“Mr. Gorbachev, Tear Down This Wall” said President Ronald Reagan famously in 1987. In 1989, the Berlin walls were broken thanks to glasnost—openness and freedom— and perestroika—economic restructuring. A decades long cold war ended just like that – no missiles fired, no guns, no unnecessary loss of lives, no Nazi like torture among others. Change is in the air. We look forward to the day when we “Tear Down This Wall and provide EQUAL rights for IVF children and families” – says an IVF parent. When will we tear down the walls of secrecy and stigma and start solving real issues plaguing IVF children and families?
In 2013, the anti-gay laws were relaxed in the US. Same-sex marriages started to be recognized legally while they were recognized socially before. Spouses of same-sex marriage could sponsor their immigrant spouse. Health care benefits among other things could be given to same-sex couples. In 2009, an intersex family is destroyed using these very same anti-IVF and anti-gay laws in successfully splitting innocent IVF siblings. We are still in a status quo where US does not recognize intersex as “third gender” and legally considers it “same-sex” depending on situations. It is also true that intersex people are infertile and have a very high likelihood of turning to infertility treatments like IVF to have a child triggering immigration laws for IVF children born outside the US. While socially and physically, a spouse of intersex is not gay, from a legal perspective they and their IVF children are treated as being in a “same-sex” marriage since US does not recognize “third gender” yet.
If equal laws existed, IVF children would not be separated from their families. If equal laws existed, parents who are infertile would not have a need to lie and break the laws and place innocent IVF children in legal limbo. If equal laws existed, innocent IVF children would not become “land-locked” or be forced to be abandoned or given up for forced adoption. If equal laws existed, innocent IVF children would be ensured protection of their basic human rights and dignity by treating them as a “equal human being”. If it is illegal to abandon a natural born child, is it illegal to abandon an IVF child? Are the needs for welfare, growth and development of an IVF child same as a natural born child – then why aren’t the laws the same? What matters is the result and the status quo to address the needs and the best interest of the child. The status quo is inaction, continued lies including breaking laws, and placing innocent, voiceless IVF children in legal limbo even if inadvertent. We need to move on…
In 1987, President Reagan said the famous words, “break down this wall”.
In 2009, two IV siblings were deliberately and heinously split on two continents using the anti-IVF and anti-gay laws of 2009.
In 1989, the Berlin wall fell because it was inevitable.
In 2013, the IVF brother and sister have still never met, when will their time come? When will their “Berlin wall” fall?
In 2013, 24 years after the Berlin Wall fell, a unified Germany is one of the strongest economy in the world and one of the most open and free cultures. In 2013, Germany announced it will legally start recognizing the “third gender” for intersex and thus all the secrecy, lying, stigma, breaking the laws can stop.
When will the time come for IVF siblings to unite who are born during a intersex marriage in the 2000s? It is great to see more transparency, an environment that encourages truth but are the IVF siblings not being able to meet a remnant of anti-intersex, anti-immigrant, anti-gay, anti-IVF laws of the 2000s? If so, why avoid and deny the inevitable which is a meeting between the two IVF siblings on compassionate and humanitarian grounds and allow them to grow up together as brother and sister as they were meant to be? Are all “subject matter experts” familiar with issues that come up which are specific for IVF children? There is education and awareness for children with Down’s Syndrome, Cystic Fibrosis, ADD, ADHD, etc. because parents are allowed to talk about it freely. Infertility and IVF are dealt with secrecy, lies and fraud sometimes. Do we as a society have all the information necessary to be “subject matter experts” on IVF child needs and maintain the “best interest of the child”?