Here We Come 2015 – IVF rights or NOT!

The biggest news story to close out 2014 could be the thawing of ties between US and Cuba. No one knows what it will bring but it shows that as humans one can IVF-Crueltymove ahead. Rather than living with mutual distrust, it is better to have an open dialogue and provide the tools and mechanisms to achieve that. In one of the worst and most gruesome disasters of 2014 is the massacre of innocent children by terrorists in Pakistan. There is no justification for what occurred and may their souls rest in peace. Our hearts go out to the parents who may have never envisioned this when they dropped off their child at school in the morning. And we can imagine the sigh of relief for parents whose children are alive today because their alarm didn’t go off, reminds us of stories we heard after 9/11 on how some people were “lucky” to either be late to work or didn’t go to work that day. I have a friend who didn’t go to work on the fateful 9/11 day and is alive. Now when it seemed impossible to make sense of it all, the silver lining was the announcement of thawing of ties between US and Cuba. It gives HOPE. It gives a silver lining to our otherwise 24 hour news cycle of murder, mayhem, crimes, violence, etc. It’s about moving forward and doing the right thing. In 2014, from the double whammy mystery of Malaysian airlines to Boko Haram kidnapping of innocent girls, we must stand UNITED in accepting truth and helping the innocent, especially children like IVF siblings who have been split or an abandoned IVF child getting justice.

Its the fervor of hope that keeps one asking for equal rights for IVF children and families. We support infertility issues but does it have to come at the cost of splitting innocent IVF siblings and denying their rights? Can’t we find better ways which are inclusive? An IVF father by definition has taken some action to help the cause of infertility, what have the lack of laws and outdated laws done to help infertility? Why are IVF families subjected to lies to circumvent the laws? Why are IVF families subjected to ridicule? Why are IVF families not allowed to be truthful? Is building a family through IVF a crime? Take a long hard look at our innocent IVF children and see the love before making up your mind.

Just like there is “ethical hacking”, just like there are checks and balances to use nuclear technology for good or bad, where are the checks and balances for best interest of international IVF/Surrogacy children and families? If IVF can be used for good or bad, where are the “ethical” protections for international IVF/surrogacy children and families?

It used to be “socially acceptable” for Indians and dogs to be kept out of establishments in their own country, or African-Americans were subjected to sitting in the back of the bus, or apartheid was OK, or women or African-Americans could not vote(meaning no representation of their concerns in a democracy), or gays did not have rights, or women could not both work and be a loving parent, is it “socially acceptable” for an IVF father to be allowed to enjoy and love his IVF children “born out of wedlock”?  Is it time to have “representation” in a democracy to address the needs of IVF families? Or are we supposed to stay “underground” and wallow away in the misery of silence and apathy? Socially, we refer to parents as “mother” and “father” while the laws view the same people as “primary care provider” or not. Same laws in case of IVF children also sees the surrogate who gave birth as the “mother” or the egg donor with the genetic link as the “mother” or in some cases, legally there is “no mother” despite a physical presence of the birth mother. Same laws recognize the IVF children as “born out of wedlock”. In all cases, the IVF father is the same person – both socially and legally. Then why separate him and his IVF children deemed as “born out of wedlock”? Is wanting to help infertility a crime? Why offend them using offensive language even if its in the archaic laws? Is it time to be more sensitive to the needs of an international IVF family and give them the basic human dignity and respect they deserve or do they have to suffer more “legalized name calling” and the inherent abuse and separation? Throughout history of humankind, “social acceptance” comes FIRST and laws come later. Are international IVF families socially acceptable?

Should we be saying “PCP 1” and “PCP 2” on birth certificates instead of “father” and “mother” because that’s how the laws see it? As insane and absurd as it sounds, the fact is the archaic laws are creating these situations. The need is to either “update the laws” OR provide relief and justice for innocent IVF siblings, the state of legal limbo and apathy is incongruent and goes against the every being of “humanity” – an irony since “IVF/surrogacy children” are born into this world due to compassion of others in the humanity and are not supposed to be “symbols” of cruelty of humanity and archaic laws.

Recently, a loving husband and a father-to-be was rushing home because his wife and mother-to-be was in labor. They already had an emergency earlier in the week. He may have violated some traffic laws and was asked to pull over by the police but his IMMEDIATE need was to get home to his pregnant wife. The officer did follow “policy” and while the husband and father-to-be may have violated laws, doesn’t every woman wish for a husband and father like him? He was privy to information of the earlier emergency, their ongoing pregnancy and the need to be by his family’s side. Once the officer knew the facts, he called for an ambulance and helped the family out. Where is the HELP for an immigrant, IVF father who had to RUN to his lovely IVF/Surrogacy daughter in India and raise her in India due to her being abandoned and placed in legal limbo?

6 thoughts on “Here We Come 2015 – IVF rights or NOT!”

  1. What? “An IVF father by definition has taken some action to help the cause of infertility”

    A man whose offspring were conceived in a lab with the help of a medical professional is a man who knew he was not sterile and knew the woman he was conceiving with was not infertile either. IVF helps fertile people conceive offspring more efficiently but it won’t help infertile people conceive at all. If a couple knows they are both infertile or that one of them is infertile they won’t even bother with IVF there is no point. So I’m not understanding how a couple whose offspring were conceived with the help of IVF “by definition” did anything to “help the cause of infertility”. Helping the cause of infertility might be like identifying and eliminating some sterilizing chemical leeching into the water system near a power plant or something.

    Then you ask “what have the lack of laws and outdated laws done to help infertility?” So a fertile guy with offspring did something amazing to help the cause of infertility and you are suggesting that the law has somehow left him hi and dry because there is a lack of current laws helping the cause of infertility. But he did not help anyone overcome infertility by conceiving children with IVF I don’t see how the law is letting him down – he has bio children.

  2. What do you mean by this? “Why are IVF families subjected to lies to circumvent the laws? Why are IVF families subjected to ridicule? Why are IVF families not allowed to be truthful? Is building a family through IVF a crime? Take a long hard look at our innocent IVF children and see the love before making up your mind.”

    What laws are causing people to lie if they conceive their kids with fertility treatment? What is there not to be truthful about? I mean so long as it was them who did the conceiving and not some other person who is chickensht hiding from the responsibility of parenthood for their own offspring I fail to see who would be lying. Lots of lying goes on with the black market adoption type gamete donation agreements. Those people are shady and love to lie. What laws is it that discriminate against people and their kids on the basis of how they were conceived? Who conceived a person is way different than how. If everyone is named and identified as parents when it comes to who the issue of how is totally unimportant. What you call IVF kids may very well be donor offspring kids and if so what they need is a legal right to their own family they are related to not some crazy person who commissioned them, that is not their parent. Wanting to raise a kid and paying to have one commissioned or paying to experience pregnancy is not a person who is their parent that is an owner that is where the slavery part comes in. Good grief the last thing they need is someone saying they have a ‘right’ to be smuggled out of the country by their commissioner owner buyer step parents.

  3. Who is Tess? Appreciate your concerns and feedback. Perhaps there is some confusion. Let’s be clear. We have two lovely IVF children who are siblings but have NEVER met. Both are born in India and one was taken to the US with lies due to lack of laws with infertility. While the same limitations in laws were used against the other IVF child, the sibling to abandon them in India and thus splitting the two innocent siblings deliberately. How is this the best interest of children? Aren’t there better ways to solve infertility than to split innocent IVF siblings? In an infertile marriage while only one spouse may be infertile biologically, socially and legally are both spouses subjected to the same treatment? Having children and raising them with love was the goal, SPLITTING siblings was NEVER the goal as is the current situation.

    The help from the laws is to treat two IVF children born exactly the same way to be treated equally. One was lied about while the other was not. For the one where truth was told, she is left in legal limbo and land-locked in India. For the one who was lied about is free to roam in the US and alienated from his biological family. How is this the best interest of the children? Is the message then that people should lie, cheat, fraud, break laws to have a child including abandoning a child and no action will be taken? As you said, we cannot right a “wrong” with a “wrong” and further create false birth records for the second child, then shouldn’t the first child have the right to return to India where he was born and is a citizen of to get valid birth records? Is valid birth records the right of an individual or the right of the parent?

    Despite providing evidence to the authorities, the bio parent is SPLIT from his bio children and are on two separate continents. How is a person supposed to be on two continents at the same time raising two children?

    You should google “baby Gammy” and ask the question how many abandoned IVF children will it take before the world passes laws for international IVF children and families? Also, would a compassionate egg donor and surrogate be ready to help if they knew the IVF child would be abandoned? When an IVF/Surrogacy child is abandoned, one is also disrespecting the contributions and compassion of others like the donor and surrogate, don’t you think so? If someone abandons a child in the US, its a crime and if the same person abandons an IVF/Surrogacy child outside the US, its not a crime? Why? Are rights of international IVF/Surrogacy children less “valuable”? Are rights of women like the donor and surrogate less “valuable”? And if they are, the US should return an Indian citizen IVF/Surrogacy child back to his country of citizenship and birth and where his biological family resides to maintain the child’s best interest. Inaction is a bigger culprit and treating IVF/Surrogacy children who are born exactly the same way but being treated differently is what leads to discrimination. Equal and Respect is all we ask, first for the innocent children. Their innocence and voicelessness should not be ignored rather protected.

      1. Thanks for your support and keep us in your prayers. Thanks also for taking the time to understand the issues. Just pray that 2015 allows the siblings to be united for the FIRST time ever!

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