OMG, how can an IVF father raise an IVF child? Thats the most common reaction for an IVF father living in exile raising an abandoned IVF child. Why is the focus on the “gender” of a parent? This stereotype manifests itself into laws which actually hurts innocent IVF children. And as a parent, that is more than offensive, more than traumatic and it is torturous to see your innocent child being punished for crimes they did not commit and due to their parent’s “gender”. Discrimination against males and females, mothers and fathers is actually hurting innocent children due to lack of laws. As a parent, all one wants is the best for their children and at the very least provide equal rights for their children. For a mentally and/or physically challenged child, the parent wants the best for their child and laws to support that, for an IVF child, an IVF parent wants the best for their child and laws to support that. Not mother, not father but a parent. While the compassion and concern is appreciated one receives as an IVF father, the real answer is to address the inadequacy of the laws in the 21st century. We want freedom, we want respect and more than anything we want equal rights for our IVF children and families.
It would be nice to see someday the question that how does a “parent” feel? Gay fathers, single fathers, intersex fathers are just parents. Let us not continue the discrimination with innocent children of gay fathers, single fathers, intersex fathers by “classifying” them. They are just innocent children of their loving parents, shouldn’t that be enough? I have a dream that someday it is the character and love of a parent that will count more than the gender of a parent. Dealing with infertility is NOT a women’s issue. Dealing with infertility is a CHILD issue. Dealing with infertility is a HUMAN issue. Let us not PUNISH innocent children due to the war on fertility.
Recently, Indra Nooyi, an accomplished individual and voted one of the top 50 most influential women in the world said that “Women can’t have it all” and it is hard to have a work-life balance. What about IVF fathers, can they have it all when it comes to loving and raising their IVF children together at home? Are the centuries old stereotypes hurting us as a society? If women are trying to break the “glass ceiling” at work, are fathers at home waiting to get equal rights? If a woman is disfranchised at work, someone still gets the job done although the woman still maybe a victim of unequal laws and stereotypes. At home, when fathers are discriminated, it is the innocent child who gets disenfranchised, a living, breathing human being – is this what our society wants moving forward? Let us not continue to give unequal rights to fathers at home which directly abuses the rights of innocent children. If women can’t have it all, can innocent IVF girl have it all? Like a legal identity, a passport to travel freely to visit her brother, see the snow, see the wild animals and explore the world?
In other news, the Indian Supreme Court recently said that women are “misusing” the anti-dowry laws to protect them instead they have turned it into a weapon. Laws are created to protect people. When people “misuse” the law, it fails in spirit of the law and is disrespectful to the legal system and endangers the welfare of innocent children. If you have a little daughter, is this what you would want to teach her which is to place innocent grandfathers and grandmothers in prison under false accusations just so that you can harass your spouse? It begs the question – If women “misuse” anti-dowry laws, what would infertile people do who cannot legally have a child without a “genetic link”? Exactly at what point do we say its enough? Perhaps when innocent children are being abused and placed in legal limbo for the selfish advantage of an infertile adult who happens to lie which breaks laws – is that enough? We all have skeletons in the closet but when those skeletons happen to be of innocent children OR compassionate surrogates rights, someone has to speak up. The TRUTH has to be told so that a change in laws can occur in the best interest of children. Children are NOT the criminals – so why should they be punished by being palced in legal limbo?
If a four year old wants to go to America to see her brother OR a nine year old brother wants to come to India to see her sister- she/he should be able to? Why deny them the right because an adult infertile person wants to break the laws for selfish advantage?
If a four year old wants to go to Canada to see the snow or go to Africa to see the giraffes and zebra – she should be able to? Why deny them the right because an adult infertile person wants to break the laws for selfish advantage?
IVF fathers are tough. Especially, ones who made multiple trips to the IVF clinics by themselves. Regardless of whether they are gay, single, intersex fathers, straight fathers, compassionate fathers, loving fathers, they made the trips alone because they wanted a child. And to ask a parent, an IVF parent to abandon their IVF child because LAWS are inadequate is insane and heartless. It questions every being of humanity within us. If it does not raise your hairs, it should. If it raises your hairs, raise them more. Because this is a nightmare for any parent – the worst form of casteism. Where the actions of a parent are used against innocent children forever. Let the innocent children have freedom and have their own individual rights – show them true love.