Tag Archives: courage

Justified Discrimination of IVF Children

For ALL those who say that no crimes have been committed against an abandoned innocent IVF child, we invite you to have the courage and strength toDiscrimination-IVF-Open your eyes look a 4 year old IVF child in her big brown eyes and say the same thing. Your mind, your heart, your humanity will render you speechless and force you to do the RIGHT THING which is to stop this discrimination of IVF. Every human life is sacred including an innocent IVF child who is used as a “tool” to secure their sibling by splitting them. Having anti-IVF laws is one thing but to use them against innocent, voiceless IVF children takes it to whole different level. Even if no IVF laws were broken (since they do not exist), were human rights violated, were innocent children abused, was there endangerment of the welfare of innocent IVF children deliberately, was there malicious and deliberate intent to split innocent IVF brother and sister, was there fraud, was there perjury, was there lying, was there breaking of laws, is it a crime against the humanity of the innocent IVF children? The right answer is to never have this happen again to any innocent IVF child. People who are pedophiles or murderers or criminals may also be parents and may also be good parents but they still are criminals. IVFphiles are people who place an “order” for an IVF child and then later abandon them once born with no responsibility or accountability towards the child – is that a crime against the humanity of the innocent, voiceless IVF child? What is the justice for innocent IVF children to move forward – stay in legal limbo and grow up separated for no fault of theirs or be united and grow up together as intended? The biggest jurors are the innocent IVF children and everyone else is either a messenger or an agent of change because the biggest punishment is on the innocent IVF siblings for crimes they did not commit – look in their eyes and then decide.

Even after 60 years, sibling bonds stay strong like the unions between North and South Koreans showing that NO government can split siblings.

Regardless of time, abandoning IVF children is a crime against their humanity today and will remain so forever. Splitting innocent IVF siblings will never be the right solution, apologies like for the “baby scoop era” may follow decades later only to prove the decision to split the innocent IVF siblings for crimes they did not commit was wrong. Copernicus and Galileo had a tough time convincing people of the scientific facts over 500 years ago and they were even persecuted at first but over the years and decades their truth prevailed. The 99.99% people who opposed them all came to accept the universal truth. Its been over 1600 days since the IVF siblings have wrongfully been split and even after 16000 days, it will still be wrong.

The current situation of lack of laws for IVF children and families is like placing a staircase in front of a wheelchair bound person. We need a ramp which is to provide equal rights to IVF children and families.

In a recent US Department of State announcement, gestational mothers who carried their IVF children to term who were conceived through donor eggs and sperm will be considered “at par” with birth mothers for immigration. More importantly, their IVF children will be given equal rights. When will there be equal rights for immigrant IVF fathers and his IVF children? 

Allowing a person to live freely and truthfully is the single-biggest human right regardless of the era and discrimination in different forms has always been around only to be defeated.

  • In the 1800s, if you were black in the US and did not want to be a slave OR
  • if you did not want to become a Sati in India OR
  • in 1900s during the women suffrage movement, women wanted equal pay for equal work (a struggle ongoing even after a hundred years) OR
  • the various colonies wanting freedom from their imperialists OR
  • the Jews wanting freedom from the atrocities of Holocaust OR
  • the civil rights movement in the US simply wanting equal treatment based on who they are and not based on color of the skin OR
  • the single mothers whose biological children were forcefully taken away from them during the baby scoop era only because “singlehood” was not socially acceptable OR
  • the apartheid movement in South Africa OR
  • the gay rights movement in 2000s.

There has ALWAYS been DISCRIMINATION of sorts and as a humanity we solve one thing at a time often too slowly for some innocent victims with no relief or justice.

While we are struggling as human beings to move forward towards equality for all, cannibalizing others human rights especially innocent children is NO way to achieve one’s own human rights. If it is a crime to discriminate based on race, familial status, religion, sex, national origin, age or disability, then why is it NOT a crime to discriminate based on birth type – natural born Vs. IVF born?

The first step to ANY discrimination is acceptance. However as human psychology unfolds, it sometimes takes years, decades, centuries before enough humans ACCEPT the discrimination. Till then there is DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL and various logical and legal arguments presented to justify the discrimination. In the end truth prevails! Its 2014, and what is the state of the union for IVF discrimination?

Best Interest of the Child

Divorces happen. They are horrible especially from the perspective of the children. Yet it may be the best thing possible for the two adults who simply divorce-ivf-best-interest-of-childcannot get along. There is no blaming, there is just moving on including the “best interest of the child“? Immigrant, intersex, infertile people deserve human rights. Exactly how many other people’s human rights have to be violated AND how many laws have to be broken for them to have a child at any and all costs? If parents of intersex are ONLY thinking about the best interest of their child, is it OK for an IVF parent to ask for equal rights for his IVF children and all other IVF children? Secrecy and lies do not help anyone especially the victims of silent abuse – certainly does not bring about any change in laws and the lack of laws continues to foster an environment for people to be forced into secrecy, lies, cheating, fraud, breaking the laws for selfish, ulterior motives and not “best interest of the child”.

Despite what the conventional wisdom says, the best interest of the child is TRUTH – ask any intersex child. For decades the conventional wisdom to treat intersex children was a concealment based approach involving a big conspiracy to lie, secrecy, fraud documentation, illegal surgeries and so on. Now the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for stop to these intersex surgeries, any conventional wisdom to day says TRUTH is better than decades of secrecy and lying, fraud medical records are a crime. Same applies to IVF children – TRUTH. If its trauma for intersex children, what is it for spouse and IVF children in an intersex marriage as these traumatic changes occur?

If a divorce occurs, what is the most important issue if children are involved?

If a divorce occurs, will innocent, voiceless IVF siblings be split?

If a divorce occurs, do two innocent lives deserve to be punished for crimes they did not commit?

If a divorce occurs, it is not about who is the better parent? Is it about what parent can set a better example in the child’s best interest?

If a divorce is granted between two genetic males in 2009 in Texas, it is legal? Will the child be raised to respect laws? And is it better to change the laws or break the laws?

Intersex people cannot legally marry nor can have children, will the child be raised to fight for equal rights or break the laws and silence everyone and abusing them?

Will the child be raised with values of compassion, love, respect for laws, humanity, a positive contributor to society, truth? Or will he be forced into a secret life of lies, fraud, breaking the laws, constricting freedom?

Is it a crime to provide human rights to intersex, infertile people within the four walls of your home where the laws and government itself fall short?

Will the child be raised as a man who respects women including infant baby girls who do not deserve to be abandoned?

Will the child be raised as a man who respects intersex people?

Will the child be raised as a man who respects diversity?

Will the child be raised as a man who shows love for family?

Will the child be raised as a man to step in as a primary care provider for a child while the spouse is under medical treatment for surgeries and unable to dispense duties as a “traditional, stereotype” mother.

Will the child be raised as a man to be anti-stereotype in silence and entailing abuse multiple times as an individual, a spouse, a parent and watch his innocent child be abused?

Will the child be raised with honesty and truth to ask for equal rights for IVF children and families or will the truth be hidden from him?

Will the child be raised to ask for equal rights for abandoned IVF children?

Will the child be raised to be a family caregiver if and when the need arises?

Will the child be raised to have the courage and strength to not die with faced with trauma after trauma after trauma with abuse after abuse after abuse?

Will the child be raised to have faith in the system where truth prevails and while justice may be delayed but it will not be denied?

Will the child be raised to respect laws?

To abandon a child to get another child, to abandon a sister to get her brother, to violate the most basic rights of the most vulnerable is not the pathway to good parenting. It is a crime against humanity from the perspective of the child. It is worth fighting for.

The Link Between Scottsboro Boys and Fertility Rights

The recent news of the “Scottsboro boys” being posthumously pardoned is more symbolic and should be celebrated because we as a society are acceptingfertility rights - ivf our “wrongs” even if too late. It takes great courage. Although the wrongful convictions will not get their lives back or what could have been of being able to have a family, a child, respect and dignity and above all being allowed to LIVE as a HUMAN BEING. The question to answer just like Alabama did by pardoning the last of “Scottsboro boys” even if posthumously is to be on the “right side of history“. Much like in the case of “Scottsboro boys”, the prevailing false stereotypes ingrained in people and the system that failed them, most people do not realize the mistake until it happens to “them”. Fertility affects about 15% of the population, so we are faced with similar false stereotypes and are held hostage until change arrives.

Is history repeating itself in wrongfully abusing others? That was 1933 and now it is 2013. The spirit in which this is written is looking forward, what will be the state of fertility rights in 2084? It is a fact that an infertile human being cannot bring a child born outside the US legally to the US because US laws requires a “biological link” as established by DNA (only sperm and egg counts, carrying a child in your womb does not count) between parent-child. Sadly due to the infertility, they cannot have a “biological child”. Then how does a person who is infertile or intersex or gay or lesbian or straight who cannot have a “biological link” to the child supposed to have a child legally? The right answer is change the laws and not break the laws and we need fertility rights. While the “Scottsboro boys” did not get justice while alive, they have been credited with great strides in the civil rights movement. For example, inclusion of African Americans on juries and adequate legal representation for fair justice and due process.

In a case of immigrant, IVF parent, spouse caregiver of intersex, was a similar person allowed to be on the “jury”, was adequate legal representation provided to ensure due process and fair justice? Or was the truth suppressed to fit the need of the hour?  Does the “average” person understand the life of an immigrant, IVF parent and a spouse caregiver of intersex and the related secrecy, lies and lack of laws and its effects? The secrecy and shame are the biggest culprits. The rights of an innocent child are tightly coupled with the rights of a parent. Is it wrong for an IVF, immigrant father to want children? Or should he be forced and ALSO by association his IVF children be forced to live secretly and become invisible like the “Scottsboro boys”? The link between racism and reproductive rights is to deny the truth and thereby the rights of innocents and making them “legally invisible” only furthering the crimes of continued secrecy, lies and false allegations.

In our zeal to provide a child to an infertile adult, have we forgotten about the rights of an innocent, voiceless IVF child? We have defamation, false allegations, rampant breaking of the laws, abuse and victimization of innocents, intimidation, secrecy, lies and WORST, denial of basic human dignity and respect of innocent IVF children. Welcome to 2004 – lack of fertility rights and waiting for justice…

  • It is a fact that an intersex marriage is illegal – so change the laws but do not break the laws and victimize unsuspecting human beings.
  • It is a fact that intersex person is infertile and cannot have a biological child legally – so change the laws but do not falsely accuse others and victimize innocent children and break the laws. As per CDC, 1 in 6 couples is infertile – how is the “couple” defined – only heterosexual couples? Are LGBTI, single parents included in this “statistic”? Do they deserve fertility rights as human beings?
  • It is a fact that intersex person cannot immigrate based on “marriage” – so change the laws like Edie Windsor did by helping strike down DOMA but do not break the laws and victimize others.
  • It is a fact that caregivers have no rights and further caregivers of LGBTI have no rights at all until recently because they have to live “invisibly and secretly” – so change the laws. There are 65.7 Million family caregivers in the US – are LGBTI caregivers included in this “statistic”?

If a caregiver claims they lost their career, social life, their children, financial resources, etc. because of family caregiving duties – it is OK to glaze over. But if a paid caregiver slips on the floor, they can file for worker’s compensation. How is that equal and fair? As a society we need to encourage family caregivers because it can do wonders for patients but we also need to protect the rights of the caregivers. Or do we want a society where everything is “legal” including the family caregiving relationship?

Somehow discriminating innocent people in the name of “best interest of the child” has become the norm. We look forward to the day when every person is first seen as a HUMAN BEING and then a male or female or intersex or straight or gay or lesbian or black or Asian or white or Hindu or Christian or Muslim and the endless segregation and segmentation we bring in our society to justify “human rights”. The basic human right we need is to recognize every person first as a HUMAN BEING – then everything else.

Our heart goes out to the “Scottsboro boys” in what could have been – the years lost, the lives torn, the wrongful defamation, the loss of basic respect and dignity, the loss of family, the loss of listening to crackling laughter of a child, the loss of lifting your child up in the air, the loss of a child kissing their loving parent, the loss of playing and reading with your child, the loss of seeing your child having a better world than you did, and on and on. The BIGGEST loss is despite the false allegations, false convictions, and loss of several human rights, the innocent had NO shot at justice or to be heard FAIRLY. That breaks a HUMAN BEING down like nothing else can. We salute them for their courage, strength and beliefs forever.

Infertility is very traumatic but does that justify placing innocent, voiceless IVF children in legal limbo? How can you ensure “legal rights” to a person who has “no legal identity”? In many ways, the IVF children and families are invisible like the “Scottsboro boys” – deprived and made invisible.

Relentless Secrecy and Stigma

It is one thing to have anti-IVF laws, anti-gay laws, anti-intersex laws but to use them to split innocent IVF brother and sister and place them in legal every-life-equallimbo is a heinous crime against the children. Every human including IVF children deserves basic respect as a human, if not equal. If a person is raped, what are the circumspect effects? As a human being one has to continue to live and how does one go about. Any person can be raped while majority of the rapes are against women. Men or intersex people may get raped but have no laws to protect them or get them justice. While the physical pain is intolerable, there is more to it than just that. Rape also involves secrecy, stigma, taking away a person’s self-worth, mental torture, dehumanizing and so many other things. Due to the secrecy and stigma, a rape survivor may not report the facts for days, weeks, months, even years. There are child sexual abuse cases which go unreported for decades. Does that mean the person who has experienced this horrible situation is hallucinating? And the crimes did not occur? Then there is the long road for justice. The predator is let go because the “statute of limitations” expired, does that mean the crimes did not occur? Does that mean a person will stop fighting for the truth? When a person who has been raped first is a victim, if they do not die or commit suicide, they are a survivor and when a survivor is awakened to be free of secrecy and stigma, they are truly awakened. Whether they are awakened in a week, a month, a year, it may be too “late” for the statute of limitations but if they speak up, just maybe one person, just one person may be inspired to speak up sooner if in the horrid situation they are raped. Secrecy and stigma are the real culprits and they can only be disbanded with truth, inspiration, empowerment.

Now that western culture is catching up to realities and passing laws to legally recognize the “third gender”, hopefully in the near future they will also have laws for marriages of “third gender” and the issues and concerns “third gender” families face including children and immigration. As per intersex organizations, “same-sex” marriage excludes intersex marriage. Why? If intersex are women, then why are there laws for a “third gender”? Are the governments wrong? If the angst of having a child, loving a child, raising a child, the roller coaster rides of infertility, the international trips and related immigration issues and separation from child are only a “woman’s issue”, then how do we explain single dads, gay fathers, intersex families? The right answer is to accept the realities around us and have equal laws so that people can start living and stop being abused, tortured and stranded. Every person has right to feel male, female or otherwise, are the laws in sync with what the person wants? When there is a lack of laws for intersex families, are there inadvertent victims like spouses and children of an intersex family? The answer is change the laws not break the laws.

IVF Children of a Woman and Intersex Person

What if a woman was in a relationship with an intersex person (can they legally marry?), had an IVF child through her egg, sperm donor and a compassionate surrogate, the woman raised the IVF child as the primary care provider, living in secrecy and lies through the abuse, torture from a person undergoing medical treatment and then when asked to split, the intersex person decides to both SPLIT with the woman and SPLIT two innocent IVF siblings. Would there be an uproar and would the laws have allowed the IVF child to be separated from the “biological mother” and the primary care provider? More importantly, what crimes have the innocent children committed to be separated and to be in legal limbo? What about the abuse against the woman and the children? Abuse is abuse regardless in what name it occurs and how one justifies it. What if the woman was silenced one from the abuse, now that she has awakened, should she remain silent or report the abuse? Is the woman’s only fault that she is fertile and showed compassion? And so she and her children must be punished by splitting them? There are several things that LGBTI people still cannot do in 2013 including the fact that LGBTI immigrant families cannot legally bring their IVF children born outside the US and placing innocent IVF children in legal limbo.

You can rape me, you can silence me, you can abuse me, you can torture me but when you do that to my innocent kids, you have given me the courage to stand up and speak the truth. My weakness has become my strength, the lies conquered with truth, you can lie to the court and the rest of society but you cannot lie to the children. Seeking justice for innocent IVF children is a lifelong commitment requiring lot of persistence and patience – virtues that any IVF parent inherently has. Never again another IVF child should have to suffer like this, if its not a crime to abandon IVF children, it should be a crime. We need solutions, we need legal breakouts so that innocent IVF children are not placed in legal limbo. Because a rape is a rape no matter what and an abandoned or an abused child is just that, no matter what.

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