Tag Archives: biological parent

IVF Rights Part of Immigration Executive Order

Recently, US President Obama announced that he will have an executive order for immigration reform. Are IVF rights on the agenda? Here are a few immigration-ivf-reformsimple reasons to have IVF rights on the agenda first and foremost in the best interest of the IVF child and then the intended parents and families. As a society, we cannot knowingly create stateless babies and punish IVF families for wanting to build families through wonders of IVF. It is time to celebrate IVF in the 21st century and not hibernate. If you agree with the change, sign the petition at http://chn.ge/1oltFl5 and support IVF rights.

1) Change the verbiage in the current US Immigration Law (7 FAM 1131.4 and 7 FAM 1131.5 and its sub-sections) that deals with IVF for US citizens: Change the phrase from “biological mother/father” to “parent“.  The “genetic link” requirement discriminates against infertile people (the very folks who are meant to give a helping hand through wonders of technology), punishes innocent IVF children for DNA mismatches, punishes IVF children born during a divorce or born into a LGBTI family or single parent family. 

2) Change the phrase from “child born out of wedlock” to “child born“.  If IVF children are deemed to be “born out of wedlock”, are we implicitly taking away their legal rights of being “born in a marriage”? Frankly, the verbiage is outdated and offensive.

3) The applicable US Immigration law for IVF fathers on US green card: We are asking for a change of one word – from “mother” to “parent” as cited in 9 FAM 42.1 N2.1 and 9 FAM 42.1 N1.1. This would allow an IVF father legally on US green card to bring a child born outside the US though an egg donor and surrogate to meet US law requirements. If a US LPR mother uses her egg and a donor sperm and surrogate abroad can bring that IVF child legally to the US then why discriminate against the IVF father who uses his sperm? Does the innocent IVF child care?

4) Family Laws and Best Interest of an IVF child born during a divorce – If a US couple has an ongoing IVF pregnancy, it must be mandatory to declare the IVF pregnancy to the court like a natural pregnancy in the event of a divorce so that the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD can be ascertained by the court. Suppressing information from the court is a crime. The rights of an innocent IVF child in a foreign country of a US couple are directly placed in a LEGAL LIMBO. Have a law that a US resident (US Citizen or Legal resident) must “pre-declare” for an IVF child if the surrogacy is done abroad which inherently will protect the rights of the innocent IVF child.

5) Left-behind IVF child law – The needs of an IVF child are NO DIFFERENT than a natural born child. An IVF child also needs love, care, clothes, food, shelter, books, toys, education, and so on. If an intended parent abandons an IVF pregnancy or IVF child in a foreign country, they should be held accountable and responsible because the IVF child’s needs are EQUAL. Is an IVF child LESS of a child than a natural born child? An IVF child is not an unwanted pregnancy but a deliberate pregnancy to bring an innocent life into this world. Laws should hold adults accountable and responsible for abandoning an ongoing IVF pregnancy they consented to.

6) Legal recourse for lapses – In cases where the fertility clinic lapses like accidentally swapping samples there should be a legal recourse. In this case, a DNA test would be negative but what if the intended parents still want to bring an IVF child born outside the US back to the US and raise them? It is traumatic enough to deal with infertility and the trauma only continues when there are serious lapses like switching samples of the biological parent. Some of these laws should be retroactive to UNITE innocent IVF children and families.

7) Debate on Parentage – Define clearly on parentage of the child including issuance of legal documents like birth certificate. A valid birth certificate is a fundamental right of the CHILD and not the parents. It is a document that the child carries for life including adulthood. As the technology evolves, (Link Is : “Three-Parent IVF” Up For Public Consultation In Britain : http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/250343.php) it is possible to have a “three parent IVF child” where the DNA is from three parents. What will be the legal impact of this?

8) Public Service –

a) Just like there are public service announcements through radio advertisements, etc. to educate and spread awareness about adoption and its legalities, there should be similar public service campaigns for IVF families.

b) Just like there are travel advisories for US citizens to risky regions, there should be IVF/surrogacy advisories for US citizens of countries that uphold basic IVF child rights and basic human rights of the IVF industry including donors and surrogates.

The IVF Survival Guide – What If..?

The US laws require a “genetic link” between a US parent and a child born outside the US. Here is an IVF Survival Guide.IVF-Survival-Guide

1) What If an infertile couple decides to have a child outside the US through IVF, only one of the parents would have the “genetic link” either the sperm or the egg, and that biological parent decides to abandon the IVF child for whatever reason BUT the “non-biological parent” wants the child to raise and love, can they legally get the innocent IVF child to the US?

2) What If there is a DNA mismatch and due to the accident there is “no genetic link” between US parent and child born outside the US, should the intended parent(s) live in exile or abandon the child? Is the love for the child any less due to the accident? Do the laws reflect “intent” or archaic and antiquted laws still playing catch up with technology?

3) What If a gay couple or a lesbian couple decide to have a child but the biological parent decides to abandon the child, can the left-behind (non-genetic) parent legally get the child to the US?

4) What If an infertile person wants to have a child, can they get a child into the US legally with “no genetic link”?

5) Are these archaic and anti-IVF laws creating an environment which is in the “best interest of the innocent, voiceless IVF children”? Are these archaic and anti-IVF laws creating an environment where some infertile people go to any length to SPLIT innocent IVF siblings just to that they can have a child? What about the rights of the innocent IVF children? What about the rights of a brother wanting to be with a sister? What about the rights of an innocent child to live WITHOUT legal limbo?

6) Will the justice system acquiesce to TRUTH or persecute and threaten the innocent who petition for change rather than being forced into silence? Will the justice system follow its own laws and prosecute those who victimize innocent, voiceless, vulnerable children?

7) If a rape victim does not report the crime for fear of shame, stigma, further victimization and the statute of limitation expire, does that mean the rape DID NOT OCCUR? If a sexual abuse victim does not report the crime for fear of shame, stigma, further victimization and the statute of limitation expire, does that mean the abuse DID NOT OCCUR?

8) What If a spouse of an intersex person who were both victimized by the medical community through an overt web of secrecy, lies and crimes, does that mean the intersex family was not abused due to medical negligence?

9) What If an IVF parent who attempted IVF due to infertility of an intersex spouse but forced to lie about it due to US laws for immigrants, does that mean the child is NOT IVF? Does that mean the person who is claiming to be the “mother” is ALSO the “genetic mother” including fraud documents?

10) What If an IVF parent is forced in a situation of fait accompli where he is forced to live in exile with his daughter and giving up his son, is it so heinous that the innocent IVF family should be punished and the only JUSTICE is to SPLIT them?

As a victim of intersex, infertility, immigration, invisibility, it is time to MOVE FORWARD and deal with the TRUTH. It has happened. Laws have been broken. Crimes have been committed. But to punish innocent IVF siblings by SPLITTING them is NOT the right answer. No parent would stand for injustice towards their child even if the condition is a minority because for a parent their child is everything. Justice for innocent IVF children, thats the only thing we ask. Justice against people who prey on others, lie, break laws, are criminals is for justice system to decide to establish their own credibility, for us, its about justice for innocent children, is it too much to ask?

As a humanity, one would think “best interest of the child” is paramount, how have we lost track then to impose punishment on innocent IVF children for mistakes of their parents?

IVF – 21st Century Problem

While IVF was invented in the 20th century, its true potential will be felt in the 21st century. While humans live through their emotions, our lives areemotional-abuse run by laws and publicly we are forced to live hypocritically showing no emotions. A human being with no emotions is not a human being, so lets get real. While publicly we are not supposed to talk about “personal” issues, when laws are anti-children, like anti-IVF children, it is every parent’s right to make it personal because the lack of laws have made it personal. The question is – is it a “reactive” step or a “proactive” step – regardless of the intellectual debate, its the result that counts which is innocent, voiceless IVF children need a voice and equal rights in 21st century.

1) As an IVF parent, regardless of your status – all IVF children born abroad are subjected to restrictive immigration laws.

2) US laws require a genetic link between US parent and child born abroad, then how do infertile Americans legally bring a child born outside the US? Are they forced to fraud, lie, cheat? And what if that places innocent children in legal limbo? Not ALL infertile people lie, or cheat or fraud.

3) Laws in most countries are based on “genetic link” between a parent and child meaning the person who gave sperm or egg or gave birth (womb) would be held accountable for the welfare of the child by laws. Why are “non-biological” parents not treated equally?

4) If an intended IVF parent abandons an IVF pregnancy, then only the “biological parent” is held accountable and responsible, why not the “non-biological parent” also? If you want the “gift of the child”, then you should also accept responsibility for the welfare of the child regardless of “genetic link”, right?

5) A person can be a very good parent but that’s not the point. One has to take a hollistic approach. Ms. Ann Pettway was a good parent, and from what is reported, Mr. Ariel Castro was a good parent. But once the truth came out, they were both held accountable for their crimes. Where do you rank a person who abandons one child for another child? Where do you rank a person who abandons a sister for her brother? Where do you rank a person who alienates a brother from a sister that he wanted? Some infertile people, NOT ALL, do bizarre things in the white collar crime world to have a child at any costs, where do you fit in this international, immigrant, IVF conspiracy of the 2000s to have a child at any and all costs?

6) The prevailing laws do not allow an intersex person to marry, an infertile person who is an immigrant to bring a child born outside the US as per laws, and lets say someone consistently lies and breaks the laws, they have helped themselves, have the helped the innocent child? Has his rights been protected or has he been placed in legal limbo? Have they helped other intersex people to be able to marry legally, have they helped other infertile people to legally have an IVF child?

There are laws for domestic violence, domestic abuse, physical abuse. As we fast forward through the information age, mental health is going to become a critical aspect of hollistic care in 21st century. A human being’s health solution will become part of both physical health and mental health. There will be laws against mental abuse, mental violence, mental hardships irrespective of gender, nationality, immigration status, etc. There will be family caregiver rights. As humans, we move forward and using, abusing, and discarding people is NOT moving forward.

Just like the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP to intersex surgeries begun in the 20th century, for the same reason to split up IVF siblings, IVF families on the basis of 20th century archaic laws is also torture and abuse. To people who are still reading this, some may agree and some may not, but then again being an immigrant, intersex, IVF family in 2000s is too early for its time. It will take some time to sink in and understand how the secrecy and lies do not help anyone. And how the lack of laws ruin even the best of intentions. The lack of laws exist because of secrecy and lies. And this cycle has to be broken through education and awareness. In a democracy, any minority  gets equal rights only through support of the unaffected majority. That is civil disobedience as Gandhiji championed and then Dr. King and then Madiba – some parts of the 20th century worth taking with us into the 21st century.

Abandon Ship by Captain, Abandon IVF child by Intended Parent

For centuries there has been an unwritten rule that captains of a ship get rescued last when a ship is in distress. Capt. E. J. Smith of Titanic dutifully didabandon-ship-ivf this. But are there any laws to enforce this? What if a captain of a ship is selfish and decides to abandon ship in a time of distress before all the passengers have been safely rescued? Can you enforce that by laws? Is abandoning ship by a captain before rescuing the passengers “akin to murder” as South Korean president claimed? What about abandoning an IVF child in a foreign country that an adult consented to?

Much like what a captain is to a ship, a woman is to a family. Even IVF laws are written with this in mind leaving little for male IVF parents. She is the soul of the family, the bond that ties, the glue that holds it together, the soul that forgives relentlessly and the soul that takes on more unsaid hardships for the sake of the family. We all know who it is, we all have one in the family, we call her “mother”. Lately in a surprising way, captains of ships in distress have known to abandon ship rather than rescue its passengers. The unwritten rule has been broken, now what? What if the mother decides to abandon an IVF child, what do we do? There is an unwritten rule that IVF parents are engaged in IVF/surrogacy because they want a child and they would NEVER abandon an IVF child, but what IF someone does exactly that – abandon an IVF child, now what? The unwritten rule has been broken, what about the survivors who made it?

When the unthinkable happens, one has to move forward. Like when an IVF father has to live in exile because his IVF child is not welcome to the US. Like when the captain abandons ship then the vice-captain or someone lower in the chain of command takes over and do what they do best and possibly giving up their life while trying to save others. For an IVF child who has been abandoned, the first thing is who pays the surrogate who agreed to do this for a fee or does she not deserve any payment since the intended parent abandoned? Who raises the IVF child and what are their rights? Or does the child go to an orphanage and be lied to all their life and never revealed they were born through IVF only to be abandoned? Do we just shove the issues under the carpet? As in gambling, it comes down to skin in the process. Maybe if you have your womb, or your egg or sperm then maybe you are more obligated to NOT abandon the innocent IVF child. There may even be laws to track you down since you would be the “biological parent”. But if you have no ties to the child, then you can abandon the innocent child with no legal consequences. Does that seem right from the perspective of the abandoned IVF child who is in legal limbo? We as human beings are better than that or are we? Or are we all like the captain of the Italian Ship and the captain of the South Korean ship where we abandon ship and no legal consequences will occur. There are “non-biological” IVF parents who have made big sacrifices showing that it’s not the biology that counts but it’s the intent of an intended IVF parent much like a captain abandoning ship.

A parent-child relationship is based on the connect of the hearts based on truth and not what the laws say. US laws require a genetic link between a US parent and a child born outside the US, is that how we define parentage? Just like the innocent deaths of so many passengers who could have been rescued, the innocence of childhood has been killed from IVF siblings forever. For a captain of the family, the same person can be a spouse, a lover, a parent to their child AND a abuser or abandoner of their child. Which name do you refer with? A captain on a ship is still a captain but if he abandons ship, what name do you refer with? – The South Koreans refer to the abandoning captain by “Evil of Sewol”. The South Korean president likened the abandoning captain to “murder”.

I miss my son terribly, I miss my son missing out on growing up with his sibling terribly. I do have the last words he told me and the pictures of us together and they mean “I love you, Papa”. Let us see if that’s where we pick up from when we are together again or has he been brainwashed and alienated? What he thinks about me is largely up to the person raising him whether to choose to say the truth or lie in their best interest – certainly not the “child’s best interest” which is considered the gold standard by courts which I fail to grasp in an international, immigrant, IVF, intersex family case – whose best interest is kept?

Test of Time – Change with Truth

It is not 1414 that you can convince someone easily that earth is the center of the universe and everything revolves round the earth. Copernicus was Love-Honesty-Truth-Respect-Nothinghere, Galileo was here. Despite being falsely persecuted repeatedly, they believed in facts and science and eventually were not only proven right but changed the perception of ALL of humanity then and the billions to follow over the centuries. The power of truth has the will and courage to stand the test of time AND usher change.

Its 2014 and maybe you can convince someone that a “mother” is the ONLY primary caregiver for a child. Then how do we explain “mother” for gay parents or should gay parenting be banned? When a gay couple who are two genetic males have a child, they both love the child but only one is a biological parent if it was an IVF child. Do they try to breastfeed the child when there is no milk? If a person has an unfortunate medical event like heart surgery or breast surgery or knee surgery or whatever, it is documented TRUTHFULLY and a doctor’s note is given to avoid certain activities and give time to heal and take some precautions. It may take a few days to few weeks to few months or few years to heal depending on the surgery and its effects. Sometimes its a lifestyle change like for example a heart patient. Or if you break your knee, you can have surgery but you may never be able to play certain sports ever again depending on the medical event. What TRUTH is revealed when an intersex person undergoes an unnecessary surgery deemed “torture” by the UN? If the surgery is documented FRAUDULENTLY as if it never happened, then are there any precautions or “doctor’s note” to avoid certain activities? Like with a broken knee and hormonal therapy which includes severe depression, trauma, irritability, anxiety, tiredness, exhaustion, etc. one should WAIT to have a child? Denying facts is denying rights and justice to others. There are people in this world who believe the Holocaust never happened, then what about justice for the victims if the event never occurred? It is important to accept facts first so everyone can move forward.

Who is a mother?

Is it the woman whose egg was used, or is it the surrogate who carried the child to term or is it the primary caregiver for the child through the tender years? Between two genetic males who is the “mother”? Given certain circumstances, could the traditional role of a “mother” be a father? There are lot of infertile women who are wonderful mothers but were they dealing with intersex surgery and knee surgery and its medical effects? There are lots of adoptive mothers who are wonderful mothers but were they dealing with intersex surgery and knee surgery and its medical effects? There may be lot of intersex people who are good parents but did any of them lie, cheat and fraud subject matter experts like lactation consultant and pediatrician that they were in fact a genetic male and they did not have a “surgical menopause” in their 20s to remove ovaries but it was to remove testes. It may not mean much socially (maybe it does and thats why the secrecy and stigma) but the TRUTH means a lot to an innocent infant who is being starved and cries endlessly when attempted to be breastfed with no milk by a genetic male.

Just like Galileo made a scientific notation that earth is not the center of the universe despite almost a 100% opposition, an intersex person undergoing medical treatment from an unnecessary intersex surgery and a knee surgery needs time to stabilize and cannot be a primary caregiver for the infant for some time. We have to WAIT. So then who raised the infant? Could it be the ONLY other adult in the home – the father? A loving father who waited years to have a child, a loving father who loves children in general, a loving father who was DENIED and forced to lie about his FIRST father’s day because the intersex patient would have a significant “trauma” if the TRUTH were to be revealed about her infertility and being intersex. So do other human beings have human rights or is it a CRIME to be married to an intersex person and one must SUPPRESS their emotions for their own child?

Just because an IVF father did not report the abuse, violence, trauma against him and his IVF child does NOT mean it did not occur. Failure to continue to stay quiet would only create more INNOCENT VICTIMS. The cycle of secrecy, lies, fraud, cheating has to end.

Let us hope we will live in a world where TRUTH is more prevalent. Gays, lesbians, intersex people have equal rights. People who break laws are criminals and people who abuse children or endanger the welfare of the children are criminals. Criminals come in all forms – they can be white, black, Asian, Latino and can be straight, gay, lesbian, intersex. There is NO discrimination in being a criminal, is their discrimination against IVF children and families?

During the baby scoop era, from the 1940s to 1970s, lot of innocent children were forcefully taken away from their biological mothers because they were “single”. Today no one would dare to do that. In fact single motherhood is celebrated and there are specific laws to address that including child support. In the 2000s, IVF parents are discriminated against because of their biology and gender and their IVF kids are taken away from them only because they were born IVF and the laws do not exist to address their facts of being an immigrant IVF family. Innocent IVF children are abandoned with no responsibility or accountability towards the consenting parent for changing their mind and abandoning an innocent child. When will left-behind IVF parents, when will abandoned IVF children, when will split IVF siblings get justice? In 2020? 2030? 2040? never in their lifetime?

Bridging the Gap Between Morals, Ethics, Laws in IVF

Is there a difference between morals, ethics and laws? Or maybe the better question to ask is there a difference between immorality, unethical and ethics-morals-laws-ivfillegal? In most situations, everyone knows this happens and people are willing to let it slide. Maybe you saw someone misbehave with a lady and you let it slide or some people may not consider infidelity as unethical or immoral and it certainly is legal. While as adults we may let things slide as “none of my business” or “to each their own” or “I must do something”, as parents we have to ACT and teach our children the difference between right and wrong, the difference between morals, ethics, and laws. When it comes to children, should all three be the SAME? Or is that what the intent is for parents? Or should there be a “GAP” between morals, ethics, laws when raising good children – our future?

Historically, the morality gauge of a society changes first, then ethics, and finally the laws. Like over time people accepted gay rights to where there are laws. In the modern times it has taken a few decades for this. When will it be time to have social acceptance and equal laws for IVF children and families?

As per laws, a genetic link is required between a US parent and a child born outside the US. Therefore, an infertile US person cannot get a child (like an IVF child) born outside the US legally into the US. That would be breaking the law and is illegal. While finding someone who IS fertile, have an IVF child, get the IVF child into the US and then dump the fertile parent and alienating the innocent child from the biological parent is OK for the child? Is that immoral and illegal? Or what if a lawyer who helps an infertile immigrant pull this conspiracy off by abandoning an innocent IVF child in India who is the sibling of the child (that he wanted) the infertile person claims to love. Is that unethical, immoral and illegal from the IVF children’s perspective? A lawyer may have been “ethical” to their client but what about the fact that they helped in abandoning an IVF child and making them “legally invisible”? If a lawyer finds out their client has broken the law and especially where the welfare of a child is endangered, what are the ethics, morals and laws of disclosing that to the court and/or appropriate authorities? What is it to treat an innocent, IVF infant like a “tool”? What is it to use an innocent IVF sister as a “tool” against her IVF brother? Do innocent IVF children who are born have equal rights as other children?

We always hear “the best interest of the child”. What is the “best interest of children” in splitting two lovely innocent IVF brother and sister?

Is abandoning a natural born child different than IVF child? It should not be  but legally it is different. IVF children end up in legal limbo. What are the rights of the IVF child who was consented to by an adult but later the adult decided against it? What should one do with the abandoned IVF child? Unlike natural births, IVF births are deliberate and planned and comes with a more heightened sense of responsibility and accountability towards the IVF child, the donor and surrogate. When you abandon an IVF child, you are also abandoning the humanity of others including the donor and surrogate.

Are the needs of a natural born child any different than an IVF child? There shouldn’t be any difference but legally it is different. While it is a crime to abandon a natural born child, there is NO crime to do so with an IVF child (wonder if human cloning is ever allowed, is this what people will do?). While an adult will be held accountable and responsible for abandoning a natural born child, the abandoning IVF parent has no obligation towards the IVF child. Is that because the IVF child has been made “legally invisible”? It that ethical and moral and illegal against the innocent child?

Do the right thing – thats what we tell our children. Here are a few things done right:

1) DO NOT give human rights to others in private, be vocal and be public about it. The person receiving the “equal treatment” (where government itself falls short like gay rights, intersex rights, fertility rights, immigration rights) may turn it around against you. Is that immoral, unethical and illegal?

2) DO NOT break the laws for your spouse. Love, compassion, help are all one-way streets and those things are not returned to you. If you show love, compassion, help to others where laws itself fall short, when the lies are used against you, no one will help you and instead hold you “equally accountable.” Is that moral, ethical and legal? The only crime committed is not reporting the crimes which is not same as committing the crimes or intent to commit crimes.

3) DO NOT get blackmailed by liars and criminals who break laws. They will get in trouble and so will you. Worse, your innocent, voiceless IVF children may get in trouble too for no fault of theirs other than to be born IVF.

4) The RIGHT thing to do is to educate and advocate for equal rights and let the government do the right thing by passing equal rights and laws so you can also follow laws. Trying to do the “right thing” on your own like helping an infertile person have a child when it is not allowed legally, or being married to an intersex person when it is not allowed legally, or sponsoring immigration of an intersex spouse when it is not allowed legally, it will only get you in trouble and worse your innocent children in trouble. These crimes are so heinous that it pales the abuse, domestic violence and cruelty and suffering that one may have endured in trying to give equal rights to an immigrant intersex person.

Law of the Land for IVF Children and Families

If you do the deeds (love, compassion, humanity, IVF), you will know the needs (equal laws for IVF).

In a recent story, a sperm donor was ordered by a US court to pay child support for a child he had donated his sperm for out of compassion for a lesbiantruth-shake couple. He had no intent to raise the child. Another IVF father in a US court is DENIED effective custody of his IVF son even though he is the biological parent in an intersex marriage where both spouses are genetic males. What gives? And what is the “best interest of the child”? And what message do we send to the children? Should they grow up to be compassionate? Do we lead by example or by laws?

What is evident is that gays, lesbians and intersex people cannot have children by themselves. They will need “compassion” of others because science demands it. As the sperm donor put it  when asked given what he knows today, will he think of donating sperm again, he said , “Probably not”. If this is the way “compassionate” people get treated, how will future lesbians, gays, intersex people have children? What will be the rights of the child? Should we punish innocent IVF children because their infertile parents rushed and broke the laws?

What is also evident is there are no proper laws to reflect the realities of a society and laws for the diversity. How do we address the rights of the IVF children and families? A donor is a compassionate human being who wants to help others have children while taking no responsibility for the child. An IVF parent is a human being who is trying to create a family and wants to take responsibility and accountability for the children. What if an IVF father was the primary care provider for his IVF son in his tender years because of a spouse under severe medical treatment. Now the question is; are only “females” considered to be IVF parents? Is there “I” in infertility when dealing with it during marriage or both spouses get affected due to infertility? Or should the fertile spouse leave an infertile marriage because the laws have not caught up with the “compassionate” nature of humans? You see problem solved, no compassion, no child, no stealing children, no child support. However, the infertile person would remain childless. Isn’t it better to say the truth and be inclusive and have laws instead of secrecy, lies, fraud and breaking the laws?

What if a person gives consent to IVF and treats it like a “drive-thru” with no accountability or responsibility towards the IVF child? What if an adult consents to IVF in a foreign country, a lovely IVF child is conceived, and then changes their mind and abandons the IVF pregnancy never going to pick up the IVF child in a foreign country when born. An adult can do what they want but where is the responsibility and accountability towards the innocent, voiceless IVF child? Did they ask to be born? If its a crime to abandon a natural born child, why is it not a crime to abandon an IVF child? Or do we allow people to place an “order” for an IVF child at a foreign “IVF drive-thru” and abandon the IVF child with NO responsibility or accountability? A child is a child is a child. Every child deserves basic human dignity and respect just like every human has a right to have a child.

The lack of laws for IVF children and families is like placing a staircase in front of a wheelchair bound person. Is it a crime to want to make a family? Is it a crime to be compassionate? What is the bigger message especially to these unwanted IVF children – should humans be compassionate and respect the laws? Or should people be allowed to violate the laws for the sake of having a child due to their infertility even if it means violating rights of a child?

Evil IVF Cruelty Justified For Now in the Name of “Love”

It is one thing when individuals discriminate, but when institutions, governments and laws discriminate, where do you turn to for IVF-Crueltyjustice? It is an evil cruelty for an IVF family in 2014.

It is one thing for the government and laws to discriminate – it is not new but to force a parent to discriminate against their own children because their only fault is to be born IVF takes it to whole another level. Slavery was legal 200 years ago but was and still is discrimination, women suffrage for equal rights was illegal and is discrimination, racism was legal but is discrimination, apartheid was legal but is discrimination, gay rights are transitioning but is discrimination, IVF rights are non-existent and IS and WILL BE discrimination.

A gestational IVF mother is DENIED US passports for her IVF children because she used donor eggs and had no genetic link. More than four years later, the laws are changed to allow a gestational mother to get US passports for her IVF children. But a biological IVF father cannot get US passport for his IVF daughter. Why this discrimination based on biology and gender? Why this evil cruelty? Is it the love and character of a parent that counts?

Whether infidelity during marriage is a moral crime and/or a legal crime depends on the jurisdiction where the act is committed. However, if you have a child born due to the infidelity, the child is considered “born out of wedlock” and you are held responsible for the child. ALL IVF CHILDREN born to US parents outside the US are legally considered as “born out of wedlock”. So if a fertile spouse tries to have an IVF child due to the infertility of their spouse or because they are a gay couple, why should their IVF child be termed “born out of wedlock” by the laws? It is OFFENSIVE. Is there a marriage or is there not? Or is it a crime to be married to an infertile person and wanting to help and have a lovely child through IVF? As US President Obama said, “Words have meaning” and calling my IVF baby “as born out of wedlock” and the associated stigma and falsehood is offensive. There is a term for it in the English dictionary and its deragatory – it is time to update the offensive language in the laws and stop calling someone’s baby ugly. Why this evil cruelty?

If two IVF children are born the same way through the same biological parent and NOT a donor, they are brother and sister and were intended to grow up together and have a lasting bond as siblings. In 2014, these rights to innocent, voicless IVF siblings is ONLY granted if born of the same mother and is DENIED if born of the same father. The gender of the biological parent is used to discriminate against innocent IVF brother and sister. We hope to see a world when the gender of a parent will not matter as much but their love and character will matter more. After all, if you did not care about children, why would you go through so much trouble of having a child through IVF and that too after repeated failed attempts. Why this evil cruelty?

If a male gets a woman pregnant and then decides to abandon the innocent child, the male is still held accountable and responsible for the innocent child. But if an intersex person (also a genetic male) decides to abandon an IVF child leaving them in the tender care of the child’s father, the intersex person is NOT held accountable or responsible for the welfare of the child? WHY? Are the needs of the IVF child LESS than that of a natural born child? We wait for justice to arrive for the IVF child – recognition as a normal human being. Why this evil cruelty?

If a young, male, spouse leaves a marriage when the spouse is diagnosed with a traumatic condition, they may be looked down upon but they are in the majority – 83% male spouses do that. Instead if you stay in the marriage and become a caregiver giving up on your career dreams, long-term health, personal trauma, you will be in a minority and there are NO laws to protect you. If a PAID caregiver trips and falls in your house while providing care, they are covered by insurance BUT if you fall, or fall sick or breakdown or suffer or fall ill, or just end up becoming a SLAVE to the lack of rights for intersex, IVF, immigrants, there is NO insurance for you, there is NO laws for you, there is NO justice for you. WORSE, your kids also deserve to get PUNISHED. WORSE YET, your kids who are innocent and have committed no crimes get punished while the real perpetrators and co-conspirators walk free. The worst part is other intersex, IVF, immigrants cannot repeat this meaning the laws have still not changed, this person just happens to be extremely selfish (which most are) but who also happens to be a criminal who has broken laws and endangered the welfare of innocent children. Why this evil cruelty?

We look for a world when innocent get justice – when IVF children and families get justice – when innocent brother and sister are treated EQUALLY.

The American Way

If you have unequal rights, you fight for equal rights for yourself and others like you to make this a better place for all – thats the American Supreme court gay marriageWay. Secrecy, lies, fraud, breaking the laws is not. More importantly by not speaking up, the inequality continues and the much needed laws for innocent victims remain unchanged leading to continuing victimization. As a fellow American Rosa Parks said it the best, “The only tired I was, was tired of giving in.” Is it a crime to show compassion and love for human rights in your home against abuse, violence and fraud where the laws itself fall short? Is it such a terrible crime that innocent children should be punished?

Human rights for all are part of every culture. We all do the best we can. It is ingrained in our humanity. Don’t try to give human rights at home folks, it can be used against you…instead speak up and give human rights in public than your words will COUNT MORE than your actions. One needs a strong leader sometimes to make big mountains move. And that strong leader can be a combination of social freedom, political freedom, legislative freedom and others. It is not a single individual nor a single system, it is a collective. And often in this world that face happens to be America. People like the American Way.

If you are gay, thats not a crime but at least you should have the freedom to express it without being persecuted.

If you are lesbian, thats not a crime but at least you should have the freedom to express it without being persecuted.

If you are intersex, thats not a crime but at least you should have the freedom to express it without being persecuted.

If you are immigrant, thats not a crime but at least you should have the freedom to express it without being persecuted.

If you are infertile, thats not a crime but at least you should have the freedom to express it without being persecuted.

If you are IVF parent, thats not a crime but at least you should have the freedom to express it without being persecuted.

If you are immigrant, IVF parent part of an intersex family, is it OK to speak up or will you be falsely persecuted for stating facts? Will you be falsely accused and defamed? Worse, will your innocent, voiceless IVF children be punished for crimes they did not commit? Is this the American Way?

The right answer is to say the truth and have equal rights for IVF children and families.

Infertility is a very traumatic, one would know if you have had two IVF children. The laws in the US require a “genetic link” between a US parent and a child born outside the US. Then how does an infertile person legally bring a child born outside the US? Does this create circumstances where an infertile person may go to any extent including secrecy, lies, fraud, breaking the laws, false allegations to take a child away from their biological family? Does this create circumstances where an innocent IVF sister is abandoned in India while her IVF brother is land-locked in the US? Is the only way to have a child is to abandon another child, do the child have rights and if so, where are they? Is this the American way?

Is this a case of perfect child abduction and human trafficking? Since secrecy, lies, fraud and breaking of the laws was used to get an IVF child into the US instead of trying to work within the legal system, what happens to the child now? The laws have NOT changed. So only a parent with a “genetic link” can get a US Passport for the IVF child despite having fraud documentation to show an infertile person is the “biological parent” of the child. Despite having court orders to LIE to the innocent child. Despite the violence, abuse, brainwashing and alienating the innocent IVF child. How do we help the innocent IVF child? Is this the American way?

What about the innocent IVF sister who was abandoned in India cleverly manipulating the US laws. Is this a case of perfect child abandonment? If an American gives consent to have an IVF child in a foreign country and later decides to abandon the IVF pregnancy, what are the rights of the innocent IVF child? Did they ask to be born for amusement of infertile humans? Whats next? Human cloning for a spare heart? An adult can abandon a pregnancy anytime but there is responsibility and accountability towards the innocent child regardless of your gender. Is this the American way?

Like Dr. MLK, Jr., Susan B Anthony, Edie Windsor, if you experience inequality, you stand up, state the truth and ask for equal rights. It takes patience, resilience and a commitment to the truth. Thats the American Way.

Hi, I am intersex and people like me do not have equal rights. We cannot legally marry, we are infertile, we cannot legally immigrate based on marriage. May we please have equal rights? Thats the American Way.

Using secrecy, lies, fraud, breaking laws does no one any good. How will it help other intersex, infertile, immigrant, IVF people and families? Recall that “baby scoop era” is also a sad part of American history only to be rejected and single motherhood today is celebrated. Today we have truth and reconciliation commissions for the “baby scoop era” for the horrific crimes against the innocent children and their biological parents.

Who Needs Siblings?

Two Siblings, Two Continents, Never Met – Why? Siblings are good because… Siblings Forever

  1. They help you realize it’s important to hug, kiss and share. Like sharing a child with an infertile person.
  2. They teach you the first lesson in forgiveness and forget – one minute you are at each other’s throat, the next minute you are playing together like the two happiest people in the world. Like when as an adult you find out your spouse cheated you and broke the laws but you move on.
  3. They teach you the first lesson in teamwork. For example when immigration laws are against IVF children and families, it is important to work as a team to get your rights as individuals from the government.
  4. They teach you compassion and love for a fellow human being. Parents give unconditional love to every child ideally, emotions coming from a sibling are special. Like for example, if your spouse is sick and needs care but wants secret, you don’t leave your spouse instead you respect their feelings out of love and compassion and you serve as a silent caregiver despite the abuse unto you.
  5. Older siblings get their first lesson of responsibility and care when helping and watching their parents care for little babies. Something an innocent child is missing because of secrecy and lies.
  6. They give a sense of a family. After all kids like playing with other kids and not adults all the time. It is upto the parents how to nurture the sibling bond into adulthood. Siblings can have different bonds. A traditional bond between blood sisters or brother-sister or brothers. Then there are “special bonds” between twins or triplets, then there are special bonds of a blended family, then there are special bonds between siblings who are adopted into a family, then there are special bonds between siblings who are born through IVF. It is more about thinking from the perspective of the child than anyone else. Why deny this opportunity of siblings?
  7. There is the sibling rivalry – whether it is nurtured into love or hate depends on how parents treat the siblings. Spiteful, Prejudiced, taking sides, selfish parents may not nurture a healthy relationship between siblings and the innocent siblings end up hating each other. They maybe enacting acts out of selfishness without realizing it is hurting a healthy relationship between siblings.
  8. Siblings have your back no matter what.
  9. If you are an Immigrant, international IVF parent and are unable to be present for your IVF child’s birth, your sibling will rush by the side of your new born IVF baby. You can’t pay someone to do that – thats family.
  10. If you are an immigrant, international IVF parent and your IVF child is abandoned but you cannot be there, your sibling will drop everything in their life, their work, their kids school just to be by the side of your new born IVF child AND fight against the abusive IVF clinic for the rights of the child – thats family.
  11. Siblings can help you create fraud documentation claiming you as a biological parent even though medically one is infertile – thats family.
  12. Siblings can help you lie and steal and keep your secrets – thats family.
  13. Siblings can help you break laws and keep your secrets – thats family.
  14. Either way whether they rescue your child or rescue you with lies and breaking the laws, it seems like siblings are the ones who rescue you when in need because there are very few other people we can confide in as adults.
  15. Then why deny an existing sibling to an innocent child – a sibling he wanted? Why deny an opportunity to make a sibling bond? Is this selfless love of a parent or selfish love? 

It is one thing to divorce but to split up innocent siblings AND place them in legal limbo deliberately takes ABUSE to a whole another level. It is traumatic to be infertile but that does not mean one can go around spreading lies, breaking laws, abusing people, abusing innocent children, violating basic human rights and child rights of innocent children. It is true that infertile immigrants don’t have fertility rights, so stand up and fight for rights rather than abusing others and living as a criminal. Its a far better lesson to teach an innocent child than any “love”. Even when unmarried gay couples split, both parents get practical co-parenting with the innocent children and siblings are NOT split. But if you are an immigrant, intersex IVF family in the 2000s, it is such a terrible crime that not only the child is separated from his biological family but also from his siblings and dehumanized due to lack of legal identity – the price of criminality, secrecy, lies and breaking laws. Even after 60 years, siblings UNITE from North and South Korea showing the love for each other and how governments CANNOT SPLIT siblings.

Siblings outlast marriages, siblings outlast divorces, siblings outlast lies IF they are given an opportunity.