Tag Archives: child rights

Trophy Child? – A Lesson As IVF Terrorism Continues

Its hard to believe what happened just 50 years ago and one can only imagine to walk in Mr. Lewis’s shoes to gauge where our society has come in john_lewis_discrimination_IVF50 years. There is so much more to do. The discrimination lines have changed but they still do exist. Sir (out of respect) John Lewis was arrested for using a “white” restroom and had broken the prevailing laws. An immigrant, intersex IVF father in 2000s is also discriminated for trying to give human rights to a person where laws itself fall short in 2000s and worse so are his innocent IVF children because they committed the “heinous crime” of being born to an immigrant, IVF father. Let us pray the innocent siblings don’t see each other only in “pictures” but have an opportunity to grow up together as was intended by the IVF parent.

There is a stereotype around having “trophy this” and “trophy that” and wanting to be a star at every event. Perhaps for an infertile person who is desperate meaning NOT all infertile people, having a child at any cost is like a “trophy child”. The feelings and wishes of the “trophy child” do not count. They are silenced and muted out because the desperate infertile person must have a child at any cost. Does the child have rights? Is the child allowed to have wishes? As we mark October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, is wanting to have a trophy child at any and all costs creating more victims of domestic violence and abuse? If you don’t like the laws, change the laws but breaking the laws which cannibalizes rights of others including innocent children is no way to move forward. What will it take to have an IVF/surrogacy awareness month? Mostly to educate and spread awareness so that the issues and lack of laws plaguing a minority (IVF families) can be understood by the majority. As per CDC, 1 in 8 couples or about 15% are infertile (not sure if LGBTI couples are included in this CDC statistic) while only about 1% of total child births were through IVF in the US. Two points : The majority (85%) does not know or understand the issues with infertility and second, there is a huge disparity within the infertile community on how they solve the issues (only 1% of total births through IVF Vs. 15% of population is infertile) – the others probably go for adoption or remain childless. Where do desperate infertile people (not all infertile) fit in who engage in IVF terrorism splitting innocent IVF siblings deliberately?

Folks like John Lewis, Dr. King, Madiba, Gandhi, Rosa Parks, Susan Anthony Erin Brockovich amongst others provide great inspiration as one tries to go against the prevailing laws because its the right thing to do. IVF is new and laws have not caught up with technology. Does that mean innocent IVF children have no rights? Does that mean an IVF family deserves no justice and should be silenced? Does that mean IVF terrorism wins? The quest to want a child is not based on gender, religion, sexual orientation, marital status, immigration status, etc. If a human being loves children, they want children, period. Other traits like character, respecting laws, love is what makes a good parent. Unleashing IVF terrorism on an unsuspecting IVF family already besieged with lack of laws is abuse and injustice to the IVF family and the innocent IVF children. There are different forms of terror – the traditional kind, terror from rape, terror from domestic violence and abuse, and in the 21st century we have a new IVF terrorism unless laws are made. All forms of terror have one thing in common – undue harm to innocent. When terrorists in Syria or Iraq or elsewhere strike, innocents get terrified and they run across boarders sometimes making them stateless including innocent children. In a world with no laws for international IVF/surrogacy, some people can unleash IVF terrorism creating innocent IVF children who are stateless. Now what?

Dying, suicide, extreme trauma would be the easy option. Education and awareness to get proper laws passed even if it takes a lifetime is a service to innocent IVF children and families. In 2014, there have been a spate of stories on how international IVF/surrogacy is allowing people to ABANDON innocent IVF children in foriegn countries. Is this right? What does it say about our humanity? From the tallest structure built by mankind, to the wonderous  space explorations to moon, Mars and beyond, to the system of democracy where we try to ensure everyone has a level playing field to succeed, as a humanity what have we achieved if we “create” babies through IVF only to abandon them with NO justice for the innocent child? First, we have to respect each other including innocent IVF children. Depending on individual cases, multiple human beings are involved including their compassion to bring an IVF baby into this world. Would the donor have agreed regardless of amount offered if they were told the IVF baby will be abandoned? Would the surrogate have agreed regardless of amount offered if they were told the IVF baby will be abandoned? Would the IVF clinic have agreed regardless of amount offered if they were told the IVF baby will be abandoned? Would the law and justice system have agreed if they were told the IVF baby will be abandoned?

Eye for an Eye, Child for a Child – IVF Terrorism

Eye for an eye will make the whole world go blind is what Mahatma Gandhi said.  An act of child for a child is an act of IVF terrorism. What is abandoning an inneye-for-an-eye-ivfocent, voiceless child while splitting them from their sibling because of threat of laws against infertility? IVF itself is controversial. It is a fact laws have not caught up with technology. Does that mean innocent should be punished? Does that mean voiceless children should be punished? Does that mean IVF siblings should have NO rights and be stranded in legal limbo? Are innocent IVF children a “commodity” or a human being? When will this IVF terrorism end?

Infertility is not wrong, being intersex is not wrong, being a genetic male who looks like a woman is not wrong, having and building families through IVF is not wrong, what is wrong is breaking laws, secrecy, lies, fraud and worse treating innocent, voiceless children as “commodity”. Crimes that place innocent, voiceless children in legal limbo and endanger their welfare is a crime against their humanity. Its a crime against the humanity of the compassionate fellow human beings who wanted to help the infertile human being. The sperm, the egg, the womb is all “borrowed”, so should the child also be used as a “commodity”? Being a donor or surrogate is NOT wrong but treating them as a commodity is wrong. Is stealing candy from a child make you a “winner” or a “loser”? The question is not whether an adult can steal candy from a child – thats doable, the question is what does the child deserve?

If an intersex, immigrant, infertile adult does not have rights, does that mean they have the right to take rights away from innocent IVF children? Is abandoning a child to take away their sibling a crime against the siblings? Is denying due process to innocent children a crime? Is denying rights to an innocent a crime? If intersex cannot legally marry, if intersex are infertile and cannot have a child biologically, if the laws require a genetic link between a US parent and child born outside the US meaning an infertile parent can NEVER bring a child to the US legally, should innocent siblings be SACRIFICED? Should innocent lives be “commodified”? This is new territory with IVF and lack of laws but does that mean we as a humanity sit back as an adult completely ridicules the basic dignity of a human being – an innocent child?

Mahatma Gandhi had it right, an eye for an eye will make the whole world go blind and what is having a child by abandoning another child called? What good can come out of this IVF terrorism? IVF offers this unique possibility where a parent can exercise “parental rights” choosingly. How is that the best interest of the child? What does the voiceless, innocent child deserve? If a “non-genetic” parent deserves to have equal rights to an IVF child, should the “non-genetic” parent ALSO be held equally responsible and accountable for the welfare of an IVF child they consented to? Or is helping infertile people a crime so heinous that your innocent IVF child should also be punished for it? It is time to change the laws and ensure that rights of any child, even “IVF” child are protected from criminals.

As Gandhiji aptly said, “Become the change you want to see in this world.” And the change we want is equal rights for IVF children and families.

Top 10 things Learnt by an IVF Parent from Parents of Intersex child

  1. Secrecy and lying are the real culprits and being born intersex or IVF should be a non-issue. If a parent of intersex can speak up for their Lies-IVF-Jeffersonintersex child, does an IVF parent have equal right to speak up for their IVF children? Having met other intersex and IVF families, IVF or intersex are not culprits, people who lie and break laws for selfish benefit are the criminals.
  2. One would imagine that a parent of an intersex child would want to find a spouse who is compassionate, be willing to marry out of love for their intersex child despite the laws not yet ready, be willing to either adopt a child or go for IVF and share their biological child with their intersex child who happens to be infertile and have a happy family for their intersex child despite laws NOT allowing it. But to abandon innocent IVF child and knowingly SPLIT IVF siblings takes a twisted turn of selfishness and has nothing to do with intersex or IVF issues rather has more in common with what criminals do and not what compassionate humans do.
  3. The reasons why siblings and parents of an intersex child are recognized for care and support are the same reasons why spouses and children of intersex should be recognized. Shoving issues and truth under the carpet will help no one and more importantly, lies will not help us get to a solution, truth might.
  4. Just like Dr. John Money was wrong, ignoring the experiences and facts about a spouse and children of an intersex marriage who had intersex surgery during marriage is also wrong. What is wrong is the intersex surgery should have not occurred just as the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP. Making lab rats out of unsuspecting and compassionate humans will not lead to solutions rather victims.
  5. Sadly there are people in this world who believe and propogate that the Holocaust never occurred. There are two main issues here. By not acknowledging facts, there is no justice for victims and second it continues to victimize and abuse the traumatized including the specter of reoccurrence. By not acknowledging the impact of a torturous intersex surgery during an intersex marriage and its impact on unsuspecting, innocent spouse and children. Second it continues to victimize innocent IVF children and families and a specter of reoccurrence. Regardless of how this story is spun, the fact is when someone respects human rights of others where laws/government itself falls short, there is no justice for them – worse it is such a heinous act that their innocent children should also be punished – is that a reminder of barbaric times where innocent children are punished for actions of their parents? The only thing to teach our children is that truth prevails.
  6. Breaking laws instead of changing laws is the right answer as per an intersex family. In the quest of giving a child to your infertile child, its ok to endanger welfare of others including innocent children and siblings.
  7. An intersex child can have siblings but not an IVF child. Apparently, splitting siblings knowingly is called love. Abandoning a child to have another child is called love. Or is it fertility terrorism and IVF terrorism? If males who are in love and happen to be gay and are allowed to have feelings for their child, why is it an IVF father who happens to be straight not have same feelings for the child? Or being straight and fertile is a bigger crime and showing compassion for fellow humans where laws also fall short is so heinous a crime that his innocent IVF children should be punished for crimes they did not commit. We can call it a lot of things but “love” and “best interest” of the child does not resonate.
  8. Secrecy and lies including threats are a better weapon than truth and compassion. By using tools of secrecy and lying in some twisted way they are helping rights of intersex people when in fact laws have not changed. Only peaceful protests and speaking the truth will deliver equal rights for intersex.
  9. Injustice skips a generation meaning fighting complex issues like intersex and IVF takes a long time – the parents are discriminated and persecuted first and then justice is served to the children.
  10. Running a defamation campaign against anyone who says the truth is ok even if it continues to victimize and abuse innocent victims including voiceless children.

Fighting for rights of a child is great – intersex or IVF – the difference is do you fight with truth or lies and do you fight with dignity, civility and humility with truth and compassion OR do you do it with secrecy, fraud, breaking laws with lies while abusing innocent, voiceless children?

DNA Mismatch or Willful Abandonment of IVF child – Is there a difference?

Most people may not know about the laws (or rather lack thereof) for IVF and the issues it raises. The question is as a humanity what do we do with an innocent IVF ivf-baby-dna-mismatch-abandonchild? Do they have any rights? An IVF child is born with compassion of several people including donors and surrogate, do they have any rights or at least a say in the best interest of the IVF child? If the innocent IVF child will have no rights, would the concerned parties like egg donor, sperm donor, surrogate would have agreed to help an infertile person?

DNA Mismatch – This occurs when there is a sample which was accidentally swapped in the IVF clinic and as a result the innocent IVF child has no genetic link with the intended parent. Most people may not care as they just want a child and some who do wil abandon the child. Second the laws care because the laws require a “genetic link” between parent and a child especially for immigration purposes in countries like US, Canada, Australia, UK, etc. So what does a citizen of one of these countries do when there is a DNA mismatch? Legally, they cannot take the innocent IVF child despite them wanting to.  Some people will abandon the innocent IVF child, some people will break more laws and try to sneak in the innocent child, some people will make the ultimate sacrifice by moving lock, stock and barrel and continuing a humanitarian fight in the best interest of the child regardless of the “genetic link” or not. Because you see a child is a child and recognizes only love, its not about DNA, its not about gender of parent, its not about immigration status of parent despite what the laws says, its about what is the best interest of the child. And to “manufacture” an IVF child only to abandon even if accidents that occur outside your control, what’s the point about our humanity?

Abandoning an IVF child – This occurs when there is willful abandonment and the resultant endangering welfare of an innocent child. In this case, an intended parent places an “order” for an IVF child and then does not take custody of the child leaving them in legal limbo. “Baby Gammy” is a case where an Australian intended parent did not take custody of the IVF child born in Thailand. In another case, an Australian couple abandoned a child in India but took the twin.  “Baby Medhavi” is a case where a US intended parent did not take custody of the IVF child born in India. It begs the question, if a “non-genetic” parent has “equal parental rights” then should they also have equal responsibility and accountability of an abandoned child? Or is the PERFECT CRIME against a voiceless, innocent IVF child? Willful abandonment of an IVF child is a case of IVF terrorism against the innocent IVF child, the donor, the surrogate, and all other humans who work selflessly in IVF. It goes against the very being of us as a humanity. All of this may be “new” for most people but for innocent victims lost in the underbelly of IVF, it is an everyday reality.

Either way, the result is the same. You have a child who is stateless rendered in a legal limbo situation due to no fault of theirs. The intent however is different. In a DNA mismatch, its an “accident” while abandoning an innocent child is deliberate regardless of the circumstances. Even mothers who give up their child due to various different circumstances do so in a responsible way rather than abandoning the innocent child by the wayside and left in legal limbo. And how does one compare that to an IVF child being abandoned where the mother has nothing on the line – no egg, no womb, no sperm, is this a “baby making factory” with utter disregard for the innocent child, the compassionate donors and surrogate and all other human beings who wanted to help an infertile person? Just like abandoning child is criminal,  abandoning an IVF child is criminal, why will the system not act in the best interest of the child and protect the most vulnerable – an innocent, voiceless child?

Intent Vs. Accident : If a person kills someone intentionally, its murder while if they kill someone accidentally or even in self-defense, it is not as serious a charge. Is pre-meditated abandonment of an IVF child an intentional CRIME or is it an accident like DNA mismatch? Do innocent IVF children who are abandoned and treated as a “commodity” deserve justice? First, they are NOT discarded and it is the failure of the justice system to prosecute misintentioned people and denying justice to innocent IVF children which is treating them as “commodity”.  Get on the right side of history – black, interracial marriages, gay, transgender, intersex, immigrant, now its time for equal rights of IVF children and families. Say it, IVF and proud! Lies hurts others who are innocent and lies denies justice to innocent.

East Meets West – Intersex, IVF, Immigration

It is important to talk about facts and state the truth with civility, dignity and humility. It would be wrong to stay silent and further to fointersex-IVF-Immigration-east-meets-westrce silence on truth would be both heinous and undemocratic. Ironically, for decades if not generations, silence is how intersex has been dealt with both in the east and west and the biggest lesson learnt as an intersex, IVF, immigrant family in 2000s is secrecy and lying are the real culprits. So with all due respect to all, let us state the truth so that we can salvage innocent childhoods and not live on false foundations because that is no way to deliver justice. In dealing with these complex issues of the 21st century, patience is the foremost thing required and that we have and let truth prevail. For most people, infertility is a “distant” issue, IVF/surrogacy is even more of a “distant” issue, and having innocent IVF siblings SPLIT is more “distant” and having an abandoned IVF child is “very distant”. To them, injustice to innocent IVF children may represent a very small fraction BUT to us, THEY are our WORLD and everything. We deeply care about equal IVF rights as it affects our family deeply or rather lack of IVF rights is hurting our family immensely.

It is 2014 and the west is still to get up to speed with acknowledging presence of the “third gender”. What is more important is to give them equal rights like marriage, having children despite being infertile, so that unsuspecting compassionate law abiding citizens are not frauded and cheated because laws are not in their favor. Worse, innocent IVF children of an intersex family are NOT SPLIT just so that someone can have a child at any cost. Regardless of what side of the debate you are on, at the end of your justification, add two sentences – “…and therefore its OK to abandon innocent IVF child. And therefore its OK to SPLIT innocent IVF brother and sister who he wanted.”  Laws are man-made and NOT perfect, justice is NOT perfect, Life is NOT fair, but why punish innocent IVF children – the most vulnerable of the vulnerable for that?

  • Denial or Acceptance – While Asian countries in the East have long acknowledged the existence of the “third gender” and given them a special designation in the society in order to be assimilated. This went on for thousands of years in the east until the west colonialized the east and imposed their “own laws” including discriminatory laws against the “third gender”. The situation today of the “third gender” in countries like India, Pakistan, etc. is a “post-British” situation which is very different than what it was 400-500 years ago when they were in an esteemed position. One has to question, what is better as  a “human being” – DENIAL or ACCEPTANCE? Now the same set of secrecy, lack of laws is being repeated on IVF children and families including crimes and abuse perpetrated.
  • Best of East-West  – The current situation in the East may not be the best for “third gender” when it comes to human rights but at least they can live honestly. There are “third gender” folks in the west who are clamouring for a legal identity which their governments are in denial because of archaic laws from centuries past similar to the laws that British brought with them during colonization. The West is slowly waking up to issues of the “third gender” and accepting the facts. The journey has just begun. Australia and New Zealand recognized the third gender in 2012, then came Germany in 2013 and now there are discussions that UK may be next. Perhaps the US will also wake up to this reality someday. Good news is the West is catching up and taking steps to remedy centuries old wrongs. And what is needed is an amalgamation of both East and West philosophies in dealing with intersex and IVF – both highly taboo subjects but affecting one family deeply and greatly especially innocent siblings.
  • Science and Truth – The West provides a forum to understand and learn topics. There are specialized institutions, professionals, conferences, openness specifically dedicated to dealing with “third gender” issues or known as Disorders of Sexual Development (DSD) or known as intersex (there is controversy among the communities whether the politically correct term is “intersex” or “DSD”). In countries like India, in the local vernacular and a legal term, they are refered to as Eunuchs, again a controversial term depending on who you ask. One has to wonder is it the “terms” which are controversial or the subject itself is controversial since it is taboo to discuss it meaning regardless of what term we come up with, it will be always controversial and if so, how do we honestly and scientifically discuss the issues of an intersex family? For the academicians, lawyers, politicians, activists, etc, their fight maybe of “political correctness”; for victims of lack of laws for intersex and IVF, it is a matter of survival.
  • Statistics – As per NIH, about 1 in 2000 births are born DSD/intersex, which is a generic term. Its important to note that the NIH, a reputable institution also uses both terms which highlights the controversy and confusion. This means its a minority. Most DSD/intersex people are infertile and as per CDC, 1 in 6 couples are infertile. Does this include or exclude intersex/DSD? Does the CDC statistics include LGBTI or are they only looking at heterosexual couples? It is 2014, isn’t it time to update our scientific data gathering to be more reflective of the realities in our society? More importantly, statistics drive change, they drive laws, and if the statistics itself are not reflective (inadvertently or deliberate) of the issues faced  by the population, then how can we expect to get new laws and therefore justice?
  • Medicine – In 2013, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture announced for a STOP to intersex surgeries. This means what the doctors, highly learned academicians, medical professionals had been doing for last 50 years were WRONG! The fraud paperwork to support their lies and wrongs is also wrong, is it a crime? For the reasons why Dr. John Money has been proven wrong today while highly sought after and reputable medical professional during his time, similarly, performing intersex surgeries under secrecy and lies during a marriage with inappropriate resources is WRONG. It is a recipe for disaster to ruin a family and more importantly endangering the welfare of innocent children. Science and wishful thinking don’t go together. Science relies on facts. The medical professionals in their zeal to right “social wrongs” forgot to adhere to facts and science and as a result lost credibility again in dealing with sensitive issues like intersex just like Dr. John Money. Cannibalizing the rights of other humans is no way to give human rights to one human.
  • Change – Today, parents and siblings of intersex/DSD also get treatment and counseling. Given the same logic, why are there NO options for spouses and children of an intersex family especially when the torturous intersex surgery occurred during a marriage? Are the spouses and children of an intersex family supposed to lie, live in silence and suppress their experiences and torture? And how is that exactly different than what was done to intersex people for decades and centuries? It may take a few more decades/centuries for the West and East to understand what happened to spouse and children of an intersex family but silencing them in the meantime is no justice as they are living through an IVF Holocaust.
  • History – Sadly there are people in this world who believe the Holocaust did not occur. There are two issues here. One there is denial of facts and therefore denial of justice to victims and continued victimization and second no lessons learnt and the threat of reoccurrence. Had the world not recognized the Holocaust, perhaps, the story in Bosnia/Serbia, Rwanda, ongoing ISIS may have ended differently with thousands more innocent lives lost. Let us take learning lessons from an intersex, IVF, immigrant family in 2000s so that we can usher change for equal rights for intersex, IVF children and families and caregivers. No one deserves to have their human rights and/or child rights violated. By silencing, we are not going to achieve anything but perhaps by listening to facts and accepting the truth, we may open a door for a better future. What is so wrong about that?

IVF Rights Part of Immigration Executive Order

Recently, US President Obama announced that he will have an executive order for immigration reform. Are IVF rights on the agenda? Here are a few immigration-ivf-reformsimple reasons to have IVF rights on the agenda first and foremost in the best interest of the IVF child and then the intended parents and families. As a society, we cannot knowingly create stateless babies and punish IVF families for wanting to build families through wonders of IVF. It is time to celebrate IVF in the 21st century and not hibernate. If you agree with the change, sign the petition at http://chn.ge/1oltFl5 and support IVF rights.

1) Change the verbiage in the current US Immigration Law (7 FAM 1131.4 and 7 FAM 1131.5 and its sub-sections) that deals with IVF for US citizens: Change the phrase from “biological mother/father” to “parent“.  The “genetic link” requirement discriminates against infertile people (the very folks who are meant to give a helping hand through wonders of technology), punishes innocent IVF children for DNA mismatches, punishes IVF children born during a divorce or born into a LGBTI family or single parent family. 

2) Change the phrase from “child born out of wedlock” to “child born“.  If IVF children are deemed to be “born out of wedlock”, are we implicitly taking away their legal rights of being “born in a marriage”? Frankly, the verbiage is outdated and offensive.

3) The applicable US Immigration law for IVF fathers on US green card: We are asking for a change of one word – from “mother” to “parent” as cited in 9 FAM 42.1 N2.1 and 9 FAM 42.1 N1.1. This would allow an IVF father legally on US green card to bring a child born outside the US though an egg donor and surrogate to meet US law requirements. If a US LPR mother uses her egg and a donor sperm and surrogate abroad can bring that IVF child legally to the US then why discriminate against the IVF father who uses his sperm? Does the innocent IVF child care?

4) Family Laws and Best Interest of an IVF child born during a divorce – If a US couple has an ongoing IVF pregnancy, it must be mandatory to declare the IVF pregnancy to the court like a natural pregnancy in the event of a divorce so that the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD can be ascertained by the court. Suppressing information from the court is a crime. The rights of an innocent IVF child in a foreign country of a US couple are directly placed in a LEGAL LIMBO. Have a law that a US resident (US Citizen or Legal resident) must “pre-declare” for an IVF child if the surrogacy is done abroad which inherently will protect the rights of the innocent IVF child.

5) Left-behind IVF child law – The needs of an IVF child are NO DIFFERENT than a natural born child. An IVF child also needs love, care, clothes, food, shelter, books, toys, education, and so on. If an intended parent abandons an IVF pregnancy or IVF child in a foreign country, they should be held accountable and responsible because the IVF child’s needs are EQUAL. Is an IVF child LESS of a child than a natural born child? An IVF child is not an unwanted pregnancy but a deliberate pregnancy to bring an innocent life into this world. Laws should hold adults accountable and responsible for abandoning an ongoing IVF pregnancy they consented to.

6) Legal recourse for lapses – In cases where the fertility clinic lapses like accidentally swapping samples there should be a legal recourse. In this case, a DNA test would be negative but what if the intended parents still want to bring an IVF child born outside the US back to the US and raise them? It is traumatic enough to deal with infertility and the trauma only continues when there are serious lapses like switching samples of the biological parent. Some of these laws should be retroactive to UNITE innocent IVF children and families.

7) Debate on Parentage – Define clearly on parentage of the child including issuance of legal documents like birth certificate. A valid birth certificate is a fundamental right of the CHILD and not the parents. It is a document that the child carries for life including adulthood. As the technology evolves, (Link Is : “Three-Parent IVF” Up For Public Consultation In Britain : http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/250343.php) it is possible to have a “three parent IVF child” where the DNA is from three parents. What will be the legal impact of this?

8) Public Service –

a) Just like there are public service announcements through radio advertisements, etc. to educate and spread awareness about adoption and its legalities, there should be similar public service campaigns for IVF families.

b) Just like there are travel advisories for US citizens to risky regions, there should be IVF/surrogacy advisories for US citizens of countries that uphold basic IVF child rights and basic human rights of the IVF industry including donors and surrogates.

Love and Compassion Cannot Conquer Secrecy and Lies

Love and Compassion are cornerstones in being human, whether its a relationship between lovers or siblings or parent-child or friends or neighbours or states or countries. When our humanity is at stake, everything we have built around it questions our very ethos of humanity especially when the victims are innocent children. Rather than having a ethical OR moral OR legal obligation to respect a fellow human being, the true question is can love and compassion conquer secrecy and lies?

If you are an adult woman who happens to be infertile, do you get compassion and sympathy from the society if not the laws? But if you are an IVF girl child (a future woman), do you get the same compassion and sympathy from the society if not the laws?Equal IVF Child Rights Tshirt

If you are a victim of female infanticide, clerly you cannot talk. But what if you are an abandoned IVF girl child, do you have any rights as a human being and as a child?

Take the journey of how convoluted our society is in paying lip service when it comes to human rights and child rights of innocent IVF children and families. It is not about who you know, it is about how you are born is where the discrimination begins. As a society, legally, if not socially, we have conquered discrimination based on race, color, creed, gender, sexual orientation but when it comes to IVF children and families, we have some ways to go. Is IVF the new black, the new gay and the new orange?

IVF is a wonderful medical technology to help infertile or dysfertile people. As everyone knows, it takes three things to make a child scientificaly, sperm, egg and womb. But it takes love and compassion to raise a child. Not just as a parent but as a good human being. Secrecy and lies are NOT in the best interest of any child despite what the “experts” claim. Besides, where is the expert to deal with multiple complexities of intersex, IVF, immigration families?

Some IVF families are honest about their traumatic IVF journey. Some IVF families cherish the IVF children including siblings who are allowed to grow up together as a gift of the father. And some people abuse innocents through IVF and placing innocent lives at risk and in legal limbo. If the laws do not allow for biological father’s name on a birth certificate of an IVF child, shouldn’t one fight for their rights with honesty rather than placing innocent children’s lives at risk? How does the law treat non-biological, intersex parent when it comes to placing their name on an IVF child birth certificate? Adding the complexity that when the IVF child is born outside the US, that IVF child is considered as “child born out of wedlock” meaning is there a marriage or not?

There must be a silver lining to the IVF tragedy and travesty. If non-biological parents deserve equal rights, then government should have laws “in sync” with that philosophy rather than imposing that by SPLITTING innocent IVF siblings. And if non-biological parents have equal rights in raising an IVF child through love and compassion, should they also be held equally accountable and responsible in the welfare of an IVF child if either intended IVF parent abandons the IVF child? Why do we have double standards? Does the innocent child care who abused them? The innocent child cares about love, compassion and justice to get their legal rights.

Rather than pontificate on having equal rights for non-biological parents, one should have laws to reflect that also. And how do you justify actions on one side where a non-biological parent has “equal” rights to a child while on the other side abandoning another non-biological child? Do the innocent children as individuals have any rights or are they human chatal? Do the innocent biological siblings have any rights or do they deserve to be punished for crimes they did not commit? Does the innocent “biological parent” deserve to be punished based on the fact they are “fertile”, OR “immigrant” OR “male” OR any other justifiable discrimination in 2009? The question is NOT whether it is discrimination and abuse, the question is whether the “justifications” of 2009 will stand the test of time? Just like slavery, women suffrage, colonialism, apartheid, civil rights, gay rights, “orange rights”, IVF rights is coming and then these false justifications will be exposed for what they are. Stop pontificating and start caring about real human beings – the innocent children. Love and compassion will conquer the mountain of secrecy and lies because that its power, because thats what makes us human. Let the tsunami of love, compassion and truth be unleashed to wash away the mountains of secrecy, lies, crimes for the sake of innocent IVF children.

The Americans I Know

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.” – US President Abraham Lincoln

Men – their rights and nothing more; Women – their rights and nothing less. Failure is impossible.” – Susan B. Anthony

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.” – Helen Keller

The only tired I was, was tired of giving in. You must never be fearful about what you are doing when it is right.” – Rosa Parks

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

“We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.” – US President Ronald Reagan
The Americans I Know care about human beings, human rights, child rights, truth, morals, principles, rule of law. However, this is NOT the America I 

Mia-Love-the-america-i-know-is-great-ivfknow through its laws.

Does an abandoned IVF child have a right to life?

The Americans I Know would willingly die for something they love like the thousands of soldiers who have died for their country they love. However, this is NOT the America I know through its laws.

The Americans I Know would stand up for what’s right, stand up for a principle even if it means going against the tide of the time and face stiff opposition. Like Abraham Lincoln or Susan Anthony or Rosa Parks or MLK, Jr. or Edie Windsor. However, this is NOT the America I know through its laws.

The Americans I Know believe in doing the “right thing” and not just paying lip service. However, this is NOT the America I know through its laws..

The Americans I Know believe in liberty, justice and freedom for all including innocent IVF children. However, this is NOT the America I know through its laws.

The Americans I Know would cry and cringe and rally around a cry of innocent little children to be freed. However, this is NOT the America I know through its laws.

The Americans I Know would do anything to protect the rights of innocent voiceless children. However, this is NOT the America I know through its laws.

The Americans I Know would hate to create STATELESS children and place innocent children in legal limbo. However, this is NOT the America I know through its laws.

The Americans I Know would defend the rights of innocent children regardless of their birth type. However, this is NOT the America I know through its laws.

The Americans I Know would require a person be held accountable and responsible for abandoning an IVF pregnancy and look after the welfare of the abandoned IVF child. However, this is NOT the America I know through its laws.

The Americans I Know would require a person be held accountable and responsible for abandoning an IVF pregnancy and look after the welfare of the surrogate as per the terms. However, this is NOT the America I know through its laws.

The Americans I Know would treat all children equal – especially an IVF brother and sister born exactly the same way. However, this is NOT the America I know through its laws.

The Americans I Know are not proud of the “baby scoop era“.

The Americans I Know would not split up siblings.

The Americans I Know who may be gay or lesbian or intersex would respect the laws and wait for years if not decades until same-sex marriages became legal so they can get legally married and NOT break the law and “hush” up everything.

The Americans I Know who may be in a same-sex marriage would love to sponsor their spouse for immigration but would follow the laws and not break the laws.

The Americans I Know would be proud of showing compassion and love.

IVF Children Need Rescue

As per CDC data, 1 in 6 couples are infertile. 100% of all LGBTI couples and single parents can only have children through IVF orIVF child rescue adoption. The laws are based on biology and gender of a parent, are the laws 21st century compliant or are they trailing? Is the inaction to pass laws placing innocent children in legal limbo and need rescuing? Is the lack of laws creating stateless innocent children? Is there a voice for the voiceless?

US law requires a “genetic link” for a parent to bring a child to the US when the child is born outside the US. Due to affordability, several middle class Americans go abroad to have children through IVF technology. The lack of laws situation is placing some innocent IVF children in harm’s way leading to abuse of their human rights and child rights. Is that right? Is throwing the book of laws at an IVF parent and thereby condemning the innocent IVF child the right answer? The only thing between a foreign born IVF child and a parent in the US is NOT money, NOT love but a few words in the English language called “laws”. What good are these human made laws if it cannot protect the most innocent of the victims – the IVF children? What good are these laws if they cannot ensure a voice for the voiceless? As Madiba said, if one can learn to hate then that means they can also learn to love. Similarly, if laws are getting outdated where inadvertently are endangering the welfare of a child, then laws can be changed to endure and protect the welfare of innocent IVF children also. Or maybe Madiba had it wrong and the ones who throw the book of laws have it right, I suppose only time will tell just like apartheid was broken down by Madiba.

The question is not whether help will arrive for IVF children and families in terms of equal laws but the question is “when”? When a sperm sample is accidentally swapped in an IVF clinic and the DNA test fails after 9 months when the IVF child is born, should the IVF child be separated from their intended parent and placed in an orphanage? During an ongoing IVF pregnancy, if the biological parent decides no longer to have a child and abandons the IVF pregnancy, what rights does the non-biological parent have to the IVF child? Can they bring the IVF child to the US legally? Does the child deserve to go to an orphange? As mentioned earlier, 100% of all LGBTI and single parents who opt for IVF will have a situation where one of the parents is “non-biological”. How do the laws plan to address these issues? Or is the message to fill up orphanages with abandoned IVF children because we could not agree on changing a few words in English called laws? Or is the message to place innocent IVF children in legal limbo and condemn and punish them due to no fault of theirs? Or is the message to shove this under the carpet and pretend it did not happen? When the critical mass is enough, innocent IVF children will ask questions and wonder where were the laws to protect their “best interests” and human rights?

It is time to stand up for what’s right and the right answer is to ensure and protect all IVF children and treat them as equals. If two parents abuse their child within the four walls of their house, is it a crime? The government and laws make it a crime and take appropriate action against the criminals and save the innocent children. Why are the laws and government silent on this issue of innocent IVF children? Where is the voice for the voiceless? Who is going to rescue the innocent IVF children?

It sucks to be an immigrant intersex infertile family with no laws in 2000s. It is one thing to remain silent and be invisible as adults but to repeat the abuse on innocent IVF children is a crime. One way to deal with it is to make the best of it through every trauma in forced secrecy and lies including breaking laws or come clean when the lies catch up and are hurting innocent children whom you love. The issue in this case is not intersex, the issue is secrecy, lying and breaking the laws. There are people like Claudia or Robin or Angelina or Dr. Elana or someone else as this blogs suggests. The choice is truth Vs lies. The choice is to continue to break the laws or change the laws. The choice is to love a child so much that his freedom is not held hostage for personal joy and one can see the child soar like an eagle Vs child abuse and human rights abuse.

Not the America I Know

Ask not what your child can do for you, ask what you can do for your child.

If you have ever dealt with infertility, your ultimate goal is to have a child but what are the needs of the child and would you do it atAmerica I Know any costs? Regardless of how one has a child – natural birth, adoption, IVF/surrogacy – once the child is born, are all children equal? Do they all deserve their own individual human dignity and respect as a human being regardless of their birth type? Then why do the prevailing laws discriminate? Placing innocent IVF children in legal limbo is wrong. Raising your hands up in the air and behaving like you just don’t care and throwing the book of laws is NOT the right answer. Education, awareness, understanding the issues and moving forward with an appropriate legal framework with equality for all is the right answer. America thrives on innovation and technology, IVF technology is here to stay creating an IVFhood, now do we have the proper legal framework to deal with it in a globalized world? With increasing stressful jobs, LGBTI marriages, infertility and dysfertility are here to stay in 21st century, is it time for equal laws for IVF children and families?

The America I know is compassionate and respects truth. The America I know believes in change. The America I know leads with a clear vision. The America I know sets the standards higher, not lower. The America I know is resilient, powerful and believes in truth, justice and freedom for all.  The America I know abolished slavery, allowed women to vote, allowed civil rights, provides an opportunity for everyone to be who they are and succeed. Will the America we know allow equal rights for IVF children and families?

  • Most Americans I know would agree that it is the love and character of a parent which is more important than the biology or gender of a parent in raising a child. Yet the laws are in direct contradiction with this. Is this the America we know and want?
  • Most Americans I know also know someone who is gay, lesbian, intersex, trangender and are OK with giving human rights to them. Thats how democracy works, support of majority for the rights of a minority. Yet the laws are in direct contradiction with this social acceptance. Is this the America we know and want?
  • Most Americans I know are not familiar with the lack of laws for IVF children and families but once educated and made aware agree that it is wrong to punish innocent IVF children due to lack of laws. Is this the America we know and want?
  • There are parents of gays and lesbians who support their children and are allowed to talk freely, why are parents of IVF children silenced and abused for speaking up freely? Is this the America we want and know?
  • Most Americans I know have respect for laws and the truth no matter how bitter it is. Yet helping an intersex, immigrant, infertile person for whom basic human rights do not exist is so heinous a crime that they must be split from his IVF child AND worse, his IVF children – who are siblings must be SPLIT. Is it wrong to help a fellow human being where laws itself fall short on respecting their basic human rights to marry, immigrate, and have children? Is this the America we want and know?
  • If you are an infertile American, you need to be super rich in order to comply with the laws and have a child within the US. Having a child from outside the US without a biological link is illegal and IVF is NOT affordable by most middle class Americans within the US. So how does an infertile American have a child? Is this the America we know and want?
  • In the future, will there be no single parents, gay parents, lesbian parents, intersex parents in America who may not have a biological link with a child but still want to raise and love the child? Where are the laws to support it?

There is a huge gap between social acceptance and the laws to reflect that. Historically every struggle for human rights has experienced the growing pains. In this case, the lack of laws is hurting innocent IVF children and needs to be remedied sooner and not in decades. We hope and pray for the best and cannot rest till the children get protection.