Tag Archives: break the laws

How to Steal an IVF Child?

Its 2009. Its been 31 years since IVF was invented but we still lack laws where laws have simply not caught up with technology, for how long this must continue? Are there innocent victims? Its considered a boon for people with fertility issues. The way nature works is you need sperm, egg andit-could-have-been-you a womb to have a child – pure science, no offense. What if you have neither? A straight married couple may have egg, sperm and womb or have a fertility issue with any one or more of the needed things. A lesbian couple may just need the sperm much like a single mother wanna be. A gay couple would need both an egg and a womb like a single father wanna be. An intersex person would need all three – egg, womb and sperm. So if you are intersex in the 2000s where there are no equal rights for intersex or infertile people, do you break the laws and steal a child or do you change the laws? What about the innocent child, what do they want or that does not matter? The child’s best interest is the least of anyone’s concern, right?

Anyone who believes no CRIME has been committed should have the strength and courage to say that while looking into my IVF daughter innocent big brown eyes. The US usually is the “go-to” country in the world when it comes to upholding truth, human rights and justice. In this rarest of rarest cases, it has fell short because someone decided to manipulate the legal system for their selfish advantage. Is there room for correction in the best interest of the children before their TWO lovely innocent childhoods expire?

Wrongful conviction and lost decades can never be restored or replaced by any number of apologies. Lost innocent childhoods – not one but two cannot be restored. Infertility is very traumatic but to continue that trauma onto innocent IVF children is far worse. No number of apologies can replace or restore the lost childhoods, the hugs, the kisses, the fights, the anger, the frustration, the love, the everlasting bond, the bond that will exist long after their parents are gone from this world. It is about the innocent kids, right? Or is it about our ego? Surely there must be a better way to get a child like maybe asking for change in laws so that “a genetic link” is not required. If the laws were equal or neutral, however you want to see it, my two lovely, beautiful innocent IVF children would not have been SPLIT and wrongfully convicted of growing up separately. Because an infertile person then would not have the need to lie, cheat, fraud, break the laws, instead just be treated equally and so they would also treat other people including innocent children equally. The root cause is lack of laws, lack of equality so lets fix that so such heinous issues NEVER occur again. Banning IVF, banning immigration, banning intersex marriages, banning whatever is not the answer, accepting the facts and truth and moving forward is the right answer.

What if you are intersex and while it is traumatic, is there any trauma for a spouse and children of an intersex marriage? Is there an “I” in infertility when dealing with it during a marriage? Legally, intersex marriages are not recognized so there cannot be a “child of the marriage”. Plus as per laws, an IVF child is considered as “child born out of wedlock” as if it were an infidelity. Biologically you are infertile, meaning cannot have a genetic link with any child despite the facts that you have fraudulent documents to show otherwise and despite the fact that the laws require a “genetic link” to be proven by DNA. So how does an infertile US person get a child where laws require a genetic link?

Step 1 : Have one child through IVF and lie, cheat, fraud, abuse, torture, break the laws, become a criminal to “must-have” an innocent IVF child.

Step 2 : Force the spouse to lie, live in secrecy, abuse under threats and not report on the crimes and abuse while pretending everything is normal.

Step 3 : When the fraud marriage falls apart, not because of intersex, not because of IVF, but because of lies, secrecy, abuse, silence, threats, fraud, the fear of losing a child sets in. The fact that laws require a “genetic link” between a parent and child sets in. How will one get a child?

Step 4 : Being an intelligent person, come up with a heinous and pre-meditated plan to SPLIT innocent children. Create a DECOY by consenting for a second IVF child with NO intent of ever bringing the second child over.

Step 5 : The laws are different for different people or known as discrimination. Through savagery and intelligent lawyering and legal manouevering use the anti-IVF laws against innocent IVF children. As per laws, an immigrant father can only bring a child born outside the US along with the “mother” while an immigrant mother does not need a “father” to bring a child. Why this discrimination and more importantly, this takes special relevance in IVF cases. A DNA test assuring a “genetic link” is needed in either case to rule out any maternity or paternity fraud.  The US government will definitely catch up but in the meantime people are taking undue advantage and placing innocent children’s lives at risk in the thirst to have a child at any cost.

Step 6 : File for divorce in the US without declaring the ongoing IVF pregnancy in India, never come to India when the IVF child is born thus leaving the innocent IVF child stranded as per laws an immigrant IVF father cannot bring a child born outside the US  by himself – his gender gets in the way much like how gay fathers or single fathers would feel.

Step 7 : The innocent IVF father is tugged in both directions and is placed in a heinous position that no parent should ever have to face – choose a child much like Sophie’s Choice – the Nazi Holocaust movie. The IVF father runs to the infant daughter and therefore the facts are not stated in the US court and NO DUE PROCESS is afforded to either the IVF father or his IVF children. It is lucky to have survived and be alive thanks to the love and support of a family.

Step 8 : Alienate, brainwash the innocent IVF son in the US while his loving IVF father is living in exile in India raising his IVF sister. The other option is to ALSO abandon the IVF daughter at an orphanage and continue to live in the US and enjoy raising his IVF son. How can you be a good role model to your son – teach him to lie, cheat, fraud, break the laws, violate others human rights or when inequality exists do you petition the government for change in laws with truth, facts, compassion and love for fellow human beings?

When an IVF parent speaks up, they are not the only ones who are victimized, there are others too. The issues of rights of IVF children are separate than rights of IVF parents. In the future, there will be equal intersex rights, equal IVF children and family rights, equal immigration rights BUT abandoning an innocent child will still be a CRIME.

Have a child, love a child but surely there must be better ways than to SPLIT the child from his siblings and loving family or NOT getting him into legal limbo? What does the innocent child WANT? Does he have rights? Does the abandoned IVF child have rights? Who pays the commercial surrogate when an intended parent abandons the surrogacy? What are the rights of the surrogate?

What’s Next – Human Cloning for Personal Benefit?

IVF is very much a bioethics issue. If a person needs a heart or liver or kidney, will they just create a clone, rip out the needed organ from the clone and leave the clone to its situation. It is true that a clone also needs a heart or kidney or liver to survive and live or where they just a “spare parts factory” made alive by the awesome invention of technology? Does the clone have rights as a human being?

If an infertile person needs a child, can they just have an IVF child through donor DNA and surrogate womb, decide to change their mind and not want the IVF child and just abandon the IVF child with no responsibility or accountability either for the innocent IVF child OR the surrogate. Does the IVF child have any rights as a human being once born or where they just a “baby factory” brought to life by the awesome invention of technology? What about the right of the surrogate?

With any technology, we need checks and balance. Do we have the appropriate checks and balance to protect the rights of innocent IVF children and families including donors and surrogates? Are we asking the right questions?

IVF Parent Wish List…

The lack of laws is creating an impossible mountain to overcome for IVF children and families much like a staircase for a person in a wheelchair. Help us to self-help ourselves. We don’t want pity, just laws for protecting our basic human rights and have an opportunity to be treated equally.

An IVF parent never tires, its ingrained in their DNA. Most people who become an IVF parent have experienced failure before success of  birth of a lovelyIVF-Wish-List IVF child. Every IVF parent’s journey is unique and not giving up is in their DNA. Even after multiple rounds of IVF treatment and failure, an IVF parent continues to find innovative ways to have a child. In every IVF parent is a very strong person overcoming several challenges, sadly, sometimes in silence and isolation due to the secrecy and stigma with infertility or dysfertility. The discrimination against IVF parent based on gender and biology is causing discrimination against IVF children and its time to begin to petition for a change. Stop dehumanizing children for personal benefit and rise above for the greater good. Currently, asking for basic if not equal rights for IVF children and families is the wake before the Brown V. Board of Education or Roe V. Wade or [Interracial marriage] V State of Virginia or the civil rights movement or the latest being DOMA’s revocation. We are beginning an IVF Movement for future rights of IVF children and families.

Theodore Roosevelt’s quote, “Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those timid spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live In the grey twilight that knows nether victory nor defeat.

Most people DO NOT know or understand what an IVF parent goes through. Statistically as per CDC data, about 1% of all child births are through IVF. Statistically, only 1 in 3 IVF attempts are successful. By conservative estimate, that would mean about 3% of the parents have experienced and attempted IVF resulting in success or failure. When you extend the number to the general population, the number is even smaller because not everyone is a parent in the general population. So we are talking about a very small minority of total population who actually have the experience of IVF. The medical doctors, the supporting medical staff help with IVF and are integral part of the IVF journey but do not go through the same roller coaster rides of emotions, finance, immigration, laws, etc. The IVF ecosystem is large – donors, surrogates, intended parents, and yes, most importantly the IVF child who physically go through the roller coaster rides of emotions, anxiety, sleepless nights, silence, isolation, keeping a happy face outside but crying on the inside, financial issues, legal issues, immigration issues, etc. Statistically, most people DON’T know or understand what an IVF parent goes through unless truth is allowed to be shared. Is silencing an IVF parent a sophisticated form of white collar crime and advanced child abduction and/or retention for personal benefit? What is the best interest of the child?

We begin the IVF Parent Wish List AFTER the Birth of an IVF child and in the best interest of the IVF child. Its been 35 years since the first IVF child was born, is it time to come out of secrecy and start asking for scientific information and legal rights for IVF children and families. If I had enough money as an IVF parent, I wish to…

1) Move Forward for Change – Advocate and donate huge sums for medical research on IVF children’s health, well-being and long-term needs like Michael J. Fox advocates about Parkinson’s disease.

2) Get a Celebrity Endorsement To Raise Awareness – Advocate for equal laws for IVF children and families by speaking the truth like Magic Johnson did by talking about HIV and changing the course of history in terms of medical funds and research for HIV/AIDS. What we need is more scientific data and research and not secrecy and lies.

3) Human Rights and Child Rights – Expose the inhumane conditions and fraud in the IVF industry where some rogue people have converted into a “baby making factory” with no respect for basic human dignity of an IVF child and others. Children need protection from a new brand of criminal –  IVFphiles. Erin Brockovich, Rosa Parks, Susan Anthony come to mind as inspiration in taking on a flawed system.

4) Scientific Research – Seek to understand the behavioral issues and any other health issues experienced by IVF children due to their unique birth circumstances as studies are now reporting. We need more studies in to help IVF parents and children not more silence and fraud. By accepting the truth and understanding issues if any, we can help innocent children better adjust to life and be all they can be.

5) Better Health – New studies claim that because of the IVF procedure, IVF children maybe at a higher risk of cancer like leukemia. In case an IVF child needs a bone marrow, will the “biological link” help save his life or will the fraud birth documents falsely claiming an intended parent as the biological parent? What is needed is more scientific evidence and not furtherance of secrecy, lies and fraud as it hurts innocent IVF children apart from it also breaking the laws.

6) Best Interest of the Child – There are several parents with children of Down’s Syndrome, ADHD, ADD, cystic fibrosis, Tay-Sachs Syndrome and other medical conditions. As any parent, they are looking for a normal if not better future for their children. They are looking for an environment of basic rights if not equal. Same is true of an IVF parent who wants protection of basic human decency and respect for the IVF children and not to be treated like “property” even if inadvertent. Only sharing of facts and truth can reveal this, silence and secrecy only further victimizes innocents and worse it does not benefit in getting laws changed or passed creating more innocent victims possibly in the future. 

There are several other issues specific to the health and well-being of an IVF child far too complex to go into in 2013. The ethos of USA has been to say the truth to seek change and justice even if spread across decades. Maybe we need to wait a few more years or decades before we are allowed to come out as proud IVF parents facing real issues and challenges instead of being deemed offensive. The bill of rights for IVF children and family has neither been thought of yet nor a priority because it affects a very small minority. Is it OK to continue to victimize the most vulnerable of the vulnerable? For others, a victimized IVF child and denial of their rights and respect as a human being may just be a “statistic”, for an IVF parent the child is their LIFE who deserves basic human dignity if not equal.

Surrogacy in USA

Surrogacy in USA is expensive and not affordable by everyone thus making it inaccessible. Just because one is infertile does not mean they will getfreedom USA affordable surrogacy. Too often the average American who is not a celebrity of sorts or a business tycoon or a huge net worth and just a working class hard working American goes to international places where the dollar travels farther in hopes to create a family through IVF/Surrogacy. Have the laws caught up with technology like IVF? Is it a crime to want to have an IVF child? Was it acceptable for gay fathers or single fathers to have IVF children in 2003? Do the laws also support it in parallel?

As soon as an American goes outside the country to have a child through IVF/Surrogacy to love and cherish for life, immigration laws get triggered because the child is born outside the USA. The immigration laws are different and the laws have to be respected. Just like it is not an excuse to steal, fraud a child by a working class American who cannot afford surrogacy in the USA, not having a “biological link” to a child born outside the US is no excuse to break the laws by claiming as theirs, one has to still follow the laws. Or is it OK to break the laws? USA is a very compassionate country who believes in respecting laws but for an immigrant, intersex, IVF family of 2000s, these words still ring hollow. If one can show compassion to an intersex person, why can’t we show compassion to an innocent, voiceless IVF child?

There are eight different ways parentage can be assigned in an IVF/surrogacy situation which varies from case to case while there is only one way to assign parentage in a natural born pregnancy. Are the (lack of ) laws trying to fit a square peg into a round hole? And if so, what are the effects of these lack of laws when it comes to immigration issues and is it adversely affecting innocent, voiceless IVF children who committed no crimes other than being born through IVF/surrogacy internationally. Is it a crime to be married to an intersex person and wanting to have children which would be either through adoption or IVF since the intersex condition is infertile? It is one thing to want to have a child at any cost but it is another to deny rights to an innocent, voiceless child. There are several families who may not report crimes because of compassion or love for their loved ones, that does not mean the crimes did not occur. Marriages fail all the time but it does not SPLIT innocent siblings where they can never meet, it does not place innocent brother and sister in legal limbo. Do humans [IVF children] who are in legal limbo have any protection of their legal rights and their legal identity?

If an American goes outside the US for international IVF/surrogacy and uses donor eggs and sperm but carries the IVF child to term herself, is she a legal mother who can sponsor her IVF children or not? As per prevailing immigration laws, she is not. Should she abandon the IVF child and return to her life in the US or should she live in exile outside the US and raise her IVF child lovingly as she had dreamed? And yes, the money for the IVF procedure was paid for by income in the US for which taxes were paid in the US. If the IVF child is abandoned due to lack of laws created from money sourced from after -tax US income, whose responsibility and accountability is it for the welfare and well-being of the IVF child?

If an American father goes outside the US for international IVF/surrogacy and uses egg donor and surrogate and his own biological sperm to have an IVF child BUT the IVF clinic swaps the sperm sample accidentally resulting in a DNA mismatch. As per prevailing immigration laws, the IVF child has no legal standing in the US. Again is this the fault of the IVF child, the intended US parents or the IVF clinic? Will it occur again? What will be the legal recourse? What if the IVF child is abandoned by the intended US parents as they may not want to move to another country to live, who is responsible and accountable for the welfare and well-being of the IVF child created by money sourced from after -tax US income?

If an immigrant father goes outside the US for international IVF/Surrogacy and uses egg donor and surrogate and his own biological sperm but a divorce is filed in the US by the infertile spouse with no mention of the ongoing IVF pregnancy outside the US. As per prevailing immigration laws, a biological immigrant father cannot bring his IVF child to the US without a “mother”. Are single fathers or gay fathers or spouse of intersex fathers allowed to love their children equally?  More importantly, what are the rights of the IVF child? The US court also hands out a divorce decree which is enforceable worldwide without taking into account the global scale of the case and welfare of the IVF child who technically and legally is born during the marriage. Whether an intersex marriage is a “same-sex” marriage or whether it is void or legal is a separate discussion. If the same child had been abandoned in the US, it would be a crime and there would be repurcusions on the abandoning parent. Are the rights of the  IVF child LESS? Is the basic, not equal, human dignity and respect for the IVF child less? By denying the rights of the child, are we dehumanizing them to justify the position?

We would have to ask the IVF child about the repurcusions of being in legal limbo. Like when she asks why she cannot get a passport or why is she land-locked? What was her crime? Or when she asks why she can only see her IVF brother on the computer and not in person who is also confined and land-locked and cannot travel outside the US. What is his crime? By denying a legal identity, the result is innocent voiceless IVF children living as slaves to secrecy and lies and being punished for crimes they did not commit even if the intent to enslave is not there.

The crimes here are relentless lying, secrecy and fraud by a person who happens to be intersex, infertile, immigrant and needs a child at any cost. There are several intersex or infertile people in this world but they do not hurt and abuse innocent children. People who abuse innocent children are criminals regardless of your race, skin color, gender, sexual orientation or otherwise. And if a criminal who happens to be intersex, infertile and an immigrant, they have a great story where they achieved all this in 2000s when it was illegal, question is can other intersex, immigrant, infertile people also do the same? Where is the greater good because the lack of laws still exist? Question is could they have achieved this great story without breaking the laws and without splitting innocent IVF brother and sister and placing them in legal limbo? Could they have achieved this in a time when equal rights for gays and IVF children and families exist?

It is hard enough to save up for IVF/surrogacy whether in the USA or anywhere in the world. It is hard enough to find a compassionate donor and a surrogate. It is hard enough to raise an IVF child while the other parent is recovering from their medical treatment with severe trauma and depression. It is hard enough to be frauded, lied, abused, and violently treated in forced silence but to have it repeated on innocent children, it has got to stop. To snatch the freedom from innocent children has got to stop. “Mr./Ms. USA, Tear Down These Walls” [of secrecy, lies and fraud]. We are remnants of an era when anti-gay, anti-IVF laws exist and for as long as the IVF children cannot meet, it is a ongoing reality for us and not something of the past. What we need is truth with compassion and it has to begin with innocent, voiceless children and equal rights for IVF children and families and intersex families.

A Thousand Lies Punishes Innocent Children

There are all kinds of innocent children who get punished for no fault of their own. And parents of each of those innocent children demand for equal truth in action lies in wordsrights. The “punishment” comes due to lack of laws and no relief for victims and in this case it is innocent children. Education and awareness are key to achieving those very same equal rights which requires stating the facts and the truth. Saying a thousand lies to hide one lie only creates more victims and provides no solution for the future. Let us learn from our mistakes and stop the strategy of secrecy and lies at the cost of innocent children. Secrecy and lies breed complexity, live simple with truth and compassion. The challenge is to accept the facts and move forward. Embrace change. Can you and the government do that by passing equal laws?

It’s very nice to be right sometimes.” – said Professor Higgs, winner of Nobel Prize in 2013 for the Higgs Boson Particle for something he discovered over 40 years ago…it took a while to prove him right.

It is true that there are innocent children who may have autism or cystic fibrosis or Down’s Syndrome or other medical conditions. As parents we help our child the best we can and in areas where we need assistance from the government, we petition for laws. That is why we are petitioning for laws for IVF children, petitioning for laws for intersex.

What crime has a lovely four year old committed that she should be land-locked and made stateless? What other crimes have been committed? If you have the guts, look in her pretty eyes and then respond.

  • Infertility is very traumatic. IVF helps alleviate some of that pain by giving the gift of life – a lovely IVF child. Does the IVF child have any rights – the so called “gift”?
  • There are women who abandon a child at birth due to various personal circumstances and reasons. While some women are forced to give up their children at birth like during the “baby scoop era“. By acknowledging the facts and the truth, today we have “safe haven” laws where women can safely leave their child without any repurcusions and the best interest of the child is served. Today we also truth and reconciliation commissions who are bringing some “level of justice” to the victims of the “baby scoop era”.
  • From the perspective of the child, there are several reasons why a “mother” may not be around to raise a child when the child is born. Maybe the mother passed away during child birth or maybe the mother fell seriously ill after child birth which forbid her to be a “traditional mother” or maybe the child is being raised by a single father or gay fathers. We will get into the discussion of “primary care provider” and “mother” later. In 2013, it is important to acknowledge the facts in the best interest of the child. What if an “order” is placed for an IVF child with a surrogate and then the intended parent changes their mind during the pregnancy and abandons the IVF child, what category does that fit into why the IVF child does not have a “mother”? Unlike unwanted natural born pregnancies, IVF pregnancies are deliberate, costly and well planned. Why abandon an IVF child? Just like we have pedophiles in our society, we have even a rarer species called IVFphiles. And as IVF picks up in the coming century, there will be more cases of IBFphiles (strictly due to math), where are the laws to protect and ensure the rights of the IVF children? What if the surrogacy is international and now the IVF child is stateless and in legal limbo due to lack of immigration laws?
  • For over 10000 years, we have a special meaning for “mothers” and it reflects in our cultures, society, laws across the world. We are not going to change the concept of “motherhood” overnight and neither anyone is going to try because all mothers are special. However in 2013, we also have realities of minorities who are single fathers or gay fathers or IVF fathers and so who is the “mother” for the child? More importantly are the “rights of an IVF child” inhibited due to “no legal mother”? From a literal perspective, we need a term like “primary care provider” regardless of a parent’s gender, color, caste, sexual orientation, etc. From a social perspective, the world is not comfortable with that yet. The case of an IVF child takes special meaning in this regard. Legally, when a parent uses an anonymous egg donor and surrogate to have an IVF child, who is the “mother”? Legally one has to complete adoption procedures as per local laws. Emotionally, is the person who is the “primary care provider” for the infant for first 3 – 6- 9 -12 -24 months the “mother”? In the case of single fathers, gay fathers, IVF fathers, is the traditional role of “mother” taken up by the father as the “primary care provider”? More importantly, who does the IVF child identify the most with as the “primary care provider”? 

IVF Prison – Restricting Freedom

pris·on : any place of confinement

IVF prison child

Thats the dictionary definition of prison. Using anti-LGBTI laws and anti-IVF laws, a commissioning parent has made an innocent, voiceless IVF child stateless and thus confining the biological parent where the child is – land locked and stateless with freedoms restricted.  There is sympathy for infertility but is the best solution to infertility to “land-lock”  innocent IVF siblings in legal limbo and force to live separately in IVF prison? As human beings when your freedoms are restricted especially illegally thats when one speaks up for the greater good. Especially when those freedoms are violated of innocent, voiceless children. After surviving death, the truth has to be heard as the silence is victimizing innocent children. 

Why is an innocent, voiceless IVF child rendered stateless? Why are we land-locked? Why are her freedoms being restricted? Do people in legal limbo have legal rights? When we see the innocent little girl, what is her crime to be in IVF prison? What crime has IVF parent committed to have a Nazi-like Sophie’s choice moment where he is forced to pick between two children? An IVF parent can roam about the world but his IVF daughter cannot. How can he go alone anywhere? Is it a crime to share an IVF child with a non-biological parent? or is it a crime to lie and break the laws while doing so? Who is going to address the issues of abuse by the non-biological parent? Ours is a plea for compassion on humanitarian grounds, who is listening? Having “baby IVF laws” is the right answer instead of continued persecution and forced silence. The right answer is to acknowledge the facts and move forward to a solution. It is a decade of secrecy and lies which has gotten into this mess and only truth can lead us forward. Freedom from statelessness. 

It is not whether an infertile or dysfertile or intersex or gay or straight person deserves a child, its about a good parent deserves a child. Would any good parent create stateless babies and offer no recourse? Is that a violation of the childs rights? Is this child abuse? White-collar crimes are sophisticated and ahead of their times but they are still crimes.

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

How does an intersex, immigrant, non-biological parent with fraud documents who is not the primary care provider get custody of an IVF child? Is it by abandoning an IVF sibling and sending the other parent packing so there is no one to mount a legal defense? Is the best solution for infertility to create stateless children? Is the best solution to infertility to use the anti-intersex, anti-gay, anti-immigration, anti-IVF laws against innocent children? Is the best solution to alienate an innocent IVF child from his primary care provider and biological family and siblings? Is the best solution for an IVF child to grow up isolated and alienated from his biological family and siblings? Is the best solution to send the loving, caring, biological parent to “prison” (land-locked) by abandoning the IVF sister?

Prisons come in all shapes and forms – the traditional prisons as provided by governments or house arrests or house arrest on your private island (but still an arrest and restricting your freedom)  or IVF prison or being forced into statelessness due to no fault of yours like victims of Saddam or Gaddafi or IVF children due to lack of laws and absence of action. For those who claim that the number of IVF children rendered stateless is NOT the same as stateless victims of Saddam or Gaddafi should come on an IVF roller-coaster ride. Please do not offend and further victimize by using “numbers” to justify the crimes and inaction. A crime against an innocent child is a crime regardless of “numbers”.

Reality Check – The core concept is restriction of freedom – an unAmerican way

While the judicial systems and social systems are pontificating on “equal rights” for non-biological parents, what about people who do that in action? The reality is that laws are based on “biology”. The reality is that laws provide “equal benefits” of parenting to non-biological parents but none of the responsibility and accountability to non-biological parents, why? If an IVF child is stranded, then the “biological parent” is made to pay the child support but there is NO responsibility and accountability on the “non-biological parent” who equally commissioned the IVF pregnancy? If the IVF child is born, both commissioning parents – biological and non-biological, share “equal rights”  in benefiting from enjoying shared custody of the IVF child then why not “equal” in an abandoned IVF pregnancy?

In an abandoned an IVF pregnancy, whose responsibility is the innocent IVF child and what are their rights? Both commissioning parents be treated “equally” or should it be on the surrogate left holding the baby in the womb or is it only the “biological parent”? Or should we abandon the IVF child or give up the child for adoption? Unlike unwanted natural born pregnancies, an IVF pregnancy is deliberate and wanted. When the IVF child grows up, they will want to know why they were “manufactured” only to be abandoned? While these are issues that a parent can feel – both biological and non-biological, what is the legal system doing about it? What are the rights of the IVF child? When an IVF child is rendered stateless, what are the options? Where is the legal framework to address the issues? Is it child abuse of a special kind?

It is a fact that an intersex person’s freedom is restricted in the 2000s and so is of a binational immigrant, IVF father. Is the best solution to permanently restrict the freedom of innocent, IVF children of a dysfunctional intersex family?  The reign of secrecy and lies has to end in the best interest of the children.

Are Children Individuals with Rights?

Recently Halle Berry, Jennifer Garner, and other Hollywood stars backed an anti-paparazzi bill into law which would not allow the paparazzi to harass children of celebrities. This also means that children children individual rightsare their own individuals and have separate rights from their parents’ rights. Or is it? Is the same true of IVF children? Do IVF children have their own individual rights or they have to secure their rights via gender and biological link to the parent?

Why should the gender of a parent matter to determine rights of an IVF child? A child is a child, right?

Does a child have their own individual rights or are they property of a parent?

Is getting legal birth documents the right of an individual (child) or can a parent fraud the birth documents for personal benefit without permission from the child?

Is jeopardizing the legal status of an IVF child knowingly a crime or does the child have individual rights to attain proper legal status?

What if an IVF child wants to grow up with his primary care provider and siblings, have they been allowed that opportunity? Is that their individual right?

What if an IVF child wants to get to know their biological family? Do they have individual rights to do so?

What if an IVF child wants to demand their rights but has been placed in a legal limbo status, how do they get their individual rights?

What are the rights of an abandoned IVF child which is very much a deliberate pregnancy unlike an unwanted natural born pregnancy? Does the commissioning adult have any responsibility and accountability?

What are the rights of the surrogate woman who may be left with an abandoned IVF child?

What if the surrogacy is a commercial agreement and does the surrogate deserve to get paid even though the commissioning adult decided to abandon the IVF pregnancy?

What if an IVF child does not want to be alienated from his biological family, does he have the individual right to do so?

What if a parent continues to lie and break the laws and abuses the child into alienation and isolation, does the child have individual rights?

What if an IVF child requires special needs due to the fact they are IVF but truth is hidden and are thus denied the essential resources, does the IVF child deserve equal and individual rights?

How is hiding basic scientific facts which affect an IVF child’s growth adversely in the “best interest of the child” or is the “best interest” of infertile adult being cared for at the cost of innocent, voiceless IVF children?

Generally, is it better to empower children with the truth or lie and break the laws?

Infertility is very traumatic, it is even more traumatic in a marriage with fraud, why punish innocent IVF siblings for the infertility? IVF is to help with infertility and not destroy innocent child’s rights.

Infertility is very traumatic, it is even more traumatic as an immigrant with secrecy and lies. Haven’t the secrecy and lies created enough victims that we need to continue victimizing innocent, voiceless IVF children and siblings?

Lessons from Miss America 2013

Celebrating Diversity Through Cultural Competency” – Ms. Nina DavuluriMissAmerica2013

Congratulations to Ms. America 2013, Ms. Nina Davuluri. She embodies hope and as they say the real beauty of a person is their character. She has future plans to become a physician and yet again she rejects the stereotype and embodies brains and beauty – something parents want to teach their children. And here is a great role model who is an immigrant, has beauty and brains, respects diversity, honest and breaks stereotypes in a positive way – all character traits and values parents want to show their children. Do we want more of Ms. Davuluri, Ms. Schulz and the Youngs or more of Ms. Pettway and Ms. Hatte?

There are always those detractors who are more ignorant than being disrespectful. They hurl abuses claiming her to be terrorist simply based on her skin color without ever meeting her personally or getting to know her. In a strange twist, she may not have been considered as “beautiful” back in her home country, India again because of her skin color where beauty is defined by “fair” skin. What she is showing is that it’s not about the skin color but about compassion, courage and honesty – something the USA can recognize and appreciate.

We are ready to meet tomorrow’s challenges with you—firm in the belief that all men and women are in fact created equal.” — said President Obama at the United Nations General Assembly.

Do IVF children and families deserve equal rights? Do immigrant IVF parents deserve equal rights?

Maulik is also an immigrant and an IVF parent but is being forced to live separately from his IVF son because of stereotypes about gender and the fact that laws are based on that. If laws were gender neutral, Maulik could have continued to enjoy and watch his IVF son grow and they both love each other deeply. If action is more powerful than words, the fact is Maulik is as much a victim of secrecy and stigma inflicted on intersex. Whether closeted intersex people want to speak up or not, Maulik is speaking up as an IVF parent to get rights for his IVF children – like any parent would. Maulik has shown compassion and “dared” to provide human rights to intersex person where laws itself fall short. “Dared” because thats what the system of laws and justice has taught Maulik that how dare he try to do something where entire governments fall short and for that he must be punished because he did it too soon and worse his innocent children should also be punished for crimes they did not commit.

Maulik is also a victim of stereotypes and gender bias when in fact the people and systems making such claims have never met Maulik personally or heard what sacrifices and abuse he has endured. The truth could not be farther from stereotypes. In a strange twist, people like Maulik in India, his home country are ridiculed for being a young male spouse caregiver and a spouse of Eunuch. Maulik has been abused for having children through IVF in an effort to show compassion to his infertile spouse. US Immigration laws are based on biology and gender – something that deeply affects IVF children and families like Maulik and his IVF children and affects other infertile people too. Are infertile or dysfertile people allowed to have children legally or should they be forced to lie to skirt the laws and how do the lies help the IVF children who are placed in legal limbo? Fathers who have children through IVF are a different breed who go through meticulous planning and really do want children unlike the stereotypical deadbeat parents. It is the sheer joy and fun of sharing a life with children – one’s flesh and blood.

Maulik has gone against the stereotypes several times as a crusader for human rights but in silence. For those who want to make high-handed statements, walk the walk before talking the talk. Do you have any idea what it is like to be an immigrant IVF father in 2000s? The lack of laws is the biggest punishment, worse than failed attempts with IVF, not to mention the emotional, financial and systemic roller-coaster. If a rape or sexual abuse victim fails to report it in a timely manner or if the situation is created where the victim is silenced either by overwhelming trauma or blackmail or in name of “family honor” or “truth will do no good”, does that mean the rape or abuse did not occur? What if the victim decides to speak up later, will they be listened to and will the perpetrators be prosecuted or will the criminals be allowed to walk away? Does the victim deserve justice? What about an immigrant IVF father who has been forced into a situation of picking between two IVF children on two separate continents? What would you do as a parent?  Do you abandon the IVF girl child or go save her? Years later when his IVF son is old enough to understand the truth, how can the father face his son saying he abandoned his sister that he wanted as a sibling. A parent’s love is shared among his children and not divided.

People for their own ulterior motives can continue to lie and claim this as an attack on intersex or infertility. The fact is there is no “I” in  infertility during marriage and any illness becomes “wellness” when both spouses in a marriage endure together. We have celebrated diversity through human competency more than once. The fact is we have accepted intersex and let our decade of silence and actions speak louder than words but we cannot accept the lack of laws, abuse and the lies involving breaking the laws. We are asking for rights of IVF children and families. We have already moved beyond intersex family, has the society and more importantly have the laws acknowledged intersex? Have the laws started addressing the issues faced by immigrants, intersex, IVF children and families?

We have hope just like Ms. America 2013, it is the strength of your character that counts and not stereotypes. We know the people of US can recognize and appreciate this but can its government and laws also recognize and appreciate this?

Noble Intentions, Ignoble Outcomes

When you are going through hell, keep on going. Never never never give up.” ~Winston Churchill~Do Fathers Count

What started out as lies and unsuspecting caregiver resulted in victimization of caregiver and worse, victimization and abuse of innocent children. The intentions were noble but the secrecy and lying have caught up inadvertently placing innocent children in legal limbo left to deal with ignoble outcomes. Secrecy and lies are a failed approach, truth is the only way forward. The issues are far bigger than a few individuals. Whether one is pro- or anti-IVF, or pro- or anti-intersex rights, such humans exist and have to deal with existential issues and rights, what solution do we have – truth or lies?

Is the only way to become a “mother” is by abandoning an innocent infant girl – a woman? Loving parents go to any length to save their child including using IVF to have a sibling to save their child. Is that different than “creating” an IVF child only to abandon them and using the innocent IVF child as a decoy and suppression of facts to take custody of their IVF sibling? It is offensive to deny basic human rights to an innocent child. It is more offensive to dehumanize people including innocent, voiceless children with no repurcusions. Is this the world we want for our children? Is saying the truth and stating facts to get help allowed?

If it was only about the lies of an intersex person, one may let go.

If it was only about an intersex person having a controversial intersex surgery during marriage in secrecy, one may let go.

If it was only about dealing with the effects of the controversial surgery in silence and abuse, one may let go.

If it was only about medical fraud and records placing innocent unsuspecting people in harm’s way, one may let go.

If it was only about being in a fraud intersex marriage where laws fall short, one may let go.

This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.

If it was only about lack of immigration laws for intersex, one may let go.

If it was only about dealing with infertility and having to lie about it, one may let go.

If it was only about raising an IVF child as a primary care provider in secrecy regardless of traditional gender stereotypes, one may let go.

If it was only about staying silent about the abuse on the innocent IVF child by non-biological parent, one may let go.

If it was only about giving up an IVF child to an infertile person even though there is no “I” in infertility during marriage, one may let go.

If it was only about lack of immigration laws for IVF, one may let go.

If it was only about raising an abandoned IVF child with no help or support from other parent, one may let go.

If it was only about staying silent and have the secrecy, lies and abuse REPEATED on your innocent children, CAN ONE LET GO?

If one lets go, it is accepting the dehumanization of IVF children and families and the lack of laws to catch up with technology.

If one lets go, is the “baby scoop era” being repeated on a new category of “socially unacceptable” children and families?

If one lets go, what do we teach our children? Does crime pay? Do multiple crimes pay? Should we teach our children to respect the laws or break the laws? When laws fall short, should we teach them to demand equal rights democratically or break the laws for personal benefit?

While the case deals with multiple complex issues in their own merit like intersex, IVF, immigration, the fact is we are dealing with a criminal who is a pathological liar. There are several intersex people but they do not lie or break laws especially with a person they claim to love. There are several infertile people but they do not lie or break laws especially with a person they claim to love. There are several illegal immigrants but they do NOT knowingly and deliberately DENY immigration rights to people especially innocent infants by abandoning them.

The issues are far bigger than a few individuals. We need equal rights for IVF children and families, equal rights for intersex families. People can continue to lie and hide the facts but that is not a good long-term plan nor is it for the greater good especially when it involves breaking the laws and placing innocent people including children in legal limbo. By staying silent will other intersex people get the right to marry legally? Will other intersex people get the right to immigrate legally? Will other intersex people have an IVF child legally? If you love an IVF child, would you want all IVF children to have equal rights? All this is possible ONLY if one speaks the TRUTH. Simple. Any love based on a foundation of lies is not only hypocrite but may also involve breaking laws which become crimes.

If the IVF child is raised right, what will he be taught more than book education? Morals, values, to help fellow human beings, show compassion, show love, show respect for diversity, and the whole nine yards? And what will be the outcome? forced separation from his only known biological family and loss of job and career and an abandoned IVF child? No, it is better to empower with truth and demand rights than to live with secrecy, lies, abuse and victimizing unsuspecting compassionate people. Thats the “education” an IVF child abducted away from his only known biological family should be getting that secrecy, lies, abuse, breaking the laws eventually catches up and crimes do not pay.

Future Rights of IVF Children

I have a dream that in the future all IVF children and families will have equal rights including donors and surrogates. Single parents or gay parents or infertile heterosexual parents Martin-Luther-King-I-have-a-dreamwho opt for IVF will have equal rights. “Accidents” in the IVF clinics where samples are swapped accidentally and hence “no biological link” with a parent will not be the reason to separate IVF children from parents. Innocent IVF children will not be placed inadvertently in legal limbo. Are the laws addressing these issues? Sadly infertility is dealt with secrecy and lies and it becomes difficult to ascertain how many people are affected. The same secrecy and lies are hurting innocent IVF children and their rights. In the future, this will be common knowledge and as a result, such children will also have EQUAL rights and not remain INVISIBLE. The campaign to educate and spread awareness starts now. We need to advocate on rights of infertile or dysfertile people and their IVF children. Will you join us?

As a left-behind parent of an abandoned IVF daughter and watching her turn 4 years, every moment has been worth it. We celebrate her existence and learn from the sacrifices why every human life deserves equal respect and dignity including her. There are no winners here but to punish innocent IVF children who are the most undeserving victims for the crimes they did not commit are the biggest losers. As adults, we must bring their rights as an individual to the forefront. I have a dream that one day it will not be the gender of a parent but the love and character of a parent which will define parenthood. More importantly, innocent siblings will not be judged or discriminated based on the gender of their parent.

What circumstances creates a situation where children have “no legal mother”?

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a medical technology which is great for infertile or dysfertile people. In the early decades since IVF’s finding in 1978, in most cultures it was “reserved” only for “infertile couples”. Suppose thats a remnant of the “baby scoop era” when innocent children were forced into adoption because their only fault was to be born to a “single mother” which was “socially unacceptable” at the time. As time moved on, IVF expanded to single parents, gays, lesbians and so on. This represents the growing tolerance in our society as a whole. However, the LAWS have not caught up with this social tolerance. Specifically, in a “closed environment” where IVF occurs within the boundaries of the same country, there is NO immigration requirement for the IVF child. However, as soon as an IVF parent wants to engage in international IVF, immigration laws and multiple “legal jurisdictions” are engaged which are lagging in laws when it comes to equality.  While people are sympathetic to the situation, the laws are non-existent which places innocent IVF children in a legal limbo. I have a dream that someday in the future we will have EQUAL rights for IVF children in their best interest and not a mere statistic as a “manufactured” human being.

This is NOT just an individual case but affects a lot of IVF families and immigration. Due to secrecy around infertility, very few cases get publicized and an already traumatized infertile or dysfertile families remain silent and continue to bear more trauma in silence. The innocent IVF children suffer and its a gross violation of everyone’s basic human rights. If my IVF children were NOT split, I also may not have spoken up. Please let me know if this would be of interest to you or someone who can help us. There are several US prospective parents who are engaging in IVF/Surrogacy in other countries like India, Thailand and so on as reported in the news media. It is traumatic enough to deal with infertility, should there be added burden of continued trauma due to lack of laws for EQUAL rights for IVF children and families? Let us examine some international IVF cases and its outcome. The common thread among these cases is there is “NO LEGAL MOTHER” as per laws even though physically a mother exists who gives birth.

1) In a recent IVF case in Texas, a court ruled that a woman who had given birth to lovely IVF children was the “mother” who had used donor eggs. In another recent case, US citizenship was DENIED to a set of IVF children based on prevailing US Immigration laws who were also born to a US Citizen mother using donor eggs but outside the US. Why the difference? Its confusing, is she a mother or not? The two IVF siblings are growing up together although in Israel. A US diplomat spokesperson said at the time of denial of US citizenship to the children that while they sympathize with the US citizen mother and children, they are following the laws.

2) In another horror case of a US couple trying to have an IVF child in India, the sperm samples were swapped accidentally by the IVF clinic in India and thus NO biological link exists between the innocent IVF child and the US parents. Because of no biological link to the parents, the innocent IVF child cannot legally come to the US. The choice was to leave the innocent child in an orphanage or try to bring the child to the US on humanitarian grounds. Is it the innocent child’s fault or the parent’s fault? Should there be a legal recourse for medical “accidents” outside the parent’s control?

3) In another case, a father on US green card was left stranded with an IVF daughter in India with no “legal US mother” and is living in EXILE in India raising the innocent IVF child. Even worse, the little girl has an IVF sibling, a brother, in the US who she has NEVER met and it was the IVF brother’s wish to have a sibling and why she is born. What is the innocent IVF siblings fault?

4) In 2005, Canadian parents could NOT bring one of their IVF children back to Canada immediately because as per Canadian immigration laws, a “biological link” is required for a Canadian citizen parent to have their IVF child born outside Canada to legally immigrate to Canada. It seems there was a medical accident and the sperm samples got swapped at the clinic resulting in a failed DNA test between the parents and the IVF child. Is this a FAULT of the parents or accidents of science and technology? Most scientific innovations in history of the world have come from “accidents” – its how we learn, ask Madam Curie. Even though there is NO law for the facts that occurred, the Canadian government relented in the end and after 6 years allowed the family to live together in Canada. The non-biological IVF parents gave up 6 years of their lives showing that it is NOT the biology but the LOVE of a parent. The “biology” needs to be discussed because of the LAWS.

It is important to note that infertility and IVF are often dealt with secrecy. As a result, very few cases are made public. These cases are just tip of the iceberg. A lot of victims may choose to abandon or not go public for their own personal reasons.

Into The Future

Recently, the “father of IVF”, Dr. Robert Edwards who helped bring the FIRST IVF child into the world in 1978 and was awarded a Nobel Prize for his work passed away. We still have a long way to go to concretize his legacy which is ensuring equal rights for IVF children and families including donors, surrogates and the entire IVF fraternity and ecosystem. The 21st century is upon us and calling us.

As more countries are legalizing same-sex marriages, incidents of IVF including international IVF will only grow and having effective international laws protecting the best interest of the child first is of paramount importance. IVF is here to stay and we need laws to catch up with the technology and avoid inadvertent victims, sometimes the most vulnerable, the voiceless, innocent IVF children. This is first a humanitarian crisis and a child rights issue. The Hague has worked multilaterally on laws for International Child Abduction and International Adoption and we need International laws on IVF/Surrogacy in the best interest of the children. The Hague is rightfully working on international laws for IVF/Surrogacy and issues that arise from it and you can find more information here.

As per a June 2011 US government report, the right answer is for the laws to catch up with IVF technology. This is the right answer and we need support to translate the vision into execution and save innocent IVF children and families lives’ before it’s too late. US is a world leader when it comes to advocating and protecting human rights and child rights. It is time to step up and show leadership when it comes to EQUAL rights for IVF children and families and work multilaterally or bilaterally to advocate and spread awareness on this sensitive issue. The current state of “non-existent laws” at an international level is a “wild west” approach which is inadvertently victimizing innocent IVF children and families.