if an “order” is placed for an IVF child with a surrogate and then the intended parent changes their mind during the pregnancy and abandons the IVF child, what category does that fit into why the IVF child does not have a “mother”? Unlike unwanted natural born pregnancies, IVF pregnancies are deliberate, costly and well planned. Why abandon an IVF child? Just like we have pedophiles in our society, we have even a rarer species called IVFphiles. And as IVF picks up in the coming century, there will be more cases of IBFphiles (strictly due to math), where are the laws to protect and ensure the rights of the IVF children? What if the surrogacy is international and now the IVF child is stateless and in legal limbo due to lack of immigration laws?
  • For over 10000 years, we have a special meaning for “mothers” and it reflects in our cultures, society, laws across the world. We are not going to change the concept of “motherhood” overnight and neither anyone is going to try because all mothers are special. However in 2013, we also have realities of minorities who are single fathers or gay fathers or IVF fathers and so who is the “mother” for the child? More importantly are the “rights of an IVF child” inhibited due to “no legal mother”? From a literal perspective, we need a term like “primary care provider” regardless of a parent’s gender, color, caste, sexual orientation, etc. From a social perspective, the world is not comfortable with that yet. The case of an IVF child takes special meaning in this regard. Legally, when a parent uses an anonymous egg donor and surrogate to have an IVF child, who is the “mother”? Legally one has to complete adoption procedures as per local laws. Emotionally, is the person who is the “primary care provider” for the infant for first 3 – 6- 9 -12 -24 months the “mother”? In the case of single fathers, gay fathers, IVF fathers, is the traditional role of “mother” taken up by the father as the “primary care provider”? More importantly, who does the IVF child identify the most with as the “primary care provider”? 

IVF Prison – Restricting Freedom

pris·on : any place of confinement

IVF prison child

Thats the dictionary definition of prison. Using anti-LGBTI laws and anti-IVF laws, a commissioning parent has made an innocent, voiceless IVF child stateless and thus confining the biological parent where the child is – land locked and stateless with freedoms restricted.  There is sympathy for infertility but is the best solution to infertility to “land-lock”  innocent IVF siblings in legal limbo and force to live separately in IVF prison? As human beings when your freedoms are restricted especially illegally thats when one speaks up for the greater good. Especially when those freedoms are violated of innocent, voiceless children. After surviving death, the truth has to be heard as the silence is victimizing innocent children. 

Why is an innocent, voiceless IVF child rendered stateless? Why are we land-locked? Why are her freedoms being restricted? Do people in legal limbo have legal rights? When we see the innocent little girl, what is her crime to be in IVF prison? What crime has IVF parent committed to have a Nazi-like Sophie’s choice moment where he is forced to pick between two children? An IVF parent can roam about the world but his IVF daughter cannot. How can he go alone anywhere? Is it a crime to share an IVF child with a non-biological parent? or is it a crime to lie and break the laws while doing so? Who is going to address the issues of abuse by the non-biological parent? Ours is a plea for compassion on humanitarian grounds, who is listening? Having “baby IVF laws” is the right answer instead of continued persecution and forced silence. The right answer is to acknowledge the facts and move forward to a solution. It is a decade of secrecy and lies which has gotten into this mess and only truth can lead us forward. Freedom from statelessness. 

It is not whether an infertile or dysfertile or intersex or gay or straight person deserves a child, its about a good parent deserves a child. Would any good parent create stateless babies and offer no recourse? Is that a violation of the childs rights? Is this child abuse? White-collar crimes are sophisticated and ahead of their times but they are still crimes.

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

How does an intersex, immigrant, non-biological parent with fraud documents who is not the primary care provider get custody of an IVF child? Is it by abandoning an IVF sibling and sending the other parent packing so there is no one to mount a legal defense? Is the best solution for infertility to create stateless children? Is the best solution to infertility to use the anti-intersex, anti-gay, anti-immigration, anti-IVF laws against innocent children? Is the best solution to alienate an innocent IVF child from his primary care provider and biological family and siblings? Is the best solution for an IVF child to grow up isolated and alienated from his biological family and siblings? Is the best solution to send the loving, caring, biological parent to “prison” (land-locked) by abandoning the IVF sister?

Prisons come in all shapes and forms – the traditional prisons as provided by governments or house arrests or house arrest on your private island (but still an arrest and restricting your freedom)  or IVF prison or being forced into statelessness due to no fault of yours like victims of Saddam or Gaddafi or IVF children due to lack of laws and absence of action. For those who claim that the number of IVF children rendered stateless is NOT the same as stateless victims of Saddam or Gaddafi should come on an IVF roller-coaster ride. Please do not offend and further victimize by using “numbers” to justify the crimes and inaction. A crime against an innocent child is a crime regardless of “numbers”.

Reality Check – The core concept is restriction of freedom – an unAmerican way

While the judicial systems and social systems are pontificating on “equal rights” for non-biological parents, what about people who do that in action? The reality is that laws are based on “biology”. The reality is that laws provide “equal benefits” of parenting to non-biological parents but none of the responsibility and accountability to non-biological parents, why? If an IVF child is stranded, then the “biological parent” is made to pay the child support but there is NO responsibility and accountability on the “non-biological parent” who equally commissioned the IVF pregnancy? If the IVF child is born, both commissioning parents – biological and non-biological, share “equal rights”  in benefiting from enjoying shared custody of the IVF child then why not “equal” in an abandoned IVF pregnancy?

In an abandoned an IVF pregnancy, whose responsibility is the innocent IVF child and what are their rights? Both commissioning parents be treated “equally” or should it be on the surrogate left holding the baby in the womb or is it only the “biological parent”? Or should we abandon the IVF child or give up the child for adoption? Unlike unwanted natural born pregnancies, an IVF pregnancy is deliberate and wanted. When the IVF child grows up, they will want to know why they were “manufactured” only to be abandoned? While these are issues that a parent can feel – both biological and non-biological, what is the legal system doing about it? What are the rights of the IVF child? When an IVF child is rendered stateless, what are the options? Where is the legal framework to address the issues? Is it child abuse of a special kind?

It is a fact that an intersex person’s freedom is restricted in the 2000s and so is of a binational immigrant, IVF father. Is the best solution to permanently restrict the freedom of innocent, IVF children of a dysfunctional intersex family?  The reign of secrecy and lies has to end in the best interest of the children.

Are Children Individuals with Rights?

Recently Halle Berry, Jennifer Garner, and other Hollywood stars backed an anti-paparazzi bill into law which would not allow the paparazzi to harass children of celebrities. This also means that children children individual rightsare their own individuals and have separate rights from their parents’ rights. Or is it? Is the same true of IVF children? Do IVF children have their own individual rights or they have to secure their rights via gender and biological link to the parent?

Why should the gender of a parent matter to determine rights of an IVF child? A child is a child, right?

Does a child have their own individual rights or are they property of a parent?

Is getting legal birth documents the right of an individual (child) or can a parent fraud the birth documents for personal benefit without permission from the child?

Is jeopardizing the legal status of an IVF child knowingly a crime or does the child have individual rights to attain proper legal status?

What if an IVF child wants to grow up with his primary care provider and siblings, have they been allowed that opportunity? Is that their individual right?

What if an IVF child wants to get to know their biological family? Do they have individual rights to do so?

What if an IVF child wants to demand their rights but has been placed in a legal limbo status, how do they get their individual rights?

What are the rights of an abandoned IVF child which is very much a deliberate pregnancy unlike an unwanted natural born pregnancy? Does the commissioning adult have any responsibility and accountability?

What are the rights of the surrogate woman who may be left with an abandoned IVF child?

What if the surrogacy is a commercial agreement and does the surrogate deserve to get paid even though the commissioning adult decided to abandon the IVF pregnancy?

What if an IVF child does not want to be alienated from his biological family, does he have the individual right to do so?

What if a parent continues to lie and break the laws and abuses the child into alienation and isolation, does the child have individual rights?

What if an IVF child requires special needs due to the fact they are IVF but truth is hidden and are thus denied the essential resources, does the IVF child deserve equal and individual rights?

How is hiding basic scientific facts which affect an IVF child’s growth adversely in the “best interest of the child” or is the “best interest” of infertile adult being cared for at the cost of innocent, voiceless IVF children?

Generally, is it better to empower children with the truth or lie and break the laws?

Infertility is very traumatic, it is even more traumatic in a marriage with fraud, why punish innocent IVF siblings for the infertility? IVF is to help with infertility and not destroy innocent child’s rights.

Infertility is very traumatic, it is even more traumatic as an immigrant with secrecy and lies. Haven’t the secrecy and lies created enough victims that we need to continue victimizing innocent, voiceless IVF children and siblings?

Lessons from Miss America 2013

Celebrating Diversity Through Cultural Competency” – Ms. Nina DavuluriMissAmerica2013

Congratulations to Ms. America 2013, Ms. Nina Davuluri. She embodies hope and as they say the real beauty of a person is their character. She has future plans to become a physician and yet again she rejects the stereotype and embodies brains and beauty – something parents want to teach their children. And here is a great role model who is an immigrant, has beauty and brains, respects diversity, honest and breaks stereotypes in a positive way – all character traits and values parents want to show their children. Do we want more of Ms. Davuluri, Ms. Schulz and the Youngs or more of Ms. Pettway and Ms. Hatte?

There are always those detractors who are more ignorant than being disrespectful. They hurl abuses claiming her to be terrorist simply based on her skin color without ever meeting her personally or getting to know her. In a strange twist, she may not have been considered as “beautiful” back in her home country, India again because of her skin color where beauty is defined by “fair” skin. What she is showing is that it’s not about the skin color but about compassion, courage and honesty – something the USA can recognize and appreciate.

We are ready to meet tomorrow’s challenges with you—firm in the belief that all men and women are in fact created equal.” — said President Obama at the United Nations General Assembly.

Do IVF children and families deserve equal rights? Do immigrant IVF parents deserve equal rights?

Maulik is also an immigrant and an IVF parent but is being forced to live separately from his IVF son because of stereotypes about gender and the fact that laws are based on that. If laws were gender neutral, Maulik could have continued to enjoy and watch his IVF son grow and they both love each other deeply. If action is more powerful than words, the fact is Maulik is as much a victim of secrecy and stigma inflicted on intersex. Whether closeted intersex people want to speak up or not, Maulik is speaking up as an IVF parent to get rights for his IVF children – like any parent would. Maulik has shown compassion and “dared” to provide human rights to intersex person where laws itself fall short. “Dared” because thats what the system of laws and justice has taught Maulik that how dare he try to do something where entire governments fall short and for that he must be punished because he did it too soon and worse his innocent children should also be punished for crimes they did not commit.

Maulik is also a victim of stereotypes and gender bias when in fact the people and systems making such claims have never met Maulik personally or heard what sacrifices and abuse he has endured. The truth could not be farther from stereotypes. In a strange twist, people like Maulik in India, his home country are ridiculed for being a young male spouse caregiver and a spouse of Eunuch. Maulik has been abused for having children through IVF in an effort to show compassion to his infertile spouse. US Immigration laws are based on biology and gender – something that deeply affects IVF children and families like Maulik and his IVF children and affects other infertile people too. Are infertile or dysfertile people allowed to have children legally or should they be forced to lie to skirt the laws and how do the lies help the IVF children who are placed in legal limbo? Fathers who have children through IVF are a different breed who go through meticulous planning and really do want children unlike the stereotypical deadbeat parents. It is the sheer joy and fun of sharing a life with children – one’s flesh and blood.

Maulik has gone against the stereotypes several times as a crusader for human rights but in silence. For those who want to make high-handed statements, walk the walk before talking the talk. Do you have any idea what it is like to be an immigrant IVF father in 2000s? The lack of laws is the biggest punishment, worse than failed attempts with IVF, not to mention the emotional, financial and systemic roller-coaster. If a rape or sexual abuse victim fails to report it in a timely manner or if the situation is created where the victim is silenced either by overwhelming trauma or blackmail or in name of “family honor” or “truth will do no good”, does that mean the rape or abuse did not occur? What if the victim decides to speak up later, will they be listened to and will the perpetrators be prosecuted or will the criminals be allowed to walk away? Does the victim deserve justice? What about an immigrant IVF father who has been forced into a situation of picking between two IVF children on two separate continents? What would you do as a parent?  Do you abandon the IVF girl child or go save her? Years later when his IVF son is old enough to understand the truth, how can the father face his son saying he abandoned his sister that he wanted as a sibling. A parent’s love is shared among his children and not divided.

People for their own ulterior motives can continue to lie and claim this as an attack on intersex or infertility. The fact is there is no “I” in  infertility during marriage and any illness becomes “wellness” when both spouses in a marriage endure together. We have celebrated diversity through human competency more than once. The fact is we have accepted intersex and let our decade of silence and actions speak louder than words but we cannot accept the lack of laws, abuse and the lies involving breaking the laws. We are asking for rights of IVF children and families. We have already moved beyond intersex family, has the society and more importantly have the laws acknowledged intersex? Have the laws started addressing the issues faced by immigrants, intersex, IVF children and families?

We have hope just like Ms. America 2013, it is the strength of your character that counts and not stereotypes. We know the people of US can recognize and appreciate this but can its government and laws also recognize and appreciate this?

Noble Intentions, Ignoble Outcomes

When you are going through hell, keep on going. Never never never give up.” ~Winston Churchill~Do Fathers Count

What started out as lies and unsuspecting caregiver resulted in victimization of caregiver and worse, victimization and abuse of innocent children. The intentions were noble but the secrecy and lying have caught up inadvertently placing innocent children in legal limbo left to deal with ignoble outcomes. Secrecy and lies are a failed approach, truth is the only way forward. The issues are far bigger than a few individuals. Whether one is pro- or anti-IVF, or pro- or anti-intersex rights, such humans exist and have to deal with existential issues and rights, what solution do we have – truth or lies?

Is the only way to become a “mother” is by abandoning an innocent infant girl – a woman? Loving parents go to any length to save their child including using IVF to have a sibling to save their child. Is that different than “creating” an IVF child only to abandon them and using the innocent IVF child as a decoy and suppression of facts to take custody of their IVF sibling? It is offensive to deny basic human rights to an innocent child. It is more offensive to dehumanize people including innocent, voiceless children with no repurcusions. Is this the world we want for our children? Is saying the truth and stating facts to get help allowed?

If it was only about the lies of an intersex person, one may let go.

If it was only about an intersex person having a controversial intersex surgery during marriage in secrecy, one may let go.

If it was only about dealing with the effects of the controversial surgery in silence and abuse, one may let go.

If it was only about medical fraud and records placing innocent unsuspecting people in harm’s way, one may let go.

If it was only about being in a fraud intersex marriage where laws fall short, one may let go.

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

If it was only about lack of immigration laws for intersex, one may let go.

If it was only about dealing with infertility and having to lie about it, one may let go.

If it was only about raising an IVF child as a primary care provider in secrecy regardless of traditional gender stereotypes, one may let go.

If it was only about staying silent about the abuse on the innocent IVF child by non-biological parent, one may let go.

If it was only about giving up an IVF child to an infertile person even though there is no “I” in infertility during marriage, one may let go.

If it was only about lack of immigration laws for IVF, one may let go.

If it was only about raising an abandoned IVF child with no help or support from other parent, one may let go.

If it was only about staying silent and have the secrecy, lies and abuse REPEATED on your innocent children, CAN ONE LET GO?

If one lets go, it is accepting the dehumanization of IVF children and families and the lack of laws to catch up with technology.

If one lets go, is the “baby scoop era” being repeated on a new category of “socially unacceptable” children and families?

If one lets go, what do we teach our children? Does crime pay? Do multiple crimes pay? Should we teach our children to respect the laws or break the laws? When laws fall short, should we teach them to demand equal rights democratically or break the laws for personal benefit?

While the case deals with multiple complex issues in their own merit like intersex, IVF, immigration, the fact is we are dealing with a criminal who is a pathological liar. There are several intersex people but they do not lie or break laws especially with a person they claim to love. There are several infertile people but they do not lie or break laws especially with a person they claim to love. There are several illegal immigrants but they do NOT knowingly and deliberately DENY immigration rights to people especially innocent infants by abandoning them.

The issues are far bigger than a few individuals. We need equal rights for IVF children and families, equal rights for intersex families. People can continue to lie and hide the facts but that is not a good long-term plan nor is it for the greater good especially when it involves breaking the laws and placing innocent people including children in legal limbo. By staying silent will other intersex people get the right to marry legally? Will other intersex people get the right to immigrate legally? Will other intersex people have an IVF child legally? If you love an IVF child, would you want all IVF children to have equal rights? All this is possible ONLY if one speaks the TRUTH. Simple. Any love based on a foundation of lies is not only hypocrite but may also involve breaking laws which become crimes.

If the IVF child is raised right, what will he be taught more than book education? Morals, values, to help fellow human beings, show compassion, show love, show respect for diversity, and the whole nine yards? And what will be the outcome? forced separation from his only known biological family and loss of job and career and an abandoned IVF child? No, it is better to empower with truth and demand rights than to live with secrecy, lies, abuse and victimizing unsuspecting compassionate people. Thats the “education” an IVF child abducted away from his only known biological family should be getting that secrecy, lies, abuse, breaking the laws eventually catches up and crimes do not pay.

Future Rights of IVF Children

I have a dream that in the future all IVF children and families will have equal rights including donors and surrogates. Single parents or gay parents or infertile heterosexual parents Martin-Luther-King-I-have-a-dreamwho opt for IVF will have equal rights. “Accidents” in the IVF clinics where samples are swapped accidentally and hence “no biological link” with a parent will not be the reason to separate IVF children from parents. Innocent IVF children will not be placed inadvertently in legal limbo. Are the laws addressing these issues? Sadly infertility is dealt with secrecy and lies and it becomes difficult to ascertain how many people are affected. The same secrecy and lies are hurting innocent IVF children and their rights. In the future, this will be common knowledge and as a result, such children will also have EQUAL rights and not remain INVISIBLE. The campaign to educate and spread awareness starts now. We need to advocate on rights of infertile or dysfertile people and their IVF children. Will you join us?

As a left-behind parent of an abandoned IVF daughter and watching her turn 4 years, every moment has been worth it. We celebrate her existence and learn from the sacrifices why every human life deserves equal respect and dignity including her. There are no winners here but to punish innocent IVF children who are the most undeserving victims for the crimes they did not commit are the biggest losers. As adults, we must bring their rights as an individual to the forefront. I have a dream that one day it will not be the gender of a parent but the love and character of a parent which will define parenthood. More importantly, innocent siblings will not be judged or discriminated based on the gender of their parent.

What circumstances creates a situation where children have “no legal mother”?

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a medical technology which is great for infertile or dysfertile people. In the early decades since IVF’s finding in 1978, in most cultures it was “reserved” only for “infertile couples”. Suppose thats a remnant of the “baby scoop era” when innocent children were forced into adoption because their only fault was to be born to a “single mother” which was “socially unacceptable” at the time. As time moved on, IVF expanded to single parents, gays, lesbians and so on. This represents the growing tolerance in our society as a whole. However, the LAWS have not caught up with this social tolerance. Specifically, in a “closed environment” where IVF occurs within the boundaries of the same country, there is NO immigration requirement for the IVF child. However, as soon as an IVF parent wants to engage in international IVF, immigration laws and multiple “legal jurisdictions” are engaged which are lagging in laws when it comes to equality.  While people are sympathetic to the situation, the laws are non-existent which places innocent IVF children in a legal limbo. I have a dream that someday in the future we will have EQUAL rights for IVF children in their best interest and not a mere statistic as a “manufactured” human being.

This is NOT just an individual case but affects a lot of IVF families and immigration. Due to secrecy around infertility, very few cases get publicized and an already traumatized infertile or dysfertile families remain silent and continue to bear more trauma in silence. The innocent IVF children suffer and its a gross violation of everyone’s basic human rights. If my IVF children were NOT split, I also may not have spoken up. Please let me know if this would be of interest to you or someone who can help us. There are several US prospective parents who are engaging in IVF/Surrogacy in other countries like India, Thailand and so on as reported in the news media. It is traumatic enough to deal with infertility, should there be added burden of continued trauma due to lack of laws for EQUAL rights for IVF children and families? Let us examine some international IVF cases and its outcome. The common thread among these cases is there is “NO LEGAL MOTHER” as per laws even though physically a mother exists who gives birth.

1) In a recent IVF case in Texas, a court ruled that a woman who had given birth to lovely IVF children was the “mother” who had used donor eggs. In another recent case, US citizenship was DENIED to a set of IVF children based on prevailing US Immigration laws who were also born to a US Citizen mother using donor eggs but outside the US. Why the difference? Its confusing, is she a mother or not? The two IVF siblings are growing up together although in Israel. A US diplomat spokesperson said at the time of denial of US citizenship to the children that while they sympathize with the US citizen mother and children, they are following the laws.

2) In another horror case of a US couple trying to have an IVF child in India, the sperm samples were swapped accidentally by the IVF clinic in India and thus NO biological link exists between the innocent IVF child and the US parents. Because of no biological link to the parents, the innocent IVF child cannot legally come to the US. The choice was to leave the innocent child in an orphanage or try to bring the child to the US on humanitarian grounds. Is it the innocent child’s fault or the parent’s fault? Should there be a legal recourse for medical “accidents” outside the parent’s control?

3) In another case, a father on US green card was left stranded with an IVF daughter in India with no “legal US mother” and is living in EXILE in India raising the innocent IVF child. Even worse, the little girl has an IVF sibling, a brother, in the US who she has NEVER met and it was the IVF brother’s wish to have a sibling and why she is born. What is the innocent IVF siblings fault?

4) In 2005, Canadian parents could NOT bring one of their IVF children back to Canada immediately because as per Canadian immigration laws, a “biological link” is required for a Canadian citizen parent to have their IVF child born outside Canada to legally immigrate to Canada. It seems there was a medical accident and the sperm samples got swapped at the clinic resulting in a failed DNA test between the parents and the IVF child. Is this a FAULT of the parents or accidents of science and technology? Most scientific innovations in history of the world have come from “accidents” – its how we learn, ask Madam Curie. Even though there is NO law for the facts that occurred, the Canadian government relented in the end and after 6 years allowed the family to live together in Canada. The non-biological IVF parents gave up 6 years of their lives showing that it is NOT the biology but the LOVE of a parent. The “biology” needs to be discussed because of the LAWS.

It is important to note that infertility and IVF are often dealt with secrecy. As a result, very few cases are made public. These cases are just tip of the iceberg. A lot of victims may choose to abandon or not go public for their own personal reasons.

Into The Future

Recently, the “father of IVF”, Dr. Robert Edwards who helped bring the FIRST IVF child into the world in 1978 and was awarded a Nobel Prize for his work passed away. We still have a long way to go to concretize his legacy which is ensuring equal rights for IVF children and families including donors, surrogates and the entire IVF fraternity and ecosystem. The 21st century is upon us and calling us.

As more countries are legalizing same-sex marriages, incidents of IVF including international IVF will only grow and having effective international laws protecting the best interest of the child first is of paramount importance. IVF is here to stay and we need laws to catch up with the technology and avoid inadvertent victims, sometimes the most vulnerable, the voiceless, innocent IVF children. This is first a humanitarian crisis and a child rights issue. The Hague has worked multilaterally on laws for International Child Abduction and International Adoption and we need International laws on IVF/Surrogacy in the best interest of the children. The Hague is rightfully working on international laws for IVF/Surrogacy and issues that arise from it and you can find more information here.

As per a June 2011 US government report, the right answer is for the laws to catch up with IVF technology. This is the right answer and we need support to translate the vision into execution and save innocent IVF children and families lives’ before it’s too late. US is a world leader when it comes to advocating and protecting human rights and child rights. It is time to step up and show leadership when it comes to EQUAL rights for IVF children and families and work multilaterally or bilaterally to advocate and spread awareness on this sensitive issue. The current state of “non-existent laws” at an international level is a “wild west” approach which is inadvertently victimizing innocent IVF children and families.