Are we ready to UNITE and not DIVIDE innocent IVF siblings and stop punishing them for crimes they did not commit? There is a common theme between the story of an intersex spouse and an immigrant IVF father in 2000s and a recent published memoir, Hard Choices, by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had this to say about her voting for the Iraq war in 2002.
1) “I got it wrong. Plain and simple.”
Being a spouse in an intersex marriage is not wrong but it may be illegal, having a child through IVF is not wrong, being an immigrant is not wrong, being a primary care provider for your child as a father is not wrong, helping a fellow human being who happens to lie and break laws is wrong. I got it wrong as an intersex spouse, IVF father, immigrant. Plain and Simple.
2) “As the war dragged on, with every letter I sent to a family in New York who had lost a son or daughter, a father or mother, my mistake (became) more painful,” Clinton adds.
As the fraud marriage dragged on and more truth got revealed, I realized I had been lied to and that is not love under any circumstances. I had followed my heart like my family taught me and that is not wrong. With every day passing in abuse for me and my innocent child, my mistake became more painful not due to intersex, IVF, or being an immigrant but due to lies, secrecy and breaking the laws.
3) “I thought I had acted in good faith and made the best decision I could with the information I had. And I wasn’t alone in getting it wrong. But I still got it wrong. Plain and simple.”
I thought I had acted in good faith in helping a fellow human being who happens to be intersex, infertile and an immigrant. I did not realize the severe lack of laws for our situation. I did not realize that showing compassion and respect where the laws itself falls short was such a heinous crime that my innocent IVF children had to be punished for it. I did the best I could in being a spouse caregiver of intersex, a loving IVF father, a primary care provider for my child in silence and secrecy despite the lack of laws. But I still got it wrong because I trusted a person who lies and breaks laws like a common criminal. Plain and simple.
I never dreamt that my innocent IVF children would be used as human chatal and “property” in the war on fertility. I never dreamt that innocent, voiceless children would be made victims rather than being given equal rights as a human being. I never dreamt that being born IVF would be used as discrimination rather than as celebration.
Lying for the sake of your children should not become the weapon of choice for seasoned liars. What is better? To lie to save a life or to lie to take a life?