Tag Archives: adoption

Unregulated IVF

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a wonderful technology and like any other technology that humankind has invented, if it is misused or placed in love-compassion the wrong hands, it can create havoc. The product of a successful IVF is a wonderful IVF child – a HUMAN LIFE born. What are the RIGHTS of the innocent IVF child – a symbol of love and compassion?

Few Bad Apples

Out of a world of 7 billion, not all of us are murderers but we still have LAWS for the few bad apples. There are lobbies which are pro-IVF and others who want to ban IVF outright to some who are in the middle. Some comparing it to Frankenstein experiment to others confusing between IUI and IVF to others creating an industry out of solely run for the “paying adults”. What is indisputable is IVF should be regulated like any other technology because of a few bad apples. We cannot sit IDLE and RISK innocent lives. If IVF can be utilized for personal whims of a few bad apples, then should we allow HUMAN CLONING for the personal whims of a affluent human wanting an extra kidney or heart or liver or a child? IVF is also a technology used by infertile or dysfertile people. Most people either adopt or remain childless. That was the norm for centuries. In the last 35 years, this wonderful IVF technology came along and changed people’s perceptions, expectations, and hope. Infertility is traumatic and some people do desperate and terrible things like kidnapping or hurting or murder just to have a child. Their needs are satisfied but what about the needs of the CHILD?

Adoption has laws. Child Abduction has laws. There are NO laws for IVF/surrogacy children. Even if its inadvertent, this interim period provides a greenfield for some people who want an IVF child at any and all costs even if it violates the rights of other human beings like the surrogates or donors or the IVF child and discriminates. While rare, it is important to have a regulated industry just for those few bad apples. As a citizen, we can bring this to the attention of the government and they are listening and will take action. What happens to the IVF children in the meantime and do they have rights as human beings? Or since they are children and voiceless, is it OK to shun them or deprive them of their basic human dignity and rights?

Love and Compassion Or Losers?

In an unregulated industry, everyone loses in the long-term. In IVF, the biggest loser is the IVF child – a HUMAN LIFE. Sometimes LIES are harmless and sometimes LIES include breaking the laws. It is one thing to be infertile and it is another to LIE about it. It is one thing to be intersex and it is another to LIE about it. It is one thing to consent to IVF and it is another to ABANDON the IVF child with no help or support for the IVF child or the surrogate who carried the child to term. If an adult utilizes IVF for their personal amusement and changes their decision midway, what are the RIGHTS of the other loving and compassionate people in the process? What if there are medical complications at birth, who will pay for the surrogate and the IVF child? Who will pay for welfare and support of the IVF child? Can a mother of a natural born child have an ABORTION at 26 weeks term with NO threat to her life? Are the SAME things allowed in a natural pregnancy where a woman with NO threat to her life at 26 weeks term can ABORT the child? Why is the IVF child LESS of a child even if inadvertent? Who pays the surrogate on successful birth of an IVF child? Why is the surrogate mother LESS of a woman? What are the rights of the left-behind parent? Where is the basic human dignity and respect for a human life?

Regulations and Laws

Laws provide consistency, standards and relief for victims. We may not agree with the laws (like the ongoing equal marriage rights) and in that case it is better to campaign and get laws changed but NOT break the laws. There are international laws for child abduction and international laws for child adoption, where are the international laws for IVF/surrogacy children? In the interim are any rights being violated? Are the standards used for international adoption ALSO used for international IVF/surrogacy? What about IVF children who become STATELESS due to being ABANDONED by the “paying parent”? Do STATELESS children have rights? How do they go about moving on in life and starting to lead a decent life? For them, it is more about relief as victims rather than justice. Where is the relief for victims?

It does NOT matter how the relief comes. In the US, there is the American with Disabilities Act (ADA), do IVF children and families qualify for ADA? There are children with special needs, are we CREATING IVF children with special needs where the “special need” is lack of laws?

Adoption Vs. IVF

Infertility is very traumatic. There are lot of solutions to deal with infertility. What happens AFTER you have found On-Infertile-grounda solution? What is the best interest of the CHILD? Is the trauma of the infertile person GREATER than the best interest of the child? How many VICTIMS need to be created and be abused and violated to satiate the need of one infertile person? There are plenty of articles and information on whether to ADOPT or go for IVF/Surrogacy? This article will NOT focus on the “pre-decision” making process but rather rights of the “IVF child” and why are there differences in law? The best interest of the child remains the same regardless of whether adoption or IVF/Surrogacy, then why are laws NOT reflective of that? They say a child only knows LOVE and the biological link does not matter YET the laws are based on “biological link”. And when issues arise, the only thing one has to fall back on is LAWS. So it is important to discuss ADOPTION Vs. IVF/Surrogacy from a LAW perspective.

The laws for adoption are made with best interest of the child in mind FIRST. The best interest of the adoptive parents is secondary. Is the same true in IVF/Surrogacy?

0a) Adopted children are natural born and the science behind the natural birth of an adopted child is same as other natural born children.

0b) IVF children are born well through IVF. Scientific studies claim that because of the way IVF children are born, the hormones, the fertility treatments, the frozen samples or embryos, psychological state of parents using IVF (it is a very stressful time), etc. places IVF children at a “third higher risk of cancer” or “65% more likely to have leukemia” or “90% more likely to have brain cancer”.

1a) Adoption is well understood and regulated – both domestically and internationally thus providing a consistent, standardized way of dealing with adoption.

1b) IVF/Surrogacy Laws barely exist – from banned in some countries to allowance in others and there is NO international law for IVF/Surrogacy children creating situations where innocent, voiceless children are LEFT in a LEGAL LIMBO.

2a) If a 5 year old is adopted and taken away from his biological family, his biological family has a RIGHT to tell him the facts.

2b) If a 5 year old IVF son is taken away from his biological family, his biological family has NO rights to tell him the truth and are instead muzzled and silenced under threats.

3a) There is a use of subsidiarity principle in adoption where SIBLINGS are allowed to grow up together even though the parents may be non-biological.

3b) In an international IVF, IVF SIBLINGS maybe deliberately separated with NO legal consequences and there is NO regard for best interest of the children.

4a) In adoption, a homestudy by a licensed MSW or MA in Psychology is a MUST before a non-biological parent can adopt a child.

4b) In IVF/Surrogacy, anyone with MONEY can get a IVF/Surrogate child. There is NO requirement for equivalent of homestudy and somehow a “biological parent” already suffering from trauma of infertility is supposed to POSSESS the knowledge of a licensed MS or MA in Psychology. Even a pedophile can somehow take an IVF girl child legally.

5a) Adoptions typically take months to years and because of the heavy vetting process, a great deal is known about the future parent including any errant behavioral or psychological problems.

5b) In IVF/Surrogacy, MONEY talks. Once you have the money, get donors and surrogate lined up and place your order for a “baby” with NO vetting process. Heck, you could even place an “order for an IVF baby” and then later change your mind and ABANDON the IVF baby with NO legal consequences. What are the rights of the IVF child? What are the rights of the surrogate? What are the rights of the left-behind parent?

6a) Adoptions are highly and tightly regulated. In an international adoption, proper legal documents and paperwork needs to be followed including birth certificate and the corresponding passport and visas.

6b) IVF/Surrogacy has NO regulations and fraud documents can be secured with relative ease. After all, IVF is marketed as a “good thing” for the infertile parent and NOT as a “good thing” for the child. The paying customer for IVF industry is the “parent” and NOT the IVF child. Does the IVF child have a RIGHT to proper legal documents and proper LEGAL STATUS or are they also VICTIMS to their infertile parent’s whims?

In our changing world, it would  be NO longer correct to say that infertility is an issue only for women. How would we resolve gays having children? Even in heterosexual couples, there are cases where men are more caring than women due to various reasons. Are we as a society ready to accept the CHANGE? Then again, IVF/Surrogacy is all about CHANGE and is a 21st century issue, isn’t it?

Discrimination of IVF

There are international laws for child abduction, there are international laws for child adoption, but there are NOStanding Up For Children international laws for IVF/Surrogacy children. Why? Is this discrimination against IVF children and families? The argument is it could be inadvertent because IVF/Surrogacy laws are in its infancy but that does not mean there is NO discrimination. Is creating STATELESS IVF children a crime against the IVF child? Is it a crime against a human being?


In order for an inter-country adoption to be LEGAL, several steps have to be followed. The first one being a Home Study by a certified and accredited adoption agency – meaning a third party. They are not just going to “take your word for it” that you claim to become “good parents”. They come to your home, assess the environment of your home first-hand, go through the financial documents first-hand, assess your neighbourhood, may even meet your neighbours, your friends and family to get a better understanding of your daily life. They are NOT poking, they have come because the adoptive parent(s) invited them by signing up for adoption. They have come in the “best interest of the child”. The laws for adoption require a homestudy by a qualified MSW or MA Psychology person with 100s of questions that the certified agency uses in their evaluation of the homestudy.

In the case of IVF/surrogacy where ONE parent is “non-biological”, are similar guidelines followed in the “best interest of the child”? Is it the burden of the “biological parent” to do what a certified agency does? Is it the burden of the “biological parent” to have knowledge like that of a qualified MSW or MA Pscychology person and the 100s of questions that highly knowledgeable and learned people came up with years of experience for the Home Study? Does the “biological parent” in an IVF/Surrogacy become an overnight MSW or MA Psychology?

International Adoption INSIST on keeping adopted biological siblings together as outlined in the subsidiarity principle. Is this followed in IVF/Surrogacy cases when biological lineage is KNOWN?

IVF is NOT as simple as depositing your DNA! It takes more than that. IVF is a journey which starts long time before the 9 months preceding the IVF child’s birth. Not all infertile or dysfertile people can do IVF because IVF is expensive. An IVF father did odd jobs, crawled up ducts on weekends while working full-time in a white collar engineer job during the week so that he could SAVE money to afford IVF. What extra jobs did the non-biological parent do to afford IVF? How many extra jobs did the non-biological parent do to afford IVF? What did the non-biological parent pay for the IVF procedure? Life is cruel. NO MONEY, NO IVF. There is NO IVF based on COMPASSION.  Once IVF child was born, was the non-biological parent under medical treatment ABLE to be the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER? Did the non-biological parent under medical treatment ABUSE the innocent infant and the IVF father? Do we have LAWS to protect men and IVF infants from domestic violence and abuse?

Best Interest of Infertile Adult or Child?

What if a Home Study would have been conducted for a dysfunctional intersex married couple in 2003 when they were aspiring to go for IVF/Surrogacy? Checking facts, in the US, DOMA was struck down on June 26, 2013 and opening pathway to same-sex marriage in states which recognize it. US Immigration is following up and providing federal benefits like immigration to “same-sex” couples in 2013. The status of “intersex” is unknown in the US and are still invisible while internationally other countries recognize “intersex” as a legal third gender including Australia, India, Nepal among others. USA has a long ways to go in making “intersex marriages and its issues” visible. Based on the court ruling in 2013, an intersex marriage would be illegal in 2003 and so would be immigration based on that. So FRAUD has occurred. The right answer is to DEMAND for equal rights rather than BREAKING the LAWS.

Adoption Guidelines

A Home Study in 2003 would have FAILED not because of an ILLEGAL marriage but because one adult was still under secret medical treatment. The medical records and financial records would have to be SHARED with a MSW or MA Psychology HSR worker. They could have learnt about the “secret” and determined that it was too “PREMATURE” to have a child now. A check and balance system would have worked! Instead of relying on a “IVF biological father” with no MSW or MA in Psychology or someone who is FORCED to be silent under threats and is abused, a THIRD PARTY would have made the appropriate call.

As per international adoption guidelines, EVERY effort MUST be made to place biological siblings together. Is the effort being made to allow biological IVF siblings to grow up together? Having LAWS to assist in this is the strongest MESSAGE, where are such LAWS for IVF children and families? Having a CHILD STATELESS is human rights violation. NOT allowing a citizen to return to their country of citizenship is a human rights violation. What is being done to RESTORE rights of innocent IVF human beings? If abusing a cat or dog is a crime, what is it when an IVF child is abandoned and left stateless?

Moving Forward

Why should an IVF father lose out on his FATHERHOOD with his IVF son? Why should an IVF son NOT have an opportunity to be around a FATHER? Why should an IVF child be STATELESS? Why should an IVF child NOT have an opportunity to grow up with his SIBLING that he wanted? Why should the IVF siblings NOT grow up together? The ONLY crimes they have committed is they DARED to give HUMAN RIGHTS in secrecy to a person where GOVERNMENTS itself fall SHORT.

If intersex marriage were LEGAL there would be NO SECRECY and LIES. If EQUAL immigration rights for IVF children existed, there would be NO SECRECY and LIES.  Are IVF fathers and spouses of intersex AND IVF children human beings with EQUAL human rights? 

A young, male, spouse caregiver of intersex and IVF father is NOT gay but is treated with anti-gay discrimination from a legal perspective.

If gay rights existed, the IVF father could have brought his IVF daughter born in India to the US legally.

If gay rights existed, the two IVF siblings would be growing up together.

If gay rights existed, an innocent IVF child would NOT be STATELESS.

This is NOT about intersex rights or NON-biological parent rights, it is about NOT lying and NOT living in secrecy which PUNISHES innocent children. We have crossed so many bridges where a lot of people would have either left or died. An IVF father was left for DEAD and threatened but he miraculously has survived for his IVF children thanks to the love and support of his family. The answer is TRUTH like Edie Windsor and like Rosa Parks and like Mahatma Gandhi. Secrecy and lies are a failed approach. In truth, we will get EQUAL rights for future intersex people, future IVF children and families, future IVF fathers including gay fathers, future family caregivers AND NO STATELESS IVF children. And if speaking the truth and asking for EQUAL rights is a CRIME, please do what you need to.

One cannot teach other’s kids to put the trash in the trash can but can inculcate that with their own kid with repetition. An IVF father wants an opportunity to teach his own IVF child to learn to say the TRUTH, does he have that right? If others teach their child to LIE, an IVF father cannot control that.