Tag Archives: change

The Three I’s – Intersex, IVF, Immigration

If you had to narrow down the case into three things – the three “I”s, they are Intersex, IVF (infertility), Immigration. Historically IVFRightsand still true as we speak, all three areas are dealt with secrecy and lying including instances where laws are broken claiming “greater good” or humanitarian reasons. This case is a few decades or maybe a few centuries ahead of us. For example, women suffrage came at the beginning of 20th century but ask around and you will get the real pulse whether “equal rights” for women exist or not anywhere in the world now? The point is it takes decades if not centuries when it comes to issues of social justice. The BIGGER point is these kind of issues span generations and so an individual can spend an entire lifetime and still have NOTHING to show for it. But does that mean the HUMAN SPIRIT should be bottled up or let freedom ring? There is a TRIPLE WHAMMY in this case and all with issues of secrecy, lying, fraud, abuse, threats, crimes in the name of “greater good”. There is a fourth “I” and the fourth whammy, albeit the most important one and the sole reason for speaking up.

The Fourth “I”

The fourth “I” is INVISIBLE. Because of secrecy and lies, the laws are lacking in each case and the individuals affected by these scenarios are largely “invisible” in the eyes of the law. So how do we get JUSTICE and RELIEF for the VICTIMS when they are “invisible” in the eyes of law? Placing individuals and that too innocent children in a situation of LEGAL LIMBO is far worse than the condition itself. This case forces one to discuss ALL the “I”s simultaneously let alone any one single issue. “Uphill task” seems like a small word rather climbing Mt. Everest in January seems more appropriate – Death is inevitable. But the HUMAN SPIRIT is such it wants to persevere for TRUTH. It wants to at least TRY for the sake of innocent IVF children – the most vulnerable of vulnerable. Let DEATH come whether literally or through oppression, silence, false penalties, etc. – TRUTH cannot be stopped. The TRUTH MUST come out. Since this is a generational long fight, only the TRUTH will survive and eventually will offer a SOLUTION (equal laws).

End Secrecy with Truth and Respect

If you were to take any one issue at a time – be it intersex or IVF or Immigration, its a controversial topic by itself. Add to that the complexity of secrecy and lying and as a result one spends MORE TIME in defending the LIES rather than working towards a solution. As the saying goes, one lie leads to a thousand lies. If a person has committed Immigration fraud, they are NOT going to volunteer that information. If a person is intersex, they are NOT going to volunteer that information although more people are being honest realizing its the right way to go. By staying silent, their rights are being violated. If you are IVF, you do not even know what it means until you are 14-18. Too LATE to ask for ANY rights by then. That is assuming your parent or your guardian is HONEST with you. It is possible to start a whole new cycle of secrecy and lies again- the WORST thing to do to an innocent child. Regardless of what the solutions are for intersex, IVF, Immigration, by discussing the issues faced, we can end the secrecy with truth and respect.

Whether you are liberal or conservative,
Whether you are pro-life or pro-choice,
Whether you are pro-immigration or anti-immigration,
Whether you are pro-IVF or anti-IVF,
Whether you are pro-adoption or anti-adoption,
Whether you agree in same-sex marriage equality or opposed to it,

the FUNDAMENTAL issue is TRUTH. When you are presented with decisions in life from your conscience,

Will you choose TRUTH or SECRECY and LIES?
Will you SACRIFICE innocent children or UPHOLD their rights?
Will you fight to get RELIEF for VICTIMS or VICTIMIZE innocent, unsuspecting people?
Will you BREAK the LAWS or RESPECT the LAWS?
And where LAWS fall short, will you fight to get NEW LAWS or BREAK the LAWS and silence any voice against the TRUTH?

Where is the “greater good” in deliberately placing innocent children in LEGAL LIMBO? That directly results in taking AWAY their LEGAL rights.

When Gay Marriage Is Legalized

Seems like the movement for equal rights for gays is making progress. A lot of countries around the world haveIVF Child Eunuch Hijra passed laws legalizing gay marriage. Some states in US have also passed laws legalizing gay marriage. Immigration of binational same-sex couples and IVF children is still illegal and open for discussion. When gay marriage is legalized, will the powers to be also change with action and not just words? What does “gay rights” mean? Is it just marriage rights or beyond including having the rights to raise a happy and loving family? We need the entire ecosystem to provide and protect gay rights.

DOMA struck down by US Supreme Court – June 26, 2013

If a mother has a right to see a smile on her child’s face when she provides him a sibling, does a gay father have the same rights to the same feelings? Does a spouse of intersex have the same rights to the same feelings? And what about the child? Does the child have the right to a sibling’s touch, feel, hugs, kisses if they have a sibling?

1) When gay marriage is legal, will ministries across the government change their name from “Women and Children” to “Children and Parent” Issues or do children ONLY have rights through a woman? Reminds us of the cruel Jim Crow laws or segregation by color. Change is slow but truth always prevails.

2) When gay marriage is legal, will there be social organizations who offer their services to “children and parent” or will it be reserved only for “women and children”? Reminds us of the cruel British rule of “Indians and Dogs not allowed” in social establishments in India during their “Raj”. Change is slow but truth always prevails.

3) When gay marriage is legal, will they be allowed to have children to raise as loving parents and will the children get recognition and rights as “children of marriage“?

4) When gay marriage is legal and have children, will they be allowed to breastfeed their children?

5) When gay marriage is legal, will they be allowed to participate in a foster program to raise a child lovingly?

6) When gay marriage is legal, will they be protected from domestic violence and abuse from their spouse? Or is that only reserved if one of the spouse is a female? Or is the logic that domestic violence and abuse between two males simply does NOT occur?

7) When gay marriage is legal, will the abused spouse be encouraged to not be SILENT and report the abuse? Will there be laws, social organizations who will support them or will they be villified?

8) When gay marriage is legal and if a divorce occurs, will there be a FAIR statement of FACTS or will there be suppression of FACTS? Will the BEST INTEREST of the CHILDREN be first?

9) When gay marriage is legal and if a divorce occurs, will there be alimony paid by a male to another male? Or is that only reserved if one of the spouse is a female?

10 When gay marriage is legal, will the spouse get EQUAL caregiver rights as a male spouse caregiver?

11) When gay marriage is legal, will the gay person be allowed to run for the US Presidency with truth? or will he have to lie for the highest office in the nation?

Some questions are rhetorical, some questions are real, and some questions are forcing oneself to think. The real test of being a human, the ability to think.

Maulik knows the answers to these questions as he has already experienced the life of breaking laws and crimes and the punishment meted out on him and his children. Sadly, he is not a woman and he is a dual minority and not a “critical mass” and thus not a “political asset”, so it is perfectly OK to violate his rights and implicitly his children’s rights. Truth prevails and the biggest jurors are the innocent children. And fighting for the truth is not a crime or is it? I suppose we could ask Mahatma Gandhi or Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. if they were around.

If you support gay marriage, you should support equal rights for IVF parents and spouse of intersex like Maulik.IVF Parent and Intersex Spouse Rights

If you oppose gay marriage, you should support equal rights for IVF parents and spouse of intersex like Maulik.

If you just support any marriage based on love, trust, and honesty, you should support equal rights for IVF parents and spouse of intersex like Maulik.

If you support anyone based on truth and facts, you should support equal rights for IVF parents and spouse of intersex like Maulik.

 

Charity Begins At Home, Change Begins At Home

“Arise, Awake, Don’t stop until you achieve your goal” – Swami VivekanandaNazi Intersex IVF History

Dealing with two highly sensitive and women dominated areas of caregiving and infertility, the 21st century presents some unique challenges. This maybe a first but definitely NOT the last. Change is a very difficult thing for anyone. The toughest thing about societal change is changing oneself.

Looking for an Erin Brockowich or “Pam Landy” from the movie “The Bourne Ultimatum”. Anyone willing to give it ALL to uncover the TRUTH and provide relief to the VICTIMS?

Change Caregiver Rights

Think it would be safe to assume that we all agree that family caregiving is an altruistic calling and hard to capture in words. Parents are caregivers for their child but doubt if anyone ever considers it charity rather its a privilege. Children when they grow up will care for their aging parents but doubt if they want to monetize it as a paid event. Although, some aging parents do insist on paying their children for caring for them. Same thing but to a lesser extent is also true for sibling caregivers provided you are lucky enough to have siblings. What about spouse caregivers? While family caregiving is neither paid NOR charity, it does place the burden on us as a society to ALSO protect the basic human rights of a caregiver starting with truth and acceptance of facts. Just like family caregiving begins at HOME, the overarching societal change begins with oneself first (our personal HOME).

As a family caregiver like other 65.7 Million Americans and over a Billion+ across the globe, getting equal caregiver rights in the 21st century is a necessary change. Mothers who are perennial caregivers among others can attest to the toll their personal health takes but they do it regardless because of the biology with their child. If non-biological caregivers are paid for their services, should non-biological family caregivers like spouses ALSO be paid? Maybe not paid monetarily but at least have their RIGHTS protected? Because a caregiver is paid, if they experience any abuse, violence, injury, trauma while ON THE JOB, it is covered by workers compensation. But if the same things are done to a non-biological family caregiver like spouse, there is NO protection? What we are asking for is protection of basic human rights of a caregiver from a myriad of sources – patient, medical community, patient’s family, anyone else closely familiar with the situation. Just like NOT stopping to provide assistance to a VICTIM of an accident is a CRIME, why is NOT providing assistance to a VICTIM of caregiving not a CRIME? Most family caregivers become one by accident and due to the circumstances of the family. One simply does not leave a loved one alone. The “VICTIMIZATION” here is not the patient but a SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES beyond the patient’s control. The silence of the medical community, other family members who choose NOT to help, and so on. The FACT is there is a VICTIM, rather than discussing who the perpetrators are and playing a blame game, let us FOCUS on the solution which is to HELP the VICTIM. In most cases, VICTIM is both the patient and the caregiver. This is a necessary change based on human rights. Creating new patients out of perfectly healthy individuals is NOT healthy medicine.

Change Infertility Rights

For ages, bearing children has been the birth right of women. As a result, LAWS for a child are closely TIED to laws of a mother. Infertility is as OLD as being able to have children. As new fertility techniques started popping up, fertility treatments were RESERVED for heterosexual couples, then it was OPENED for single women. The prevailing laws for CHILDREN being TIED closely to mothers was still valid. Gays or single men or intersex were largely SHUT OUT from fertility treatments because of “societal unacceptance”. Now the CHANGE has come and gays, single men, intersex can opt for fertility treatments like IVF. However, the LAWS have still not caught up and rights of a CHILD are closely TIED to a woman. Should gays be allowed to have children through IVF? Should intersex families be allowed to have children through IVF? History will answer that. In the meantime, we need LAWS to catch up with technology like IVF in the best interest of the children. We NEED laws to support the rights of an IVF child with NO LEGAL MOTHER. It is NOT about taking away rights from a woman or mother, it is about protecting the fundamental and basic human rights and dignity of an innocent, voiceless IVF child. Unlike unwanted pregnancies where children may be abandoned, IVF pregnancies are very planned and deliberate. Why be forced to ABANDON an IVF child due to lack of laws?

Change with Truth and Compassion

One can NEVER be EQUAL to a mother. I know, I love my mother. By holding onto age old ideas about parentage, motherhood, infertility rights, are we withholding rights of an innocent, voiceless IVF child? The important thing to understand is that the primary care provider should be protected regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, or otherwise. From the perspective of the child, the only thing they understand is LOVE. There are women who have told me how dare I suggest about splitting the rights of a mother and a child? I shudder to ask them if they support gays or single men or intersex who may be equally loving to have children? The hardest thing about change is changing oneself. Change begins at home (oneself).

The goal is to accept change is constant and is inevitable. Are you ready for change in the 21st century?

March Ahead

We hope to teach our children to say the truth and when something is unfair, demand to change the laws, NOTMarch Forward BREAK the laws at the cost of ruining others’ lives. Do CRIMES pay?

Dealing with TWO MINORITIES – IVF and intersex is a question of survival and lack of support and awareness. Demanding EQUAL rights is a few decades away and probably past our lifetimes. Change begins with education and spreading awareness.

We cannot wait to see EQUAL RIGHTS for IVF CHILDREN because then their EXISTENCE will be recognized along with LEGAL RIGHTS.

We cannot wait to see LAWS based on LOVE of a parent rather than BIOLOGICAL LINK and GENDER.

We cannot wait to see the day when there are equal intersex rights. Will it come at the cost of SPLITTING innocent IVF siblings?

We cannot wait to see the day when same-sex marriages are legal. Will it be based on lying, cheating and fraud OR two men or women happily and honestly in love with each other?

With a pragmatic approach, sadly with marriages there are divorces. Will “same-sex” divorce hold the BEST INTEREST of the CHILDREN?

We cannot wait to see two males raising their lovely children because then fathers will get social acceptance as as the primary care provider and NOT used as a weapon against them.

We cannot wait to see a STOP to “normalization surgery” in intersex as demanded by us and as a Special Rapporteur on Torture at UN also stated so unequivocally. The difference is we demanded it based on first-hand experience while the UN did it based on academic expertise and so their voice is MORE POWERFUL and is heard. 

We cannot wait to see global reconciliation of “third gender” legal rights for binational third genders. While countries allow LEGAL recognition of third gender, other countries only recognize a binary gender. When a “third gender” person from such a country immigrates to a “binary gender” country, how will it be reconciled legally? And what about the basic human rights of the “third gender” person wanting to be recognized as “third gender”? Will they have to “give up” their legal recognition in order to immigrate to a “binary gender” country?

We JUMPED through SEVERAL HOOPS and answered the gut-wrenching questions in our own way, be human. Sadly, the approach of secrecy and lies is being used as a WEAPON against our innocent children. No parent would remain silent. Punish the criminals, punish the one who failed to report the crimes, but why punish the innocent children? Bestowing HUMAN RIGHTS as an individual where the LAWS fall short is WRONG because it PUNISHES innocent CHILDREN. Demand for change in LAWS, we look forward to the healthy discussion with TRUTH and FACTS.

Oppression, persecution, suppression of facts, and so on historically have been used when dealing with rights of minorities and social issues. Over time, all the tactics fail and LAWS are passed to give equality and sometimes even recognizing the people who fought for it, albeit posthumously. Is that hypocrisy? Avoiding the inevitable and punishing the innocent is a failed approach, let us try something different. TRUTH maybe? Let us see what the future brings. We are hopeful its a ray of sunshine glistening with TRUTH and EQUALITY.

Cannot Wait To Get Gay Rights Soon Enough

As a spouse of intersex, cannot wait to have gay rights be legalized soon enough. Not as a spouse of intersex but equal gay rightsfor the innocent children of a dysfunctional intersex marriage. Had the IVF children been born in a time when equal gay rights existed, they would be growing up together as they were meant to be. Even though I am an optimist but life has taught me to be a realist. With that in mind, I do not think in my lifetime, we are going to get equal rights for spouse of intersex, let alone if we first have a discussion about the issues that affects spouses of intersex and more importantly, the children of an intersex marriage.

Being intersex is a natural condition meaning it is not in the intersex person’s control but choosing to lie about it is in their control. Sometimes, lies can be crimes like lying on legal documents or immigration fraud or perjury or other kinds of abuse. Despite all the philanthropy of a astute and respected person like Mr. Rajat Gupta, at the end of the day, he is serving jail time for crimes he committed. White collar crime but still crimes. Are the blatant lies, fraud documents by intersex and the supporting medical community crimes? The issue here is NOT can intersex person be a parent, the issue here is the relentless, blatant lies by the intersex and the medical community with no respect for laws or basic rights of other unsuspecting, innocent people including the voiceless, innocent children. Do other victims including innocent, voiceless children have human rights or ONLY intersex people deserve human rights? If such abuse is allowed to go unchecked, there will only be more innocent victims including the voiceless, innocent children.

Before this century is over, marriage equality for all, equal rights for IVF children and families and legal recognition of third gender in civilized nations will be a reality. By NOT allowing equal rights to people, are we creating a new class of unsuspecting, innocent VICTIMS? 

1) Being gay and intersex are two separate things. Just like for ages, the “social acceptance” was being gay can be “medically corrected”, similarly,  “gender” can be “medically corrected” approach is false.

2) In a gay relationship, both partners are gay and are in a gay relationship by mutual consent. In an intersex relationship, where one partner may be heterosexual or gay or lesbian is NOT in an intersex relationship with mutual consent because the truth was hidden from them. In any relationship, trust and love counts and fraud is not love.

3) In a gay relationship, both partners are male. In an intersex relationship, both partners are genetically male. Will gay parents, both genetic males, be allowed to breastfeed without proper medical supervision? Can gay parents, both genetic males, lactate? In an intersex relationship, both genetic males, will there be lactation and should they be allowed to breastfeed? If there is NO milk in genetic males, and the parent imposes upon the voiceless, crying, hungry infant to “breastfeed with NO milk”, is that child abuse?

4) When two males are in a relationship, there are certain issues that come up for which our legal framework is simply not ready yet. For example, domestic violence and abuse laws for protection between two males, rights of a child in a marriage between two males, “social acceptance” that males can raise a child just as lovingly and so on.

5) In a relationship between two males, one parent will always be a “non-biological” parent meaning the biological parent has taken up the JOB equivalent to that of an ADOPTION regulator who approves of adoptive parents. This may work in a “mutual consent” relationship like lesbians or gays but what about an intersex relationship where the relationship itself was based on fraud?

6) Just like the intersex person has a RIGHT to feel “male”, “female”, or “both” or “neither”, their spouse and child who was lied, cheated and frauded has every RIGHT to feel the same about their intersex spouse, its their human rights too. The discussion here is about the TRUTH. People like Tony Briffa and Imogen Callaway who have both publicly identified as intersex have more respect because they are being honest. They are the real leaders.

7) The “social acceptance” theory is that a child cannot be taken away from a “mother”. Then should gays be allowed to have a child since there is NO mother in the relationship? Governments today are apologizing for their wrong behavior during the baby scoop era to take away innocent children from their biological mothers because they were single and “single mothers” were “socially unacceptable” at the time. It is wrong TODAY to take away child from his “father” because it is “socially unacceptable” to have children growing up with only fathers.

8) The real question we should be asking is it wrong to take a child away from their “PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER” whether the person is male or female or third gender or heterosexual, gay, lesbian, intersex, how does it matter?

9) As a spouse caregiver of intersex, the “normalization surgery” in its current protocol of an adult intersex person during a marriage is WRONG. If you have to lie on medical records and create fraud documents, that should be the FIRST SIGN, you are doing something wrong. What is worse is that they have NOT thought about the overall implications of creating fraud documents and helping intersex families to lie, cheat, and fraud victims including innocent, voiceless children.

10) Recently, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture confirmed our demands that the “normalization surgery” of intersex should STOP. It is interesting that the Torture department made this statement, if it is torture for the intersex person, is there any torture for the spouse caregiver of intersex if surgery is done during the marriage? Someday, they will also release a report to call for a “waiting period study” between the time an intersex person has this controversial “normalization surgery” and is stabilizing from the treatment to when they can become a primary care provider for an infant.

11) IVF is a technology that presents opportunities for the first time where children may be born with “NO LEGAL MOTHER”. Do such children have EQUAL rights?

12) We are convinced as time moves forward and equal rights for gays are granted, our demand for equal rights for intersex, equal rights for IVF children and families will also be met. As spouse of intersex, we are just not the right messengers but that does not mean our message (demands) is incorrect.

13) The right answer is to have a REPEATABLE SOLUTION. This means that an intersex person should be able to repeat what has happened in this case which is have a LEGAL marriage, have a LEGAL CHILD, be a TRUTHFUL PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER based on actions and NOT looks, and have LEGAL custody of the child in the child’s BEST INTEREST. By legalizing an illegal intersex marriage does not help other intersex people who want to marry or have children. If LAWS are followed and if TRUTH is used, it is not possible to REPEAT this. So the right answer is to have laws for equal intersex rights and equal rights for IVF children and families.

14) To Maulik, his biggest jurors are his two innocent, voiceless IVF children. As a loving, passionate parent, he will continue to fight for them and all IVF children and families. Maulik realizes that in 2013, if a woman had experienced the same TRAUMA instead of him, her CHILDREN would not be SPLIT. Maulik understands he is fighting for IVF children, IVF parents, spouse of intersex, gays, lesbians, intersex, single parents, heterosexuals.

15) In the root cause analysis, this case is about saying a THOUSAND lies to hide one LIE. Had this case occurred when equal gay rights existed, equal IVF child rights existed, the innocent IVF children would NOT be SPLIT. Even if equal IVF child rights or if spouse caregiver of intersex rights DO NOT happen in our lifetime, by having gay rights, we will also be inadvertent BENEFICIARIES.

The point is to have the right for siblings to grow up together. Whether these rights are guaranteed through their own individual rights or they come through as gay rights, we will take it either way because the innocent, voiceless victims will be happy either way to have an opportunity to grow up together. Secrecy, lies, stigma are the real culprits and it is time to speak the TRUTH for the sake of innocent, voiceless victims.

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