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Hate Crimes Against Innocent IVF Children and Family

The issue is not being intersex/DSD or infertility. The issue is secrecy and lying. When we had gone in for a medical diagnosis, it was to understand why we could nothate-crime-ivf conceive, it ws a fertility test. What we came out with is a diagnosis for Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (CAIS) – an intersex/DSD condition. Ever since I was young, I always dreamt of being a father, a good parent. Having a child was very important and thats why we had gone in for a fertility diagnosis and was totally unprepared to deal with a diagnosis of CAIS. Much like a woman with PCOS or MRKH or CAH, or CAIS, no matter how hard a “couple” tries to get pregnant, without technology like IVF, its never going to happen. It was critical to understand that a CAIS couple are two males – it is not offensive, it is a scientific fact and a critical fact to understand when trying to have a child. Sugar coating it, wishful thinking is not going to produce a miraculous baby, science might be able to help! Hate crimes against anyone is wrong including hate crimes against innocent IVF children and families. Respect for all is paramount as we move ahead in 21st century with respecting diversity and IVF children and parents are part of this diversity. IVF is the new black, new gay, new orange. An innocent IVF father who happens to be part of an intersex/DSD marriage and its inherent lack of laws was left to die with his IVF child, but they survived. If you think IVF children and families deserve equal rights, please do sign the petition. 

“When this is over, I’m going to go in my son’s room, my black son, who wears his pants sagging, wears his hat cocked to the side, has tattoos on his arms, but that’s my baby, And we all ought to be thanking the Browns for Michael, because Michael is going to make it better for our sons, so they can be better black men. So they can be better for our daughters, so they can be better black women.” – said Captain Ron Johnson.

As an IVF father, when this is over, my IVF son, who is born of my sperm, anonymous donor and surrogate despite fraud documentation, who loves his father, who wanted a sibling as an IVF child of an IVF father, who wants to meet his siblings but is not allowed to, but thats my baby, he deserves his rights even though he is born IVF. And my IVF daughter does not deserve to be abandoned and be treated like a “commodity”, she is her own individual with her own human rights. It is important to speak up for rights of IVF children and families so that we have better IVF parents and people who abuse the laws and knowingly place innocent children’s welfare at risk should be punished. At the end of the day, humanity should matter.

Just like a woman undergoing fertility treatment, a man can also undergo fertility treatment. The “feelings” of despair, anxiety, loneliness, sleeplessness, sometimes happiness, parental love, are common to both an intended IVF mother OR IVF father. If a woman can dream to provide a sibling for her child, can an IVF father have the same dream? Or are we in the wrong decade/century? Are the feelings the same? Remembering one’s dreams and longing for a child are common to both intended IVF mother or IVF father. When other friends or couples are having children and people ask “Are you next?”, the sinking feeling is common to any infertile person or infertile couple. Especially where a fertile spouse is forced to hold silence for the sake of “respect” of the infertile spouse. That does NOT diminish the fact that the fertile spouse still gets a sinking feeling whenever someone makes an inadvertent comment like “Are you next?” The quizzing, questioning is not wrong because the truth has been hidden from them, the secrecy and lies is what’s wrong.

The question is NOT whether “mothers” are best OR “fathers” are less worthy of a parent, the question is what is the best interest of the child. The answer should be who is a better role model for the child and who can fulfill the needs of the child. Sadly, facts like love, compassion, honesty, integrtity are good words and philosophy, they only look good on paper, they are not worthy in evaluating a “good parent”. Sadly, human emotions do not count but laws rule our lives and so lets stick with laws regardless of how incompassionate or heinous the laws are.

If fathers are so bad then why are IVF treatments allowed for single fathers or gay fathers or intersex fathers? Shouldn’t the love and compassion be more important than the gender of a parent? Shouldn’t the dreams of an individual be more important than their lifestyle choices? Shouldn’t an IVF brother be allowed to grow up with his IVF sister he wanted than be SPLIT up? Shouldn’t the best interest of children count more than adults who lie and break laws? Does an IVF father have the right to exercise his parental rights OR should he be forced to abandon his other IVF child?

A US Court on one side cites that India has not signed the Hague Treaty on Child Abduction and therefore is justified in not allowing an Indian citizen minor to go to India and lie to him. While on the other side the US laws require a “genetic link” between US parents and children born outside the US like IVF children. The right answer is to have US laws catch up with technology like IVF. Regardless of the justification, splitting innocent siblings is NOT the right answer, especially when done knowingly. No country has laws for IVF children and families but while we as a humanity struggle to get there, why SPLIT up innocent siblings whose only fault is to be born IVF? These hate crimes against innocent IVF family need to stop whether it is 2014 or 2114 (by when, the hope is equal rights for IVF children and families will exist). Just as it was wrong in 1800 to deny rights to a slave because of their skin color despite it being legal, it is wrong to SPLIT innocent IVF children and family. Crimes have occurred because no prevailing laws allows the current scenario. What action has been taken against the people responsible for the hate crimes against innocent IVF children and family?

Bullying and intimidating an IVF father and his IVF children is not the right answer, passing equal rights for IVF children and families is the right answer. When one has been left to die but they survive, a new beginning dawns. For us, it is to legalize our IVF children because they are living human beings who deserve their basic human rights and child rights.

Happy World Embryology Day

Thirty six years ago, he world’s first IVF child was born. Wishing everyone a Happy World Embryology day if you care. Some famous people born in IVF-Cruelty1978 as well are Ashton Kutcher, Zoe Saldana, Tia and Tamera Mowry, Usher, Kobe Bryant, Katie Holmes, first IVF baby in the world – Louise Brown, India’s first IVF baby – Durga. Sadly, we still do not have equal rights for IVF children and families.

Technology is wonderful when used correctly and thanks to the hard work of scientists, researchers for doing their part for the progress of humanity. Whose job is it to have laws that keep pace with technology? Have they done their job? What happens when the laws fall short and innocent IVF children are victimized with no justice? Whose responsibility and accountability is that?

In 1978, there were about 4.3 billion people and 2 IVF children.

In 2012, there were about 7.1 billion people and the 5 millionth IVF child was delivered.

In 2012, the CDC estimated 1% of all births in US were through IVF and expect all births to be about 5% soon.

By 2020, the population is estimated to be about 7.7 billion and the IVF industry is expected to double (maybe the number of IVF children born will also double as a conservative estimate?)

When will IVF be a “big enough” issue to start caring? And it is about the innocent, voiceless IVF children – the most vulnerable of the vulnerable. When will we as a society wake up? What will it take for us as a society to wake up? 

If “IVF” is an “industry”, then what is it “product” and who is protecting their rights? Should any industry be regulated especially where billions of dollars are involved? Especially where innocent children’s lives may be at risk? Especially where innocent children’s welfare may be endangered?

If “IVF” is to help infertile or dysfertile people, who helps the IVF children? What are the rights of IVF children when born during a divorce? Do they deserve a legal identity or should they be shoved under the carpet and make them invisible? Does that solve the problem?

When a straight couple who is dealing with infertility, are both spouses impacted with the lack of laws for IVF children and families? When gay couples, lesbian couples, single men, single women, infertile couples attempt to solve their “dysfertility” with help of other compassionate human beings, should there also be laws to help them and the IVF children? Or should such people be discriminated and falsely persecuted for daring to dream to have a child through help of technology? Worse their innocent IVF children should be punished for crimes they did not commit and for the actions of their parents.

Every IVF journey is unique. Some result in not having a IVF child at all despite multiple attempts which sadly failed. The worst is having an IVF child who is born into legal limbo and not having any rights as a living, breathing human being. Sadly, pets have more rights in some cases. 

This year on World Embryology Day, let us pledge for equal rights for IVF children and families. This includes the entire IVF fraternity – the donors, the surrogates, the IVF clinics and medical professionals, the intended parents, and most importantly the IVF child. If there are laws for international child adoption, if there are laws for international child abduction, why are there no laws for international IVF children? More importantly, in absence of these laws, how do innocent victims get justice? 

The cornerstone of any IVF cycle is compassion of a fellow human being. It is the essence of our humanity. Let us hope that is NOT lost.

Respect – Living the Life as A Woman

I am a male. I am not transgender, I am not intersex/DSD, I am not a woman. But having experiences like family caregiving, infertility, primary care provider for children which are “traditionally” associated with women has provided me with a fresh perspective on what it may have been like to live as a woman and undergo abuse for centuries. The worst is that my gender is punishing my innocent children which has forced me to speak up. I have learnt a lot from Susan Anthony’s, Rosa Parks’s and other women in the world and also from likes of Scotsboro boys’. While there is no comparison to what women have gone through for centuries; the injustice, neglect, abuse is what is in common – which is why there is Respect for living as a woman. Sadly, it is a cycle of being used, abused and discarded by others that we find in common. When will we have laws to protect hate crimes against IVF children and families?

1) When I was abused, I stayed silent. The law enforcement tells me that I should have spoken up then and its too late to get justice now. Does that mean the abuse did not occur? When laws were broken forcefully, I stayed silent. The law enforcement tells me that I should have reported the crimes. Does that mean the crimes did not occur? Ironically, plight of some IVF children today is what was done to innocent intersex children which is lies, fraud and manipulation.

2) If there are rape trauma crises centers, if there are sexual abuse trauma crises centers, if there are child abuse trauma crises centers, where are the IVF trauma crises centers? Having crises centers for different issues implies two things – 1) There is acceptance of facts and the need to act to protect the innocent and 2) Qualified professionals trained to act in the best interest of the victim – medical, legal, financial, etc.

In the absence of IVF trauma centers, are we as a society not wanting to accept the facts and that IVF trauma does not exist and it is better to shove the truth under the carpet like the way our society dealt with concealment based approach in treating intersex people or taking away innocent children from their biological mothers during the government approved “baby scoop era”? In the absence of IVF trauma centers, are we as a society failing to provide qualified professionals to victims including innocent IVF children and until justice is received, does it mean the victimization and abuse continues which is blessed by the system due to its inaction and lack of laws?

3) If a woman is pregnant and her spouse abandons the child and the mother-to-be, it is a sinking feeling. Is it like getting kicked in the stomach as a pregnant woman? As a left-behind parent, one moves on for the sake of the child with no child support, loss of dignity and respect for innocent child, possible character humiliations, loss of job, career, separation from family and friends, etc. Same is true for a left-behind IVF parent of an abandoned IVF child, one finds the strength and courage to move on for the sake of the child despite being a male as the society and laws deem “fathers” are “second-class” parents.

If a woman who is abandoned while pregnant, what if the spouse runs away with the older child? This leaves the woman to deal with her pregnancy all alone, provide welfare of the child on her own AND the trauma of losing a child whom she loves. Worse, the older child will not be afforded the love of a sibling he wanted because the parent has split them. In all this, the mother raises the abandoned child through the trauma and hopes someday her children will be UNITED. Is an IVF father of two split siblings allowed to have the same feeling?

If an intended parent abandons an IVF pregnancy after giving consent, who pays the surrogate and what are her rights and whose responsibility it it to raise the IVF child? Is the surrogate also considered a woman whose rights have been violated if left abandoned with an IVF child?

4) For centuries women have been the “traditional family caregiver” and for most part they still are in a majority now. A family caregiver can be in multiple roles – as a parent, child, sibling, etc. However, insenuations have existed like “being a housewife is not a real job”, “stay at home mothers” do not contribute to society, etc. Yet as loving mothers or spouses or daughters or sisters as they are, they continue to spread their love (often in silence) regardless of what laws say or what society thinks while giving up their true potential, ambitions, careers. Same is true as a spouse caregiver of intersex/DSD who is forced into silence.

And when women started asking for their rights be it rape, disenfranchisement, abuse, violence, sexual harassment, etc. initially, it was written off as “being emotional”. That was last century and it may be true even today in several parts of the world. An immigrant, IVF father feels the same way and demand for rights is discarded as “being emotional” while failing to recognize that it is the innocent IVF children who are the ones being punished because of their parent’s gender. Just like Susan Anthony’s of the world, one must continue to fight for the truth regardless of how long it takes.

5) If a woman uses her egg and gets help from a sperm donor and surrogate, she can legally take the child anywhere while if a man uses his sperm and gets help from a egg donor and surrogate, the same is not true. Who is the real victim – the IVF father or the innocent IVF child? Like any parent – mother or father, gay or straight, black or white or Asian, child with Autism or a learning challenge, etc, etc – any parent will speak up when their child is abused, violated and worse used as a “tool”. Every human being has rights, including an innocent IVF child of an IVF father.

6) There is no “I” in infertility or IVF. Dealing with infertility first requires lot of patience and compassion from fellow human beings. “I” cannot do anything. The anxiety, the sleepless nights, the pain, the suffering, the trauma, the loss of child, the failed IVF cycles, the multiple trips to the IVF clinic filled with hope, the thumbing through online forums, the blessing of a IVF child, the joy and celebration of an IVF child, etc etc affects any person dealing with IVF and infertility – it is NOT a woman or man thing, it is a HUMAN thing. Having lived through these experiences which are traditionally associated with women dealing with fertility, it has given a unique perspective on even how innocent IVF children are victimized due to being born to a “man” VS. “woman”. Our society and laws have a long way to catch up.

7) It has taken centuries and lots of abuse, violation of rights, trauma for women to begin to get equal rights in the workplace. When will men get equal rights at home in the family especially in the best interest of innocent children?

8) To the naysayers, I ask a simple question, exactly what more do you want out of a spouse – male, female, straight, gay, lesbian, intersex, otherwise?

  • You have a traumatic condition, you deal with it together and become a spouse caregiver,
  • One spouse wants silence at the cost of abuse to the other spouse, you give silence,
  • One spouse wants to lie, fraud and break the laws, you give in to the threats and abuse in silence,
  • One spouse is infertile, you deal with it together using IVF,
  • One spouse is under medical treatment and trauma preventing to be a “primary care provider” for the child, you become a primary care provider for the IVF child in silence,
  • The IVF child both love wants a sibling, both give joint consent to have a second IVF child, one spouse decides to abandon the child while the other is left to pick up the pieces including giving up his son whom he loves AND his son having to give up his primary care provider and a sister he wanted.

Perhaps the spouse is looking for slaves including innocent children with no human rights in 2014? 

Don’t give me love, don’t give me compassion, just give me respect and truth.

If being in a intersex/DSD marriage which the laws do not recognize, if becoming a spouse caregiver of DSD/intersex for a surgery which UN considers torture, if dealing with infertility with respect for the infertile spouse, if raising IVF children due to ongoing medical treatment of the spouse, if dealing with multiple lack of laws for issues like intersex, IVF, immigration in 2014 is too new is RESPECT, then all I ask is to give RESPECT to my innocent children if not me and UNITE them.

Had equal rights for intersex, equal rights for IVF children and families existed, would innocent IVF siblings have been SPLIT? Economic deprivation and loss of financial resources directly threatens the right to get justice in 2014 because no counsel works for free.

After Five Failed IVF Attempts, An IVF Sibling is Abandoned

It’s a wonderful life, the American dream of an immigrant. Come to the US for education, get a job, work hard, get a home, get a family, have children Failed-IVF-Learningand live happily everafter. Wrong…if you are a proud IVF father like Maulik, these are not your rights and worse, neither are they rights of your innocent IVF children. More than the material comforts, more than an academic education at the highest levels, one thing America teaches is all humans are equal and all have an opportunity to live freely. One should have the courage to say the truth and fight for what’s right. Whether these “ideals” hold true for an immigrant, IVF father part of an intersex family in 2014 or whether he and his innocent, voiceless IVF children will be persecuted remains to be seen. After 5 failed IVF attempts, one cannot ask an IVF father to just abandon his IVF child. She is very much wanted. Maulik can come to America but not without his daughter as was intended.

When someone is a criminal who breaks laws, it is not about their race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, it is about the person having criminal intent. Abandoning an IVF child is wrong today and regardless of any future laws passed, abandoning children will remain criminal and a crime against the humanity of the innocent child. It is one thing to abuse a man for being born a man but to abuse his IVF children is whole another issue. The trauma of an IVF journey unfolds in different ways for every person going through it – fertile or infertile, male or female, donor or surrogate, and yes most importantly the IVF child! For an intended parent to have given consent for an IVF child and not declare the IVF pregnancy in a divorce filing is ignoring their basic rights as a human being and using them as a “tool” in the war on fertility. The innocent, voiceless IVF child is NOT A TOOL. What next, create clones for heart transplants because the patient needs a heart and when the heart is removed from the clone, let the clone die? No, the clone also has human rights because they are born human.

Follow your heart -its the inside that counts, right? In any person’s life, in any person’s married life, the true test comes when one of the spouse is struck with a traumatic situation. Will the other spouse or partner stay in the relationship, offer support to a fellow human being, even become a caregiver if need be? It is not the material benefits like a house, cars, luxury, etc. that make up a life, when a human is in need, the one thing they MOST VALUE is support of a fellow human being. Does being a young, male, spouse caregiver of an intersex patient who just had intersex surgery count?

One of the WORST ways you can hurt a fellow human being is by hurting their innocent, voiceless children. It is not ruining a person financially, legally, or even killing them, when you abuse someone’s children with NO JUSTICE, a person breaks down and is living dead but has to continue living for the sake of their victimized children. Is alienating one IVF sibling from rest of his loving, biological family AND abandoning another IVF sibling in legal limbo count as the worst way to treat a human being in a white collar crime? Would water boarding of an adult which has been called as a torture be better than this because the real victims here are innocent IVF siblings who are being punished for crimes they did not commit.

For any parent, injustice and abuse against their children is intolerable. If parents speak up not using the “R” word for their children or wanting inclusion in school activities for all children or wanting a foot bridge over a bayou for their children on their way to school, is it too much to ask for an IVF parent to have proper LEGAL status for their IVF children? Only if a person has proper legal identity then they have legal rights until then they have no legal rights because they legally do not exist even though they exist physically.

Test of Time – Change with Truth

It is not 1414 that you can convince someone easily that earth is the center of the universe and everything revolves round the earth. Copernicus was Love-Honesty-Truth-Respect-Nothinghere, Galileo was here. Despite being falsely persecuted repeatedly, they believed in facts and science and eventually were not only proven right but changed the perception of ALL of humanity then and the billions to follow over the centuries. The power of truth has the will and courage to stand the test of time AND usher change.

Its 2014 and maybe you can convince someone that a “mother” is the ONLY primary caregiver for a child. Then how do we explain “mother” for gay parents or should gay parenting be banned? When a gay couple who are two genetic males have a child, they both love the child but only one is a biological parent if it was an IVF child. Do they try to breastfeed the child when there is no milk? If a person has an unfortunate medical event like heart surgery or breast surgery or knee surgery or whatever, it is documented TRUTHFULLY and a doctor’s note is given to avoid certain activities and give time to heal and take some precautions. It may take a few days to few weeks to few months or few years to heal depending on the surgery and its effects. Sometimes its a lifestyle change like for example a heart patient. Or if you break your knee, you can have surgery but you may never be able to play certain sports ever again depending on the medical event. What TRUTH is revealed when an intersex person undergoes an unnecessary surgery deemed “torture” by the UN? If the surgery is documented FRAUDULENTLY as if it never happened, then are there any precautions or “doctor’s note” to avoid certain activities? Like with a broken knee and hormonal therapy which includes severe depression, trauma, irritability, anxiety, tiredness, exhaustion, etc. one should WAIT to have a child? Denying facts is denying rights and justice to others. There are people in this world who believe the Holocaust never happened, then what about justice for the victims if the event never occurred? It is important to accept facts first so everyone can move forward.

Who is a mother?

Is it the woman whose egg was used, or is it the surrogate who carried the child to term or is it the primary caregiver for the child through the tender years? Between two genetic males who is the “mother”? Given certain circumstances, could the traditional role of a “mother” be a father? There are lot of infertile women who are wonderful mothers but were they dealing with intersex surgery and knee surgery and its medical effects? There are lots of adoptive mothers who are wonderful mothers but were they dealing with intersex surgery and knee surgery and its medical effects? There may be lot of intersex people who are good parents but did any of them lie, cheat and fraud subject matter experts like lactation consultant and pediatrician that they were in fact a genetic male and they did not have a “surgical menopause” in their 20s to remove ovaries but it was to remove testes. It may not mean much socially (maybe it does and thats why the secrecy and stigma) but the TRUTH means a lot to an innocent infant who is being starved and cries endlessly when attempted to be breastfed with no milk by a genetic male.

Just like Galileo made a scientific notation that earth is not the center of the universe despite almost a 100% opposition, an intersex person undergoing medical treatment from an unnecessary intersex surgery and a knee surgery needs time to stabilize and cannot be a primary caregiver for the infant for some time. We have to WAIT. So then who raised the infant? Could it be the ONLY other adult in the home – the father? A loving father who waited years to have a child, a loving father who loves children in general, a loving father who was DENIED and forced to lie about his FIRST father’s day because the intersex patient would have a significant “trauma” if the TRUTH were to be revealed about her infertility and being intersex. So do other human beings have human rights or is it a CRIME to be married to an intersex person and one must SUPPRESS their emotions for their own child?

Just because an IVF father did not report the abuse, violence, trauma against him and his IVF child does NOT mean it did not occur. Failure to continue to stay quiet would only create more INNOCENT VICTIMS. The cycle of secrecy, lies, fraud, cheating has to end.

Let us hope we will live in a world where TRUTH is more prevalent. Gays, lesbians, intersex people have equal rights. People who break laws are criminals and people who abuse children or endanger the welfare of the children are criminals. Criminals come in all forms – they can be white, black, Asian, Latino and can be straight, gay, lesbian, intersex. There is NO discrimination in being a criminal, is their discrimination against IVF children and families?

During the baby scoop era, from the 1940s to 1970s, lot of innocent children were forcefully taken away from their biological mothers because they were “single”. Today no one would dare to do that. In fact single motherhood is celebrated and there are specific laws to address that including child support. In the 2000s, IVF parents are discriminated against because of their biology and gender and their IVF kids are taken away from them only because they were born IVF and the laws do not exist to address their facts of being an immigrant IVF family. Innocent IVF children are abandoned with no responsibility or accountability towards the consenting parent for changing their mind and abandoning an innocent child. When will left-behind IVF parents, when will abandoned IVF children, when will split IVF siblings get justice? In 2020? 2030? 2040? never in their lifetime?

Inspired by Dale Henson, IVF is here to Stay, where are the equal rights for IVF children and families?

Recently, Dallas TV reporter made one point clear that it is important to be on the right side of history and given time, things will change with greater it-could-have-been-yousocial acceptance. We need to speak TODAY with our eye on the FUTURE. In the meantime, innocent victims are being created. In 2014, a gay man coming out in NFL is “news”, will it be news in 5-10-200 years from now? More importantly, does he have equal rights? What are the rights of an immigrant IVF father and his IVF children in 2014? When will it be socially acceptable to have loving IVF fathers and not PUNISH their innocent IVF children for being born to a male?

An IVF father spends sleepless nights in US because of anxiety and calling to India to know the status of his IVF child in a surrogate’s womb in India but his “love” is “less”.

An IVF father travels across the globe multiple times to have lovely IVF children but thats not “enough” of a sacrifice and love to have equal laws.

An IVF father is denied his joy and celebration on birth of his first child 3 days before father’s day because an infertile person must not be “outed”. The feelings of an overjoyed IVF father who spent endless months of sleepless nights are LESS than the emotions of an infertile person wanting to keep everything secret. Isn’t the point to love and celebrate the child more important than a secretive, lying adult?

What happens when an immigrant IVF father tries to give human rights to a person where laws itself fall short? Are his and his IVF children’s rights protected also? Is it OK to cannibalize human rights of others to achieve your own or is it a greater good to petition for change in laws rather than break the laws?

If we can break laws for intersex, immigrant, infertile adults today, is it still a crime and will it always remain a crime to abandon an innocent, voiceless IVF child with no responsibility and/or accountability? Get on the right side of history.

An IVF father cares for his IVF child (primary caregiver) because his spouse is undergoing medical treatment but thats not “enough” of a sacrifice love to have equal laws.

Who is the “mother” or the question is who is the “primary caregiver” who shares a close bond with the child meaning what does the child want? Is the “mother” the egg donor with the genetic link or the surrogate who carried the child during the pregnancy or is it the primary caregiver through his tender years? What is the child’s “mother tongue” – the language any child learns to speak first based on their proximity and bond with their primary caregiver.

An IVF father changes his job so that he can spend more time with his IVF child while raising him but thats not “enough” of a sacrifice and love to have equal laws.

An IVF father changes diapers, feeds the child, does not abuse the child by wanting to breastfeed or shaking or snapping at him, puts him to sleep, singing home made lullabies on how the IVF father waited half a world away for his IVF child to arrive but thats not “enough” of “love” to have equal laws.

An IVF father takes the IVF child to golf days or library days or zoo days or museum days or play dates but thats not “enough” of “love” to have equal laws.

An IVF father wants to provide his child his wish, a SIBLING – again through IVF but thats not “enough” of “love” and both the IVF father and the innocent IVF child should be DENIED the love of another child/sibling. It must be a heinous crime for an IVF father to want to provide a sibling for his IVF child. Get on the right side of history.

An IVF father is placed in a Sophie’s Choice predicament in the Nazi times, pick one child over the other. Is any parent’s love divided among their children or is it shared? But thats not “enough” of “love” to have equal laws.

A gay father can tell the truth to his daughter but an IVF father cannot tell the truth to his IVF child lest an infertile person’s rights be offended. Do other people have rights including innocent IVF children?

A gay immigrant cannot bring his child born outside the US through IVF, neither can an intersex immigrant IVF father. Equality.

It is a crime to forcefully breastfeed infants by males due to lack of milk but the infant has no rights and deserves to be abused.

It is a crime to abandon a child but not when it is an international IVF child – maybe their lives are not as precious, is that what the IVF brother will think  about his IVF sister he wanted – get on the right side of history.

It is a crime to suppress facts to the court, lie to the court, perjury, filing false cases, but that’s OK because the rights of a secretive, lying adult are more CRITICAL than the rights of innocent, voiceless IVF children.

US laws require a “genetic link” between a US parent and child born outside the US but that’s OK, we will just steal a child “legally” from a loving IVF father much like the “baby scoop era” and give the child to a non-genetic parent instead of changing the laws. How about getting on the right side of history?

Can one achieve human rights by cannibalizing the human rights of others? What are the rights of an intersex spouse caregiver who is frauded, lied, abused? What are the rights of immigrant, IVF fathers? More importantly, what are the rights of IVF siblings of an immigrant, IVF father?

Do current US laws which are anti-IVF create situations like Sandy Hatte, Ann Pettway where women are forced to steal, lie, fraud, cheat children from other people? More importantly, what are the rights of the child? Do they deserve to live freely? Do they deserve to grow up lovingly and carefree? Do they deserve to grow up with siblings? Do they deserve to learn to be compassionate and loving and if you follow your heart, one cannot go wrong despite the unequal laws?

Instead of saying a thousand lies to hide one lie, how about just getting on the right side of history and providing equal rights for IVF children and families. It is inevitable. Do it now while we can still save innocent childhoods rather than apologies later.

Evil IVF Cruelty Justified For Now in the Name of “Love”

It is one thing when individuals discriminate, but when institutions, governments and laws discriminate, where do you turn to for IVF-Crueltyjustice? It is an evil cruelty for an IVF family in 2014.

It is one thing for the government and laws to discriminate – it is not new but to force a parent to discriminate against their own children because their only fault is to be born IVF takes it to whole another level. Slavery was legal 200 years ago but was and still is discrimination, women suffrage for equal rights was illegal and is discrimination, racism was legal but is discrimination, apartheid was legal but is discrimination, gay rights are transitioning but is discrimination, IVF rights are non-existent and IS and WILL BE discrimination.

A gestational IVF mother is DENIED US passports for her IVF children because she used donor eggs and had no genetic link. More than four years later, the laws are changed to allow a gestational mother to get US passports for her IVF children. But a biological IVF father cannot get US passport for his IVF daughter. Why this discrimination based on biology and gender? Why this evil cruelty? Is it the love and character of a parent that counts?

Whether infidelity during marriage is a moral crime and/or a legal crime depends on the jurisdiction where the act is committed. However, if you have a child born due to the infidelity, the child is considered “born out of wedlock” and you are held responsible for the child. ALL IVF CHILDREN born to US parents outside the US are legally considered as “born out of wedlock”. So if a fertile spouse tries to have an IVF child due to the infertility of their spouse or because they are a gay couple, why should their IVF child be termed “born out of wedlock” by the laws? It is OFFENSIVE. Is there a marriage or is there not? Or is it a crime to be married to an infertile person and wanting to help and have a lovely child through IVF? As US President Obama said, “Words have meaning” and calling my IVF baby “as born out of wedlock” and the associated stigma and falsehood is offensive. There is a term for it in the English dictionary and its deragatory – it is time to update the offensive language in the laws and stop calling someone’s baby ugly. Why this evil cruelty?

If two IVF children are born the same way through the same biological parent and NOT a donor, they are brother and sister and were intended to grow up together and have a lasting bond as siblings. In 2014, these rights to innocent, voicless IVF siblings is ONLY granted if born of the same mother and is DENIED if born of the same father. The gender of the biological parent is used to discriminate against innocent IVF brother and sister. We hope to see a world when the gender of a parent will not matter as much but their love and character will matter more. After all, if you did not care about children, why would you go through so much trouble of having a child through IVF and that too after repeated failed attempts. Why this evil cruelty?

If a male gets a woman pregnant and then decides to abandon the innocent child, the male is still held accountable and responsible for the innocent child. But if an intersex person (also a genetic male) decides to abandon an IVF child leaving them in the tender care of the child’s father, the intersex person is NOT held accountable or responsible for the welfare of the child? WHY? Are the needs of the IVF child LESS than that of a natural born child? We wait for justice to arrive for the IVF child – recognition as a normal human being. Why this evil cruelty?

If a young, male, spouse leaves a marriage when the spouse is diagnosed with a traumatic condition, they may be looked down upon but they are in the majority – 83% male spouses do that. Instead if you stay in the marriage and become a caregiver giving up on your career dreams, long-term health, personal trauma, you will be in a minority and there are NO laws to protect you. If a PAID caregiver trips and falls in your house while providing care, they are covered by insurance BUT if you fall, or fall sick or breakdown or suffer or fall ill, or just end up becoming a SLAVE to the lack of rights for intersex, IVF, immigrants, there is NO insurance for you, there is NO laws for you, there is NO justice for you. WORSE, your kids also deserve to get PUNISHED. WORSE YET, your kids who are innocent and have committed no crimes get punished while the real perpetrators and co-conspirators walk free. The worst part is other intersex, IVF, immigrants cannot repeat this meaning the laws have still not changed, this person just happens to be extremely selfish (which most are) but who also happens to be a criminal who has broken laws and endangered the welfare of innocent children. Why this evil cruelty?

We look for a world when innocent get justice – when IVF children and families get justice – when innocent brother and sister are treated EQUALLY.

Scorecard of Intersex and IVF family rights – When Will Justice Arrive?

“To brush aside America’s responsibility as a leader and — more profoundly — our responsibilities to our fellow human beings under such circumstances would have been a betrayal of who we are,” Obama said. “Some nations may be able to turn a blind eye to atrocities in other countries. The United States of America is different.” – US President Obama in March 2011 as the Arab Spring commenced.

  1. The US did not legalize same-sex marriage till 2013. Been there, done that in 1999 without knowledge, does that mean no fraud occurred?Intersex-IVF-Scorecard
  2. The US did not legalize immigration for same-sex spouses till 2013. Did that before 2013 without informed consent, does it make the immigration valid or was their fraud?
  3. The US still does not legalize same-sex marriages if the marriage is not recognized where it occurred. India still does not allow same-sex marriages where an intersex marriage occurred. Does this mean that other intersex people can now legally marry?
  4. Other countries like India, Australia, New Zealand, Germany offer a legal “third gender”, the US still does not offer this option to its citizens and forces people into a gender binary leading to other unintended consequences including lying, secrecy, fraud, breaking the laws.
  5. The UN Special Rapporteur on Torture called for a STOP on intersex surgery in 2013. Did that in 2002 under severe trauma, torture in silence and abuse. Is denial of facts mean denial of justice?
  6. The US law requires a “genetic link” between a US parent and a child born outside the US – very relevant to IVF children. Then how does an infertile US parent legally bring  a child born outside the US without a genetic link?
  7. The US law does not allow an immigrant IVF father to bring their own biological IVF child without a “mother”. Then how do immigrant single fathers, gay fathers, intersex fathers bring their IVF child born outside the US legally to the US? But if you are an immigrant mother, you can bring your biological IVF child. Cheers to single mothers and lesbians but IVF fathers have to live through their “baby scoop era”. Why this discrimination based on gender of a parent? Does the innocent child care?
  8. To rise above the discrimination and to move forward, why are there NO laws to disclose ALL ongoing IVF pregnancies when filing for divorce so that the court can decide the best interest of the children of a marriage? Hiding behind lack of laws and lack of jurisdiction is not the answer, the right answer is to provide relief and justice to innocent, voiceless IVF children caught up in legal limbo and deliberately placed in that situation. Call it the baby Medhavi law. If there are international laws for child abduction and child adoption, why are there no international laws for international IVF/surrogacy children in the children’s best interest?
  9. People make mistakes, we are humans. People also fraud documentation misleading courts and breaking laws and denying due process to other human beings including innocent IVF children. People also break laws for their selfish interests, it is up to the justice system to have the complete TRUTH revealed and respect the prevailing laws. Above all, the basic human dignity and respect of innocent IVF children should be upheld and provide a pathway for relief.
  10. As per US study, 83% of males leave their spouse when encountered with a severe trauma making a young, male, spouse caregiver a minority. Less than 1% of all births in US were through IVF in 2012. Have two lovely IVF children before then – again a minority. Living as a minority within minority and worse experiencing double discrimination both for self and innocent IVF siblings. When will justice arrive?

If you need validation whether equal rights for IVF children and families are needed, we invite you to come look into the big brown eyes of a 4 year old abandoned IVF child and rediscover your mind, heart, and humanity. Do the right thing.

We need more of Susan B. Anthony, Mahatma Gandhi, Rosa Parks, Dr. King, Madiba, Edie Windsor and not more of Ann Pettway or Sandy Hatte – people who fight based on truth and not based on secrecy, lies, fraud and relentless breaking the laws. Cannibalizing human rights of others especially innocent children is no way to achieve any human rights.

Justified Discrimination of IVF Children

For ALL those who say that no crimes have been committed against an abandoned innocent IVF child, we invite you to have the courage and strength toDiscrimination-IVF-Open your eyes look a 4 year old IVF child in her big brown eyes and say the same thing. Your mind, your heart, your humanity will render you speechless and force you to do the RIGHT THING which is to stop this discrimination of IVF. Every human life is sacred including an innocent IVF child who is used as a “tool” to secure their sibling by splitting them. Having anti-IVF laws is one thing but to use them against innocent, voiceless IVF children takes it to whole different level. Even if no IVF laws were broken (since they do not exist), were human rights violated, were innocent children abused, was there endangerment of the welfare of innocent IVF children deliberately, was there malicious and deliberate intent to split innocent IVF brother and sister, was there fraud, was there perjury, was there lying, was there breaking of laws, is it a crime against the humanity of the innocent IVF children? The right answer is to never have this happen again to any innocent IVF child. People who are pedophiles or murderers or criminals may also be parents and may also be good parents but they still are criminals. IVFphiles are people who place an “order” for an IVF child and then later abandon them once born with no responsibility or accountability towards the child – is that a crime against the humanity of the innocent, voiceless IVF child? What is the justice for innocent IVF children to move forward – stay in legal limbo and grow up separated for no fault of theirs or be united and grow up together as intended? The biggest jurors are the innocent IVF children and everyone else is either a messenger or an agent of change because the biggest punishment is on the innocent IVF siblings for crimes they did not commit – look in their eyes and then decide.

Even after 60 years, sibling bonds stay strong like the unions between North and South Koreans showing that NO government can split siblings.

Regardless of time, abandoning IVF children is a crime against their humanity today and will remain so forever. Splitting innocent IVF siblings will never be the right solution, apologies like for the “baby scoop era” may follow decades later only to prove the decision to split the innocent IVF siblings for crimes they did not commit was wrong. Copernicus and Galileo had a tough time convincing people of the scientific facts over 500 years ago and they were even persecuted at first but over the years and decades their truth prevailed. The 99.99% people who opposed them all came to accept the universal truth. Its been over 1600 days since the IVF siblings have wrongfully been split and even after 16000 days, it will still be wrong.

The current situation of lack of laws for IVF children and families is like placing a staircase in front of a wheelchair bound person. We need a ramp which is to provide equal rights to IVF children and families.

In a recent US Department of State announcement, gestational mothers who carried their IVF children to term who were conceived through donor eggs and sperm will be considered “at par” with birth mothers for immigration. More importantly, their IVF children will be given equal rights. When will there be equal rights for immigrant IVF fathers and his IVF children? 

Allowing a person to live freely and truthfully is the single-biggest human right regardless of the era and discrimination in different forms has always been around only to be defeated.

  • In the 1800s, if you were black in the US and did not want to be a slave OR
  • if you did not want to become a Sati in India OR
  • in 1900s during the women suffrage movement, women wanted equal pay for equal work (a struggle ongoing even after a hundred years) OR
  • the various colonies wanting freedom from their imperialists OR
  • the Jews wanting freedom from the atrocities of Holocaust OR
  • the civil rights movement in the US simply wanting equal treatment based on who they are and not based on color of the skin OR
  • the single mothers whose biological children were forcefully taken away from them during the baby scoop era only because “singlehood” was not socially acceptable OR
  • the apartheid movement in South Africa OR
  • the gay rights movement in 2000s.

There has ALWAYS been DISCRIMINATION of sorts and as a humanity we solve one thing at a time often too slowly for some innocent victims with no relief or justice.

While we are struggling as human beings to move forward towards equality for all, cannibalizing others human rights especially innocent children is NO way to achieve one’s own human rights. If it is a crime to discriminate based on race, familial status, religion, sex, national origin, age or disability, then why is it NOT a crime to discriminate based on birth type – natural born Vs. IVF born?

The first step to ANY discrimination is acceptance. However as human psychology unfolds, it sometimes takes years, decades, centuries before enough humans ACCEPT the discrimination. Till then there is DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL and various logical and legal arguments presented to justify the discrimination. In the end truth prevails! Its 2014, and what is the state of the union for IVF discrimination?

Best Interest of the Child

Divorces happen. They are horrible especially from the perspective of the children. Yet it may be the best thing possible for the two adults who simply divorce-ivf-best-interest-of-childcannot get along. There is no blaming, there is just moving on including the “best interest of the child“? Immigrant, intersex, infertile people deserve human rights. Exactly how many other people’s human rights have to be violated AND how many laws have to be broken for them to have a child at any and all costs? If parents of intersex are ONLY thinking about the best interest of their child, is it OK for an IVF parent to ask for equal rights for his IVF children and all other IVF children? Secrecy and lies do not help anyone especially the victims of silent abuse – certainly does not bring about any change in laws and the lack of laws continues to foster an environment for people to be forced into secrecy, lies, cheating, fraud, breaking the laws for selfish, ulterior motives and not “best interest of the child”.

Despite what the conventional wisdom says, the best interest of the child is TRUTH – ask any intersex child. For decades the conventional wisdom to treat intersex children was a concealment based approach involving a big conspiracy to lie, secrecy, fraud documentation, illegal surgeries and so on. Now the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for stop to these intersex surgeries, any conventional wisdom to day says TRUTH is better than decades of secrecy and lying, fraud medical records are a crime. Same applies to IVF children – TRUTH. If its trauma for intersex children, what is it for spouse and IVF children in an intersex marriage as these traumatic changes occur?

If a divorce occurs, what is the most important issue if children are involved?

If a divorce occurs, will innocent, voiceless IVF siblings be split?

If a divorce occurs, do two innocent lives deserve to be punished for crimes they did not commit?

If a divorce occurs, it is not about who is the better parent? Is it about what parent can set a better example in the child’s best interest?

If a divorce is granted between two genetic males in 2009 in Texas, it is legal? Will the child be raised to respect laws? And is it better to change the laws or break the laws?

Intersex people cannot legally marry nor can have children, will the child be raised to fight for equal rights or break the laws and silence everyone and abusing them?

Will the child be raised with values of compassion, love, respect for laws, humanity, a positive contributor to society, truth? Or will he be forced into a secret life of lies, fraud, breaking the laws, constricting freedom?

Is it a crime to provide human rights to intersex, infertile people within the four walls of your home where the laws and government itself fall short?

Will the child be raised as a man who respects women including infant baby girls who do not deserve to be abandoned?

Will the child be raised as a man who respects intersex people?

Will the child be raised as a man who respects diversity?

Will the child be raised as a man who shows love for family?

Will the child be raised as a man to step in as a primary care provider for a child while the spouse is under medical treatment for surgeries and unable to dispense duties as a “traditional, stereotype” mother.

Will the child be raised as a man to be anti-stereotype in silence and entailing abuse multiple times as an individual, a spouse, a parent and watch his innocent child be abused?

Will the child be raised with honesty and truth to ask for equal rights for IVF children and families or will the truth be hidden from him?

Will the child be raised to ask for equal rights for abandoned IVF children?

Will the child be raised to be a family caregiver if and when the need arises?

Will the child be raised to have the courage and strength to not die with faced with trauma after trauma after trauma with abuse after abuse after abuse?

Will the child be raised to have faith in the system where truth prevails and while justice may be delayed but it will not be denied?

Will the child be raised to respect laws?

To abandon a child to get another child, to abandon a sister to get her brother, to violate the most basic rights of the most vulnerable is not the pathway to good parenting. It is a crime against humanity from the perspective of the child. It is worth fighting for.