Tag Archives: child

Double Standards

There are double standards in life but when it affects innocent children, it is important to speak up. in betweenHaving double standards leaves you “in-between”, ironically, where a dysfunctional intersex family is left – neither here nor there.

1) If a mother who has raised her children is found to be an illegal immigrant, she is deported as per the laws.

But if an infertile person who is a genetic male has committed immigration fraud, there is no action against them?

2) If a genetic male attempts to breastfeed an IVF infant with no milk while the infant is hungry and cries incessantly, it is NOT child abuse and a crime?

But a biological mother who is a female and is breastfeeding her infant is faced with leaving the child in US while she is being deported?

3) Sean Goldman, a US citizen, was brought back to the US from Brazil with support at the highest level and as US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said, “a child belongs with his [biological] family”. Was the family in Brazil not taking care of his food, shelter, clothes, toys, and academics? Or it’s not enough?

Vedant Maulik Modi, an Indian citizen, an IVF child illegally in the US, is NOT allowed to go to India to be with his biological family and siblings. Why? As per US Immigration laws, Vedant cannot become a US citizen without a “biological link”. Then why keep Vedant away from his own country? What about his child rights and human rights?

4) If a father signs consent forms with his wife to have a child through IVF using donor sperm, a court of law can still take away his “fatherhood” and more importantly alienate an innocent child from a loving parent.

But if a woman signs a joint consent form with her spouse to use donor eggs and surrogate, the resulting IVF child is taken away from the loving father and his siblings he wanted and we call it justice? There are lot terms we can use to define these facts but “best interest of the child” does not come to mind.

5) A US resident, an infertile, intersex person or legal term is Eunuch in India can abandon an innocent IVF girl child in India after placing an order at the IVF drive-thru with no legal repurcusions AND acountability or responsibility for the child.

But there are multiple cases just about every day where criminal charges are filed against people for abandoning innocent children in the US. Are IVF children LESS of a child than a natural born child?

6) Same-sex marriage is on the agenda and hopefully equal rights are on the way and hopefully includes bi-national immigration reform too.

But equal rights for IVF children who may be children of same-sex couples is not on the agenda. When will equal rights for the most vulnerable of the vulnerable come into play?

7) Regardless of hypocrisy or hooliganism or criminalism outside the home, when it comes to children we seek to teach them values, truth, good Vs evil, compassion, love, and so on.

How can a person who has relentlessly lied, cheated, frauded outside the home AND inside the home can honestly be a role model for the innocent child? The foundation has to be strong. Whether being SELFISH is wrong is subjective except when it involves BREAKING THE LAWS.

8) Is breaking the laws, being a criminal the only way for other intersex people to have children? Is this the blueprint others should follow to claim love for a child?

We think it is better to DEMAND for equal rights for intersex for all so that innocent people are not victimized and abused. It is a blueprint that all can follow LEGALLY. Tony Briffa is leading and showing the way.

9) It would be a crime for a medical professional to lie on a medical record and maybe even insurance fraud. For example, a orthopedic surgeon cannot claim to have worked on the hand of the patient when actually it was the leg. Or a cardiologist has to document the correct valve they worked on in the heart and cannot document it is something they worked on the kidney.

Yet, if a triple MD doctor (meaning a highly educated professional) can document the “removal of male testes” from an intersex person as “removal of ovaries” knowing fully well as a triple MD that the patient never had any ovaries and is a genetic male. Are they teaching the intersex patient to lie and manipulate the system with NO legal repurcusions? More importantly, does the triple MD doctor UNDERSTAND the full implications of this act on innocent spouse and innocent child? When health professionals make false medical claims, it has reverberating effects on innocents including not getting justice they deserve.

The WORST part is the sex reassignment surgery is NOT even required and is asked to be AVOIDED. What is the scientific basis for removal of male testes and what is the LEGAL and ETHICAL basis for lying about it with no repurcusions? Did this unnecessary surgery ruin a family?

Is this the US we want? US is a world leader and strives to uphold human rights and child rights above all. We expect nothing less than strong leadership as it chooses to tackle the issue of IVF children and intersex families – two minorities in their own right. We want TRUTH and FACTS so that LAWS can come for ALL.

Looking Ahead…

Infertility is very traumatic but is it so traumatic that you victimize others for it? Infertile people are victims of Brother-Sisternature while innocent children and their biological parents who are separated are victims of humans. Humans who choose to lie, cheat, fraud, commit crimes at any cost because they are desperate for a child. It’s a cycle of abuse.

Parents of infertile children should not teach their children to lie instead help them deal with infertility in an honest and open manner.

Parents of intersex children should not teach their intersex children to lie instead help them deal with intersexuality with truth, especially with their spouses. If an intersex person wants to keep their issues private, they should not victimize other humans by lying, cheating and frauding them.

Parents of intersex children and intersex people should advocate for equal rights of intersex to marry instead of lying and getting married illegally. As a spouse of intersex, we have to deal with repurcusions of an illegal intersex marriage.

Our IVF children have LESS rights. If you follow legal process, parents of a natural born child or legally adopted child have proper legal paperwork including birth certificate, passport and all other related identity documents. Most importantly, because they have legal documents, they have a legal identity, they have legal rights. When a child is recognized legally only then their child rights and human rights can be protected. How do you protect rights of a child who is NOT A LEGAL ENTITY?

Victims in an lying intersex family are left in a no mans land of laws. Neither here, nor there. As Tony Briffa (a honest and truthful intersex person) puts it, feels neither man nor woman. If you are honest like Tony Briffa is, one cannot abuse, victimize others. Lying, cheating, fraud creates victims and that too voiceless children. Tony Briffa has also adopted children legally because he is honest without making defamatory, false statements against the biological parent or alienating the innocent child from his parent and sibling.

Recently, Mr. Castro was caught in a complex crime of kidnapping and apparently has also fathered a child with his kidnapped victim, Ms. Berry. If an opportunity presents, it would be interesting to know how Ms. Berry felt that the father of her daughter took interest to take the little girl out to the park or for walks like “typical” parents do. Looking after the little girl’s needs like food, shelter, clothes, toys, education, development and so on. Does that make him a good parent?

What is hidden is the lies and a thousand lied to hide one lie. And regardless of love for the child, a foundation of lies only reveals the hidden abuse. Worse, an infertile parent may even claim abuse by the fertile parent if they feel insecure about losing custody of the child. Sadly, this is an easy way to manipulate the legal system and wrestle the child away from a male parent. Even worse, an infertile parent may even separate a victimized child from his only known biological family including the sibling the child wanted. What are the rights of the innocent, voiceless children? What are the rights of an innocent spouse caregiver of intersex and an IVF father? Are they victims of lying intersex or are they victims because they tried to help an infertile person? Intersex and infertility are victims of nature, what about innocent IVF children and spouse who are victims of lying intersex?

I have a dream that IVF children like mine and all others have EQUAL rights, we have a legal status. Is that normal to want for any parent? If children with Down’s syndrome, Asperger’s syndrome, cystic fibrosis and others have advocacy groups, why can’t IVF children have an advocacy group to have equal rights? How can we spread awareness and educate others if we are not allowed to share the truth and facts? In a democracy, a minority like ours can only get equal rights with help and support of majority which is through sharing the facts. Are we allowed to say the truth to get equal rights or will be silenced? And before we are silenced, please review our achievements in one year of coming out which is a greater good for all. We know we are looking ahead, we just need to convince others that secrecy and lying is a failed approach and is selfish. Truth and sharing helps build laws and equality for the future – values we can inculcate in our children starting with innocent IVF siblings.

Whether an intersex person wants to come out or not is their choice. As a spouse of intersex, we want equal rights for intersex like marry legally. A spouse of gay is gay and spouse of lesbian is lesbian who have freedom and equal rights as their spouse to advocate for equal rights, then spouse of intersex should have equal rights too? Or was it a crime to marry an intersex person? And the punishment is continued silence and abuse and victimization with no rights. We are very happy that Ms. Berry, her daughter and the other two victims were rescued from their cycle of abuse, silence and trauma after a decade. We are hoping it’s not another decade for us and our IVF children before being freed from a vicious cycle of abuse, silence and trauma.

Truth – Best Interest of the Child?

Through the ages, there have been several famous words said relating to truth.IVFChildren

“Truth shall set you free” to “Truth always prevails” and so on. Never before in history, transparency and truth have been challenged they way they are now because of the advent of internet. Previously what may take decades or a lifetime or even centuries to NEVER, facts and truth could be hidden or manipulated and delayed. What one person knows as facts in one corner of earth had a precipitous mountain to climb – an uphill battle to share the facts, the knowledge with everyone. Now with internet, there is a medium to share the facts easily with everyone. Surely, with an information explosion, maybe no one reads or no one cares if they read but the facts are out there. So for how long can one HIDE the facts?

Truth – Allows for HELP and SUPPORT

People with children who may have autism or cystic fibrosis or Down’s syndrome or Asperger’s syndrome and so on have special needs. Most parents who have such children are a “minority” even if combined when compared to ALL parents with children. Through activism, sharing of FACTS and TRUTH, today we are at a stage when we allow “normalcy”. These “minority” parents were allowed to OPENLY shares, discuss their innocent children’s needs, their needs and today we have help and support groups. We even have laws now where we no longer use the word “retard” even though it existed in the medical literature previously. This is reflective of activism by PARENTS and being allowed to share with the population as a whole. Through education, spreading awareness, sharing of truth and facts, the parents were able to secure EQUAL rights for their children and more importantly make us a better community as a whole. The best part is the innocent, voiceless CHILDREN have EQUAL RIGHTS. There are still remnants of the past where people who have not been touched by the TRUTH and FACTS continue to behave in ignorance.

So is TRUTH better or LIES and CENSORSHIP? Are EQUAL RIGHTS for all better or OPPRESSION, HUMILIATION of others for benefit of ONE?

UnAmerican – LIES and HIDING the TRUTH

If parents of innocent, voiceless children with Asperger’s syndrome or Cystic Fibrosis, or autism or Tay-Sachs Syndrome or intersex are ALLOWED to speak up, share the truth and facts, then should IVF parents of IVF children have same rights? Or should they be FORCED to LIE and LIVE in SECRECY?

It is one thing to have classified documents where matters of national security are concerned. But to CENSOR talking about IVF children and their current plight of UNEQUAL rights is UnAmerican. America believes in the values of liberty and justice for all. It would be UnAmerican to force an IVF parent to LIE, CENSOR so that his IVF children are DENIED justice and liberty. The innocent, voiceless IVF children are far too young to understand the FACTS and give reasonable feedback on that. It seems like the fertile IVF parent is a slave to the infertile parent. Why not legally ADOPT? Why not follow the LAWS? Why NOT petition to the government to have EQUAL laws for infertile parents? Lying, cheating, fraud, crimes to acquire an innocent, voiceless child illegally is NOT in the best interest of the child. Teaching values of truth, compassion for fellow human beings are far GREATER values to teach innocent, voiceless children.

I have a dream that someday IVF children and families will have EQUAL rights and NOT be a slave or hostage to infertility. Infertility is very traumatic, why continue the burden onto innocent, voiceless IVF children after they are born due to unequal laws? I have a dream that someday I will be able to say to my IVF children the TRUTH about their birth without any stigma or REQUIRING a court order to say the TRUTH. I have a dream that someday I will be allowed to CELEBRATE IVF with my IVF children instead of SUPPRESSING the FACTS and LYING and CENSORSHIP. I have a dream that someday the ONLY thing that matters is TRUTH.

It is far easier to say the TRUTH than to wield a THOUSAND LIES to hide one LIE.

A Child’s Wish – Rosa Parks Again

Oprah to Lance Armstrong said : “Truth shall set you free”

Vedant was an innocent 2 year old. He wanted a sibling. Having been born into a dysfunctional intersex family

child wish rosa parks again

was not his fault. He is free to wish for whatever he wants, or is he?  When Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat, she did so because she was TIRED. She was NOT trying to start some revolution. An IVF father was simply TRYING to give his son his wish, a SIBLING. He was not looking to learn about the INEQUALITY in LAWS and INHERITING the INEQUALITY in LAWS for intersex families. Let us speak up to CHANGE the LAWS and not BREAK the LAWS. Here is a heartfelt experience of an IVF father to have an IVF child. Maulik was lucky to have been blessed with a lovely daughter, Medhavi, Vedant’s sibling, even after multiple failed IVF attempts and persistence.

IVF Child Abandonment

The innocent IVF sibling, now Medhavi, was six months term in a surrogate’s womb when a vicious and fraudulent divorce was filed without a SINGLE mention of the ongoing pregnancy. There was every INTENT to have the siblings grow up TOGETHER or why did the intersex person agree for the second surrogacy. Why the intersex person chose to WITHHOLD key information from the court only they can answer. Why the intersex person did not travel to India for the second child’s birth to satisfy US Immigration Law requirements so that the siblings can be together can only be answered by them. Why are the CHILDREN BEING PUNISHED BY BEING MADE TO GROW UP SEPARATELY? Was there proper due process under prevailing laws or has the legal system been manipulated for personal motive? It is IMPOSSIBLE for an intersex person to have custody of an international IVF child WITHOUT BREAKING the PREVAILING LAWS. Have any CRIMES been committed?

If female foeticide is a crime, female infanticide is a crime, abandoning and endangering the welfare of a child is a crime then why is abandoning and endangering the welfare of an IVF girl child NOT a crime? Lets make it a crime in the 21st century or we risk proliferation of baby making factories and gross violation of innocent children. Should we legalize human cloning for personal and selfish amusement? Has Vedant abandoned his sister? Then why is he being forced to do so in practice?

Journey of an IVF Father who is a LESSER parent

For 3 years, after several failed attempts, sleepless nights, anxiety, trauma, multiple trips by the father alone to the IVF clinic, a lovely sibling was conceived. Jai Sri Krishna! Hallelueah! Anyone who has dealt with IVF knows that there is MORE uncertainty than success. Vedant never had to experience any of this as he was too young to understand or comprehend. But it was his wish to have a sibling that transpired all this. Then why has he NOT met his sibling? What is the innocent children’s fault? Maybe if the father was a woman or maybe if the father was gay in 21st century or maybe if the father was an intersex spouse in the 22nd century, he would have “social acceptance” and implicitly his children. Isn’t it time to have LAWS to reflect the changing technology of the 21st century or BAN IVF for males who need BOTH an egg donor and a SURROGATE. If the infertility isn’t traumatic enough, the inequality in LAWS and the absolute DISDAIN for EQUAL IVF CHILD RIGHTS is MORE TRAUMATIC because that is INSULTING the basic right of your child. Just like forced adoptions in the 1960s and 1970s from single mothers was a failed approach and governments are apologizing today, separating siblings based on their biological parent’s GENDER is wrong in 2013. Give children their own INDIVIDUAL rights.

An IVF father is living in EXILE from the US because his innocent IVF daughter was not allowed to enter the US akin to several gay couples living in exile from the US because same-sex spouse cannot enter the US. Yeah, the IVF father could have chose to give up his second child, Vedant’s sibling, for adoption or maybe even have an abortion at the cost of the surrogate. But no, the innocent sibling lives, Vedant’s sibling lives, her name is Medhavi. Take a look at her now and you will know why it is vital to save her even if it meant giving up a career, a life of over 21 years in the US. Her one smile is worth a lot more than that. But an IVF father has to overcome the stereotype of the societal norms that because he is male, he is unemotional and unworthy to be an equal parent and therefore it is OK to punish his children. Bring it, ready to take on the biggest powers for sake of the innocent children. There have been several OBSTACLES in becoming an IVF father, one more for the sake of innocent children.

Social Acceptance

Maybe if the two siblings had been born to a woman, they would be together. Maybe if the IVF father had used the egg or womb of his wife to have a child, then both siblings would be together. And the LAWS support that. Was the IVF father and spouse caregiver of intersex WRONG to have a child in a dysfunctional intersex marriage? Then PUNISH the father for not reporting the fraud, abuse and crimes and for showing compassion to an intersex person. Why are the CHILDREN BEING PUNISHED BY BEING MADE TO GROW UP SEPARATELY?

Maybe if a gay man had duped a female friend into surrogacy, the two siblings would be together. But if a straight IVF father has two children through IVF, then they are separated even though an intersex person duped the father.

There are 8 different ways parenthood can be assigned when a child is born through IVF. There is ONLY ONE way parenthood can be assigned in a natural born child. Then WHY are we trying to fit a square peg in a round hole? Do the laws capture all 8 different scenarios?

2101 : An IVF Siblings Odyssey

In a future world, our requests for CHANGE will be met which are Unification of the siblings is inevitable, equal IVF child rights, equal intersex rights. Then why not save the innocent childhoods today? Even if Vedant grows up WITHOUT his sibling and loving biological family through FRAUD, other intersex people still cannot legally marry, other intersex people still cannot have children legally. By speaking up, we are asking for accelerated CHANGE for the greater good. We invite anyone and everyone who believe in EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL. Help us GRANT Vedant his wish to have a SIBLING.

A poem from a sister to her brother:

I have eyes but cannot see you,

I have ears but cannot hear your voice,

I have hands but cannot hug you,

I have lips but cannot kiss you,

I have my favorite pink birthday cake but cannot share it with you,

If we are special, I hope someone is thinking about US more than others.

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