Tag Archives: CAIS

Hate Crimes Against Innocent IVF Children and Family

The issue is not being intersex/DSD or infertility. The issue is secrecy and lying. When we had gone in for a medical diagnosis, it was to understand why we could nothate-crime-ivf conceive, it ws a fertility test. What we came out with is a diagnosis for Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (CAIS) – an intersex/DSD condition. Ever since I was young, I always dreamt of being a father, a good parent. Having a child was very important and thats why we had gone in for a fertility diagnosis and was totally unprepared to deal with a diagnosis of CAIS. Much like a woman with PCOS or MRKH or CAH, or CAIS, no matter how hard a “couple” tries to get pregnant, without technology like IVF, its never going to happen. It was critical to understand that a CAIS couple are two males – it is not offensive, it is a scientific fact and a critical fact to understand when trying to have a child. Sugar coating it, wishful thinking is not going to produce a miraculous baby, science might be able to help! Hate crimes against anyone is wrong including hate crimes against innocent IVF children and families. Respect for all is paramount as we move ahead in 21st century with respecting diversity and IVF children and parents are part of this diversity. IVF is the new black, new gay, new orange. An innocent IVF father who happens to be part of an intersex/DSD marriage and its inherent lack of laws was left to die with his IVF child, but they survived. If you think IVF children and families deserve equal rights, please do sign the petition. 

“When this is over, I’m going to go in my son’s room, my black son, who wears his pants sagging, wears his hat cocked to the side, has tattoos on his arms, but that’s my baby, And we all ought to be thanking the Browns for Michael, because Michael is going to make it better for our sons, so they can be better black men. So they can be better for our daughters, so they can be better black women.” – said Captain Ron Johnson.

As an IVF father, when this is over, my IVF son, who is born of my sperm, anonymous donor and surrogate despite fraud documentation, who loves his father, who wanted a sibling as an IVF child of an IVF father, who wants to meet his siblings but is not allowed to, but thats my baby, he deserves his rights even though he is born IVF. And my IVF daughter does not deserve to be abandoned and be treated like a “commodity”, she is her own individual with her own human rights. It is important to speak up for rights of IVF children and families so that we have better IVF parents and people who abuse the laws and knowingly place innocent children’s welfare at risk should be punished. At the end of the day, humanity should matter.

Just like a woman undergoing fertility treatment, a man can also undergo fertility treatment. The “feelings” of despair, anxiety, loneliness, sleeplessness, sometimes happiness, parental love, are common to both an intended IVF mother OR IVF father. If a woman can dream to provide a sibling for her child, can an IVF father have the same dream? Or are we in the wrong decade/century? Are the feelings the same? Remembering one’s dreams and longing for a child are common to both intended IVF mother or IVF father. When other friends or couples are having children and people ask “Are you next?”, the sinking feeling is common to any infertile person or infertile couple. Especially where a fertile spouse is forced to hold silence for the sake of “respect” of the infertile spouse. That does NOT diminish the fact that the fertile spouse still gets a sinking feeling whenever someone makes an inadvertent comment like “Are you next?” The quizzing, questioning is not wrong because the truth has been hidden from them, the secrecy and lies is what’s wrong.

The question is NOT whether “mothers” are best OR “fathers” are less worthy of a parent, the question is what is the best interest of the child. The answer should be who is a better role model for the child and who can fulfill the needs of the child. Sadly, facts like love, compassion, honesty, integrtity are good words and philosophy, they only look good on paper, they are not worthy in evaluating a “good parent”. Sadly, human emotions do not count but laws rule our lives and so lets stick with laws regardless of how incompassionate or heinous the laws are.

If fathers are so bad then why are IVF treatments allowed for single fathers or gay fathers or intersex fathers? Shouldn’t the love and compassion be more important than the gender of a parent? Shouldn’t the dreams of an individual be more important than their lifestyle choices? Shouldn’t an IVF brother be allowed to grow up with his IVF sister he wanted than be SPLIT up? Shouldn’t the best interest of children count more than adults who lie and break laws? Does an IVF father have the right to exercise his parental rights OR should he be forced to abandon his other IVF child?

A US Court on one side cites that India has not signed the Hague Treaty on Child Abduction and therefore is justified in not allowing an Indian citizen minor to go to India and lie to him. While on the other side the US laws require a “genetic link” between US parents and children born outside the US like IVF children. The right answer is to have US laws catch up with technology like IVF. Regardless of the justification, splitting innocent siblings is NOT the right answer, especially when done knowingly. No country has laws for IVF children and families but while we as a humanity struggle to get there, why SPLIT up innocent siblings whose only fault is to be born IVF? These hate crimes against innocent IVF family need to stop whether it is 2014 or 2114 (by when, the hope is equal rights for IVF children and families will exist). Just as it was wrong in 1800 to deny rights to a slave because of their skin color despite it being legal, it is wrong to SPLIT innocent IVF children and family. Crimes have occurred because no prevailing laws allows the current scenario. What action has been taken against the people responsible for the hate crimes against innocent IVF children and family?

Bullying and intimidating an IVF father and his IVF children is not the right answer, passing equal rights for IVF children and families is the right answer. When one has been left to die but they survive, a new beginning dawns. For us, it is to legalize our IVF children because they are living human beings who deserve their basic human rights and child rights.

Anti-Lying – Lesson of Life

Lot of people get me wrong sometimes and maybe because there are a multitude of issues in just one case. It islife lesson NOT about being anti-women or anti-intersex or anti-infertile or anti-anyone, it is about ANTI-LYING. Especially when it comes to lying to innocent, voiceless children. For decades the medical community LIED to intersex children and their parents. What good came out of it? NOTHING good came out from lying to intersex children. And NOW, people want to LIE to IVF children thinking that somehow these LIES will be OK? NO, read it front and center, lying involving breaking the laws in any way especially to kids is WRONG. It is one thing to lie to them about what time it is or that we ran out of icecream but totally different to USE a systematic system of lying. For example, if a parent sexually abuses their child and then teaches them to LIE, is that right? Or if a parent abuses their child and then forces them into silence, is that right? Or if a parent brainwashes and alienates the child from another parent, is that right? Or if an infertile person desperate to have a child breaks the laws and alienates an IVF child from his only known biological family and refuses interaction with them, is that right? Even open adoptions are better.

LIES and REPEATED LIES

This case is FAR left of the left. Or it is FAR right of the right. The arguments can be presented in either way. What CANNOT be argued is that its a case FULL Of LIES and they have caught up. And the only way to move forward is TRUTH. Using LIES to cheat and fraud a spouse is one thing, but to REPEAT the lies to cheat and fraud childhoods out of children is totally different. Even in an open adoption, the biological parent gets to participate with the child along with the non-biological parents. Because there is TRUTH and TRUST between all. In a case where there are LIES, LIES, and MORE LIES, the child is ALIENATED from his biological parent and siblings because the non-biological parent feels threatened that the LIES may actually be revealed. It is ironical that an intersex adult somehow thinks LIES are the solution. After all, intersex people can understand the effects of lying and why would they want to REPEAT the LIES on a child again?

There are the standard LIES where spouses blame each other, have a BIG divorce and huge child custody issues including parental alienation and child abuse. But if your spouse broke the law and committed crimes, are you obliged to report them? If your spouse murdered someone, would you report it or would it be construed as “defamation”? If your spouse abandoned a child, would you report it to get RIGHTS of the child? If your spouse made someone STATELESS and placed them in a LEGAL LIMBO, would you report it? If your spouse broke laws, would you report it? If your spouse….the list is endless because the list of LIES and breaking of the laws is endless.

Someone with Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (CAIS) is born with it meaning its natural and NOT in their control. However, LYING about CAIS is in their control. People with CAIS will continue to be born and will be born with male testes. Even if we LIE and claim they have ovaries like fraud medical documents, nature will NOT change. The FACTS remain constant. The question is should we LIE to CAIS children or should we tell the TRUTH and encourage them to tell the TRUTH? By empowering them with the TRUTH, they may even be willing to fight for equal intersex rights – a great role model for the children. Wouldn’t TRUTH be better for them to have good, lasting relationships because any relationship built on a foundation of LIES is bound to crumble. And when it crumbles, there may be collateral damage like innocent and voiceless children, grandparents, siblings, unsuspecting spouses.

Can you imagine if a straight guy who loves children and all he wants from his spouse is TRUTH and LOVE and is willing to be a caregiver and an equal partner in parenting, what his and his children’s life could have been with a person who says the TRUTH? Any LOVE based on a foundation of LIES is NOT LOVE. We all have secrets, but to have secrets which breaks the laws is NOT LOVE. Its fraud, its crime. We can all accept it is traumatic but LYING is NOT the answer.

It is NOT about being intersex or gay or lesbian or straight or IVF, it is about saying the TRUTH – thats what LOVE and COMPASSION is about. So are you ANTI-LYING or PRO-TRUTH? Its a rheotorical question.

If I Were A Woman…

Looking for an Erin Brockowich or “Pam Landy” from the movie “The Bourne Ultimatum”. Anyone willing to give it ALL to uncover the TRUTH and provide relief to the VICTIMS?

1) If Maulik were a woman…The innocent children would be UNITED and growing up together.Children Looking for Birth Parent

First, the prevailing laws would NEVER SPLIT innocent brother and sister, if born of the same woman. But since the innocent children are born through IVF, it is morally and legally OK to SPLIT them because of their parent’s gender. The heart weeps for innocent, voiceless children who are victims based on a parent’s gender. First, a spouse of intersex was victimized using lies and fraud under silence and now the same victimization is being continued on innocent, voiceless children. Is it time to speak up? Victimizing unsuspecting humans to secure one’s own human rights is NOT a solution, its multiple violations of multiple human beings.

Every child in this world has a mother. Only a mother can give birth…humans have not figured out yet how to do that outside the womb. But is every mother ALSO a “legal mother”? IVF does open up some doors for varying definitions of a “legal mother”. If a man uses his sperm, an anonymous donor and surrogate, who is the “legal mother”? Only the father would be the KNOWN biological parent for the IVF children.

A Child’s ONLY FAULT…

a) From 1940s to 1970s, USCanada and Australia during the baby scoop era forced adoptions of innocent children born to single mothers out of wedlock because it was “socially unacceptable” and gave the children to “deserving infertile couples”. The ONLY FAULT of the innocent child to grow up SEPARATELY from the biological family is they were born to a “single mother”.

b) Today, the ONLY FAULT the innocent IVF siblings are growing up SEPARATELY is because of their only known biological parent’s GENDER, a male and that is “socially unacceptable”. Gay fathers, single fathers, IVF fathers are not looked upon as “socially acceptable” yet.

2) If Maulik were a woman…his daughter and mother would not have been punished.If I were a woman

Accidents happen. A mother dies during child birth or a mother has a severe medical condition right after child birth which prevents a mother from being the primary care provider for an infant. But what if an intended parent places an “order” for an IVF baby in India while living in the US and DOES NOT show up when the “ordered IVF baby” is born in India and meet the US Immigration law requirements. Instead the infant girl child is pre-meditatively abandoned and an innocent aging grandmother raises the innocent IVF granddaughter at a great personal cost to her health. If Maulik were a woman, he could have taken his biological child with him to the US WITHOUT anyone’s help or support.

3) If Maulik were a woman…there would be more social, legal, financial, moral support to UNITE the innocent brother and sister.

There would be several social organizations offering legal, financial, and moral support to UNITE the innocent brother and sister. But because the SAME two innocent brother and sister are born of a father, they get LESS support. If you do not know what its like to be discriminated because of your colour, caste, creed, religion, but now one can see that innocent CHILDREN are punished because of their only biological parent’s GENDER, a male.

4) If Maulik were a woman…There would be more support, empathy and help during the caregiving years.

It is a FACT that there are MORE female caregivers than male. As a result, it is only logical to find more support, help and someone to SHARE for respite as a caregiver. A caregiver does not CONTROL the medical situation of the patient, they are a caregiver out of love and compassion for the patient. The most important aspect for any caregiver is to be able to SHARE. As a young, male, spouse caregiver one can attest that the argument that men SHARE less than women is FALSE. While there may be MORE men who do not SHARE as women do, typically those men are also NOT caregivers and is reflected in the statistics. Men who are caregivers SHARE a LOT, its in their nature, its in the nature of any caregiver irrespective of gender.

5) If Maulik were a woman in a lesbian relationship with another woman…he would have been allowed to share the “secret” seeing how the secrecy and lies was breaking me down.

If Maulik were in a lesbian relationship with another woman, he would have received more empathy, support, and help. Maulik would have been protected from domestic abuse and violence and implicitly his child.

6) If Maulik were a woman in a lesbian relationship with another woman…he may not have been LIED to or cheated.

If Maulik were in a lesbian relationship, the spouse would have been honest from the get go. Love is built on trust and a foundation of lies (regardless of the “traumatic medical condition”) is NOT love.

7) If Maulik were a woman…he could have fulfilled my child’s wish to give him a sibling.

While wonderful medical technology like IVF affords us to have children, the LAWS have simply not caught up and are still based on GENDER of the parent. Then why allow men to have kids without a “legal mother”  and punish the innocent children?

8) If Maulik were a woman…he could have breastfed my child instead of abusing him by attempting to breastfeed with “NO MILK” as a genetic male.

While women who do not give birth to a child, through medically administered hormonal therapy they can still lactate and produce milk for a baby. Provided there is enough milk, a woman can breastfeed a child. As a male, there is no milk and while pretending to be a woman, inadvertently, an innocent infant cries incessantly for food as there is no breast milk. The right answer is to give the hungry infant formula milk like most IVF children and NOT abuse a hungry infant while trying to become a woman.

9) If Maulik were a woman…he would feel sorry for a man wanting to make IVF children without a “legal mother”.

There are men who are gay, there are men who are married to Eunuch or intersex, there are single fathers, there are fertile men in a heterosexual relationship with an infertile woman, who WANT children. In a case of IVF, the only known biological parent in any of these cases is the MALE. As a fertile lesbian or single woman, the same gender-based IVF laws do not affect a woman. Feel sorry for such fertile men who love and want children but LAWS punish both them and inadvertently their CHILDREN.

10) If Maulik were a woman…as a mother, he would ask to STOP this crime on humanity and innocent IVF children by placing them in LEGAL LIMBO.

A birth certificate is NOT the property of parents, it is the property of EACH INDIVIDUAL. Therefore its authenticity is CRITICAL for a LIFETIME. Recently, there was a big row in India about a birth date for Gen. V. K. Singh (retd). Having CREDIBLE birth information for EACH INDIVIDUAL is their right which cannot and should not be denied. If we as a society cannot pass fair and equal laws, we should call a moratorium on IVF children born of fathers as the only known biological parent. Deliberately placing innocent IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO is a crime against humanity. The same bioethical reasons why human cloning is banned is the same bioethical reasons why bringing IVF children into this world with their rights in LEGAL LIMBO is wrong.

Gay Marriage and Divorce

While most places in the world do NOT allow legal gay marriage yet, what will it look like when gay marriage isIntersex Gay Lesbian Rights legalized? And then there will be gay divorce. What will a gay divorce look like? And what about the children in a gay marriage if any? Since there is NO mother in a gay marriage, will the children be SPLIT when divorced? Or will the BEST INTEREST of the CHILDREN come FIRST?

In a gay marriage, are trust and love equally important or is lying and cheating allowed?

In a gay marriage, will the spouse have EQUAL access to medical records as a caregiver?

In a gay marriage, will the spouse be protected by law for domestic violence and abuse?

For a bi-national immigrant gay couple, will they be allowed to immigrate to the US legally?

In a gay marriage, if they do not ADOPT,  only one spouse will be a biological parent if they have a child through IVF. Will the child be allowed to immigrate legally to the US if the child is born outside the US to an immigrant bi-national gay couple?

In a gay marriage, does the child call anyone a “mother”?

In a gay marriage, does the child have a “mother tongue” or a “primary care provider tongue” or a “father tongue”?

In a gay marriage, will either male try to breastfeed the infant? What if there is no lactation, will they allow the infant to cry incessantly and suffer while hungry?

In a gay marriage, what traditional stereotype will be used to assign “primary care provider” role since there is no mother?

In a gay marriage, does the child have a right to have a sibling?

In a gay marriage, what if it takes a few years and repeated failed IVF attempts and perseverance to keep trying to provide a sibling for the child? Will the biological parent make all the efforts and trips to have a second child? What support will the non-biological parent provide?

In a gay divorce, what if the non-biological parent files divorce with NO mention of ongoing IVF pregnancy, how will the court look after the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN of a gay marriage?

In a gay divorce, what if the biological parent is EXILED from the US as the second IVF child is NOT allowed to immigrate to the US without a mother?

In a gay divorce, has DUE PROCESS been allowed without intimidation and threats of saving a little infant girl’s life half a world away?

In a gay divorce, what if the non-biological parent takes no accountability or responsibility for raising the second child and abandons the innocent child and is not required to pay any child support as the information was suppressed from the court.

In a gay divorce, what about the rights of the first IVF child who wanted a sibling? What about the rights of the first IVF child who wants his biological father around while growing up?

In a gay divorce, what about the rights of the second IVF child for being abandoned and endangering their welfare? Do they get any rights in the US? Is it a crime against humanity?

All this has already happened in an intersex marriage and divorce between two genetic males. And neither gay marriage or intersex marriage is LEGAL yet which means, yes LAWS have been broken, not once but multiple times. The key difference is in a gay marriage, both spouses know and understand they are gay and have same rights – equal or unequal. In an intersex marriage, the unsuspecting non-intersex spouse is a VICTIM and is unaware of the unequal rights for intersex but inherits them. And sadly, the victimization and abuse continues to the innocent children and not being allowed to grow up together. In a gay marriage, both spouses may be fertile but in an intersex marriage, the intersex person is infertile. The temptation and bias for a child Vs their own selfish interests present a severe conflict of interest.