Statistically as per CDC data, 1 in 6 couples are infertile which is accounting only for straight couples. LGBTI couples are dysfertile or infertile. So we have people who are fertile, dysfertile and infertile and do any of them LOVE their children any more or less? To be clear, should people who are fertile, make babies, develop a bond of parent-child, and then just give up the baby to an infertile or dysfertile person? And what if there is abuse of the child and secrecy and lies by the infertile person in order to have a child at any and all costs? And if fertile people are such BAD parents who LOVE their children LESS, then majority of the parents would be terrible with children. Just like sometimes a hunter becomes the hunted, sometimes a fertile person becomes infertile due to the trauma and experiences of IVF even though biologically they may be fertile.
“This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court.
The LOVE of a parent is of the child, by the child, for the child and NOT for love of the self. Put the child first, put the TRUTH first and until we get relief as victims, the fight will continue because of OUR LOVE for the children and they DESERVE basic human dignity and respect. If forgiveness is a virtue, do innocent, voiceless children deserve forgiveness? What about adults who will NOT even forgive children, can they forgive other adults, themselves? While socially, we may believe that it is the LOVE for a child that counts and not the “biological link”, the LAWS are NOT in sync when it comes to international IVF. And we have to abide by and respect the laws. It is one thing to have unequal laws but it is another for someone to use them to discriminate and SPLIT innocent, voiceless IVF children and families.
Will the LOVE of the non-biological parent be LESS if they allow the biological IVF SIBLINGS to meet?
The PERFECT CHILD ABDUCTION AND ABUSE
Years ago, there was a Hollywood movie by the name of the Perfect Murder. Is that really such a thing? But then again that’s Hollywood. There was also another Hollywood movie, Sophie’s Choice. Hollywood is an art space but sometimes does mimic life or vice versa. Infertility is very traumatic, ask someone who has been through a few IVF cycles. What about dysfertility or infertility between two genetic males who try to have a child with IVF? The journey of IVF is torturous and it ALSO affects genetic males contrary to popular belief that it ONLY affects women. Some infertile people may do anything at all costs to have a CHILD, but what is right for the child? Some infertile people kidnap innocent children, some kill parents of innocent children, some hurt other innocent children (siblings) to get one child, some cast a complex conspiracy to take enough time when it becomes easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.
An IVF parent who has 50% legal custody of his IVF child in the US but cannot exercise his parental rights BECAUSE his other IVF child (born during the marriage) is in India who cannot come to the US. What if the second IVF child had been brought to the US and then divorce were filed? What if the second IVF child had been DECLARED to the court in the divorce filing? Pray, is this a coincidence or a plan of a desperate infertile person? The spouse of an intersex became an IVF parent due to infertility in an intersex marriage and NOW is left holding the bag of issues of intersex and infertility. The innocent IVF child is left in LEGAL LIMBO and is STATELESS. What are the rights of an abandoned IVF child and the left-behind family? IVF means a planned, deliberate pregnancy. Did we CREATE this IVF child for personal amusement only to be DISCARDED? Or does the IVF child, a HUMAN being, deserve the respect and dignity of a HUMAN BEING? The IVF child is in the middle – neither here, nor there.
Why should an IVF son give up the RIGHT to grow up with his siblings? As an IVF child, will he have a SPECIAL BOND with an IVF sibling? Why should an IVF son give up the RIGHT to grow up with his biological family? Recently Angelina Jolie did a pre-emptive breast surgery based on genetic tests and pre-disposition to cancer. Why should an IVF child be DENIED this medical, health benefit in their best interest? The non-biological parent has stated that the IVF son can see his IVF parent/his biological family when he is 18, is that CHILD ABUSE? Is that parental ALIENATION and ABUSE? The IVF son is in the middle – neither here, nor there.
Is the LOVE of a fertile parent LESS than a non-biological parent? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who SHARED his child with a non-biological parent LESS than a non-biological parent? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who did NOT ABANDON his other IVF child LESS than a non-biological parent? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who was the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER for his son LESS than a non-biological parent? Is it a CRIME to be fertile? Is the LOVE of a fertile parent who kept trying despite failed IVF attempts to provide a SIBLING for his IVF son LESS than a non-biological parent? Can a person DEVOID of LOVE and COMPASSION endure all this? To ABUSE and use the SILENCE against him is one thing but to REPEAT the ABUSE and use the SILENCE against his innocent, voiceless children is different. SILENCE is BROKEN.
If marriage is a legal contract, does the spouse have a RIGHT to know that their rights will be REDUCED due to the marriage? That it will be committing ILLEGAL acts due to the marriage? Intersex marriage is ILLEGAL. So when issues arise in an intersex marriage, how does one ask for justice because as per laws, the marriage does not exist, so the issues arising out of an illegal marriage ALSO do not exist. Why should we be INVISIBLE to the legal system? How do we get relief as VICTIMS? Is it a CRIME to be married to an intersex person?
As per prevailing laws, an intersex, immigrant, infertile person CANNOT have a child born through IVF outside the US in their legal possession. So if LAWS have been broken, have crimes been committed? Were there any innocent VICTIMS for the crimes? Were there any innocent, voiceless IVF children who are VICTIMS? Are any innocent, voiceless IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO? Is this a case of PERFECT CHILD ABDUCTION?
Being intersex OR being an immigrant OR being infertile is not wrong. There are several such people. LYING, FRAUD, BREAKING LAWS, placing innocent children in HARM’s WAY is wrong and is ILLEGAL. The right answer is to demand for equal intersex rights, equal rights for IVF children and families and NOT break the laws.
A strategy of it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission is FAILED. Because a crime is still a crime. Because innocent, IVF children are in LEGAL LIMBO and they need RELIEF as VICTIMS.
Some highly educated medical professionals can claim that people with CAIS have “ovaries” when scientifically they are born with male testes. And then they have armed patients to present the same FRAUD MEDICAL documents elsewhere which victimizes others and breaks the laws. Does that mean the HUMAN race has STOPPED occurrence of CAIS? Does that mean future CAIS children who will be born will have “ovaries”? Just like LYING is wrong and is a DISSERVICE to people with CAIS and their family members; the LIES of an IVF child is a DISSERVICE to place innocent, IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO, this should NEVER happen again. History will show that some of these medical choices were WRONG even though conventional wisdom hailed it as “best interest of patient”. The times are changing, the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture has called for a STOP to such medical surgeries in 2013. There is a law suit, a first of its kind in the US, filed in 2013 against such surgeries. Recently, Germany became the FIRST European country to legalize “third gender” creating an environment for people to live truthfully instead of in secrecy and lies. Will others like US, UK follow? The change is HAPPENING. Will it be TOO LATE for the IVF siblings by the time the TRUTH is uncovered?
Empowerment with TRUTH and PRIDE in TRUTH is the right way forward.