Why IVF Fathers are an Oxymoron as per laws?

Instead of enjoying and celebrating the compassion of women for helping a male to become a loving IVF father, here we are fighting for rights of ivf-oxymoroninnocent IVF children because their only fault is being born IVF and to a “male”.  The irony and tragedy couldn’t be any more inhumane. An IVF father is NOT an oxymoron based on humanity, love and compassion but in 2000s it is an oxymoron based on prevailing laws. The IVF children are not wrong, the IVF father is not wrong, showing compassion and being part of an intersex, immigrant, IVF family is not wrong; secrecy and lying is wrong AND the laws are wrong. Come stand on the right side of history. For those who get it, this is about equal rights of IVF children and families including donors and surrogates and NOT about female Vs male or mother Vs father or whatever [political agenda] or whatever [social agenda]. The 21st century has a lot to offer including building families differently and families with no mothers. Are we ready to accommodate them both socially and legally? Regardless of any justification provided, at the end of any justification add two sentences : “And therefore its OK to abandon an innocent child. And therefore its OK to deliberately split two innocent brother and sister.

  • Why should the gender of a parent matter to a child?
  • Why should the fertility or infertility or dysfertility of a parent matter to a child?
  • Whether a child is born naturally or through IVF, why should it matter to a child?
  • Why should the rights of an IVF child born during divorce be different than that of a child born naturally during a divorce?
  • Punish the IVF father if it is a crime to help fellow human being where laws itself fall short, but why punish his innocent IVF children?
  • As an immigrant, IVF father of an intersex family, one does not expect empathy or sympathy because very few people would understand at face value, but why punish his IVF chidlren? If you know of a bomb on a ship or plane or school or building where innocent children would die even though they are not your children, would you take action? Would you inform authorities and demand justice? Then why not the same reaction for innocent IVF children? Why are we terrorizing innocent IVF children due to lack of laws and inaction? Enough of “baby M’s”, baby Manji”, “baby Gammy”, its time to start living normally in a world with equal rights for IVF children and families.

Shouldn’t the love and character of a parent be more important than their gender, fertility issues, IVF or natural, born during a marriage or born out of wedlock, etc? At a humane level, these other issues SHOULD take less precedence but sadly LAWS place more importance on these other issues in some twisted ironical world deeming it “best interest of the child”. The fact is laws have not kept pace with technology and are still struggling with issues of IVF parents, gay parents, intersex parents, immigrant parents, etc. And somehow separating innocent children from their loving family is in the “best interest of the innocent child” rather than fixing the laws which are broken. It is offensive and inhumane at all levels.

  • As per laws, an immigrant, IVF father in the 2000s does not exist. As per laws, the IVF child is considered as “born out of wedlock” but IS considered as a child of marriage when divorce is filed. Am confused – Is there a marriage or not?
  • As per laws, any ongoing pregnancies should be declared when filing divorce in the “best interest of the child” EXCEPT when the ongoing pregnancy is through IVF because then the IVF child is just a “commodity” with NO HUMAN RIGHTS or NO CHILD RIGHTS.
  • By DENYING an ongoing pregnancy during a marriage, what are the rights of the innocent child and their “best interest”? What are the rights of other siblings – innocent children? Or in our zeal to guarantee a child to everyone at any costs including breaking laws – its OK to trample on others human rights including innocent children?
  • Are we trying to fit a square peg into a round hole? As per prevailing laws, an immigrant, intersex, infertile, IVF person cannot have a child. So should we break any and all laws for the sake of one even if it means endangering the welfare of innocent children? Or do the most vulnerable people in our society – innocent IVF children deserve protection of the laws from adults who may be immoral, unethical and break laws as common criminals do.
  • If a mother took drugs (same chemicals used to make medications) during pregnancy is guilty of child endangerment, what are the effects of an intersex person taking medications known to cause depression, irritability, etc. AND raising an infant? Because the issue is considered taboo and never discussed, does that mean there was no child endangerment or crime? Are we allowed to ask questions of authorities in a democracy or are we supposed to sacrifice our innocent children in silence?
  • It is one thing to have laws but when there is a lack of laws for certain situations like international IVF and when people manipulate and abuse the system to commit white collar crimes that directly places innocent children in legal limbo and endangers their welfare, what should be the response of a civilized society? Should it be to break the laws or change the laws? Have other abuses occurred by the same perpetrators in the name of “love of a child” while ignoring “what the child wants” AND deserves? Welcome to the international IVF of Abu Ghraib and ISIS – where lawlessness punishes innocent children and their families because they dared to help others where laws itself fell short.

As a human being trying to have a child and experiencing multiple failed attempts, you are not a male or female, not a father or mother, not fertile or infertile, you are just a loving want-to-be-parent pying for your child. Its the 21st century and just like women are getting long overdue equal rights at work, is it time for qualified men to get equal parental rights at home? An IVF father who uses both a donor and surrogate goes through his own set of ups and downs of an IVF journey including lack of laws discriminating against him and his children. And when his innocent children are abused and used like commodities, he speaks up like any other parent. He is speaking up for the rights of his innocent children. That does not mean innocent IVF children should be punished for crimes they did not commit.  Struggles of IVF children and families maybe new but the principles are common like slavery, women suffrage,  civil rights, interracial marriages, gay rights, transgender rights and then IVF rights.  Is the world and are the laws ready for equal rights of IVF children and families in the 21st century?

Leave a Reply