Solutions for the Future – IVF and Caregiver

Being a spouse in a dysfunctional intersex marriage takes a toll. Frankly, its great to be left alive. Speaking up for your own rights is every human’s right or is it? Speaking up for innocent, voiceless children’s rights is every parent’s right or is it? Will TRUTH be allowed to prevail? Will TRUTH be part of the solution for the future?

Looking for an Erin Brockowich or “Pam Landy” from the movie “The Bourne Ultimatum”. Anyone willing to give it ALL to uncover the TRUTH and provide relief to the VICTIMS?

Solution for IVF children

While we are witnessing an undercurrent of change in gay, lesbian, transgender rights as more states and countries are passing equal marriage laws, another minority is being ignored, IVF (in vitro fertilization) children. Infertile heterosexuals, single parents, lesbians, gays, intersex have three options to have a child.

1) Be childless or 2) Adopt or 3) Use technology like IVF to have a biological child if possible.

While heterosexual marriages have been legalized for centuries and hence the LAWS are well-established, children of such marriages also have well-established legal standing. Legal adoption also has been around for decades and so laws are well-established in the best interest of the children. What about IVF children of lesbians, gays, intersex families? If the parents are only getting rights now to marry legally, what is the status of their IVF children? As time moves forward in the 21st century, the number of IVF children are going to INCREASE. We need a solution.

As a spouse caregiver of intersex and an IVF father, its a minority within a minority. Being forced into silence and lie while all this occurred did not help. And now there are sections of the society who still want to force me into silence. It is important to speak up not for me only but more so for equal rights for my IVF children and others like us.

I am NOT anti-intersex. In fact, people like Tony Briffa and Imogen Callaway and other publicly declared intersex people are role models. Simple reason – they are asking for respect by being honest and truthful. At a personal level, I was cheated, frauded and made to live a life of secrecy and lies. NO MORE. At a legal level, the laws for this case are non-existent and as a result, my IVF children are being punished for our secrecy and lies. This case is more about living a life of thousand LIES rather than intersex or IVF and how secrecy and lies punishes innocent, voiceless victims.

Child is Born Illegally, Now What?

For those who claim intersex are women and its NO BIG DEAL, then why lie about it to a potential spouse? What about rights for my IVF daughter, a woman, who is in a state of LEGAL LIMBO? How can we begin to talk about “protecting legal rights” of someone when their legal status is in LIMBO? Does the innocent child have a right to human rights and child rights? Does the innocent child have rights to a legal identity? Does the innocent child have rights to get a passport? What are the responsibilities and accountability of an IVF commissioning parent when they authorize an IVF pregnancy but later change their mind and abandon it? Are we resorting to “baby making factories” with no respect for basic human decency and dignity? I want EQUAL RIGHTS for my IVF daughter, a WOMAN.

We have evidence and facts to show that my IVF child was brought into this world ILLEGALLY – part of the secrecy and lying agenda of a dysfunctional intersex family. Now where are her EQUAL rights as a human being? If a building is constructed illegally, the local government authorities will either destroy the building as illegal construction or provide a legal recourse through “penalties” to legalize the building. Well, an IVF child has been born illegally, should we destroy her or should we provide a legal recourse to “legalize” her?

Compassion

For those who claim compassion for an infertile and intersex person, was it compassion when a fraud marriage was allowed to continue AFTER it was revealed during the marriage that the person is intersex? Again, the issue is NOT intersex, the issue is lying, cheating and fraud from a personal level. From a legal level, the LAWS do not consider it a legal marriage, so the right answer is to fight for EQUAL rights rather than going around and lying, cheating, and frauding innocent, unsuspecting victims.

Was it compassion enough to stay in a fraud marriage and become a young, male, spouse caregiver in silence and secrecy and respecting the intersex person’s wishes? By the forced secrecy and lying, I was DENIED help and support. Second, the same lies and secrecy are being USED AGAINST me and my IVF children to SEPARATE us today. If the intersex person is a butterfly today, me and my IVF child have witnessed the ugly larvae stage of transition after the Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) during marriage and the Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) following it. Not reporting the crimes of abuse and violence albeit due to medications is today being USED AGAINST me and my IVF children to SEPARATE us. Being a primary care provider for my infant child during these times in silence were some of the best days of my life regardless of my gender. How many young, male, spouse caregivers of intersex do you know? Actions are more powerful than words, we have shown every respect to intersex, probably more so than the medical community who treats them. There are several intersex individuals who have been forced into this surgery which UN Special Rapportuer on Torture called for a STOP followed by a complex web of institutionalized secrecy and lies. They either had this surgery as a child or an adult but how many intersex people had this surgery DURING a marriage? Are there any scientific studies on the effects of this surgery DURING a marriage? Does the spouse have ANY RIGHTS to the truth and effects of this surgery DURING a marriage? Or is he a hostage and a slave to the intersex rights movement and now as a result so are his innocent, voiceless IVF children? Blame the medical system, not the compassionate spouse who did the best a human could do given the deck of cards dealt to him. Have we followed the Yogyakarta principles for LGBTI before they were written?

After years of silence, abuse, violence, lies, victimization, it is our turn to ask for COMPASSION and respect for LAWS. Show us COMPASSION and make a statement NOT against intersex but AGAINST lying and disrespect for LAWS. Show us that TRUTH is appreciated and is the right way forward. Years of secrecy and lying has led to punishment for innocent, voiceless IVF children. NO MORE.

Sometimes as a heterosexual IVF father, I feel it may be better off being “gay” in 2013 for the sake of my IVF children. Personally, I would continue to live as an heterosexual but publicly I would represent being gay so that my IVF children would get their EQUAL rights. Because in 2013, a gay father with IVF children is celebrated and has all the sympathies and compassion but a heterosexual IVF father has his children SEPARATED. How does the gender or sexual orientation of a parent matter in securing EQUAL child rights? Being a primary care provider for my infant child during these unique times in silence were some of the best days of my life regardless of my gender. Socially, we do need to evolve to accept the TRUTH.

Punish me for NOT reporting the crimes and abuse and for showing compassion and send a message accordingly  for the future. But please SPARE my innocent, voiceless IVF children and allow them to grow up together rather than separating them and punishing them who have committed NO CRIMES. As any passionate and loving parent, thats my prayer on behalf of my children.