We are dealing with the 4 I’s – Intersex, IVF (infertility), Immigration and Invisibility. We dealt with it using secrecy and lies and that’s a failed approach because the biggest victims are innocent, voiceless children – brother and sister. Instead, asking for equal intersex rights, equal rights for IVF children and families, equal caregiver rights would be the right approach. These may take years, decades or lifetimes. In the interim, how does one deal with the lack of laws issue? Do we let truth prevail and let current laws prevail or secrecy and lies including breaking the laws?
What are the costs of living ahead of our times?
1) Its a FACT that LGBTI immigrants could not sponsor their spouses/partners for US immigration until 2013. So what if an LGBTI immigration was granted before 2013 using suppression of facts, is that legal?
2) Its a FACT that “intersex” is a legally recognized third gender identity in Australia in 2013. Will other “western countries follow and play catch up”? What if these human rights were accorded to an intersex person before 2013 by an individual where the government itself fell short? Does the individual have any human rights of their own as a human being? What about the effects of these lack of laws both on the intersex person and the spouse who dared to do the “right thing” before laws allowed?
3) Its a FACT that illegal immigrants in the US, especially innocent children, may be provided a PATH to legitimize and stay UNITED with their families as per the proposed US Immigration Bill in 2013. Is the same true for IVF children who were DENIED immigration by abandoning US parents? Or we still have years and decades to go?
4) Should lack of US Immigration laws be the reason to separate innocent, voiceless IVF siblings and DISALLOW them an opportunity to grow up together?
5) Its a FACT that there is MORE than one way to assign parentage for an IVF child. Have all the possible scenarios been considered in the best interest of the IVF child and ALL the participants?
6) Its a FACT that people may circumvent LAWS for their own personal gain. For example, placing an “order” for an IVF child and then changing their mind and NOT show up to take responsibility or accountability for the IVF child at birth. Does the IVF child have ANY rights? Is the IVF child a human being with human rights? Are the needs of an IVF child LESS than that of a natural born child? If its a crime to abandon a child and endanger their welfare, why is it NOT a crime to do the same thing to an IVF child? If the IVF child is born through a commercial surrogate, then who PAYS the surrogate for a successful birth of an IVF child? Does the surrogate have ANY rights to be treated EQUALLY as a human being or is she ALSO left abandoned WITHOUT agreed upon payment for her compassion and generous help?
7) There are 65.7 million family caregivers in the US. About 33% are male caregivers Vs. 67% female caregivers. The ratio is narrowing and the stereotypes are changing. There are more men today who are the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDERS at home. Do the LAWS reflect that or are laws based on stereotypes? Women may ALWAYS outnumber men in terms of number of caregivers but should there be laws to protect caregivers Vs. laws to protect caregivers based on GENDER?
8) Since gay marriage is being legalized, what will gay divorce look like? Will there be child support payments from one male to another? Will there be laws against domestic violence and abuse protecting men?
9) Since intersex marriage is NOT yet legal, what will intersex divorce look like in the future? Does “same-sex” marriage cover “intersex” marriage? If it does, then why the legal existence of a third gender? Will it mean biological siblings be FORCED to be separated? What CRIMES did the innocent siblings commit?
10) It takes a lot of strength and courage to survive and be alive to tell the facts. The strength and courage comes from the innocence of the children, if we dont speak up for them, then who will?
In a world based on shock and awe where secrecy, lies, fraud are utilized, the world is HARSH and CRUEL. As TRUTH starts to prevail, the world becomes compassionate and free. Just like several gay spouses who waited years, decades to marry legally and be able to sponsor their spouse for immigration legally – they are living with truth and freedom. Thats what is needed for innocent IVF children and families – truth and freedom.
The costs of living ahead of our times is giving up truth and freedom. A life lived in secrecy and lies does no good to anyone and may even victimize innocents. Living with truth elevates your dreams and in the process dreams of others too. Ask Edie Windsor.