Tag Archives: canary in the coal mine

Parent of Intersex or IVF – The Fight for the Greater Good

If you were a parent of intersex, what would you teach your child? Say the truth or lie? October 26 is intersex awareness day and here is a real life story about a dysfunctional intersex family of 2000s falling victim to the anti-intersex, anti-gay, anti-IVF laws. Sure while millions of Greater-Goodintersex people do not have equal rights to marry legally, an intersex person can lie and fraud an unsuspecting person into a fraud marriage OR fight for EQUAL rights for all the intersex people. Sure while millions of intersex people are infertile and may want a child, one could lie and break the laws to have a child and place the innocent children in LEGAL LIMBO or fight for EQUAL rights for all intersex and infertile people to have children legally. Sure an intersex person who is a parent can claim to love a child and lie to them and ironically, an intersex person has a deep understanding of the effects of lies OR say the truth to the child and not have a cycle of secrecy, lies and fraud be repeated on innocent children.

As a left-behind parent of an abandoned IVF daughter and watching her turn 4 years, every moment has been worth it. We celebrate her existence and learn from the sacrifices why every human life deserves equal respect and dignity including her. There are no winners here but to punish innocent IVF children who are the most undeserving victims for the crimes they did not commit are the biggest losers. As adults, we must bring their rights as an individual to the forefront.

Parents are faced with all kinds of issues with their children – autism, cystic fibrosis, ADHD, self-esteem issues, IVF, donor-conceived child, and so on. Would your love as a parent become any LESS by saying the truth to the child and helping them deal with the issues caused by the fact they have autism, or CF or ADHD, or IVF? Do you empower the child with the truth or do you teach them to lie? As a parent, what would you teach your child?

1) Hi, I am intersex, probably a 1 in 2000 or 1 in 20000 births (a rarity) due to current laws I cannot legally marry nor can I have children due to infertility and nor do I have equal immigration rights. I love children and would love to be able to adopt or have a child legally. Will you please support equal rights for intersex?

OR

2) Hi, I am intersex but I will not tell you, I will continue to lie how I have been taught by the medical community and parents and marry an unsuspecting victim fraudulently. I will teach them to lie as well and we will lie to have an IVF child (not to mention the lies are breaking laws). I will split the IVF child from his  primary care provider and siblings by claiming them as a “biological child”. Oh the laws have NOT changed and so the IVF child is in LEGAL LIMBO due to the laws I broke.  Don’t care about equal rights for intersex and equal rights for IVF children and families, I got mine. Will you please have sympathy and forgive me?

As a parent, what do you want to teach your child – option 1 or option 2? Where is the humanity?

For those who claim the victim is being shallow or urging him to let go, they fail to capture the victim has taken a few leaps ahead. It is like saying rapes occur because women dress promiscuously but then how do you explain rapes of 3, 4, 5, 6 year olds? It is like saying sexual abuse inside the family occurs but we should let it go and not report it to save “family honor”, how will we raise awareness and bring change? Where is the “family honor” in abusing someone in your own family and forcing them to be silent? It is like saying an infertile person deserves a child at any and all costs, what does the child deserve? If you are going to ask a spouse caregiver of intersex and an immigrant IVF father who has lived in silence and abuse with denial of rights to have the SAME REPEATED on his IVF children, what does that make you? Knowing and understanding of facts is a must before passing any judgments. There is nothing “traditional” about this case.

The claim is that there is a risk of testicular cancer in intersex patients if they do not remove the testes and have the intersex surgery. What is the risk profile? In IVF children due to the fertility treatments, hormones, the induced egg harvesting, the frozen samples, a study claims IVF children are a third more likely to have cancer, they are at 65% risk of having leukemia. If an IVF child needs a bone marrow to live and is forcibly separated from his biological family using fraud documents, who will save his life? What is in the best interest of the IVF child?

A child simply does not need food and education, or school and sports, or career and life to grow and become a positive contributor in the society. A child ALSO needs morals, values, a strong foundation based on love and truth. Any love based on LIES is not love for the child but love for the self. When going through life as an intersex family and its related issues – trauma one after the next, there was no script to follow on what to do, it was the abyss – the unknown. Today its clear – regardless of the situation, follow the truth and stand up for your rights – like Edie Windsor and one may get rights for a greater good in their own personal fight. That is the final analysis.

An IVF Tale of Two IVF Siblings, Two Continents, Two Parents

Is it time to start discussing about the issues faced by IVF parents, children and families? Is it time to discuss theshaping-the-future-together shaping of future together in the best interest of innocent, voiceless children?

In 2011, after 6 years of a gut-wrenching ordeal, a Canadian couple was allowed to take their non-biological IVF child back to Canada. They gave up their life in Canada, stayed in India for 6 years fighting, waiting, and praying. International IVF laws are in its infancy and creates situations which are rare and unique and due to NO fault of the IVF child or the intended parent, the IVF children and families are SPLIT. The IVF couple fought TOGETHER to keep the IVF siblings UNITED and they WON.

In 2009, a US father on green card could NOT take his IVF daughter to the US without a “legal US mother”. He gave up his life in the US and is living in EXILE in India fighting, waiting, and praying. In his case, he also has an IVF son born similarly and he is the only known biological parent (legal requirements) who is in the US and has NEVER met his biological IVF sibling. Now the IVF father is fighting to UNITE his IVF children – 4 years and counting.

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

There are some similarities between these cases like laws catching up with technology like IVF OR parents giving up everything to be with their IVF children and fight for their rights OR asking for UNIFICATION of IVF children and families based on humanitarian and compassionate grounds OR family forced to be SPLIT on two continents OR intent of parents was to give birth to life and have children, NOT to abuse life. There are some STARK differences in the two stories between the IVF siblings on two continents in this still developing legal chasms of international IVF.

As an immigrant IVF father and a spouse of intersex in 2013, one IDENTIFIES more with women of history THAN men. Susan B Anthony, Rosa Parks, Mothers, Erin Brockovich, the surrogate in California, the women of baby scoop era are HEROES and INSPIRATION even though an IVF father is judged with bias against men as parents. Sadly, the bias against a male who happens to be an IVF father is passed on and punishing innocent, voiceless IVF siblings. As a parent, one has to speak up if not as a man. Men like Swami Vivekananda, Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. helped in getting this far but it is understanding the struggles of women which will take it forward from here. People abuse a spouse of intersex, abuse an IVF father because we are a minority within a minority but we are still HUMAN with existential issues like moving forward with IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO. The abuse only emboldens that we need to speak the truth with compassion to educate and spread awareness. It may take a few years, decades, or generations just like parents of gay rights or intersex rights but TRUTH will remain constant. We are NOT against intersex marriage, we are against LYING, breaking the laws and using LIES to HURT innocent, voiceless children and other unsuspecting victims. If a rape survivor does not report a rape but is forced into silence under threats, does that mean RAPE did not OCCUR? Does that mean they are not a victim?

If infertility is a medically identified disease, what is “causing harm” to the treatment (IVF child)? When organ transplants occur, the rights of both humans (typically adults) are protected; why is there NO protection for the IVF child when infertility is treated? Does an IVF child DEMAND and DESERVE the basic respect and dignity of a human being and not be treated like “property”?

1) Accidental Vs. Pre-meditated

In 2005, Canadian parents could NOT bring one of their IVF children back to Canada immediately because as per Canadian immigration laws, a “biological link” is required for a Canadian citizen parent to have their IVF child born outside Canada to legally immigrate to Canada. It seems there was a medical accident and the sperm samples got swapped at the clinic resulting in a failed DNA test between the parents and the IVF child. Is this a FAULT or accidents of science and technology? Most scientific innovations in history of the world have come from “accidents” – its how we learn, ask Madam Curie. Even though there is NO law for the facts that occurred, the Canadian government relented in the end and after 6 years allowed the family to live together in Canada. The non-biological IVF parents gave up 6 years of their lives showing that it is NOT the biology but the LOVE of a parent. The “biology” needs to be discussed because of the LAWS.

Moral of the story : Stay together, say the TRUTH, follow your heart and be UNITED.

In the US case, the immigration laws are similar to Canada but the US case is slightly more complicated. The IVF father was an immigrant to the US and NOT a citizen at the time of the birth of the IVF children in India. So different set of immigration laws apply for IVF children born outside the US to US immigrants and is based on gender. Historically, the physical mother and legal mother of a child are always the same and so laws are written like that. IVF presents unique situations where an IVF child will have a physical mother but “no legal mother“. In this case both the anonymous egg donor and surrogate were Indian and had no “Legal standing in the US”. Without a “legal US mother”, an immigrant IVF father cannot bring an IVF child to the US even though a “biological link” exists. Where was the non-biological parent for the IVF child? Only someone with intimate knowledge of these laws could have used them against the IVF father and his IVF children. The result is two IVF siblings have NEVER met. The IVF sister cannot go to the US and the IVF brother is NOT allowed to come to India.

Moral of the story : Stay together, say the TRUTH, follow your heart and be UNITED. The Canadian IVF parents proved its NOT the biology, its the LOVE of a parent, where was the non-biological parent of the IVF child in this US-India case? If the situation is accidental and not pre-mediated, what efforts have been made to UNITE the IVF brother and sister?

2) Divorce happens; should IVF siblings UNITED or SEPARATED?

In another case, the biological parents had commissioned an IVF pregnancy in the US but later decided to divorce mid-way and abandoned the IVF pregnancy. The result is the surrogate who legally is considered a “non-biological” parent was “left-behind” both with the twin IVF children and non-payment for her services. The compassionate surrogate has her own children to raise and despite the emotional and financial trauma decided to raise the IVF twins herself and is slowly getting back on her feet. What is the difference between such parents and deadbeat parents?  Any technology can be misused and abused by a few bad apples, where are the laws to protect and ensure the rights of such IVF children and left-behind families and surrogates?

Moral of the story : Divorce happens, siblings should NOT get hurt and some compassionate human being is always around the corner. Luckily it all happened within the boundaries of USA (no immigration laws complications) and the IVF siblings are together and the surrogate, now the mother, has both emotional and financial help and support.  We need protection from IVFphiles.

In the US-India case, a divorce was filed in the US by the non-biological parent who ALSO agreed to the second IVF child and surrogacy. When the divorce was filed in the US, there was NO mention of the ongoing IVF pregnancy in India, its like the IVF child was DELETED from legal existence in the US and thus denying any LEGAL rights an innocent, voiceless child is normally given in the US – a leader of human rights and child rights. The IVF father was placed in a situation of either staying in the US and contesting the divorce on FACTS or go to India and raise his abandoned IVF daughter. Thus he has NO practical custody of his biological IVF son. Thus the IVF son has NO right to grow up with his sister he wanted, he has NO right to grow up with his biological family, he has NO right to know the TRUTH. While a gay father can tell his 10 year old daughter he is gay, an IVF father cannot tell his IVF son the TRUTH, WHY? The IVF father gave up his life in the US and came to India to raise his abandoned daughter. The family opted for IVF because of the spouse’s infertility and the IVF father did NOT see an “I” in infertility during a marriage. He arranged for the finances to pay the surrogate as per the agreement, it was NOT the surrogate’s fault. As a “left-behind” parent, the IVF father is struggling emotionally from the separation of his IVF son for whom he was the primary care provider, he misses his son missing out on growing up with siblings, he is struggling financially despite having paid into US socially security for almost 20 years. Today the IVF children are in a LEGAL LIMBO. The validity of the divorce based on prevailing laws is in question. Lying and breaking laws to give human rights to one person HURTS other innocent, unsuspecting VICTIMS and their human rights. There has to be a better way.

Moral of the story : Divorce happens; siblings should NOT get hurt. Living a life of secrecy and lies can be used AGAINST you, worse, it can be REPEATED to ABUSE and HURT innocent, voiceless children. The right answer is to say the truth with civility, humility and dignity.

IVF is very traumatic – its a journey that drains you emotionally and financially, sometimes rewarded with an IVF child and sometimes not. Only folks who have been through an IVF journey can understand like the Canadian IVF parents who gave up EVERYTHING in a heartbeat to stay together as a family with the IVF children.

3) US citizen Vs Indian Citizen

In 2009, a US citizen child who was abducted to Brazil was united with his biological father in the US with support and help from US President Obama and then US Secretary of State Clinton who said, “A child belongs with his [biological] family“. Despite the 5 year gap between father and son, the last report says they are BONDING great and loving each other’s company after being reunited. The family in Brazil was the maternal biological grandparents who were raising him and providing him food, home, clothes, toys, schooling, education, and other things for growth and development. There was NO sign of ABUSE other than not allowing the son to travel to US to meet his father and have a PRACTICAL father-son relationship. Its the “right thing to do”.

Moral of the story : The US is capable of doing the “right thing” where laws sometimes fall short.

In 2013, 3 years and counting, an Indian citizen IVF son has been reverse abducted to the US and is NOT allowed to come to India. The courts in the US have been lied to and the facts have been suppressed resulting in FORCED SEPARATION of innocent, voiceless IVF brother and sister who have NEVER met. A father who misses his son dearly and vice versa because of the CLOSE BOND they have since the father was the primary care provider until uprooted. JUSTICE seems distant and forgotten, relief for VICTIMS is what we are seeking. An IVF daughter in India is in LEGAL LIMBO and is STATELESS and cannot travel outside India. How many lives have to be RUINED to give life to one person and their LIES? When asking for justice, one has to listen to statements like, “thats what you get for doing IVF…”. So the IVF parents deserve the punishment, why are we punishing innocent, voiceless IVF children by placing them in LEGAL LIMBO? Do IVF children have rights? And for the record, if you have the GUTS like an adult, come say the same thing after you see the two LOVELY IVF children, I dare you. And for the record, we opted for IVF because of infertility in the marriage due to the intersex person, where are they? Just like being gay is personal but NOT having gay rights is a public policy issue; so is being IVF parent is personal but NOT having equal rights for IVF children and families is a public policy issue.

Moral of the story : Dealing with 4 Is – intersex, IVF, immigration and invisibility is exhausting in 2013. Somehow, still being alive is a miracle and largely a thanks to the parents and their upbringing. Quitting, detering, running away from the issues is NOT in the DNA. Doing the right thing, truth, moving forward is in the DNA – the same DNA the two IVF children will have FOREVER – can’t LIE to them forever, can we?

Just like sometimes a hunter becomes the hunted, sometimes a fertile person becomes infertile due to the trauma and experiences of IVF even though biologically they may be fertile.

Intersex is a naturally occurring condition and is not in an individual’s control, however, lying about it and reducing the rights of an unsuspecting spouse and children is in their control. It is NOT about one’s GENDER, or RACE, or RELIGION, or CASTE or … but its about the CHARACTER of an individual. This case is from the future where if equal rights for gays existed; this case would NOT have happened, if equal rights for immigration existed for IVF children and families; this case would NOT have happened, if equal rights for intersex existed; this case would NOT have happened. Slowly but surely, things are changing. LGBTI immigration was not allowed till 2013, now it is. Intersex families are largely living in secrecy and invisible with their issues, but recently Germany, the FIRST European country legally recognized the “third gender” and thus providing an environment for people to live freely and honestly. Will others like US, UK, Canada follow? In another case, a FIRST in the US, a court determined the intersex surgery as unconstitutional, what about the same surgery during marriage? In another instance, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP to the intersex surgery. What are the effects of such surgery which is torturous and/or unconstitutional when done in secrecy and lies during a marriage on unsuspecting people – both the intersex patient and the spouse and the children? In the future, the effects will be analyzed and understood and there will be more openness to the FACTS including lack of laws. Patience and time always allows for the TRUTH to prevail.

Come Together Right Now

As humans there are lot of good and bad things we may come across in our lives. Its all about seeing it from the lies hidden in truthperspective of each individual. Whenever anything traumatic happens, it’s all about how we pick up the pieces and move on. Here is a great inspirational story of how a drunk driver who accidentally killed two innocent people and is now UNITING with the family of the victim on spreading awareness and having laws changed. Its the true human spirit!

Difference between TRUTH and LYING

When one accepts the truth, they start a process of justice for themselves and due to the freedom may end up helping others for a greater good – Edie Windsor is a recent example. When there is denial and lying, it becomes a self-serving selfish proposition with no real solution to provide relief for victims. As humans, we want TRUTH and move on…LIES only slow us down but cannot BREAK us.

What do you think about a couple in an intersex marriage in the 2000s who were also immigrants and infertile and created IVF children who are now in LEGAL LIMBO should do? Should they continue to lie, live in secrecy and hence continue to defend the lies and wild allegations or come together right now and solve the issue of the innocent IVF children – two siblings who are clearly in LEGAL LIMBO. Do the innocent IVF children deserve better? In this one case, there are so many “greater goods” if TRUTH is allowed to be shared. A Canadian couple moved to India for 6 years before they were allowed to bring their IVF child to Canada – power of staying UNITED and saying the TRUTH.

“I’m really frank with the kids. They ask all the time and I jut give them really honest answers because they deserve that.” – said family of the victims in the drunk driving case.

1) What is wrong about spreading awareness about international IVF/surrogacy children and families especially when no laws exist? The first step is to accept the children are IVF both in privacy of the home and in court instead of making false claims including producing fraudulent records. The IVF children deserve the truth and others like them deserve equal rights and laws. Why punish innocent children for crimes of adults?

2) Actions have placed two lovely IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO. Would it be better to UNITE and get them legalized as per laws in their own best interest? Or should we live in continued silence and abuse? Will others benefit from the change in laws for international IVF/Surrogacy?

3) Would it LESSEN the LOVE of a parent if they were to declare the fact their child is IVF? Lies would lessen the love, TRUTH will only strengthen it. Lies both in the privacy of home and lies in the court are detrimental to the child. What would be wrong in having a law to declare all ongoing IVF pregnancies when filing for divorce so that the best interest of the IVF child is maintained? Is an IVF child a LESS of a child?

4) Experts including people in authority who may have never experienced infertility or immigration issues themselves are worried about the “IVF child” and choose to “hide facts” from them like doctors did with intersex children in a failed approach. Why would lying to children be OK especially lies that include breaking the laws? What does a REAL EXPERT think – in the words of an IVF child?

5) IVF is too new a technology (35 years and counting) mostly dealt with secrecy and only now people are speaking up on dealing with IVF and issues – medical, financial, legal, immigration, etc. Now first set of scientific studies are coming out and the effects on behaviour of IVF children and special needs to address it. An IVF child can get the help and support they deserve only if they are told the TRUTH! Do IVF children deserve that for their own mental and physical health? Is it their right as a human being or are they “property”?

6) Angelina Jolie made quite a few points recently. By going public with her double masectomy, she raised awareness to a new level. Her TRUTH empowered so many others also. She revealed that through genetics she was able to deduce the “risk factor” and make an “informed decision”. Do IVF children deserve the same rights to know the biology of their parent when available? 

7) Just like Angelina Jolie revealed her medical diagnosis and her decision, why would it be wrong to say one is intersex or a spouse of intersex and the issues they are dealing with from marriage rights, immigration rights, fertility rights, medical rights, etc. It takes strength and courage to say the TRUTH.

8) If the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP on the controversial intersex surgery, was there any torture if the same surgery is done in secrecy during a marriage? What are its effects? Several intersex people have this controversial surgery, how many of them have done this during a marriage? 

9) What is the check and balance system against the medical experts who send unsuspecting intersex married couples as canaries in the coal mine? And how do medical experts know what is the “right protocol” to follow if there are hardly any instances to follow for intersex surgery during a marriage? There are several medical conditions for which humans do not have answers but LYING is not the solution.

10) If the so called medical experts believe they have done no wrong then what is the need to falsify and fraud on medical records? Do the medical experts who fraud medical records understand the full impact of their actions on unsuspecting victims including innocent children even if inadvertently?

11) If a CAIS person can go around showcasing a medical record stating they had “removal of ovaries”, does that mean we as a humankind have “solved” the CAIS issue? Does that mean all future babies who are born with CAIS will have “ovaries” or “testes”? By lying, are we IGNORING other effects of medical fraud?  Is it better to empower each person with the TRUTH?

The Case for Rights for IVF children and families

There is little doubt left that IVF/surrogacy laws are in its infancy worldwide. The situation is exasperated whereTime-for-equal-rights-IVF-children IVF/surrogacy laws are not far-reaching. There is NO doubt the future will bring equal rights for IVF children and families while in the interim there are innocent lives being victimized. There are both sides of the spectrum – places where IVF/Surrogacy is completely banned to allowance of IVF/Surrogacy with the best interest of the infertile parents in mind and NOT the best interest of the IVF child. Even if one disagrees with a total ban approach, at least its clear, NO IVF child which in some cases maybe better than creating an IVF child and placing them in LEGAL LIMBO and making them STATELESS due to no fault of their own.

It is about moving forward and envisioning a world where equal rights for the entire IVF ecosystem exists – the IVF child, donors, surrogates, and the parents who may be infertile or dysfertile. The canaries in the coal mine miraculously survived. So let’s make the case and have a discussion which is long overdue and is victimizing innocents. Let put children FIRST.

1) Precedence of International laws for children – If there are international laws for child abduction and child adoption, why not international laws for IVF/surrogacy children in the best interest of the child?

2) Precedence of immigration laws for LGBTI – If there are immigration rights for spouses of LGBTI, why not immigration rights for IVF/Surrogacy children regardless of parent’s gender? For example, can an immigrant IVF father legally bring an IVF child born outside the US born with his biological sperm and help of compassionate anonymous egg donor and surrogate? Gays, single fathers, spouses of intersex are some of the people affected.

3) Non-biological parents of IVF children – If non-biological parents can be EQUALLY loving, then why not allow legal immigration of IVF/Surrogacy children by non-biological parents? For example, what if an IVF clinic accidentally swaps the sperm sample and now there is NO DNA match between the IVF parent and IVF child? What should happen to the IVF child who cannot legally immigrate? Are we going to say that “scientific accidents” and “human error” NEVER happens? Ask Madam Curie. As an IVF family, we need a legal framework to move forward in life. Or are we condemning infertile or dysfertile people same way as places which BAN Surrogacy/IVF outright – in the absence of adequate laws, the result is same even though the intent may not be. We need protection from IVFphiles.

4) Human organ transplant – People who donate their organs either while alive or after their death are very noble. There are ethics surrounding each scenario and laws too. The “time window” for organ transplant is very “small” as the organs deteriorate quickly when left outside the human body. The “time window” to give innocent, voiceless IVF children equal rights is “small” because with time and lost childhoods, their innocence is lost quickly with possible trauma for a lifetime.

5) Organ Transplant while alive and after death – There is a difference between organ transplant while alive or after death. The ethics are are slightly different and thats why it is necessary to make a distinction. For a live organ transplant, both the donor (typically, a family member) and the receiver have rights and laws that govern the safety and health of both. There is even a organ donor advocate who looks out for their best interest even though lot of emotions may be involved due to the receiver being a close family member. Why are there NO laws to govern the rights of an IVF child? Why are there NO laws to govern the rights of a donor or surrogate in an IVF procedure? While socially a parent is defined by the LOVE for a child and biology should NOT matter but laws for IVF children and families are OPPOSITE and so we need to discuss “biology”.

6) Lack of laws – Anyone who claims we have laws for the entire IVF ecosystem is either fooling themselves OR has never experienced IVF firsthand. That’s why we need an IVF Movement to educate and spread awareness to get change. What we have is a start, a legal framework for IVF/Surrogacy in its infancy, we have a long way to go and lot more work to do. In a democracy, every minority needs to garner support from the majority who may have NEVER experienced the same issues and have EQUAL laws passed – thats how our system works.

For discussion sake, in a world where both mothers and fathers are EQUAL and can LOVE a child EQUALLY and can be the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER EQUALLY, from a legal perspective, should taking a sperm or egg or a womb from someone treated as “organ transplant”? It is anatomy of the human body. At least should similar ethics, laws be in place to EQUALLY protect the best interest of the IVF child, the donor and the receiver? In case of gays or single fathers, how will we address this where ‘NO LEGAL MOTHER” exists even though a physical mother exists?

This in NO way is an exhaustive list for reasons and urgency to have EQUAL rights for IVF children and families. The intent is to SPARK a discussion which is long overdue and its about time to have the right to say the TRUTH and demand and deserve equal justice for all. Living in secrecy and shadows at the cost of threats and offending someone is NOT going to solve any issues, TRUTH will help us move forward.

Do Fertile People Love Their Children Less?

Statistically as per CDC data, 1 in 6 couples are infertile which is accounting only for straight couples. LGBTI love_for_a_childcouples are dysfertile or infertile. So we have people who are fertile, dysfertile and infertile and do any of them LOVE their children any more or less? To be clear, should people who are fertile, make babies, develop a bond of parent-child, and then just give up the baby to an infertile or dysfertile person? And what if there is abuse of the child and secrecy and lies by the infertile person in order to have a child at any and all costs? And if fertile people are such BAD parents who LOVE their children LESS, then majority of the parents would be terrible with children. Just like sometimes a hunter becomes the hunted, sometimes a fertile person becomes infertile due to the trauma and experiences of IVF even though biologically they may be fertile.

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

The LOVE of a parent is of the child, by the child, for the child and NOT for love of the self. Put the child first, put the TRUTH first and until we get relief as victims, the fight will continue because of OUR LOVE for the children and they DESERVE basic human dignity and respect. If forgiveness is a virtue, do innocent, voiceless children deserve forgiveness? What about adults who will NOT even forgive children, can they forgive other adults, themselves? While socially, we may believe that it is the LOVE for a child that counts and not the “biological link”, the LAWS are NOT in sync when it comes to international IVF. And we have to abide by and respect the laws. It is one thing to have unequal laws but it is another for someone to use them to discriminate and SPLIT innocent, voiceless IVF children and families.

Will the LOVE of the non-biological parent be LESS if they allow the biological IVF SIBLINGS to meet? 

The PERFECT CHILD ABDUCTION AND ABUSE

Years ago, there was  a Hollywood movie by the name of the Perfect Murder. Is that really such a thing? But then again that’s Hollywood. There was also another Hollywood movie, Sophie’s Choice. Hollywood is an art space but sometimes does mimic life or vice versa. Infertility is very traumatic, ask someone who has been through a few IVF cycles. What about dysfertility or infertility between two genetic males who try to have a child with IVF? The journey of IVF is torturous and it ALSO affects genetic males contrary to popular belief that it ONLY affects women.  Some infertile people may do anything at all costs to have a CHILD, but what is right for the child? Some infertile people kidnap innocent children, some kill parents of innocent children, some hurt other innocent children (siblings) to get one child, some cast a complex conspiracy to take enough time when it becomes easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

An IVF parent who has 50% legal custody of his IVF child in the US but cannot exercise his parental rights BECAUSE his other IVF child (born during the marriage) is in India who cannot come to the US. What if the second IVF child had been brought to the US and then divorce were filed? What if the second IVF child had been DECLARED to the court in the divorce filing? Pray, is this a coincidence or a plan of a desperate infertile person? The spouse of an intersex became an IVF parent due to infertility in an intersex marriage and NOW is left holding the bag of issues of intersex and infertility. The innocent IVF child is left in LEGAL LIMBO and is STATELESS. What are the rights of an abandoned IVF child and the left-behind family? IVF means a planned, deliberate pregnancy. Did we CREATE this IVF child for personal amusement only to be DISCARDED? Or does the IVF child, a HUMAN being, deserve the respect and dignity of a HUMAN BEING? The IVF child is in the middle – neither here, nor there.

Why should an IVF son give up the RIGHT to grow up with his siblings? As an IVF child, will he have a SPECIAL BOND with an IVF sibling? Why should an IVF son give up the RIGHT to grow up with his biological family? Recently Angelina Jolie did a pre-emptive breast surgery based on genetic tests and pre-disposition to cancer. Why should an IVF child be DENIED this medical, health benefit in their best interest? The non-biological parent has stated that the IVF son can see his IVF parent/his biological family when he is 18, is that CHILD ABUSE? Is that parental ALIENATION and ABUSE? The IVF son is in the middle – neither here, nor there.

Is the LOVE of a fertile parent LESS than a non-biological parent? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who SHARED his child with a non-biological parent LESS than a non-biological parent? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who did NOT ABANDON his other IVF child LESS than a non-biological parent? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who was the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER for his son LESS than a non-biological parent? Is it a CRIME to be fertile? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who kept trying despite failed IVF attempts to provide a SIBLING for his IVF son LESS than a non-biological parent? Can a person DEVOID of LOVE and COMPASSION endure all this? To ABUSE and use the SILENCE against him is one thing but to REPEAT the ABUSE and use the SILENCE against his innocent, voiceless children is different. SILENCE is BROKEN.

If marriage is a legal contract, does the spouse have a RIGHT to know that their rights will be REDUCED due to the marriage? That it will be committing ILLEGAL acts due to the marriage? Intersex marriage is ILLEGAL. So when issues arise in an intersex marriage, how does one ask for justice because as per laws, the marriage does not exist, so the issues arising out of an illegal marriage ALSO do not exist. Why should we be INVISIBLE to the legal system? How do we get relief as VICTIMS? Is it a CRIME to be married to an intersex person?

As per prevailing laws, an intersex, immigrant, infertile person CANNOT have a child born through IVF outside the US in their legal possession. So if LAWS have been broken, have crimes been committed? Were there any innocent VICTIMS for the crimes? Were there any innocent, voiceless IVF children who are VICTIMS? Are any innocent, voiceless IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO? Is this a case of PERFECT CHILD ABDUCTION? 

Being intersex OR being an immigrant OR being infertile is not wrong. There are several such people. LYING, FRAUD, BREAKING LAWS, placing innocent children in HARM’s WAY is wrong and is ILLEGAL. The right answer is to demand for equal intersex rights, equal rights for IVF children and families and NOT break the laws.

A strategy of it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission is FAILED. Because a crime is still a crime. Because innocent, IVF children are in LEGAL LIMBO and they need RELIEF as VICTIMS.

Some highly educated medical professionals can claim that people with CAIS have “ovaries” when scientifically they are born with male testes. And then they have armed patients to present the same FRAUD MEDICAL documents elsewhere which victimizes others and breaks the laws. Does that mean the HUMAN race has STOPPED occurrence of CAIS? Does that mean future CAIS children who will be born will have “ovaries”? Just like LYING is wrong and is a DISSERVICE to people with CAIS and their family members; the LIES of an IVF child is a DISSERVICE to place innocent, IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO, this should NEVER happen again. History will show that some of these medical choices were WRONG even though conventional wisdom hailed it as “best interest of patient”. The times are changing, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP to such medical surgeries in 2013. There is a law suit, a first of its kind in the US, filed in 2013 against such surgeries. Recently, Germany became the FIRST European country to legalize “third gender” creating an environment for people to live truthfully instead of in secrecy and lies. Will others like US, UK follow? The change is HAPPENING. Will it be TOO LATE for the IVF siblings by the time the TRUTH is uncovered?

Empowerment with TRUTH and PRIDE in TRUTH is the right way forward.

To Intersex, IVF and Beyond

Buzz Lightyear came a few years before my first IVF child was born in 2004. Infinity and Beyond is something I buzz_lightyear_infinity_and_beyondalways imagined sharing with him. When Toy Story 3 was announced, I looked forward to seeing it with him in theaters in 2010 but we NEVER got to experience that together due to an unprecedented and vicious divorce and parental alienation. The heart is still in the same place, except the theme has changed – to intersex, IVF, immigration and Beyond. Just like sometimes a hunter becomes the hunted, sometimes a fertile person becomes infertile due to the trauma and experiences of IVF even though biologically they may be fertile.

The Beyond

As Buzz lightyear would say to INFINITY and beyond, we are to intersex, IVF, immigration and BEYOND. Someday, we will be blessed to see Toy Story series together with all the children as a family. I miss my son and love him deeply. I miss my son missing his siblings. The second IVF child was his dream to have a sibling. For those who think the IVF child is happy, how do you know he cannot be HAPPIER with his siblings and family? Has he been allowed an OPPORTUNITY to experience that? The ones who are trying to SILENCE the TRUTH are EQUALLY culpable in the CRIMES committed. Silence will NOT get new laws and equality; TRUTH will. Silence will NOT get relief for victims and justice;TRUTH will. By requesting SILENCE, are you implicitly implying NO JUSTICE or RELIEF for victims – the innocent, voiceless children – brother and sister? Infertility is very traumatic, lack of laws to assist infertile families is MORE traumatic. For the record, we did try SILENCE for a decade; the result is in front of you…still want to IMPOSE SILENCE?

While others are talking about EQUAL rights for intersex, the spouse stayed married in an intersex marriage despite the fraud. While others are talking about EQUAL rights for non-biological parents, the biological parent SHARED his child with a non-biological parent. While others are talking about EQUAL immigration rights for LGBTI, the intersex spouse immigrated based on an intersex marriage long before it became a law. The result of incessant lying, breaking the laws is PUNISHMENT for innocent, IVF children. What would be the point of staying silent? If saying the TRUTH is a crime, we are guilty. What is lying, creating and using the fraud documents, breaking the laws; are those crimes? While others are still fighting for equal marriage rights and equal immigration rights, and next will come equal “fertility or dysfertility” rights (impact of legal gay marriages), we have gone BEYOND it and are living it.

Slaves to Secrecy and Lying – Break Free with Education and Awareness

Had we relied on TRUTH, none of this would have happened. Had the two IVF siblings been UNITED, none of this TRUTH would come out. Given the legal complications of the case and FACTUALLY not in favor of immigrants, intersex, non-biological IVF parent, does that JUSTIFY abandoning an IVF child, AND DENYING an IVF child their legal rights AND making them STATELESS AND placing them in LEGAL LIMBO? The intersex person who filed for divorce in US did NOT mention the ongoing IVF pregnancy in India they agreed to. The intersex person NEVER came to India to take the IVF child to the US to “fool” the US Immigration laws. What if the intersex person came to India, take custody of second IVF child and return to the US and then filed for divorce, would the PREVAILING LAWS have been in their favor? Would the IVF father have mounted a LEGIT defense and got DUE PROCESS to ensure his IVF children STAY UNITED? If laws have been broken, have CRIMES been committed? Has DUE PROCESS been given to innocent, voiceless IVF children and family?

Whether the IVF siblings are united or not, the FACTS will NOT change. The lesson learnt is innocent children get punished for crimes they did not commit. No more LYING. As an IVF parent, thats the worst thing is to have the lies, fraud, abuse REPEATED on your children.  Is an IVF child a “property” to be treated as “leverage” to hide facts and break laws OR does the IVF child have RIGHTS? Does the US condone behavior to place “orders” for IVF babies by their residents and then have NO legal responsibility or accountability? As a fellow US Citizen, thats NOT the country I know. We stand up for what’s right and we give a voice to the voiceless.

Intersex people deserve equal rights and there is a legitimate way to do it (ask Edie Windsor) for benefit of all. Hurting innocent, voiceless children CAN NEVER be the answer on the path to EQUAL intersex rights. Ironically, intersex children also have been victims of secrecy and lies and now so are IVF children. And how will secrecy and lies help this time? If intersex are a minority, what is a spouse caregiver of intersex AND an immigrant IVF father – a minority within a minority?

LOVE – Spouse and Child

The intersex spouse underwent an unprecedented medical treatment for intersex during marriage. There are intersex people who undergo the same treatment either in childhood or puberty or outside of marriage as an adult. It is a controversial treatment which the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP in 2013. What are the effects when an intersex person undergoes the same controversial torturous surgery during marraige? Are the medical professionals equipped to DEAL with the issues when performing this surgery during a marriage or are they CLUELESS? Are their CLUELESS treatments HURTING innocent, unsuspecting intersex couples and families and their children yet to be born even if inadvertent? Doctors should NEVER LIE which involves breaking laws, period! What is so complicated to understand? Were we used like canary in the coal mine?

Due to the ongoing medical treatment of intersex under secrecy, lies and fraud, the TRUTH was NEVER revealed. FACTS were ignored. ABUSE went unreported. The father became the primary care provider for his IVF son developing a deep bond and love between PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER and CHILD. Socially its recognized as a “father-son” relationship which has multitude of issues including alienation of a child from a father is legalized.

The million dollar question is NOT status quo or strategy of it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission. The million dollar question is the best interest of the IVF child. Can someone show us the LAWS where an intersex person can legally marry in 1999 in India (in 2013 its still illegal), immigrate to the US based on the marriage (same-sex immigration was legalized in 2013 in the US), have an IVF child born in India immigrate to the US legally (suppression of facts, lies, fraud), have a same-sex divorce legalized in Texas in 2010 (same-sex marriage still illegal in Texas), ….the list goes ON. By ignoring these FACTS and maintaining status quo, how will we get EQUAL rights for intersex, how will we get EQUAL rights for IVF children and families, how will we get EQUAL rights for caregivers?

IVFphile – A New Criminal

With changing times, there are changing circumstances. As parents, we have new challenges and new megan law - pedophile - IVFphileareas to protect our kids from. When one sees an innocent, voiceless IVF daughter due to NO FAULT of her own in a LEGAL LIMBO, what do you tell her? In a world where rights of adult are MORE POWERFUL than child’s rights or human rights, how does an innocent, voiceless child ask for her rights? As an IVF parent, the question is how do we move forward NOW? What is the path for relief for victims? There are 7 billion people in this world. Sadly, some are pedophiles who prey on innocent, voiceless children. We have laws to protect the innocent children AND provide a path for relief as victims because of a few bad apples. The pedophiles maybe parents themselves but still commit such atrocious crimes against innocent children. As an IVF parent left with an abandoned IVF child in LEGAL LIMBO, where is the relief for victim? How does one move forward with an improper LEGAL STATUS? Do people in LEGAL LIMBO have rights? We need ANSWERS to our IVF daughter’s questions.

If we can have laws against pedophiles, why can’t we have laws against IVFphiles to protect IVF children? Who is an IVFphile?

IVFphile is a person who commissioned a pregnancy through IVF where they may or may not have a biological link with the child and then abandons the IVF pregnancy midway with no responsibility or accountability for the IVF child and/or the surrogate. The term “biological link” is subjective and is a separate discussion including immigration laws. Suffice it to say, it has double standards as per convenience sake of the adult and NOT the child. Are we as a society saying that as long as you are affluent, one can place “orders” for IVF baby and later when they change their minds and not want the IVF child; the IVF child has NO rights or there is NO accountability or responsibility towards the IVF child or the surrogate or the left-behind family? It spells HORROR life. And that’s what IVFphiles do. When an IVFphile abandons a IVF child domestically, at least the left-behind family have options. When an IVFphile abandons a IVF child internationally, due to immigration laws (or rather lack thereof), the left-behind family may be SPLIT. The IVF child may be STATELESS and in LEGAL LIMBO due to NO FAULT of theirs. Most IVF pregnancies do NOT end this way and IVF parents including non-biological parents go through great sacrifices to ensure the best interest of the IVF child, IVFphiles don’t.

In 2005, a Canadian couple had opted for IVF in India but due to an accident at the IVF clinic in India, the sample got swapped and thus there was a DNA mismatch. As per prevailing immigration laws, the IVF child could NOT immigrate to Canada without a “biological link”. The non-biological IVF parents gave up everything in Canada and moved to India for 6 years and fought for 6 years to have the IVF child legally taken to Canada. It is NOT about the biology, it is about LOVE and TRUTH and while they had 6 horrific years they never planned or imagined, their prayers were answered because they spoke the TRUTH. In the end, what’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong.

The case for laws for IVFphiles 

1) Any technology can be misused and we MUST have laws to protect and safeguard the innocent and voiceless. In its current infancy of IVF laws, we need to RAISE the bar and get EQUAL laws for IVF children and families. Welcome to the 21st century!

2) In a natural born pregnancy, if a woman is pregnant, she cannot just decide to “abandon” the pregnancy mid-way, the child is physically inside her womb and there are laws that GOVERN abortion. Then why can an IVF parent give up a child with no responsibility or accountability? What about the risk to the surrogate?

3) If a woman is pregnant beyond the second trimester, most countries regulate abortions if the woman no longer wants the child either due to medical complications or otherwise. Should IVF pregnancies also be REGULATED if an IVF parent abandons an IVF pregnancy midway in the second trimester or later? Is the IVF child SAME or EQUAL as a natural born child?

4) If a man abandons a natural born pregnancy, he can still be held accountable and responsible for the child. If a man OR woman who use a surrogate to have an IVF child and then decide to abandon the IVF pregnancy mid-way, should there be ANY legal implications? What about the welfare of the child? What about the welfare of the surrogate? Who will raise the child? Did the IVF child agree to be born? What’s next, human cloning for personal amusement?

5) If a man abandons a pregnant woman mid-way through the pregnancy, the left-behind woman and the child get support and are protected under laws. If a man or woman abandons an IVF pregnancy, what are the laws to protect the welfare of the left-behind parent and IVF child?

6) If a DONOR who signed forms indicating no relationship OR responsibility for an IVF child can be held accountable for child support, why cannot an abandoning commissioning parent for IVF child ALSO be held equally accountable?

The abandoning of an IVF pregnancy is one thing. But the effects of it are where we need LAWS and REGULATIONS in the best interest of the IVF children and families, donors, and surrogates. We have to begin with proper LEGAL STATUS for the IVF child so that they can DEMAND their legal rights. Can we prevent more IVFphiles? Are we protected from IVFphiles even if its just a few bad apples?

Just like pedophiles, IVFphiles may also be parents living amongst us but we may never know the true nature until it is revealed. A parent of a child who has been victimized by a pedophile first protects the child and tries to console them depending on their age if they understand what exactly happened. But certain scars NEVER go away and one can only understand as that victimized child and the parents. A left-behind IVF parent of an IVF child who has been victimized by an IVFphile ALSO first protects the child and tries to console them based on their understanding. But certain scars NEVER go away because every IVF birth is a journey deep with an emotional and financial roller coaster ride and possibly multiple failed attempts.

The difference is victims of pedophiles have a legal recourse with relief for victims, where are the laws to protect innocent, voiceless children and victims from IVFphiles? One can never escape justice especially of the crime against humanity kind. Nazi war criminals were brought to justice decades after the crimes because their crimes were horrific. Is deliberately making an innocent IVF child in a state of legal limbo (and thus denying them basic human rights and legal rights) a crime against humanity from the child’s perspective?

An IVF son cannot see his father because…

The FATHER, the primary care provider, and SON must be punished for DARING to attempt to give HUMAN truthRIGHTS to someone in SILENCE within the four walls of the house. What a terrible CRIME that is committed that the father and his IVF children MUST be PUNISHED and SEPARATED. Should we REPEAT baby scoop era on “socially unacceptable” norms which governments apologized for later? A father and son who LOVE each other deeply and miss each other terribly but MUST be SEPARATED because…infertility is a BIG CURSE? Are only INFERTILE people allowed to LOVE children? And the LOVE of the BIOLOGICAL PARENTS is NONSENSE? Infertility is natural – not a human’s fault but LYING, CRIMES to separate a father and son, a brother and sister, a child and his biological family is done by HUMANS – What is worse – the curse of nature or the curse of humans?

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

An alienating parent STATING that the other parent CANNOT raise his child till the child is eighteen years of age is ABUSE. It may not seem that way now but just like the GAY rights movement, in a decade after the alienated parents’ movement, it will be CALLED ABUSE which is a crime. If a parent takes a son, a young male AWAY from his father until he is 18, it is ABUSE. If a non-biological, infertile parent takes a child away from the biological family till the child is 18 with heinous suppression of facts and breaking the laws, it is ABUSE. Could they have done this if LAWS were respected and DUE PROCESS was allowed and WITHOUT abandoning a second IVF sibling as a major decoy? Gay marriage was ILLEGAL in 2003 but is LEGAL in 2013. Parental Alienation is LEGAL in 2013, what will it be in 2023? You have to start thinking from the CHILD’s perspective?

If you can find something that you’re really passionate about, whether you’re a man or a woman comes a lot less into play. Passion is a gender-neutralizing force.” – said Ms. Marissa Mayer. As an IVF father, I am completely passionate about IVF, however, my gender of MALE was used against me and my IVF children to SPLIT them. We are still waiting for a gender-neutralizing force in parenting rights at home.

There are certain conventional wisdoms and then there are unconventional wisdoms. Living with a combination of intersex, infertility (IVF), immigration and invisibility (lack of laws) in 2000s is unconventional by any odds. In fact, the odds are 1 in a billion! So does that mean it’s OK to separate an IVF son from his father with LIES? Would an IVF mother be separated from her IVF child? Given the rarity of the case, we do not expect most people to understand the issues at FIRST GLANCE. A deeper understanding of the FACTS is required which calls for a small investment of your time. Certainly, the father cares and the IVF children care, because its their lives. For others, it may be just a statistic – 1 in a billion! Not to mention the laws that have been violated and the crimes committed to achieve the separation. If laws were followed, could the IVF family have been separated? Only a CRIMINAL is afraid of the TRUTH and attempts to muzzle the TRUTH. Will the LOVE for the innocent child be any LESS if TRUTH is known? For those of us who lie for others and its NOT natural, doesn’t it get tiring? Does an IVF parent have any right to see their IVF children together as they desired or should their GENDER be used against the innocent, voiceless children/siblings?

1) What a terrible crime the father has committed – he and his IVF children must be punished by separating them. Claiming to LOVE a child while separating him from his sibling, loving father, refusing FACTS and TRUTH (has legal implications), IT IS NOT LOVE for the innocent, voiceless CHILD. Placing the CHILDREN in LEGAL LIMBO is not LOVE for the CHILDREN, is it CRIMINAL? The male spouse (because of his gender) may NOT have human rights but does his IVF children have human rights? If one has committed NO CRIMES, then why do they need to FORCE SILENCE? Is that a continuation of ABUSE?

2) We are sympathetic to the intersex cause and not just in words but by actions. We have experienced the discrimination against the intersex family first-hand starting with the secrecy and lies. But does that mean our IVF son has to GIVE UP his biological family, his siblings, his father? Does that mean our IVF son has to give up his primary care provider? Is it a CRIME to be married to an intersex person and one must be PUNISHED by separating the children after LIVING through the secrecy, lies, fraud, abuse, violence, silence?

No one knows the future but what will remain constant is the TRUTH. Whether the US recognizes intersex as women or as third gender, no one knows. There are people calling for legal recognition of third gender in the US and other countries have legally recognized the third gender, no one knows where US laws will go. What we do know is that there has to be compliance with current laws and lying on legal documents and presenting them as “valid” documents in court is a crime. Regardless of which direction US laws go for intersex families, TRUTH will remain constant. A spouse caregiver of intersex, an immigrant IVF father of two lovely children appealing to UNITE them is the TRUTH even though it is construed as LIES for personal benefit. Ridiculous claims are made where person is NOT intersex or the torturous intersex surgery NEVER happened or the child is NOT IVF. Each has a legal implication. The right answer is change the laws, not to break the laws and harm and abuse innocent, unsuspecting victims. 

3) It is a FACT that the father was the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER for the IVF infant because the intersex person was pre-disposed with their ongoing secretive medical treatment. Being intersex and being a genetic male has nothing to do with it, it is simply the ongoing medical treatment made the intersex person unavailable. And genetic males can be primary care providers of children like in a gay relationship or single fathers or a young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex AND IVF father. Secrecy and lies are NOT the answer. Empowerment with the TRUTH is the way forward.

4) If an intersex person wants to claim to be SAME as a woman, do it so legally and truthfully, not behind closed doors while breaking the laws. It has unintended consequences on innocent victims including children.

5) If a medical professional wants to claim an intersex person is SAME as a woman, do it so legally and truthfully, not behind closed doors while creating false medical records and breaking the laws. It has unintended consequences on innocent victims including children. Was the intent of the medical professional for the intersex person to use this fraud medical record in court of law as TRUTH? Will they support this fraud record? And if the medical community thinks its the right thing to do, then why have they STOPPED from creating such FRAUD medical records? What are the consequences – intended or inadvertent of FALSE medical records? What about the ABUSE on spouse and the innocent infant? When health professionals make false medical claims, it has reverberating effects on innocents including not getting justice they deserve.

6) If an intersex family wants to claim their child SAME as a woman, do it so truthfully and legally, not by DUPING and FRAUDING an unsuspecting victim into a marriage while breaking the laws. It has unintended consequences on innocent victims including children.

7) If parents of an intersex child wants to claim their child SAME as a woman, do it with pride and love, show up to help and support a spouse caregiver as their intersex child is working through the effects of an intersex surgery during a marriage. Unless you witness it, how do you know what its like? Continuing to lie for your child and teaching your child to lie has unintended consequences on innocent victims including children.

8) If an intersex family wants to claim their child SAME as a woman, do it with dignity, civility, and humility. A spouse of intersex has to deal with infertility, the parents DO NOT. How can they know the effects of infertility in a marriage? A spouse also has to deal with being the primary care provider for the IVF child due to the ongoing secret medical treatment of the intersex spouse. Lying has consequences on innocent victims including children and ironically, its the IVF children who are born due to the infertility.

9) By continuing to LIE and living in DENIAL is NOT helping anyone. Truth is the only way forward because separating SIBLINGS is heinous. Placing an “order” for an IVF child and later abandoning the IVF child with NO responsibility and accountability and placing the innocent IVF child in LEGAL LIMBO is heinous and a crime against her basic human rights. What’s next, HUMAN CLONING for personal amusement because some affluent person needs a kidney or a liver or a heart?

10) Disallowing the IVF son the TRUTH is perpetuating the same LIES that were taught to an intersex child. How did that turn out?

11) Disallowing the IVF son the TRUTH and NOT allowing him to meet his sibling or his father and the family is PERSONAL interest and NOT his best interest.

US is based on rule of laws and is a compassionate country. Do they condone this behavior? Will they take the time to invest in this case to understand the facts and see that the strategy of secrecy and lies used to “solve” social issues like “intersex” is being repeated for other social issues like “infertility – IVF”. Is that a good strategy? The consequences of lying, breaking the laws, secrecy eventually bears out. In the context of social issues, by helping ONE person through lying, secrecy, and breaking the laws, how does it help the other intersex children and other IVF children and families? The right answer is change the LAWS with our changing realities.

Do NOT PUNISH innocent children for crimes they did not commit.

Canary in the Coal Mine

It all started with a LIE or maybe multiple LIES. After all how can one hide the LIES – they eventually do come canary-in-coal-mineout. There was LOVE too but as the LIES began to unravel, the LIES overwhelmed LOVE too. After a decade of secrecy, lies, fraud, cheating, abuse, violence, victimization, breaking the laws, silence, the worst thing to experience is not all of the above, the worst is to have these repeated on your innocent, voiceless children. If there is a manual for torture somewhere, even that may not include these heinous crimes. An adult survives and since they are alive, they have to deal with life and move forward. Like for example, giving a LEGAL STATUS to the innocent, voiceless IVF children and getting them out of LEGAL LIMBO. This is about the FUTURE of all IVF children and families and a world where they have EQUAL rights.

got TRUTH? – thats a beginning.

Maybe we were the canaries in the coal mine left for DEAD. The major issues that surround the case are the 4 Is –  intersex, infertility (IVF), immigration and invisibility. That’s exactly what this is – an early bird warning. To shoot the messenger would be the greatest disservice to IVF children and families, donors and surrogates and intersex and caregiver rights. Each issue is complex on its own merits and each issue is dealt with secrecy and lies which does NOT help anyone in the long-term.

1) Gay marriages are beginning to get legalized, what will be the rules for gay divorce? How will the children (siblings) in a gay marriage be SPLIT? (Does that shock you to SPLIT children or is that a King Solomon moment?) Scientifically, only one parent will be a biological parent.

2) Same-sex immigration is now being allowed. Check, we got that taken care of. What about people who frauded the system before? What about people who are living in EXILE and are SPLIT from their family in US due to the OLD immigration system?

3) When two males try to have a child together, they will always require compassionate services of an egg donor and surrogate. Do we have laws to represent the facts? Any technology needs to be harnessed and requires a legal framework, why not IVF technology?

4) When two males have a child together, will they be allowed to breastfeed? If a child is abused inside the four walls and if that’s a crime, what is it to make an infant cry in hunger due to lack of milk when a male breastfeeds inside the four walls?

5) When an IVF child is born to two males with help of compassionate egg donor and surrogate internationally meaning two different jurisdictions are involved, the IVF child will have a mother BUT may not have a LEGAL mother. For example, an IVF child born in India to US parents. What are the RIGHTS of an IVF child with NO LEGAL MOTHER? Are we inadvertently and knowingly placing innocent, voiceless IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO?

6) If international adoption has LAWS and is governed by rules like homestudy and subsidiarity principle to keep siblings together, why are LAWS for international IVF missing and what rights do IVF siblings have?

When one sees the little IVF sister, one sees the BIG eyes, a beautiful smile, and the words, “Where are MY RIGHTS?” on her cute forehead. It is hard to miss. Everytime you look at her, it reminds you. Even behind that big smile and the glowing eyes and cute voice that never goes quiet, the little girl reminds you, “What is MY FAULT?” Is rendering someone STATELESS a crime? Is rendering a child STATELESS and denial of their rights endangering their welfare? Is rendering a child STATELESS a crime against humanity?

We can understand the desperation of an infertile person. We are blessed that we are still alive. But to cause such hurt and pain to innocent children is just too much to ask to stay silent. We did the caregiver part, the intersex part, the IVF part, the invisibility part, the lack of laws part, the victimization and abused part, NOW it is time for TRUTH part. The innocent, voiceless IVF children deserve better than LIES. They deserve their basic human dignity and not to be treated like “property”. If someone can place an “order” for a baby in a different country and then later change their mind and “give up” the baby with NO responsibility or accountability for the child, is that right? Does the child have rights? Now imagine if this is your child…how does that make you feel? Is your child valuable or should be discarded with NO action? What about the compassionate surrogate who carried the child, should she be FORCED to keep the child and raise her? Who will PAY the compassionate surrogate for her services since the commissioning parent did not show up? Does the surrogate have any RIGHTS?

No IVF child or donor or surrogate should EVER have to deal with this again. Even one bad apple is too bad because HUMAN LIVES are involved and that too innocent children. What’s next? Human cloning for personal amusement?